Letters and Papers From Prison (20 page)

A little more about my daily routine: We get up at the same time, and the day lasts till 8 p.m.; I wear out my trousers by sitting while you wear out your soles by walking. I read the
Völkischer Beobachter
and the
Reich,
⁶²
and I’ve got to know several
very
nice people. Every day I’m taken for half an hour’s walking alone, and in the afternoon they give me treatment in the sick-bay - very kindly, but unsuccessfully – for my rheumatism. Every week I get from you the most marvellous things to eat. Thank you very much for everything, and also for the cigars and cigarettes that you sent me while you were away.
⁶³
I only hope you have plenty to eat - do you get very hungry? That would be horrid. There is
nothing I miss here – except all of you. I wish I could play the G minor sonata with you
⁶⁴
and sing some Schütz, and hear you sing Psalms 70 and 47; that was what you did best.

My cell is being cleaned out for me, and while it’s being done, I can give the cleaner something to eat. One of them was sentenced to death the other day; it gave me a great shock. One sees a great deal in seven and a half months, particularly what heavy consequences may follow trivial acts of folly. I think a lengthy confinement is demoralizing in
every
way for most people. I’ve been thinking out an alternative penal system on the principle of making the punishment fit the crime; e.g., for absence without leave, the cancelling of leave; for unauthorized wearing of medals, longer service at the front; for robbing other soldiers, the temporary labelling of a man as a thief; for dealing in the black market, a reduction of rations; and so on. Why does the Old Testament law never punish anyone by depriving him of his freedom?

You must at all events indicate the preliminary work for your licenciate studies, which were not finished (Psalms lectures?). There was never any question of this, whatever happens.
⁶⁵
Is your position as ‘batman’ to an NCO really regarded as a special honour? How unutterably comic! or is it also a nuisance?…

I wish you much joy and don’t want you to be disturbed by any thoughts about me. I have every reason to be so infinitely grateful about everything.

Here’s to a joyful reunion soon, like old times!

Your Dietrich

Those verses
⁶⁶
that I wrote have also made a considerable impression here. Perhaps you would like to put the notebook in your briefcase? Of course, the rest of the letter must disappear.
⁶⁷
Perhaps it will please you to hear that the prisoners and the guards here keep saying how they are ‘amazed’ (?!) at my tranquillity and cheerfulness. I myself am always amazed about remarks of this kind. But isn’t it rather nice?

If there is
anything at all
that you could think of that would please you, it would give me the greatest delight. One of the most
awful things here is that one is so hopeless about this kind of thing. Please at least help yourself occasionally to some of my bacon; tell mother that
I
asked you
very
particularly to do so! I still have plenty, and certainly don’t need any in the next six weeks. If only I could share some Krössin smoked goose with you! Can one send anything?

21 November

Today is Remembrance Sunday. Will you have a memorial service for B. Riemer? It would be nice, but difficult. Then comes Advent, with all its happy memories for us. It was you who really first opened up to me the world of music-making that we have carried on during the weeks of Advent. Life in a prison cell may well be compared to Advent; one waits, hopes, and does this, that, or the other - things that are really of no consequence – the door is shut, and can be opened only
from the outside.
That idea is just as it occurs to me; don’t suppose we go in very much for symbolism here! But I must tell you two other things that may surprise you: First, I very much miss meal-time fellowship. Everything that I get from you for my material enjoyment becomes here a reminder of my table-fellowship with you. So may not this be an essential part of life, because it is a reality of the Kingdom of God? Secondly, I’ve found that following Luther’s instruction to ‘make the sign of the cross’ at our morning and evening prayers is in itself helpful. There is something objective about it, and that is what is particularly badly needed here. Don’t be alarmed; I shall not come out of here a
homo religiosus!
On the contrary, my fear and distrust of ‘religiosity’ have become greater than ever here. The fact that the Israelites
never
uttered the name of God always makes me think, and I can understand it better as I go on. Did you in fact get my wedding sermon?…The letter has got much longer than I intended.
⁶⁸
Now there are all sorts of things in it that are also intended for others. You can decide.

I’m now reading Tertullian, Cyprian, and others of the church fathers with great interest. In some ways they are more relevant to our time than the Reformers, and at the same time they provide
a basis for talks between Protestants and Roman Catholics.

Do you sometimes wonder why I allow so much food to be sent when I know well enough that you yourselves are short? To begin with, during the months of interrogation I thought it important to keep my strength for the sake of the cause. Later, people kept holding out the prospect of an early ending, and I wanted to keep in physical trim as much as possible for that. The same thing applies again now. Once I’m free or condemned, of course, it will stop. Anyway, I believe that on purely legal grounds my condemnation is out of the question.

22 November

If there is anything that would help Renate in her present condition, and you need money for it, please simply take as much as you need without saying any more about it. And of course that applies all the more afterwards. There is really no point in the money rotting in my account. Be glad that you bought the jewellery for Renate then. I don’t think that I shall be able to get any for Maria. I’ve often been glad that you asked me to the civil ceremony when you did.
⁶⁹
I think back to the day with great pleasure and feel that I was at the decisive moment with you. Just tell me how you get on with the soldiers, with your willingness to take no notice of false accusations – (probably a bit of your
anima natut’aliter christiana?).
Two or three times here I’ve given people a quite colossal dressing down for indulging in only the slightest rudeness, and they were so disconcerted that they have behaved very correctly since then. I thoroughly enjoy this sort of thing, but I know it’s really an impossible over-sensitiveness that I can hardly get rid of…It makes me furious to see quite defenceless people being unjustly shouted at and insulted. These petty tormentors, who can rage like that and whom one finds everywhere, get me worked up for hours on end. I think that you find a better equilibrium in these things. It would certainly be good for me if I could be a soldier somewhere near you.
Das Neue Lied,
⁷⁰
which I got only a few days ago, has brought back hosts of pleasant memories. You see, I am always thinking of things that I want to talk over with
you, and when I start again after such a long time, I find it difficult to stop. Much that I would love to ask you and to tell you isn’t even mentioned. We really must meet again soon. That really is the end. Love to you and Renate.

