Learning to Let Go (14 page)

“You’re right. I do need sleep, but I’m scared of closing my eyes. Every time I do, I see Chase and all that he’s done to me.” I brushed away fresh tears. “I relive everything over and over—it’s terrible. I just want him to leave me alone so I can move on with my life!”

Jocelyn patted my hand and stood. “I know, Laurel. And I’m here to help. You two have a good night. If you need me, just knock on my door, otherwise I’ll see you both tomorrow and we can discuss whatever you’d like.”

I’d thought I would hate the idea of talking about my personal life with a shrink, but with Jocelyn, it felt like I was talking with an old friend. She didn’t push or question, instead guiding and allowing me to see things for myself.

Garrett didn’t ask how I was feeling after our talk, just ushered me into the kitchen for dinner. Deidre had put together an amazing dinner of lobster macaroni and cheese. I would have never thought to pair the two items together, but it tasted amazing. I still wasn’t able to hold down much, but stepping out of the soup zone gave me some hope towards the future, making me feel a little more optimistic that I could get my life back.

When I began to yawn, Garrett suggested we head to the bedroom. He got me undressed, along with himself, and drew us a hot bubble bath with candles circling his sunken tub. There wasn’t anything sexual about our bath other than holding one another close and washing each other’s skin. It brought back memories of my first night with him and how gentle he had been and still is.

Afterwards, Garrett dried us both off and laid a towel down on the bed after I took my new nighttime pill. Jocelyn said it would take about thirty minutes to take effect, so I was looking forward to a little snuggle with Garrett before drifting off.

“Lie down on your stomach,” he whispered.

I did as he asked and felt the bed dip as he climbed up to straddle me. A moment later, his hands were slick with vanilla scented oil and massaging the stress out of my neck, shoulders and back.

“Mmm. That feels so good.” I could barely talk as he managed to hit a point that released some pent up anxiety.

He shifted and his manhood sprang to life, poking me in my backside.

“Oh!” I called out, but he didn’t respond.

His hands moved down to my ass as he continued to massage the deep tissues of my cheeks. Who knew that my buttocks could relax with his magic fingers splaying over my flesh? It felt like heaven.

He leaned into my ear, whispering, “While I would love to take every part of you, I’m not going to push until you’re ready.” His lips trailed slow, lascivious kisses down my neck, across my back and to my ass, where his teeth bit me playfully, making me squirm.

With his hands re-oiled, he continued across my backside, parting my cheeks, and ran a finger down my crack and over my rosette. I was shocked by the feel of his oiled finger. He pressed on my hole, lightly once, and then started to move it away.

To my surprise, I groaned when he backed away, twisting on the bed and pushing into his finger, causing the tip to poke me lightly. Who knew that the forbidden zone could have such an alluring presence?

“You don’t have to do this Laurel, not until you’re ready.”

I glanced over my shoulder. “I know and I’m not ready for
that
,” I said, glancing down towards his manhood, fully erect and ready, “but your finger feels nice.” I knew I had a lot to overcome emotionally, but every time I was with Garrett, I felt whole again, that I could let go and be adventurous. To prove my point, I pushed back onto his finger a little more. It poked a little further inside and felt weird, forbidden and good at the same time.
How did he manage to bring out the hidden minx in me?

“Your virgin ass is so tight against my finger,” he moaned into my ear. “You’ll need training if you want me to take you here.” He eased his finger in past the second knuckle and I could feel my body clamp down around him. “You’re going to feel like a vice against my cock.”

“Don’t be afraid to let loose on me, Garrett,” I whispered, trying to get used to the sensation of his finger. “I know that it’s you and I need to push my limits to get through what’s happened. Being with you makes me feel liberated,” I admitted. “It helps me forget about things for a while.”

He spread my legs as he leaned over me and inserted two fingers into my core. “God, you’re so fucking wet. You’re always ready for me.”

He started working his fingers in both my holes, all the while whispering words of adoration as his lips trailed all over my body, drawing out an earth-shattering orgasm that had fireworks going off behind my eyes, before taking me again. The last thing I remembered, other than feeling blissful, was him cleaning me up before climbing into bed and pulling me to his chest.

His faint whisper echoed in my ear. “Stay with me, always.”

Laurel’s prescription for her nightmares appeared to be working. She managed to sleep through every night this week. Her appetite’s returning and she seems to be growing stronger both physically and mentally. Although, her ability to sleep might be a result of us not being able to keep our hands off of one another and falling into bed, exhausted, after we’re both fully sated. No matter how many times I have her, I just can’t seem to get my fill of her or that sweet pussy. She calls to me on some level I don’t understand.

The week passed by in a blur. The first day I revealed a bit of myself to help Laurel feel more at ease with Jocelyn, which about fucking killed me. Since then, the sessions have been primarily focused on her issues with Chase. I knew she had repressed things, trying to run from the past and focusing on the future instead, but I thought she had dealt with some of the rape issues. I found my heart aching to soothe her soul as she revealed that she never gave herself time to mentally heal and accept what had happened. Instead, she focused on her school work and her plan to get as far away from Chase as possible.

