Lay It Down: Bastards MC Series Boxed Set (31 page)

29

Matty came home late that night. It was unexpected, and I couldn’t hide my relief when he walked through the door. I ran to him, practically jumping in his arms, grateful when he picked me up, laughing. Forgetting to ask about his day or find out how Ian and Ellie were doing, I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a suggestive kiss that promised there was a lot more coming.

“Welcome home!” I gasped, breaking away from his mouth.

He carried me to the bedroom, leaving every light blazing and the eleven o’clock news anchor talking to the empty living room. The mattress dipped under our combined weight as he lowered me to the bed, standing only to peel off his jacket and shirt, kicking his boots to the wall. I leaned up on my elbows, watching as he unbuttoned his jeans and slid them over his hips. He was so beautiful it hurt to look at him, and I bit my lip to keep from sounding like a blubbering idiot and telling him exactly what I thought of his body.

He smiled down, seeing my expression. “Jesus, Joes, if this is how you’re going to welcome me home every time I go away, I’m gonna go away more often.” His sexy, lopsided grin appeared as he crawled up the bed toward me, parting my legs with his knee. “But just so you know”—he kissed my knee—“I missed you all fucking day.” His tongue made a wet trail up my thigh, making me shiver, “I’m never”—his teeth bit into my hip, and I groaned—“ever”—he looked up, locking his eyes onto mine—“leaving you”—his tongue danced over my belly, circling my belly button, and I arched—“ever again.”

“Matty, please,” I begged, my voice barely audible. I needed him to touch me, to make all my worries go away.

He raked his teeth over his bottom lip, the simple action causing every ounce of my flesh to catch fire, and braced his arms next to my shoulders, looking down at me.

“Get used to begging, beautiful,” he growled. “I spent the last three hours thinking about those sweet sounds you make, and I plan to spend just as many hearing you make them.” He lowered himself slowly, aligning his body with mine.

**********

I woke up to a cold bed. Sitting up, I searched for my phone, trying to figure out what time it was. Then I remembered it was out on the coffee table. I’d forgotten it last night when I’d heard Matty’s bike in the driveway.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and grabbed a T-shirt to cover my nakedness before I went in search for my own personal heater, hoping that I could find some way to lure him back to bed. I smelled coffee, but the kitchen was empty. Maybe he was in the shower? Pausing outside the bathroom door, I heard the shuffle of papers on the sun porch.

I turned the corner, smiling at him as he sat in the middle of the floor, paperwork scattered around him, the early morning sun giving his bare chest a bronze glow. He was scowling at whatever he was reading, obviously engrossed. I leaned my cheek against the door frame, content to watch him. His eyes glanced up and he looked away before doing a double-take and snapping his baby blues back to mine.

He tried to cover his surprise as he hastily gathered up the papers, a move obviously aimed at keeping whatever it was from me.

“Morning.” I watched him reach out, grabbing mindlessly, not caring if he kept the piles organized. “What’s all this?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but my curiosity got the better of me.

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

I took a step into the room before I realized that he was shoving everything back into a familiar manila envelope.

He looked up, offering me a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Morning, babe! I didn’t think you’d be up yet.”

Obviously. “Matty, I…” I wasn’t sure what to say, how to tell him.

He shook his head again. “It’s nothing, Jo.” His voice was hard. He moved himself from the floor to the chair, never making eye contact, and sighed. “I talked to Tay yesterday, told her I wanted her to come get her shit out of my garage so we’d have a place to park.”

I laughed. His head snapped to me, and he waited for an explanation.

I grinned. “She was here yesterday. Said that you kept calling her and that she assumed it was for another booty call.” I laughed again. “I could have gotten her stuff out for her.”

He rolled his eyes. “She… she’s something else. She told me she had left some things and asked me to pack those as well, said she’d be here first thing this morning. I want her gone, completely, so I started gathering the leftovers. Then I found this.” He picked up the envelope. “It was an interesting read to say the least.” He looked at me, pain evident in the way he held his body. “It’s a—”

“I know what it is, Matty.”

His brows knitted together as he silently questioned me.

“It isn’t Taylor’s.”

The color slowly drained from his face, but he didn’t say a word. His whole body was erect, stiff. I moved into the room and sat across from him.

Taking a deep breath, I explained, “I don’t know what it says, but Will had it made before I moved in. I was going to tell you but didn’t want to start a fight.”

His jaw clenched, and he took several deep breaths, eyes never leaving mine. “Didn’t want to start a fight?” He nodded angrily. “Your husband somehow manages to dig up records from my childhood that are sealed, and you don’t tell me because you don’t want to start a fight?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. I shook my head at him, and I could feel my eyes widen. “I didn’t know what was in it!”

“I’m not your fucking husband, Jo! You and me, we argue—always have. You have no problem telling me exactly what you think of me, even when I’m being a prick and I tell you to buck up and stop being a bitch.” His nostrils flared. “We don’t keep shit from each other because we’re afraid of a fucking fight.”

He pushed himself off the floor and stalked around the room. “What else haven’t you told me? Oh no, don’t you give me that fucking deer-in-the-headlights look! You aren’t telling me something!” He pointed at me. “I won’t do this, not with you. We don’t have secrets, and we’re not gonna start now. What else?”

He spun around at the door, glaring at me. “Nothing? Fine. I’ve got my own list I’ve been carrying around. I’ll start.” He was yelling, and I forced myself not to jump at his words. “Why didn’t you call me when you saw Will at the hotel? And why in the fuck did you stop me?”

My mouth fell open. “Because I don’t need you to save me! I told you, I had it under control.”

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t need me to save you? No, ‘cause you can do it all on your own, can’t you? How about the fact that he’d already had his hands all over you once, that you almost slept with him even though you didn’t want to?”

