Land Sakes (22 page)

I got busy unpacking our things, and when I was done we went down to a promenade deck, looking for a place to eat.

Before we found the Lido, our cruise was getting underway. It was nothing less than a thrill to feel that ship easing out in the water. Gliding out of the harbor, heading toward the big water really got me excited.

I finally found the Lido, but we didn't have time to eat before a whistle sounded and somebody came over the loudspeaker telling everybody to gather on a deck for a lifeboat drill. Because Mrs. Winchester is slow, we were the last to get where we were supposed to be. An officer in a crisp white uniform issued each of us a life jacket. It was a struggle, but I got mine on, then helped Mrs. Winchester.

After the drill was over, Mrs. Winchester and I went back to the Lido. What a spread they had! Everything from soup to nuts. Seeing so much food, my eyes are always bigger than my stomach, so I tried to be careful. One of those little foreigners in a white jacket was in back
of the buffet, and I told him, “It's a wonder this ship don't sink with all the food you have to bring on board.”

“Excuse me, madam. I will get you that information.” And he disappeared into the kitchen. When he came out again he handed me a sheet listing the pounds of beef, lamb, fish, etc., brought on board.

Once we were seated, I took a minute to glance over the list. “Mrs. Winchester, listen to this: 3,234 pounds of beef, 2,859 pounds of poultry, 1,014 pounds of pork, 2,859 pounds of fish. It goes on and on like that, and then they list hundreds of bottles of wine, beer, and soft drinks. I can't get over this. Don't you know a lot of this food is wasted, left on people's plates or is left over and can't be used? Think how many hungry people in the world could be fed with just what's wasted!”

“I never thought of that,” she said.

I felt guilty eating as much as I did, because I really didn't need it. But of course, there was no way I could send it overseas to starving people.

After lunch, we took deck chairs and sat outside. Even though Mrs. Winchester was as usual wearing a hat and sunglasses, I could see that some people standing at the rail were recognizing her. One would tell another, and that one would look over her shoulder to stare at Mrs. Winchester. One of the women broke away from the huddle and brought her husband over to introduce themselves.

“Mrs. Winchester, we are the Williamses of the department store chain. My hus—”

“I am Mrs. Win
chus
ter,” she said in a voice as cold as a cucumber.

“Forgive me. To be sure, Mrs. Win
chus
ter, we would like to have you join us later for cocktails.”

“No, thank you,” Mrs. Winchester said and looked away from her.

“Perhaps another time,” the woman said, and she and her husband walked away.

I looked at Mrs. Winchester. “They look like nice people,” I said. “The Bible says if you want friends you have to be friendly.”

“Miss E., people like that gravitate to someone like me for all the wrong reasons. They think they can get to Philip through me or they want to climb the social ladder by telling people they know the Win
chus
ters. Women fawn all over me, but I know they talk about me behind my back.”

I couldn't deny that she was probably right. I was glad that for some reason she didn't feel that way about me.

“Wait until dinner and you'll see,” she said. “We'll be assigned to a table with other passengers. They'll find out who I am and will fall all over themselves trying to make an impression.”

The gulls were circling all over the ship, mewing and swooping down to pluck things from the water. It was breezy out there, and I needed a jacket, but I knew if we went back to the penthouse Mrs. Winchester wouldn't want to go out again. I was beginning to smell what I hoped was sea air, so I asked her if it was sea air.

“Not yet, but tonight we'll be out in the ocean for a while. After that we'll be on the Inside Passage.”

A steward was coming on deck bringing blankets. I
took one and thanked him, and after he left I said to her, “All these stewards look foreign.”

“They are; the stewards and dining room employees are Indonesian.”

I sat there wondering where Indonesia was... I knew we sent missionaries to Indonesia.
Now look here—I have got that mission field brought to me on board this ship. I wonder if these Indonesians speak English
?

Here came another couple heading our way. Lo and behold, they stopped too. The woman was about as homely as a mud fence, but diamonds were dripping from her ears and fingers, and she spoke in a highfalutin, cultivated voice. “Mrs. Win
chus
ter? I believe we met in Stockholm, didn't we?”

Mrs. Winchester didn't give her the time of day, but the woman persisted. “Perhaps you remember? We are the Baileys from Bailey and Scholl, the New York brokerage firm.”

“Never heard of it,” Mrs. Winchester snapped. Talk about a cold shoulder!

“But you do remember us from Stockholm?”

“No, I don't remember you.”

That woman would not give up. Looking at the chair between Mrs. Winchester and me, she asked, “Is this chair taken?”

“Yes, it is,” Mrs. Winchester said.

“I see.” Finally miffed, she took her husband's arm. “Excuse me, Mrs. Win
chus
ter, we must hurry on; we're meeting the Rothschilds for tea.”

After they left, I asked, “Who are the Rothschilds?”

