Knowing Me Knowing You (7 page)

‘
Of course
-
so are you getting nervous?
’
Colin asked, smiling at Kate as he poured the liquid into her glass.

‘
Nervous?
’
Kate
queried
, picking up her drink and taking a much needed sip.

‘
About the contest.
Very good of you to volunteer, you’re a braver person than I,
’
Colin continued.

‘
I’m sorry
Colin
,
I’m not sure what you’re talking about
.
W
hat have I volunteered myself for? Frank, you don’t need me to sell raffle tickets again do you?
’
Kate
asked
with a smile at her client.

‘
No my girl, the contest
on
stage
.
It’s
my treat for ever
yone here after I bored you all
rigid with the slide show last year, or so
Marion
tells me,
’
Frank answered.

‘
Contest?
’
Kate spoke, none the wiser but a feeling of unease creeping over her.

‘
Oh Kate, don’t tell me I forgot to mention it! Goodness! How remiss of me! That was why I was so keen for you to bring a date tonight
.
Y
ou and Joel are going to be
Randall’s
representatives,
’
Miranda exclaimed excitedly.

‘
Representatives for what?
’
Kate asked a lump of terror forming in her throat.

‘
I’m hosting the local heat of
Knowing Me Knowing You
! It’s a national competition and
Peterson Finance
is
sponsoring it. The two highest scoring couples tonight go through to one of the regional heats and the first two couples from that go into the national finals
.
I
t’s televised and everything, well it’s on one of those funny satellite channels,
’
Frank attempted to explain.

‘
Isn’t it exciting?! You and Joel are our entry
.
T
here are five other couples I think so competition is fierce,
’
Miranda spoke.

‘
You must remember the old
Mr and Mrs
on TV, well this is a bit like that but updated for the
twenty first
century. Couples don’t have to be married, or even straight, I believe we have a Bjorn and Michael entering and according to Frank here, the questions are a little bit racier,
’
Colin continued.

‘
I had no idea about this! God, I couldn’t possibly compete in something like that. If you want to win then you need your best people out there, don’t you Joel,
’
Kate spoke hurriedly, looking at her date with pleading eyes.

‘
I think Joel is
going to look perfect on camera.
I can’t wait to watch it back, in complete privacy,
’
Miranda interrupted, smiling widely at the escort and rolling tendrils of her blonde hair through her fingers.

‘
I’ve had a better idea
, why don’t you and Colin do it?
Y
es, that would be a wonderful advertisement for the firm. A partner who has worked his way up to the top and the highly successful, vivacious head of the Probate team,
’
Kate said.

‘
But we’re not a couple and actually Kate
,
it was Frank who suggested you,
’
Miranda told her, her voice stern.

‘
Oh was it? Oh Frank, that’s v
ery sweet, but I really think…
’
Kate began determined she was not going to take part in any show.

‘
I won’t hear another
word,
you’re going to do brilliantly.
T
his girl is a marvel Joel, she’s made my estate all tax efficient,
’
Frank interrupted.

Kate gulped back her wine, grabbed the bottle from the table and refilled her glass. She didn’t do games of any sort and a relationship contest with someone she didn’t know was most probably going to expose her as a fraud.

Anything anyone said flew over her head after that announcement. She drank as much wine as she could get her hands on and she barely ate. She picked at the asparagus spears, pushed the roast duck around her plate and took two mouthfuls of raspberry soufflé before declaring she was completely full. She couldn’t think about anything else other than the fact that as soon as dinner was over she had to get up on a stage in front of over two hundred people and answer questions, possibly risqué questions, about someone she had met at 7.15pm that night.

Fortunately, Joel talked for the both of them
.
H
e chatted to Colin and Frank intently and was gracious to Miranda even though she kept leaning over the table flashing her cleavage at every opportunity. She also found any excuse she could to touch him, passing the salt, passing the wine, knocking her fork off the table.

As the waiters came round with the coffee Kate made her escape to the ho
tel bar. She ordered a rum and C
oke and knocked it back in one go. She put the glass back on the bar and ordered a second. She was halfway down the glass when someone took it out of her hands.

‘
I don’t think you should have any more of those,
’
Joel spoke, putting the glass back down on the bar.

‘
I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was paying you to do impersonations of my mother,
’
Kate snapped.

‘
I just think it might be better if you didn’t have too much more that’s all,
’
Joel replied, taking hold of the glass as Kate tried to reach for it.

‘
Give me my drink back,
’
Kate ordered, gritting her teeth and fixing Joel with a hard stare.

‘
No
.
’

‘
Give it to me!
’
Kate repeated and she made a lunge for the glass he was holding.

Joel dodged out of the way and Kate fell forward for the second time that night and bashed her elbow hard on the bar.

