Lancaster Hearts (Out of Darkness - Amish Connections (An Amish of Lancaster County Saga)) (4 page)

Thankfully, she had enough work facilitating the horses and buggies that she didn't have too much time to wallow in her dilemma. Isaac, however fascinating he might be, would be gone in the morning. She had her own path, and he, his.  Still, there wasn't any harm in enjoying his company or conversation, was there?

Judith had set Isaac and her daed up in their second room. There were two narrow beds, one on each wall, with yellow and green quilts atop each. The room had been recently aired, but Judith bustled through, opening the window anyway. Isaac let his gaze linger on her, admiring her calm, determined movements, so different from the overly vivacious cheer of Rachel, the blonde most of the other youths had admired most.

“
I hope you're comfortable here,
”
Judith said, handing them each a towel, nightshirt and extra toothbrush.
“
The clothes are my brothers, so they'll be a bit short on you, deacon. I apologize.
”

“
Danki,
”
Jacob said. He smiled as he took the clothes, but beyond that he was silent, leaving Isaac to fill in the gap of conversation.

Isaac said,
“
I'm glad you've allowed us to stay, but maybe one of us should sleep downstairs in the living room, just in case.
”

Judith waved that consideration away.
“
I really don't see any danger. They don't even know Samuel--
”

“
Samuel? That is your brother, isn't it?
”
Jacob latched onto her word.
“
I thought your mamm said he was away. Surely he hadn't had anything to do with those criminals.
”

Judith's expression froze, and then her lips widened in a smile that didn't touch her eyes.
“
He left last night.
”

“
Leaving you, your mamm and sisters alone?
”

“
The danger had passed,
”
Judith said.
“
We were fine. My brother didn't do anything wrong.
”

“
I didn't claim he had,
”
Jacob said.
“
It does seem a bit irresponsible, that's all. Though from what I've heard of your brother, that's not unusual.
”

Judith gripped the clothing tightly. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes narrowed as she looked down at Jacob seated on the bed.
“
Samuel has many faults,
”
she said,
“
But he's never been irresponsible.
”

“
I see,
”
Jacob said.
“
I had no intention of insulting your brother.
”

Judith took a breath through her nose, and she rolled her shoulders back in a deliberate motion.
“
Of course not. You're our guests, Mr. Graber. Isaac.
”
Did her gaze linger a shade longer on his face before she continued? Had her expression softened just the slightest bit?
“
I didn't mean to snap at you.
”
She smiled, the expression a shade too tight to be genuine.
“
My brother is prone to quick actions, and it's often seen as flighty by most. But he's a good man.
”

“
Of course,
”
Jacob said.

Judith handed him the bundle of clothing and then with a brief good evening, left. When the sound of her footsteps had faded down the hallway, Jacob said,
“
There's something odd going on in this house.
”

“
Odd?
”
Isaac didn't like the suspicion that rested in his daed's expression.
“
I mean, the story of the kidnappers is pretty fantastic, but everyone seemed to agree it was truth.
”

“
Truth yes,
”
Jacob nodded. He looked down at the pile of nightclothes and toiletries on his lap.
“
But is what we've heard the whole of it?
”

Isaac took his toothbrush and nightclothes and walked to the other bed, placing the pile atop his quilt. Once his daed had a suspicion, he'd be at it like a dog with a bone. Isaac hoped that Judith and her family weren't hiding anything, though a family had a right to keep to their own business.

“
I mean, you don't think it odd that her mamm's never remarried?
”

Isaac shrugged.

“
Well, there's something here, something that the Lord must have brought us here to bring to light.
”
Jacob took a breath and he rested his gaze upon Isaac as though his son had just reentered the room after a long absence.
“
But enough of these troubling thoughts. What do you think of the young ladies here? There are some I thought quite suitable.
”

Isaac's mouth was dry. The only one he'd had any interest in had been Judith, and he knew better than to mention the girl as a prospect when it was so obvious his daed was both suspicious and a bit scornful of the family.
“
I think--I hardly had time to speak with anyone.
”

“
Yes, speaking is important. But you can tell a lot of a woman's character by her demeanor and how she presents herself. Like that blonde, the one with the too-loud laugh--
”

“
Rachel?
”

“
Yes, that is her name. I can't say I'm sure she'd make a suitable wife.
”

Jacob went through the other girls, pointing out their positive qualities in the same dry way one might list the attributes of a horse or cow.

