Let the Church Say Amen (7 page)

J
ONATHAN FOUGHT BACK TEARS
. He was a grown man and he was determined not to cry about this.

“So, is it somebody else?” he asked. Jonathan had just returned from a brief visit with Tracy at Houston Intercontinental Airport. Tracy was on the way to Los Angeles to visit family, and they agreed to meet at the airport during a two-hour layover. Although things started off fine, in the end, their visit hadn’t gone too well and Jonathan had stormed out, leaving Tracy standing alone in the terminal. As soon as Jonathan had set foot in the house, he’d called Tracy’s cell phone so they could finish the conversation.

“Answer me!” Jonathan demanded when Tracy didn’t respond.

“Yes,” Tracy softly responded. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s just I didn’t know what was going to happen with us. When you left Atlanta, I thought it was over.”

Jonathan cupped the cordless phone between his head and shoulder and began pacing back and forth in his room. He knew Tracy was upset about him leaving Atlanta and moving back home. They had agreed that once Jonathan graduated, he would try to find a job there and they’d live happily ever after. But this was no fairy tale. When the time came, Jonathan said he was just too confused and bolted back to Houston to “get his head together.” Granted, that was a few months ago, but he never thought Tracy would turn to someone else. “So this is how you solve an argument? By running into someone else’s arms? You throw away everything we had, just like that?”

Tracy sighed heavily. “Look, they’re calling for my plane. But Jon, you have to realize you threw us away when you left. I’m sorry. It’s just I’m so tired of being with you the way we’ve been. Sometimes you act like I mean the world to you. Other times you treat me like I don’t even exist. I can’t keep going through that. You have been promising to tell your family about us and that has yet to happen.”

“Is that what this is about? I told you that would come in time!”

“So you said, Jonathan. You’ve been telling me that for the last year. I told you from jump, I’m not ashamed of being gay and I just can’t be with someone who is.”

Jonathan had met Tracy at an off-campus party three years ago. They had immediately clicked and began hanging out. Jonathan knew from the start that Tracy was gay, but he found himself drawn to him. Eventually, Tracy implied that they should take their friendship to the next level, something Jonathan seemed open to trying. And things had worked out great, for a while. But then, Tracy wanted everyone to know that they were a couple, and that was something Jonathan wasn’t ready for.

“Now, Tracy, you know that’s not it.”

“No, I don’t know anything,” Tracy calmly responded. “Except I’m tired and for the first time in almost a year, I feel happy. I owe it to myself to be happy, Jonathan. And yes, I’m sorry, but Martin makes me happy.”

Why don’t you just stick the knife in further and turn it a little bit more?
Jonathan didn’t know what to do. The love of his life was slipping through his fingers. Part of him wanted to cry and beg Tracy not to give up on them. But the other part was telling him to have some dignity and let it go. “Fine. I won’t bother you again. Be happy!” Jonathan didn’t give Tracy time to respond. He slammed the phone down and once again tried to fight back the tears.

Jonathan fell down across the bed in his room. He had converted the attic into his bedroom when he was a freshman in high school and his parents seldom ventured up there, giving him the privacy he desired. His parents had left everything just as he had it when he was in high school. From the TLC poster on the wall to the honor society achievement certificate resting in a frame on his dresser, everything was just as it had been.

Jonathan glanced at the yellow church program lying on his nightstand. Sister Hicks’s granddaughter, Veronica, had written her number on it after church last Sunday. Jonathan hadn’t planned to use it, but now, that didn’t seem like a bad idea. He knew that wasn’t the way to solve his problems, but at this point he didn’t care. He was starting to feel like Tracy had been a big mistake and maybe this was his way to make things right.

Jonathan gazed at the sexy young female sitting across from him. She had to be one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Her shoulder-length tresses framed her delicate honey complexion perfectly. Her smile was seductive and sensuous. Still, Jonathan couldn’t get his mind off Tracy.

“Hel-lo. Is anyone home?” Veronica waved her hands in front of Jonathan’s face.

He smiled. “I’m sorry. I was lost in thought.”

Veronica leaned back and seductively crossed her long, sultry legs. “Wow, I must be pretty boring, because from the look on your face, you weren’t thinking about me.”

Jonathan began toying with his napkin. “Veronica, I’m sorry. I have to be honest with you. It’s been a long time since I’ve dated. I’ve been in a relationship for three years.”

