Lathe of Heaven, The (2 page)

He kept his tone jovial, and the patient managed a brief unhappy smile.

"You know that you need sleep. Just as you need food, water, and air. But did you realize that sleep's not enough, that your body insists just as strongly upon having its allotment of dreaming sleep? If deprived systematically of dreams, your brain will do some very odd things to you. It will make you irritable, hungry, unable to concentrate-- does this sound familiar? It wasn't just the Dexedrine!-- liable to daydreams, uneven as to reaction times, forgetful, irresponsible, and prone to paranoid fantasies. And finally it will force you to dream--no matter what. No drug we have will keep you from dreaming, unless it kills you. For instance, extreme alcoholism can lead to a condition called central pontine myelinolysis, which is fatal; its cause is a lesion in the lower brain resulting from lack of dreaming. Not from lack of sleep! From lack of the very specific state that occurs during sleep, the dreaming state, REM sleep, the d-state. Now you're no alcoholic, and not dead, and so I know that whatever you've taken to suppress your dreams, it's worked only partially. Therefore, (a) you're in poor shape physically from partial dream deprivation, and (b) you've been trying to go up a blind alley. Now. What started you up the blind alley? A fear of dreams, of bad dreams, I take it, or what you consider to be bad dreams. Can you tell me anything about these dreams?"

Orr hesitated.

Haber opened his mouth and shut it again. So often he knew what his patients were going to say, and could say it for them better than they could say it for themselves. But it was their taking the step that counted. He could not take it for them. And after all, this talking was a mere preliminary, a vestigial rite from the palmy days of analysis; its only function was to help him decide how he should help the patient, whether positive or negative conditioning was indicated, what he should do.

"I don't have nightmares more than most people, I think," Orr was saying, looking down at his hands. "Nothing special. I'm . . . afraid of dreaming."

"Of dreaming bad dreams."

"Any dreams."

"I see. Have you any notion how that fear got started? Or what it is you're afraid of, wish to avoid?"

As Orr did not reply at once, but sat looking down at his hands, square, reddish hands lying too still on his knee, Haber prompted just a little. "Is it the irrationality, the lawlessness, sometimes the immorality of dreams, is it something like that that makes you uncomfortable?"

"Yes, in a way. But for a specific reason. You see, here ... here I ..."

Here's the crux, the lock, though Haber, also watching those tense hands. Poor bastard.

He has wet dreams, and a guilt complex about 'em. Boyhood enuresis, compulsive mother--

"Here's where you stop believing me." The little fellow was sicker than he looked. "A man who deals with dreams both awake and sleeping isn't too concerned with belief and disbelief, Mr. Orr. They're not categories I use much. They don't apply. So ignore that, and go on. I'm interested." Did that sound patronizing? He looked at Orr to see if the statement had been taken amiss, and met, for one instant, the man's eyes. Extraordinarily beautiful eyes, Haber thought, and was surprised by the word, for beauty was not a category he used much either. The irises were blue or gray, very clear, as if transparent.

For a moment Haber forgot himself and stared back at those clear, elusive eyes; but only for a moment, so that the strangeness of the experience scarcely registered on his conscious mind.

"Well," Orr said, speaking with some determination, "I have had dreams that ... that affected the ... non-dream world. The real world."

"We all have, Mr. Orr." Orr stared. The perfect straight man.

"The effect of the dreams of the just prewaking d-state on the general emotional level of the psyche can be--"

But the straight man interrupted him. "No, I don't mean that." And stuttering a little,

"What I mean is, I dreamed something, and it came true."

"That isn't hard to believe, Mr. Orr. Fm quite serious in saying that. It's only since the rise of scientific thought that anybody much has been inclined even to question such a statement, much less disbelieve it. Prophetic--"

"Not prophetic dreams. I can't foresee anything. I simply change things." The hands were clenched tight. No wonder the Med School bigwigs had sent this one here. They always sent the nuts they couldn't crack to Haber.

"Can you give me an example? For instance, can you recall the very first time that you had such a dream? How old were you?"

The patient hesitated a long time, and finally said, "Sixteen, I think." His manner was still docile; he showed considerable fear of the subject, but no defensiveness or hostility toward Haber. "I'm not sure."