“
Is this how you chose mamm?
”
Isaac asked when his daed had finished.

Jacob hesitated.
“
Your mamm has all of the virtues a man would wish from his wife. I believe God led me to her, ultimately.
”

Isaac smiled.
“
So you chose with your heart.
”

“
Of course--I mean--is there a woman you have your heart set on? I just don't want you to be distracted by a pretty face or flirting eyes. A wife should not be chosen merely for her beauty, but for her faith and dedication to her home, family, and God.
”

Isaac nodded. Yes, he wanted all of those things in a wife. Was it foolish, or too quick, to say that he saw those things in Judith: in the quick and furious way she'd defended her brother, in her dedication to her home, and her desire to better herself, though Isaac didn't really understand what drove her to study in an Englischer school? If that was even what she was doing? He hardly knew her.

“
Think on it son,
”
Jacob stood.
“
It's important to me to give you the best opportunity to find a wife that suits you. You should have a chance to experience the wider world, without falling into the Godless, heathen ways of the Englischers.
”
The fire was back in his eyes. He clutched the bundle of clothing in his arm to his chest.
“
I may have failed your brother, but I will not fail you.
”

It was rare anymore for Jacob to speak of his eldest son at all. It was like the boy had died, and the family dared not whisper his name even for fear of what damage the ghost of his betrayal might wreak. Isaac wanted to say that Jacob hadn't failed [], that [] had simply chosen a different path, and Jacob was too rigid to understand that or even give the woman that his eldest son had chosen a chance. It wasn't the Amish way to shun someone simply for finding love and a life elsewhere. But Isaac didn't have the strength to confront his daed directly in this way. Isaac had taken after his mamm, preferring compromise, to bend rather than break himself against the iron of his daed's will. In that way, he'd always admired his older brother more. The arguments him and Jacob would get into would have the entire house shaking sometimes with their yelling, but in the end, they'd shared a bond that Isaac had never managed with his daed. Until his older brother had broken away from the family all together.

In an ideal world, Isaac would find his brother, bring him home and insist that the two work out their problems. But Isaac wasn't strong enough for that. He'd always had his brother to fight his battles, and his daed to show them the proper way to live. Now, lacking the first, he allowed himself to be dragged along by the second, no matter his own wishes. So instead of stating his interest in Judith, Isaac simply busied himself with taking off his boots as his daed went down the hall.

Better to wait. Better to be silent. Alone in the room, the hollowness of his compromise stifled, but it was the path he'd always followed.

Exhausted, Judith was asleep well before her mamm returned home. The rooster woke her before dawn, as usual. She rubbed her eyes, her mouth dry and tasting terrible. It was prideful, but she didn't want Isaac to see her in this state, so she made an effort
to smooth her hair, and then peeked out the door in order to check and see if the guests had awakened yet. Only Mary was out. She turned when Judith's door creaked upon opening and whispered loudly with delight.
“
You're awake!
”

Had Judith been this energetic in the mornings at Mary's age? Judith smiled, and joined her sister.
“
I'm no good before coffee,
”
Judith said.

“
Ja. Ja. You and mamm. And it tastes so awful!
”

Judith couldn't argue with that. She always had to dump in a lot of cream and sugar just to take the edge off, still, better that than sleepy.

“
Well, take care to bring in the eggs so we can make a good breakfast,
”
Judith told Mary, when her sister finished brushing her teeth.
“
I'll be frying.
”

Judith had just finished getting dressed, perhaps taking a bit too much care with her braids than was necessary, when the guests began to stir. It was Miriam's day for the milking, which Judith would generally help out with but since her mamm had come in very late, Judith doubted she was awake yet this morning to do the cooking, so Judith decided to start that instead. The sun had begun to rise, an orange glow touching the horizon when Judith took a breath to steady herself and went to the kitchen to start heating up the breakfast.