“So, is that relationship over?”

Jonathan tried to shake the look of melancholy from his face.

“Yeah. It’s over.”

“Tell me about her.”

Jonathan twiddled with his drink next, swishing the ice around. Veronica had been receptive to his call, agreeing to meet him immediately. But now that he was actually here, he wasn’t exactly comfortable, although he was trying hard to relax. “You know what? Why don’t we change the subject? I’m not out with a beautiful lady to talk about my past. That’s something that never should’ve happened.”

“Whatever you say.”

They continued eating dinner and making small talk. As they were finishing their raspberry soufflé, Jonathan said, “Why don’t we go back to your place?”

“What? Is the preacher’s son propositioning me on the first date?”

Jonathan didn’t know what he was doing. All he knew was he had to get Tracy off his mind.

“Veronica, I don’t normally do this. It’s just, I was in this relationship for so long. I was faithful. But the last few months were pretty bad. We barely even spoke. And, let me just say, it’s been a long time since I’ve …” Jonathan’s voice trailed off. He couldn’t believe what he was doing, but he needed to find a release and this beautiful woman sitting in front of him had to be just what the doctor ordered.

Veronica didn’t take her eyes off him. “I think that’s what I need,” Jonathan finally continued. “In no way do I want to use you. I think you’re attractive, lovely, and very, very sexy. And I think spending time with a woman like you is just what I need to make me forget my troubles.”

Veronica looked like she was taking it all in. She smiled. “Jonathan. I appreciate your honesty. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories about my reputation. I’ve heard them, too. Some of them are rumors and some are the truth. I like sex. I especially like sex with fine men. And you are a fine man. So, I’m down.” She leaned in, making sure her breasts were resting on the table. “Let Veronica make you forget all about your ex. I promise you, when I’m done, you won’t even remember her name.”

Jonathan smiled. That’s just what he wanted to hear. Maybe he needed to return to his so-called ho days. He glanced at the check, pulled out three twenty-dollar bills from his wallet, laid them across the table, and reached out for Veronica’s hand. Veronica took it and eased out of the chair.

She wet her lips before turning to walk in front of Jonathan. His eyes made their way down her back and to her behind, where the skirt hugged her full hips. He noticed other men in the restaurant checking her out, too. The way her body swayed as she walked out the door was enough to get a rise out of any man.

Jonathan looked down to the crotch of his pants. Nothing. “Come on, fella,” he whispered to himself. “I need you like I never needed you before. Forget Tracy. That’s not what’s meant for you. This is.”

Veronica paused in the doorway, turned, and waited for Jonathan to catch up. “Would you come on? We got some business to handle.” She giggled and sashayed out to the white Ford Mustang Jonathan got his senior year in high school.

Jonathan moved his jacket in front of his body and began discreetly massaging himself as he walked out of the restaurant. Part of Veronica’s reputation included her bragging on her sexual prowess, so he was determined to give her something to brag about with him.

It took nearly thirty minutes to get back to Veronica’s apartment. She spent the entire drive nibbling his ear, singing seductive songs, and massaging Jonathan between his legs. All that, and he was still limp as a wet rag.

“You’ll have to excuse the mess,” Veronica said once they were inside her apartment. “I’ve been busy and haven’t had a chance to clean up. Make yourself at home. I’m going to grab us some wine.”

Veronica disappeared into the kitchen and left Jonathan standing in the cluttered living room. He picked up a pair of thong underwear off the sofa and dropped them to the floor. He wondered, had she left them there after having sex with someone else.

“What am I doing?” He sat down and muttered to himself. As soon as the thought entered his mind, he heard Tracy’s voice telling him it was over. He imagined what this Martin person looked like and what they were probably doing right now.

“Forget this,” he mumbled. “I’m here with one of the sexiest women in the church and I’m thinking about that sorry, good-for-nothing …”

“Here’s your wine.” Veronica reached over Jonathan’s shoulder and handed him a glass. He didn’t normally drink, but maybe the wine would help ease his mind. He took the glass, stood up, and turned around. Veronica was standing there in her bra and panties, a brown lace set that looked like it was sculpted for her. Jonathan’s eyes scanned her body. He would have to be a fool not to be turned on by this gorgeous woman. She sipped her wine, then set the glass down.