Your Dietrich

Do you occasionally write to mother and father? I should think that with their concern for me they would be glad of any greeting. I was very pleased about the prayer at the
συνoδoς.
⁷¹
Do you get round to the Bible readings, at least in the mornings?

23 November

Tonight’s raid was not exactly pleasant.
⁷²
I kept thinking of you all and especially of Renate. At such times prison life is no joke. I hope you’re going back to Sakrow. I was surprised last night to see how nervy the soldiers who had been at the front were while the alert was on.

My parents have just been here and brought good news. So the long journey was not in vain. How is it that they’ve only managed to get through here? In the city the prospect seems to be very bad. I was so sorry that we couldn’t speak together, but I was very glad to hear that nothing has happened to you. The date is 17 December. At last! Will I see the week? Can’t Rüdiger ring up Speckhardt in Torgau about your permission to visit? We must also take care to see that the Captain
⁷³
takes it here!

Testament

[Tegel]
⁷⁴
23 November 1943

Dear Eberhard,

After yesterday’s air raid I think it is only right that I should tell briefly what arrangements I have made in case of my death. The notes given to the attorney might also be destroyed, so it is you
better that someone knows about them. I hope that you will read this with your usual absence of sentimentality. It seems to me only reasonable to make the necessary provisions in case of such an eventuality…[There follow bequests to members of the family] You are to give a book each to Fritz, Jochen, Albrecht, Maechler, Dudzus, your brother Christoph, H. Christoph, Ebeling, Rott, Perels and if possible to uncle George Ch[ichester]

So that’s it. Keep this paper safely somewhere. I believe that one has to sign such a document with one’s full name. So Berlin, 23 November 1943

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Prayers for Fellow-Prisoners

Christmas 1943

M
ORNING
P
RAYERS

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.
Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on you;
I cannot do this alone.

In me there is darkness,
But with you there is light;
Iam lonely, but you do not leave me;
I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;
I am restless, but with you there is peace.
In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;
I do not understand your ways,
But you know the way for me.

O heavenly Father,
I praise and thank you
For the peace of the night;
I praise and thank you for this new day;
I praise and thank you for all your goodness
and faithfulness throughout my life.

You have granted me many blessings;
Now let me also accept what is hard
from your hand.
You will lay on me no more
than I can bear.
You make all things work together for good
for your children.

Lord Jesus Christ,
You were poor
and in distress, a captive and forsaken as I am.
You know all man’s troubles;
You abide with me
when all men fail me;
You remember and seek me;
It is your will that I should know you
and turn to you.
Lord, I hear your call and follow;
Help me.

O Holy Spirit,
Give me faith that will protect me
from despair, from passions, and from vice;
Give me such love for God and men
as will blot out all hatred and bitterness;
Give me the hope that will deliver me
from fear and faint-heartedness.

O holy and merciful God,
my Creator and Redeemer,
my Judge and Saviour,
You know me and all that I do.
You hate and punish evil without respect of persons
in this world and the next;
You forgive the sins of those
who sincerely pray for forgiveness;
You love goodness, and reward it on this earth
with a clear conscience,
and, in the world to come,
with a crown of righteousness.

I remember in your presence all my loved ones,
my fellow-prisoners, and all who in this house
perform their hard service;
Lord, have mercy.

Restore me to liberty,
and enable me so to live now
that I may answer before you and before men.
Lord, whatever this day may bring,
Your name be praised.
Amen.

In my sleep he watches yearning      
and restores my soul,
so that each recurring morning       
love and goodness make me whole.
Were God not there,
his face not near,
He had not led me out of fear.
                   All things have their time and sphere:
God’s love lasts for ever.

Paul Gerhardt

E
VENING
P
RAYERS

O Lord my God, thank you
for bringing this day to a close;
Thank you for giving me rest
in body and soul.
Your hand has been over me
and has guarded and preserved me.
Forgive my lack of faith
and any wrong that I have done today,
and help me to forgive all who have wronged me.

Let me sleep in peace under your protection,
and keep me from all the temptations of darkness.

Into your hands I commend my loved ones
and all who dwell in this house;
I commend to you my body and soul.
O God, your holy name be praised.
Amen.

Each day tells the other
my life is but a journey
to great and endless life.
O sweetness of eternity,
may my heart grow to love thee;
my home is not in time’s strife.

Tersteegen

P
RAYERS IN TIME OF
D
ISTRESS

O Lord God,
great distress has come upon me;
my cares threaten to crush me,
and I do not know what to do.
O God, be gracious to me and help me.
Give me strength to bear what you send,
and do not let fear rule over me;
Take a father’s care of my wife and children.

O merciful God,
forgive me all the sins that I have committed
against you and against my fellow men.
I trust in your grace
and commit my life wholly into your hands.
Do with me according to your will
and as is best for me.
Whether I live or die, I am with you,
and you, my God, are with me.
Lord, I wait for your salvation and for
your kingdom.
Amen.