Mary skipped in as Judith turned on the oven to warm the bread, a basket hanging from her elbow.
“
I got fifteen eggs!
”

Judith smiled and ruffled her sister's hair.
“
That's wonderful! Put them up here, gently, so they don't crack. We'll have plenty for the guests.
”
Once Mary had done this, and Judith checked the eggs to make sure none were cracked, she said,
“
Now run and check on Miriam. She's going to need a hand with the milk.
”

Mary nodded vigorously and dashed back outside.

Judith took out a large metal bowl and a whisk. She liked cooking. There was a precision to doing it efficiently, for using the right spices to call the taste from the food. The measuring and mixing reminded her of the science labs she occasionally had in her high-school equivalency classes. Mary and Miriam came a bit later, hauling jugs of fresh milk. Judith took a small amount to put in the eggs to make them fluffy as well as some for the coffee, and directed them to put the rest in the ice-box they kept in the back shed attachment to the house.

Two pans were sizzling with eggs and scrapple when Esther came down the stairs.
“
Judith, dear, this smells lovely.
”

Judith smiled.
“
How was the police station?
”

“
Loud,
”
Esther said,
“
But we've got Sofia sorted. Crying shame she has a fiancé though. Abram was crushed, though he was trying not to show it in that way he has.
”

“
Sofia is engaged!
”
Judith was shocked, and sorely disappointed. It had seemed obvious to her that there was affection and regard between the Englischer girl and Abram, though of course Sofia couldn't be faulted for what attachments she might have formed w
hen she'd lost her memories.

“
And our guests?
”
Esther asked.
“
How was the Sing?
”

“
Good,
”
Judith said.
“
It was kind of Mr. Graber to supervise.
”

“
Well, I'm sure he found it a fine opportunity for his son to meet young people his own age. The Deacon is here for the week to speak with the Bishop about...well to be honest, I don't know what about, but I expect young Isaac will be at somewhat loose ends.
”

“
I'll help as I can,
”
Judith volunteered.
“
Though I will be working tonight and have classes in the afternoon.
”

“
Can't you skip the classes, considering?
”

“
I must go to the CPR training on Tuesday. I'll learn the Englischer way of keeping a person alive until they can be seen by a doctor.
”

Mr. Graber and Isaac walked in, dressed in yesterday's clothing.
“
Good morning, Mrs. Hershberger,
”
the deacon said. Isaac smiled at her, and Judith lost the train of her thought for a moment.

Esther returned the greeting, and then said to Judith,
“
It seems like a lot of Englischer concerns. Is it right to hold a person to this life if God has determined
it’s
their time to go?
”

“
This isn't like keeping a person alive on machines after their soul has passed on,
”
Judith explained, her voice rising in her enthusiasm.
“
It's just to keep the heart and blood moving so that they can be treated at a hospital. Something anyone can do, if trained properly. Imagine if--
”
she cut herself off, not wanting to remind her mamm of daed's death, and the helplessness they'd both felt as they lost him, especially not in front of company.
“
It's useful to know, that's all.
”

“
I would love to learn how to do that,
”
Isaac said.
“
It sounds remarkable.
”

Overjoyed at Isaac's enthusiasm, Judith clapped her hands together.
“
Why don't you come with me? I can talk to my teacher today and see if there's room. Even if you can only watch, it would still be--
”

“
Son, are you sure this is wise?
”
Mr. Graber said.
“
I was also hoping to introduce you to Amos, a local carpenter, so you could learn some of his techniques for crafting chair legs.
”

“
Oh, Amos is never in on Tuesdays,
”
Judith said.
“
He's helping his wife at the market, since she's so far
along
with child. I think he'd rather her stay home, but she refuses, and knows better than to argue.
”

The deacon's expression grew more closed off, and he pressed his lips together.