“Bad news, baby. I got a visit from my monthly friend. I know it doesn’t bother some people, but I don’t get off like that.”

Jonathan stared at her with the glass in his hand. He didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. He really wanted to try to have sex with her. He
needed
to have sex with her. But if he couldn’t perform, he would never have been able to forgive himself. Maybe this was a blessing.

“But, I’m not one to tease and leave,” she continued. She took Jonathan’s glass, sipped some wine, set the glass down, then pushed Jonathan down on the sofa. Veronica began unfastening Jonathan’s pants. She eased her hands inside his underwear.

Jonathan watched Veronica at work, unsure of what to do. He took a deep breath, grabbed his glass, and gulped down the remaining wine. He closed his eyes just as Veronica’s head lowered into his lap.

A small smile crossed his lips as he felt himself becoming erect. Veronica’s head rhythmically bobbed up and down. Jonathan’s smile grew as he felt his hormones flare. This confirmed it. He wasn’t gay. He could still be turned on by a woman. Maybe what he felt for Tracy hadn’t been real, a youthful experiment. “Yes, baby. Like that,” Jonathan whispered.

Jonathan moaned, groaned, and grunted. He felt like a volcano on the verge of eruption. Just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, he exploded and Veronica laughed as she savored his juices.

“I knew it,” he whispered as he gently rubbed her hair.

“Knew what?” Veronica softly said as she slid up on the sofa next to him.

“I knew you would make me forget all my troubles.” Jonathan leaned in and kissed Veronica on the forehead. “Thank you.”

Veronica giggled. “My pleasure, baby. My pleasure.”

Jonathan wrapped his arm around Veronica and leaned back, a huge smile across his face. Maybe getting over Tracy would be easier than he thought.

R
ACHEL PATTED THE WAD
of cash in her jacket pocket. This was her fifth time checking it since she and her mother left for the mall an hour ago. She didn’t want to put the money in her wallet, fearing a thief might try to snatch her purse once they were there. If anybody wanted this money, they’d have to wrestle her to the ground for it.

Eight hundred dollars. Rachel was still in shock over the unexpected gift. Lester had shown up at her parents’ house last night. When she first saw him, she immediately jumped on the defensive, but then he’d handed her a bouquet of flowers and an envelope of cash. It turned out Lester had received a large check from his father’s insurance policy. Lester’s father had died a couple of months earlier in a tragic car accident. His mother had died two years prior, and Lester was an only child. The only other relative he had was an aging grandmother.

When Rachel saw all those crisp one-hundred-dollar bills, she thought she was going to faint. She did make a halfhearted attempt to return the money, praying the entire time that Lester would say no. Her wish came true. Lester claimed he had no one to spend all that money on. All Rachel heard was his reference to “all that money.” She wanted to ask him just how much money he received, but decided against it. Lester made her day even more when he insisted that she take the money and go shopping, something he knew she loved to do. He said he wanted her to pamper herself. The only thing he’d made her promise was that she buy something for the kids. He also told her not to spend any of the money to pay bills. He promised to help her with that later if she needed it.

Rachel wanted to jump for joy. She’d never been on a shopping spree, other than back-to-school shopping, and with her father’s tight rein on the money, that had never been much fun. Rachel was so excited that she threw her arms around Lester’s neck and planted a juicy kiss right on his lips. She closed her eyes, so it hadn’t been totally repulsive. The kiss had caught them both by surprise and left them both speechless. Rachel had felt so guilty about accepting the money that she agreed to go out to dinner with him the next night.

Her father, who along with her mother had witnessed the whole exchange, called her a high-priced hooker for taking the money, then agreeing to a date. At first Rachel was mad, but the more she thought about what she’d buy, the less her father’s words stung.

“Rachel, I still don’t think it’s right, you taking that boy’s money,” Loretta said as they pulled into the parking garage at Baybrook Mall.

Rachel exhaled loudly. Maybe bringing her mother along wasn’t such a good idea, but Loretta hadn’t been looking good lately. Rachel attributed it to years of putting up with her father. She knew her mother was stressed, so she wanted to take her to get a manicure and pedicure, maybe even buy her some nice clothes, too.

“Mama, you were standing right there. You heard Lester say he wanted to give this money to me, no strings attached.”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t be going out with him if he hadn’t given you that money.”

“That’s not true. I’ve been out with Lester before,” Rachel protested.