"Tell me about the first time you're sure of." "I was seventeen. I was still living at home, and my mother's sister was staying with us. She was getting a divorce and wasn't working, just getting Basic Support. She was kind of in the way. It was a regular three-room flat, and she was always there. Drove my mother up the wall. She wasn't considerate, Aunt Ethel, I mean. Hogged the bathroom--we still had a private bathroom in that flat. And she kept, oh, making a sort of joking play for me. Half joking. Coming into my bedroom in her topless pajamas, and so on. She was only about thirty. It got me kind of uptight. I didn't have a girl yet and . . . you know. Adolescents. It's easy to get a kid worked up. I resented it. I mean, she was my aunt."

He glanced at Haber to make sure that the doctor knew what he had resented, and did not disapprove of his resentment. The insistent permissiveness of the late Twentieth Century had produced fully as much sex-guilt and sex-fear in its heirs as had the insistent repressiveness of the late Nineteenth Century. Orr was afraid that Haber might be shocked at his not wanting to go to bed with his aunt. Haber maintained his noncommittal but interested expression, and Orr plowed on.

"Well, I had a lot of sort of anxiety dreams, and this aunt was always in them. Usually disguised, the way people are in dreams sometimes; once she was a white cat, but I knew she was Ethel, too. Anyhow, finally one night when she'd got me to take her to the movies, and tried to get me to handle her, and then when we got home she kept flopping around on my bed and saying how my parents were asleep and so on, well, after I finally got her out of my room and got to sleep, I had this dream. A very vivid one. I could recall it completely when I woke up. I dreamed that Ethel had been killed in a car crash in Los Angeles, and the telegram had come. My mother was crying while she was trying to cook dinner, and I felt sorry for her, and kept wishing I could do something for her, but I didn't know what to do. That was all. ... Only when I got up, I went into the living room. No Ethel on the couch. There wasn't anybody else in the apartment, just my parents and me. She wasn't there. She never had been there. I didn't have to ask. I remembered. I knew that Aunt Ethel had been killed in a crash on a Los Angeles freeway six weeks ago, coming home after seeing a lawyer about getting a divorce. We had got the news by telegram. The whole dream was just sort of reliving something like what had actually happened. Only it hadn't happened. Until the dream. I mean, I also knew that she'd been living with us, sleeping on the couch in the living room, until last night."

"But there was nothing to show that, to prove it?"

"No. Nothing. She hadn't been. Nobody remembered that she had been, except me. And I was wrong. Now."

Haber nodded judiciously and stroked his beard. What had seemed a mild drug-habituation case now appeared to be a severe aberration, but he had never had a delusion system presented to him quite so straightforwardly. Orr might be an intelligent schizophrenic, feeding him a line, putting him on, with schizoid inventiveness and deviousness; but he lacked the faint inward arrogance of such people, to which Haber was extremely sensitive.

"Why do you think your mother didn't notice that reality had changed since last night?"

"Well, she didn't dream it. I mean, the dream really did change reality. It made a different reality, retroactively, which she'd been part of all along. Being in it, she had no memory of any other. I did, I remembered both, because I was ... there ... at the moment of the change. This is the only way I can explain it, I know it doesn't make sense. But I have got to have some explanation, or else face the fact that I am insane."

No, this fellow was no milquetoast.

"I'm not in the judgment business, Mr. Orr. I'm after facts. And the events of the mind, believe me, to me are facts. When you see another man's dream as he dreams it recorded in black and white on the electroencephalograph, as I've done ten thousand times, you don't speak of dreams as 'unreal.' They exist; they are events; they leave a mark behind them. O.K. I take it that you had other dreams that seemed to have this same sort of effect?"

"Some. Not for a long time. Only under stress. But it seemed to ... to be happening oftener. I began to get scared."

Haber leaned forward. "Why?"

Orr looked blank.

"Why scared?"

"Because I don't want to change things!" Orr said, as if stating the superobvious. "Who am I to meddle with the way things go? And it's my unconscious mind that changes things, without any intelligent control. I tried autohypnosis but it didn't do any good.