“About the richest people in the world. Believe me,
there are no Rothschilds on board this ship. They keep to themselves in Europe.”

I laughed. “No Rothschilds, eh? What about this deck chair between us—you said it was taken.”

“It's where our pocketbooks are, isn't it?” That tickled her. “Give that pushy woman a chair and we'd be stuck with her the rest of the afternoon.”

I was enjoying watching the people strolling around on deck. There were women on that boat who looked like Miss Americas, and there were other women who looked like something the cat drug in, but there was one man who was the funniest-looking thing on board. Wearing shorts and as duck-legged as they come, he must have thought we were going to Hawaii, because the shorts were orange polka dot, and the shirt that bulged over his paunch was purple with flowers like a tropical garden. Ruby red in the face, he was trying to jog around the deck. The woman he was with made no effort to keep up; she was dressed all in black, the nearest thing to widow's weeds, and had a cigarette in a long holder. Puffing away, she was looking for a place to sit down. Seeing the chair between me and Mrs. Winchester, she aimed for it, uninvited. I scrambled to snatch our pocketbooks before she flopped down on them. Making herself comfortable in the chair, she held the cigarette to her mouth with one hand and dangled her other hand beside the chair. The breeze carried a whiff of alcohol my way.

“It's a bore,” she said looking out over the water. “These
cruises are all alike. There's nothing to do but sit and wait for them to open the casino. I prefer Atlantic City.”

Mrs. Winchester ignored her. The woman went on talking, as foulmouthed as a sewer, cursing her husband and criticizing the food, the crew, and everything she could think of. When she had said all she could think of about them, she lit in to telling one dirty joke after the other and laughing so loud you could have heard her all the way to Alaska. It didn't take long for me to have a bellyful of that. I reached in my pocketbook and took out a Gospel of John. “Here, would you like to have a Gospel of John?”

She looked at the book in my hand and, taken aback, swore. “What are you, a Jehovah's Witness? I have my own religion, thank you!” She was about to pop out of that chair when Mrs. Winchester spoke up.

“I am Mrs. Win
chus
ter,” she announced in a voice as commanding as some general. “And this is my friend Esmeralda.”

“Winchester?” the woman repeated. “You don't mean—”

“The name is Win
chus
ter.”

“You're not related to Philip Win
chus
ter, are you?”

“I am his wife.”

“His wife?”

“Yes, his wife.”

The woman snuffed out her cigarette. “Pardon me. I had no idea—”

Mrs. Winchester motioned to me. “Hand me the book, Miss E.”

I passed the Gospel over to her, and she poked it in the woman's face. “Here, you need to read this.”

“Oh, thank you. Indeed, I will.”

Her jogging husband in the “what not to wear” sports outfit came huffing and puffing around the deck, and the woman yelled to him, “Yoo-hoo, Melvin, come see who I have got here!”

The man was red in the face and out of breath.

“It's Mrs. Win
chus
ter—
the
Mrs. Win
chus
ter—Philip Win
chus
ter's wife!”

Mrs. Winchester was struggling to get up.

“Help her, Melvin, help Mrs. Win
chus
ter.”

“No, thank you. I can manage.”

By then I had got up out of my chair and had gone around to help her. Without any further conversation, we left the two of them standing there with their mouths open like they had seen the Queen of England.

As we were going up in the elevator, Mrs. Winchester fumed. “That was one crude woman.”

“She was that, all right. But I reckon you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.”

“What? Say that again? A silk purse out of a sow's ear?” That struck her so funny. “What's a sow's ear?”

“A sow is a mother hog.”

She was still laughing when we got off the elevator.

Mrs. Winchester went in to take her bath, and I went to the closet to find something to wear to dinner. I decided to wear my navy suit. Dressing for dinner was not the easiest thing for me, and I hoped I would look all right. I held the blouse in front of me and looked in the mirror
to see how it looked.
Well, it won't be as fancy as what Mrs. Winchester will wear, but it ought to do
.

I put the suit back in the closet. I was going to get comfortable, slip off my clothes and put on my robe. I would read my Bible a while and maybe take a nap.

I was sound asleep when Mrs. Winchester woke me up; it was time to go to dinner. One look at her and my heart sank. She was wearing a beautiful, floor-length mauve dress decorated with seed pearls and tiny feathers. She looked like a million dollars!

23

I wore my navy suit but dressed it up with a strand of pearls. We ate in the LaFontaine Dining Room, which had seating on two decks; we were on the Upper Promenade deck. In a room with a beautiful stained-glass ceiling and also views of the sea on three sides, a body could not ask for anything better.

After taking in my surroundings, I happened to see who was coming in the door. It was none other than the couple Mrs. Winchester had given the cold shoulder to. That Mrs. Bailey was decked out in a silver sheath with a slit in the skirt to her thigh. Wearing bracelets nearly to her elbows and silver chains and earrings, she would be a prime target for any jewelry thief that might be roaming these decks.