“Usually right after he pays your rent or does something else nice for you.” Loretta shook her head. “Doesn’t that boy know he can’t buy love?”

“He only helped me with my rent one time. Besides, Lester and I are just friends. He doesn’t really have anyone, so he clings to me. That’s it. Plus, he knows my heart belongs to Bobby.”

Loretta pursed her lips and gazed out the window. “Don’t get me started on that.”

“Please, don’t say anything,” Rachel mumbled. “I really …” Rachel’s voice trailed off when she noticed the black Ford Expedition parked in an aisle near the front of the mall entrance. The license plate read “Miss S.”

Rachel turned up her nose with contempt. So Shante was at the mall. “I’m sure she’s spending up a storm in Lane Bryant, trying to find something cute to impress my man.”

“What are you talking about?” Loretta said. “And why are you stopping?”

Rachel shook herself out of her trance. “Oh, nothing. There’s a space over there.” Rachel pointed to the next aisle, then maneuvered her mother’s van down it, swinging into a parking space.

They had just stepped into the mall when Rachel turned to her mother. “Mama, I’ll be right back. I think I dropped my sunglasses when we were getting out of the car.”

“I didn’t see you with any glasses.”

“Just go on. I’ll meet you in the children’s section of Dillard’s in just a minute.”

“Okay, fine,” Loretta said. Rachel waited until her mother had gone up the escalator before she turned around and dashed back out the store entrance. She scanned the rows of cars to see where it was she’d seen Shante’s truck. “There it is,” she mumbled when she spotted the Expedition sitting between a Ford Taurus and a Chevy Suburban. “Too bad it’s so close to the front.”

Rachel ducked to the side of the Suburban that was parked farthest from the mall. She pulled up her purse and began sifting through it. Where was a good pocketknife when you needed one? She spotted her metal nail file and pulled it out. Rachel looked around to make sure no one was watching, then she took the file, leaned down, and jabbed it into the sidewall of the Expedition’s back tire as hard as she could. Nothing. Rachel drew her arm back and jabbed again, and again, and again, until finally she heard the air hissing out of the tire. Rachel moved to the front tire, repeating the process. She did it two more times on the other side until all the tires were flat. By then, her arm was throbbing with pain. Rachel stepped back and admired her work. She then looked around one more time to make sure no one had spotted her. When she was sure it was safe, she ran her fingers through her hair, and dropped the nail file back into her purse. She spotted her keys and her eyes lit up in thought. Rachel removed the keys, pulled out the longest one, then positioned it between her fingers before running it along the side of Shante’s truck. Rachel whistled with a nonchalant look across her face as she ran the key back and forth several times. Satisfied with what she’d done, Rachel dropped the keys in her purse and walked back inside the mall.

She had just stepped off the escalator when she spotted her mother pressed up against a wall. She had a pale look across her face. “Mama, are you all right?” Rachel asked.

“Sshhh!” Loretta put her finger to her lips.

Rachel looked confused. Her mother looked like she was straining to hear the conversation that was going on right around the corner. Rachel listened intently. It must be something important because it wasn’t like her mother to eavesdrop.

“Do you know what I could do with a hunk of man like Simon Jackson?” one of the voices said.

Rachel’s eyes got wide. “Who is that?” she whispered to her mother.

“Delilah,” her mother whispered back. “And Carrie Thompson from church.”

Rachel frowned up. She recognized Delilah’s sultry voice.

“Are they talking about Daddy?”

Loretta motioned for her to be quiet.

“Girl, who wouldn’t love to get them some Simon Jackson? Honey, that is one good-looking man,” Carrie responded.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Delilah said. “Five minutes. That’s all I need and I could turn that man out. He’d think God himself had sent me down for his personal pleasure.”

Carrie laughed. “You know his old, plain-Jane, chunky wife ain’t turning nothing out but a plate of biscuits every time you turn around. I just can’t for the life of me understand why he stays with her.”

“I’ve stopped trying to figure that out. I’ve just come to the conclusion that it’s a charity case. You know, like maybe he just feels sorry for her. I just know if I was first lady of the church, I would come in every Sunday morning in a brand-new suit with a matching hat, gloves, and shoes. You know I’d be working it.”

“I know you would, girl. Hell, you look and dress better than Loretta anyway. You look like a first lady should look.”