“
Please daed,
”
Isaac asked.
“
If there's room for me in the class?
”

“
A boy's
Rumspringa
is his own business,
”
Esther said.
“
My Judith with see to it that he comes to no harm. She's a good and godly girl.
”

From the tension in Mr. Graber's face, Judith wondered if the older man agreed that Judith was such a paragon of virtue, but he gave a curt nod,
“
Provided you are able to manage your other responsibilities,
”
he said.
“
And for the sake of propriety--
”

Esther interrupted, her expression closed off as she stared up at Mr. Graber.
“
Annie Yoder always contracts a car for the market on Mondays and Tuesdays. My Judith travels with her and her family. There should also be room for your son, and Judith, since you're not working at the hospital tonight.
”

“
Ja!
”
Judith exclaimed, unable to keep herself from bouncing on her toes, just once, in her delight. She was acting like Samuel, she realized, and tried to calm herself down. She was hardly projecting an aura of Godly virtue, prancing about like a child.
“
Mamm,
”
Judith said, looking over to Esther.
“
Shall I get the plates and set the table for breakfast?
”

Esther nodded, her eyes twinkling.
“
Why don't you help our guests get settled?
”
She turned her attention to the two men,
“
When will the Deacon be coming with his buggy to retrieve the both of you, did he say?
”

“
At some point this morning,
”
Mr. Graber said.
“
Of course, if there's any help my son or I can offer while we await them, you've only to ask. It must be difficult, having no men in the house.
”

“
We manage,
”
Esther said.

Judith let their conversation wash over her as she set the plates and silver. Mary ran in when she was halfway done with stack of napkins. If it wasn't for the guests, they'd probably be having breakfast standing in the kitchen, before breaking off into their separate tasks, Esther training Miriam in how to run the household, Judith helping around the house before she had to gather her school supplies in order to join Annie's group, stopping in Lancaster proper to drop her off for her classes before heading onwards to Philadelphia.

They each took their places at the table, the two men opposite the women as best they could manage with the limited chairs. Isaac's daed sat at Esther's right hand, Isaac at his other side. Ideally, Judith would have seated herself next to Isaac, but Mary slipped herself in at the empty chair, so Judith sat herself across from him, Miriam across from Isaac's daed. They prayed, and then began to eat. Judith took care to pour coffee for all who wanted it at first, leaving her cup for last. Because Miriam had made it, the coffee was too strong, and Judith dosed it liberally with cream and sugar before she took her first, jarring, sip.

Isaac swallowed his coffee, quickly following it with a large forkful of scrapple, and Judith did her best to hide her amusement as he glanced at her, his lips twitching at her apparent mirth. 
“
This scrapple is delicious,
”
Isaac said.
“
It's spiced about as well as mamm's, isn't it daed?
”

“
It's not polite to make such comparisons, son,
”
Jacob said, but he did take a second slice.

“
Judith made it,
”
Esther said.
“
She's a wonderful cook, though she has little attention for sewing beyond the basics.
”

Judith shot her mamm a glare, but Esther's expression was so bland as to have the ire soak in, as the fields drank in the rain.

As they slowed in their eating, Mary started asking Isaac questions about Ephrata. Judith listened, grateful for her little sister's gregariousness, and pleased at the way Isaac handled it, responding to each question with kindness and respect.

He will make an excellent daed, Judith thought, but instead of bringing joy, the thought left her empty. By the time she had finished her Englischer high-school classes and returned from her Englischer college, Isaac would be married and have kinner of his own. She'd always thought of this in the abstract. She would simply postpone her life for a while, as Samuel had done, and when she returned, she'd be able to continue on as an Amish woman. But it wasn't as though men and women her age would simply remain as they were, in stasis, while she went off and pursued her dreams. No, they too would move forward, growing proficient in their own trades, marrying and having kinner, and building their own lives.

No matter what path Judith chose, she would lose something. Until this moment, she hadn't truly understood. When the food had been served and eaten, silver scraping empty plates as Sweet Potato mopped her egg-drippings up with a hunk of warmed bread and butter as she did every morning, Judith's former excitement at having Isaac along had settled into melancholy.

Dear God, she prayed, staring at the yellow line running the rim her empty plate, what do you want of me?

Isaac's daed set his fork down.
“
You have a lovely home,
”
he said.

“
Danki,
”
Esther nodded.

“
But what of your son? I've heard, troubling things, about his absence.
”

“
He is on
Rumspringa
,
”
Esther said, her tone ice.
“
He will return.
”