Dreams are incoherent, selfish, irrational--immoral, you said a minute ago. They come from the unsocialized part of us, don't they, at least partly? I didn't want to kill poor Ethel. I just wanted her out of my way. Well, in a dream, that's likely to be drastic.

Dreams take short cuts. I killed her. In a car crash a thousand miles away six weeks ago.

I am responsible for her death."

Haber stroked his beard again. "Therefore," he said slowly, "the dream-suppressant drugs. So that you will avoid further responsibilities."

"Yes. The drugs kept the dreams from building up and getting vivid. It's only certain ones, very intense ones, that are. . . ." He sought a word, "effective."

"Right. O.K. Now, let's see. You're unmarried; you're a draftsman for the Bonneville-Umatilla Power District How do you like your work?"

"Fine."

"How's your sex life?"

"Had one trial marriage. Broke up last summer, after a couple of years."

"Did you pull out, or she?"

"Both of us. She didn't want a kid. It wasn't full-marriage material."

"And since then?"

"Well, there're some girls at my office, I'm not a ... not a great stud, actually."

"How about interpersonal relationships in general? Do you feel you relate satisfactorily to other people, that you have a niche in the emotional ecology of your environment?"

"I guess so."

"So that you could say that there's nothing really wrong with your life. Right? O.K. Now tell me this; do you want, do you seriously want, to get out of this drug dependency?"

"Yes."

"O.K., good. Now, you've been taking drugs because you want to keep from dreaming.

But not all dreams are dangerous; only certain vivid ones. You dreamed of your Aunt Ethel as a white cat, but she wasn't a white cat next morning--right? Some dreams are all right--safe."

He waited for Orr's assenting nod.

"Now, think about this. How would you feel about testing this whole thing out, and perhaps learning how to dream safely, without fear? Let me explain. You've got the subject of dreaming pretty loaded emotionally. You are literally afraid to dream because you feel that some of your dreams have this capacity to affect real life, in ways you can't control. Now, that may be an elaborate and meaningful metaphor, by which your unconscious mind is trying to tell your conscious mind something about reality --your reality, your life--which you aren't ready, rationally, to accept. But we can take the metaphor quite literally; there's no need to translate it, at this point, into rational terms.

Your problem at present is this: you're afraid to dream, and yet you need to dream. You tried suppression by drugs; it didn't work. O.K., let's try the opposite. Let's get you to dream, intentionally. Let's get you to dream, intensely and vividly, right here. Under my supervision, under controlled conditions. So that you can get control over what seems to you to have got out of hand."

"How can I dream to order?" Orr said with extreme discomfort.

"In Doctor Haber's Palace of Dreams, you can! Have you been hypnotized?"

"For dental work."

"Good. O.K. Here's the system. I put you into hypnotic trance and suggest that you're going to sleep, that you're going to dream, and what you're going to dream. You'll wear a trancap to ensure that you have genuine sleep, not just hypnotrance. While you're dreaming I watch you, physically and on the EEG, the whole time. I wake you, and we talk about the dream experience. If it's gone off safely, perhaps you'll feel a bit easier about facing the next dream."

"But I won't dream effectively here; it only happens in one dream out of dozens or hundreds." Orr's defensive rationalizations were quite consistent.

"You can dream any style dream at all here. Dream content and dream affect can be controlled almost totally by a motivated subject and a properly trained hypnotizer. I've been doing it for ten years. And you'll be right there with me, because you'll be wearing a trancap. Ever worn one?"

Orr shook his head.

"You know what they are, though."

"They send a signal through electrodes that stimulates the . . . the brain to go along with it."

"That's roughly it The Russians have been using it for fifty years, the Israelis refined on it, we finally climbed aboard and mass-produced it for professional use in calming psychotic patients and for home use in inducing sleep or alpha trance. Now, I was working a couple of years ago with a severely depressed patient on OTT at Linnton.

Like many depressives she didn't get much sleep and was particularly short of d-state sleep, dreaming-sleep; whenever she did enter the d-state she tended to wake up.

Vicious-circle effect: more depression--less dreams; less dreams--more depression.