I had to laugh a bit when I realized Grace’s comment from the hospital, “You two are a lot alike,” seemed to be spot on. Laurel was doing the same thing with Chase that I did with in my youth. I focused my mind on other things and never really dealt with the issues at hand, never really letting go of the pain I felt when my family died.

She had been given the option of discussing things just once a day for an hour or two, but Laurel chose to discuss things multiple times a day, some with me present and other times just the two of them, to push through her anger, grief and other emotions.

Jocelyn tried to get her to slow down. “There’s no need to rush, dear,” she reminded Laurel over breakfast. “These things take time.”

“I know,” Laurel replied, “but I want to move forward with my life. I let him make me a victim and then turned around and let him control me with my dreams. I want to purge him from my system and take back my life, starting now!” She slammed her hand on the table to emphasize her point.

The fire in her, along with her determination, kept me in a state of awe and arousal. My little minx would get her life back and I’d make sure she would never be hurt again.

By the end of the week, she’d insisted it was time to stop hiding and go back to Orlando. I was glad, because Jonathan really needed to get back to his own business and I had some pressing meetings that I couldn’t postpone anymore. When we started packing, Laurel turned toward me and asked, “If Grace is living with Jonathan now, where do I go?”

I had wanted to have this discussion with her for sometime, but knew if I brought it up and demanded she stay with me, she’d fight me on it.
God, I loved her independence and feistiness.

I crossed the room, putting my arms around her waist and drawing her close. I pressed my forehead to hers and kissed the end of her nose. “I’m glad you brought that up. I don’t feel comfortable with you going back to the condo with Chase on the loose and him knowing where you live. I’d like it if you would stay with me,” I said quietly. “At least my place has round the clock security and is difficult to penetrate.”

Her breath caught and her eyes widened. “I guess I could stay a little while.”

I shook my head slightly. “I’m not asking for you to stay a little while,” I admitted, running my hand down her jaw. “I want you with me. When I promised I’d never let you out of my sight again, I meant it. If you’re not comfortable sharing my bedroom, then I can put you in the one next to mine, but I’d like to try sharing everything with you.”

Her hazel eyes seemed to melt and I felt her relax in my arms. She looked up at me with amazement. “Everything?”

“Yes, love, all of it.”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“It’s a big step for me and I can’t promise that we won’t have disagreements, but I gave you my word that I’d try for something more than just casualness. Just promise me you won’t run at the first hint of trouble.” This was going against every fiber of my being, taking a step I had never been comfortable taking, not even with Andrea, but I couldn’t fathom not having Laurel with me. She was the breath of fresh air my heart needed and the sensual desire my soul craved.

“Okay,” she said. “I promise, but I eventually need to hear the rest of your story. I know there’s something you’re not telling me, more than just what went on with Andrea. I hope in time you’ll trust me enough to share your whole story with me.”

My heart filled with a sharp pang of regret, knowing that eventually I
would
have to come clean. Jocelyn had been urging me all week to just push through the barrier and finally let go of all the hurt from the past. It was the one thing that kept me from taking the leap I wanted to take with Laurel, but I was sure that as soon as she knew my secret, she’d be gone.

A conversation with Jocelyn, earlier in the day, began to play through my mind.

“When are you going to let go of things, Garrett?” she’d asked for the millionth time. “Accidents happen and you can’t be responsible for every accident that happened in the past. No matter what you did, what you said, or even tried, nothing would’ve prevented the turn of events that led you to the Waters family. You’ve kept people at arm’s length far too long. You finally got over part of your aversion by caring for your new family. Now it’s time to tell Laurel you love her, too.” She never did hesitate to get right to the point of things.

My mind spun at her words. I didn’t want to admit my feelings, so I lashed out. “I’m not capable of loving someone so close to me. If I care too much, it will just end in disaster again. I don’t want to risk losing another person by loving them!” My shoulders slumped at the idea. “I can’t lose Laurel. She means too much to me.”

It was no surprise when Jocelyn pulled me into a matronly hug; she’d always been like another mother to me. “Life and love are a gamble with an element of risk, Garrett. You’ve taken a lot of risks in your life to get where you are today in business. You need to buck up and take those same risks in love. You can’t guard your heart forever.”

I was about to argue with her when she let go and held me by the shoulders, looking me squarely in the eyes. “You can’t just shut down and avoid emotion the rest of your life. You have an amazing woman in Laurel. Life has handed you both a lot of crap to deal with, but together you seem to get through anything. I normally wouldn’t recommend a codependent relationship for people, but for some reason, with the two of you, it works. You both complete one another and thrive together.” She patted my shoulders warmly and gave them a squeeze. “It’s obvious that she loves you and you love her, so stop denying it and grab her before she has the chance to slip away from you.”

Maybe I did need to push all my fears aside and take a chance.
But would she still care for me if she knew?