My temper was flaring. “He’s my husband, Matty. He—”

“No!” he screamed. “He gave you up, remember? He broke your heart! He doesn’t get to come back and say ‘oops, I made a mistake’ once you’ve moved on! You’re mine, and I don’t fucking share. If I have to beat his pansy asshole ass into oblivion to get that message across, I’ll fucking do it!”

I gaped at him. “I can’t believe you’re mad about that!”

“Well, I’m fuckin’ pissed.” He turned around and started pacing again. “Any other secrets I should know, Joes?”

“You’re one to talk, Matty! Your whole life is a secret. I say I fell in love with my best friend, but then your friends are constantly looking at me like I’m crazy because I don’t really know anything about you.”

Matty slowed, turning back to me. “You know me better than anyone!”

I raised an eyebrow. “Really? That’s why I knew you were rich, that you belong to some bike gang, and that you are covered in tattoos?”

He rolled his eyes, exasperated.

“I don’t know a fucking thing about you, not really!”

“Yeah, ‘cause having a little money, a few hidden tats, and friends really changes who a person is.” He turned, grabbed the manila envelope, and hurled it at my feet. “There, read that. That will tell you every fucking thing you want to know!”

I kicked at the packet. “I don’t want to read that shit! I want you to tell me. I want to know the you that Rob knows.”

He took a slow breath and shook his head. “No, you don’t. Not really. You’re too much of a social worker to let the past go. You think that once you have all the pieces, you’ll understand me. Well, sweetheart, those pieces aren’t as important as you think.”

“Matty, I just want to know you.”

“You do!” he exploded. “You don’t need to know the kid in that file.” He nodded toward the floor. “He was lost and angry, looking for something to make sense. He needed someone like you, someone who would make him laugh, call him on his bullshit. But I can promise you, even if he’d had you, he would have hurt you, because that’s who he was. That’s who he had to be.”

I listened to him, watching the man in front of me transform into a cold, tough stranger. His shoulders pulled back, his face lost all trace of humor. He was right—I didn’t like this Matty. I didn’t want to hear any more, but he continued anyway.

“My parents didn’t beat us, they didn’t starve us, they didn’t hurt us. In fact, they loved us enough to walk away from their screwed up lives and then their shitty marriage. Nothing lasts forever and love is never enough, so my dad moved on. When he left though, my mom was fucked. She was sad, didn’t think things through. So I did what I had to do. I was fifteen, Cris was twelve, the day I came home and found my mom’s boyfriend perping on her. She said it was the first time, but it sure as hell was gonna be the last. I made sure the fucker would never touch a little girl again.

“I got sent to the youth center and met Rob. His life had been shit since the beginning, but he was determined to make things right. I got out and went back more times than I remember. And you know what? I’d do every single thing over again! I told you once that I was a monster and I fuckin’ meant it.”

“Jesus, Matt, you were a kid! He breaks my heart, but I don’t give two shits about him. I want to know you—the you who seems so happy to have me one minute, asking me to come to Boston, then seems ashamed of me and won’t let me come the next. The you who had me get all dressed up to go out to a club, then I find out it was only so he could spy on some asshole. I just want you to talk to me!”

He looked as though he was ready to explode again. “I know you don’t fucking get it, but I’m trying to keep you safe.”

There was that stupid phrase again, and I groaned when I heard it.

His eyes narrowed. “She may not live, Joes. Ellie might die! Do you know how fucking helpless Ian feels? He couldn’t do anything to stop them. By keeping you here, away from that shit, I can keep you safe!”

“Do they know who attacked them?”

He shook his head. “No, but that doesn’t matter right now. All that matters to me is you!”

I walked toward him and put a hand on his chest. He tensed at my touch. I needed to fix this, make the last few minutes go away. “Matty. I’m right here, I’m safe.”

He looked down at me, searching my eyes with his.

I sighed, my voice soft. “I love you, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I promise, from now on, even if it starts a fight, I’ll be honest.” I chuckled. “Except when the kids are here. I will hold it in until they’re gone.” I winked, but Matty closed his eyes and turned his head.

“Joes”—he was gritting his teeth—“what was Will going to do with that packet?”

I tipped my head. “Use it against me in the custody battle, I’m sure.”

His shoulders sagged, all fight suddenly gone from him. “Jesus, Joes! You can’t bring the kids here.” He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Jo, but your kids can’t live here. I don’t think you should either.”

I gasped, pulling away, sure I’d heard him wrong. “What?”

He didn’t answer, just turned and walked into the house.

30

I heard his footsteps as he walked down the hallway, but I didn’t make eye contact when I felt him in the doorway. I’d avoided him while I gathered my things from the rest of the house and had been in the bedroom for the last half hour, emptying onto the bed the drawers he’d given me. I wanted to make sure that when I left, I didn’t leave anything behind. I didn’t want any excuse to have to come back.

I didn’t understand what was happening, how he could tell me he loved me one second then break up with me the next. I hadn’t dated anyone since high school, but shouldn’t there be more closure, not just one person saying they were done? I felt a pang of empathy for Teagan and her numerous heartbreaks. I replayed our last conversation in our mind. I’d talked about Taylor, told him she’d come by. Did he want her back? Did he realize he’d made the wrong choice and I couldn’t possibly compete?

“Where are you gonna go?” His voice was strained as he disturbed my panicked thoughts. I couldn’t tell if it was because he didn’t want to ask or because he didn’t want to know the answer.

“What the fuck do you care? I’m doing what you want—leaving. That’s all that matters.” I knew I was being a bitch, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“You could go back to Will. It’s what he wants. He’ll keep you safe.”