She hurriedly stood herself upright and straightened her dress, trying hard to hide any embarrassment.

‘
All we have to do is answer a few questions, it’s no big deal
.
I
t’ll keep your client sweet and it will backfire on Miranda who obviously nominated you to make you feel uncomfortable,
’
Joel told her.

‘
She spends her life finding new ways to make me feel uncomfortable,
’
Kate mumbled in reply.

‘
So show her you don’t mind stepping into the breach and entering the contest
-
rise above her.
’

‘
There are bloody TV cameras out there!
’
Kate exclaimed
still looking longingly at the drink Joel was shielding.

‘
I don’t see the problem,
it
’
s
one little quiz
,
you must have done quizzes before,
’
Joel replied.

‘
Yes, in pubs, with friends, about music and films, not about someone I’ve only just met! We know nothing about each other! How is that going to look?!
’
Kate shrieked, making other patrons of the bar turn in their direction.

‘
You’re overreacting
.
C
ome on, we’re going back in,
’
Joel spoke, taking hold of Kate’s arm and leading her back towards the door of the function room.

‘
This is madness! And what sort of escort agency do you work for? You’re bullying me and you’re hurting my arm,
’
Kate hissed as Joel propelled her through the doors and back towards their table.

‘
It will be over in an hour or so, we’ll probably only be on stage for ten minutes
.
T
hink how many brownie points this will earn you with Frank,
’
Joel whispered to her, smiling at Miranda as they approached.

‘
They said the questions were intimate. What side of the bed do you sleep on? What underwear do you prefer?
’
Kate
asked
.

‘
Kate, we don’t have to win,
’
Joel replied.

‘
No, but they have to believe we’re a couple,
’
Kate responded, putting an ‘everything’s fine with me’ smile on her face and pulling out her chair to rejoin the others at the table.

If she got up on that stage and revealed to everyone in the room that she knew nothing about Joel she would look a complete idiot. And what the Hell was a racy question anyway? Was it did she like it on top? Or maybe where does she buy her bras?
Either way Joel wouldn’t have a clue and
she didn’t know the first thing about him either.

‘
There you are my girl, no time for sitting down I’m afraid, the producer is looking for you two
.
G
ot to join the other couples backstage,
it’s
curtain up in a few minutes,
’
Frank spoke, stopping Kate before she had a chance to sit down.

‘
Ooo
Kate, I’m so excited for you, the limelight is beckoning
and we’ll all be watching.
I
t’s going to be perfect,
’
Miranda spoke, smiling falsely at her.

Kate faked a smile back, her face aching, as Joel took her hand and led her in the direction of ‘backstage’.

Behind the scenes there were couples chatting eagerly and excitedly amongst themselves and to each other. There were television crew wearing headphones and carrying clipboards all walking around looking busy. There was also a very rotund man, obviously wearing a
toup
é
e
, dressed in a silver suit. He was having powder put on his face by a woman wearing a make-up belt around her middle. There were lights and people shouting ‘sound check’ and holding their ear as they waved a hand in the air. And just in front of them was someone wandering
around in a seven foot bird costume clutching a golden egg.

‘
This is a circus,
’
Kate commented taken aback by what they had walked in to.

‘
It does look a little chaotic,
’
Joel admitted.

There was no time to consider the situation they had found themselves in as a loud exaggerated scream had them turning round and coming face to face with a woman with bright pink hair, piled high on her head. She was wearing a black t-shirt with
Knowing Me Knowing You
embroidered on it in sequins.

‘
There you are! I take it
you’re Kate and you must be -
is it Joe?
’

‘
Joel,
’
he corrected.

‘
Joel, right, Brian!
New name badge over here! It’s Joel not Joe. Hi, I’m Becky, but everyone calls me Becks. Gosh aren’t you tall,
’
the pink haired girl spoke as Brian arrived with the altered name badge
.
S
he stuck one on each of them.

‘
Look, Becks, this is all a bit spontaneous for us
.
W
e really don’t know what to expect, with the questions,
’
Kate babbled nervously.

‘
Oh you’ll be fine, you’re the second couple on,
we
drew names out of the hat. What will happen is that Larry, the guy in the silver over
there,
he will call you onto stage
.
H
e’ll ask you a little bit about yourselves and then you Joel will be put into a booth at the side of the stage. It’s supposed to be glass but it’s plastic, they’re working on a glass one for the final. You’ll have headphones on and be listening to music and Larry will be asking Kate some questions about you. Then when she’s answered the questions, you’ll come back onto centre stage and give your answers. We want as many correct matches as possible to get you in the top two couples and through to the regional heat,
’
Becky explained in double quick time.