“The problem is convincing Simon of that. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve all but thrown myself at that man. I put these 36DDs up in his face and he just ignored them. No man can resist these!” Delilah exclaimed.

“Well, I’m sure you won’t give up until you get him. You’re a determined woman.” They both burst out laughing.

Loretta became paler and paler. Rachel stood with her mouth wide open. She was furious and had had enough. She didn’t care what they said about her father, but they weren’t about to sit there and disrespect her mother like that. “Unh-unh.” Rachel started heading around the corner. Loretta grabbed her by the arm. “No!”

“What?” Rachel heard Delilah and Carrie’s laughter grow distant and she peeked around the corner. They were heading toward the lingerie section. “Mama, I know you’re not going to let them talk about you like a dog and you not say anything.”

Loretta looked like she was fighting back tears. She swallowed. “We came here to do some shopping, so we’re going to do some shopping.”

Rachel stared at her mother in disbelief. She knew her mother didn’t have much of a backbone with her father, but this was too much.

Loretta ignored Rachel and walked over to a rack. She picked up a blue jean jacket and matching pants. “I saw this for Jordan when I first walked in. Don’t you think it’s cute?”

Rachel followed her mother, stunned. “Mama, I don’t believe you. What is wrong with you? Don’t you have any pride? This is ridiculous. I mean, I’ve heard of weak women in my life, but you take the cake. They called you fat, ugly, and Delilah all but said she was going to take your husband. And you just stand there. How can you be so spineless? Don’t you even care how—”

Rachel was unprepared for the slap she received from her mother’s right hand. The blow stunned Rachel and stopped her from finishing her sentence. She looked at her mother, dumbfounded. Not only because they were standing in the middle of the department store but also because her mother hadn’t struck her in years.

“Shut up! Shut up right now!” Loretta said. “I can’t do anything about those hussies disrespecting me, but I won’t have my own child disrespecting me!”

Rachel felt tears welling up. Where had that come from? The blow hurt like hell. She also had never seen her mother that angry. Loretta’s cinnamon complexion had turned red in fury.

“Don’t you think I know what those women say about me? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that nonsense,” Loretta hissed. “I know people wonder why Simon is with me. They’ve been wondering for years. Do those comments still hurt? Yes. But if I don’t know nothing else, I know my husband loves me. For me.”

Rachel rubbed her cheek, taking in her mother’s words. “But Mama, he treats you so bad.”

“How? He doesn’t beat me, cheat on me. So what makes him a bad husband? Because he asks me to clean and cook? Because I’m submissive to him? Let me tell you something, Rachel.” Loretta leaned in close to her daughter. “I submit to him because I
choose
to. I choose to follow God’s words and let the man lead. I know you new-age women can’t understand that, but that’s what I do. And I do it with my head held high. I love cooking, cleaning, and being a good wife. I love taking care of my husband and if that makes me a disgrace to womankind, then I’m sorry. But I won’t apologize for who I am, or how I am.”

Rachel stared at her mother in amazement. It had never crossed her mind that her mother actually liked being submissive, let alone doing it for biblical reasons.

Rachel removed her hand from her cheek. “Well, I guess I’ll never be married. Because I refuse to let a man treat me the way Daddy treats you.”

“Your father treats me just fine. Do I wish he spent more time with us? Absolutely. Do I agree with the way he treats you and David? No. But Simon is struggling with his own demons because he feels like a failure as a father. But if I don’t know anything else, I know he loves me and each one of you kids. Now, I’m grateful that the Lord blessed me with a man like Simon, whose biggest fault is he spends too much time in his church.”

Rachel sniffed and wiped away the single tear falling down her face. Her father felt like a failure? That was news to her. Still, she couldn’t agree with her mother’s rationale.

“I’m sorry, but I still think you’re mad at Carrie and Delilah and taking it out on me.”

Loretta’s voice turned gentle. “Rachel, I’m not mad at them. I’m happy with who I am, all 228 pounds of me. That’s what you don’t understand; beauty is from within. You’re always talking about Shante, how fat she is. But I’d be willing to bet, Bobby fell in love with her mind. When you have that, everything else falls into place.”

Rachel’s heart sank at the mention of Bobby loving someone else. She sucked it up and tried to force a smile. While she didn’t agree with her mother, she felt a newfound respect for her.

Loretta straightened her back and held her head up. “Now, come on, let’s go do some shopping.”