Letters and Papers From Prison (5 page)

Good Friday was Maria’s birthday. If I didn’t know how bravely she bore the death of her father, her brother and two cousins of whom she was particularly fond, last year, I would be really alarmed about her. Now Easter will comfort her, her large family will be there to support her, and her work in the Red Cross will occupy all her time. Give her my love, tell her that I long for her very much, but that she is not to grieve, but to be as brave as she has always been. She is still so very young - that is the hard thing.

First of all, I must thank you very much for all the things that you brought me and for father’s and Ursel’s greetings. You can’t
imagine what it means to be suddenly told: ‘Your mother and sister and brother have just been here, and they’ve left something for you.’ The mere fact that you have been near me, the tangible evidence that you are still thinking and caring about me (which of” course I really know anyway!) is enough to keep me happy for the rest of the day. Thank you very much indeed for everything.

Things are still all right, and I am well. I’m allowed out of doors for half an hour every day, and now that I can smoke again, I even forget sometimes, for a little while, where I am! I’m being treated well, and I read a good deal - newspapers, novels, and above all the Bible. I can’t concentrate enough yet for serious work, but during Holy Week I at last managed to work solidly through a part of the passion story that has occupied me a great deal for a long time - the high-priestly prayer. I’ve even been able to expound to myself a few chapters of Pauline ethical material; I felt that to be very important. So I really have a great deal to be very thankful for.

How are things with you? Are you still enjoying the masses of glorious birthday flowers? What are your plans for travelling? I’m rather afraid that now you won’t be going into the Black Forest, good and necessary though that would have been. And on top of everything there are now the preparations for Renate’s wedding. I want to make it clear that it is my express wish that Ursel should not postpone the date by a single day, but should let Renate get married as soon and as happily as possible; don’t let her worry. Anything else would only distress me. Renate knows all the good wishes for her in my thoughts, and how much I share her joy. In recent years we have really learnt how much joy and sorrow can and must fill the human heart at one and the same time. So, the sooner the better. Do give her my love.

I would also very much like to know how things are with Maria’s grandmother.
¹²
Please do not conceal it from me if she has died. Maria and I have both hung on her a great deal.

Now a couple of requests: I would very much like the brown, or better still the black boots with laces. My heels are going. My suit is very much in need of cleaning; I would like to give it to you and to have the other brown one instead. I also need a hairbrush, lots of matches, a pipe with tobacco, pouch and cleaners,
and cigarettes. Books: Schilling,
Morals,
Vol. II and a volume of Stifter. Excuse me for troubling you. Many thanks.

It is surprising how quickly the days pass here. I can hardly believe that I have been here three weeks. I like going to bed at eight o’clock (supper is at four), and I look forward to my dreams. I never knew before what a source of pleasure that can be; I dream every day, and always about something pleasant. Before I go to sleep I repeat to myself the verses that I have learnt during the day, and at 6 a.m. I like to read psalms and hymns, think of you all, and know that you are thinking of me.

The day is over now, and I hope you are feeling as peaceful as I am. I’ve read a lot of good things, and my thoughts and hopes have been pleasant too. But it would put my mind very much at rest if one day Maria were quietly with you. Give this letter to her to read - and also to Renate.
¹³
I always have the short notes from father and Ursel in front of me, and I keep reading them.

Good-bye for now, and excuse all the worry that I’m causing you. Greetings to all the rest of the family. Love and thanks with all my heart,

your Dietrich

From his mother

Charlottenburg
Wednesday after Easter [28 April] 1943
25th anniversary of Walter’s death
¹⁴

My dear Dietrich,

…I was outside yesterday with Susi
¹⁵
and brought you the things. I hope I’ve sent roughly what you wanted. You must see that you keep your strength up, too. We’ve just had a letter from you, and are eagerly waiting for the next. It all happened too suddenly. Who would have thought it possible that such a thing could happen to you! We are trying to get rid of our old idea that being in prison is a disgrace; it makes life unnecessarily difficult. We have to realize that in our difficult times a good deal of mistrust influences people’s opinions of a man; it may be very difficult to avoid it. But we are convinced that when you hear the charges that
are laid against you, you will be in a position to exonerate yourself;

Today Ursula is at Renate’s home and is getting it ready. She is rather sad that everything cannot be as beautiful as she would like to make it. I want to go there too at the end of the week, to see how and whether I can help with some of my old things. May God continue to bless you in these hard times. Father joins me in sending his love.

Your Mother

The splendid flowers from father’s seventy-fifth birthday have now gone. So everything has its time and its end…

From Rüdiger Schleicher
¹⁶

Charlottenburg, 29 April 1943

Dear Dietrich,

Easter is over, and everyday life now has its due. We have missed you very much in the past days. We’ve chiefly been working in the garden and music has taken a back place. But it has not been absent altogether: I played quartets on Sunday evening; but that was almost all, and above all the beginning of Sunday morning didn’t really come off, because the children aren’t here.

Above all, you ought to know that our thoughts are with you. Though I know that you have strength enough to put up with all the difficulties and dangers of life, I want to tell you so once again. I hope and wish that you will be able to enjoy in freedom a spring that is becoming increasingly more beautiful.

All goes well with us. Hans-Walter
¹⁷
writes most contentedly from his aircraft radio operator’s school at Nachod. Ursel is vigorously getting ready for Renate’s wedding, which is to take place on 15 May, as I expect you already know. Hans-Walter will get leave for it. The three girls are still in Friedrichsbrunn with Bärbel, Klaus and Christoph.
¹⁸
We now expect them at the weekend; their accounts from up there were very enthusiastic.

We all send you our love. Keep well. All the best.

Ever your Rüdiger

To his parents

[Tegel] 5 April 1943
¹⁹

Dear parents,

Many thanks for the letters from mother, K. Friedrich and Rüdiger. I’m so glad that you are at ease and confident, and also that K. Friedrich can be with you frequently, I’m sure that it is good for me personally to undergo all this, and I believe that no more is laid upon any man than he can receive the strength to bear. The hardest thing for me is that you must bear the burden too, but the way in which you do it is again infinitely cheering and a great strength to me. I’m very pleased that Maria has written to you so bravely and so full of confidence. How one lives entirely on a basis of trust! Without trust, life is impoverished. I’m now learning every day how good it always was being with you; in addition, I’m learning to practise myself what I have said to other people in sermons and books.

I’ve now had four weeks in prison; and whereas I was able from the outset to accept my lot consciously, I’m now getting used to it in a kind of natural and unconscious way. That is a relief, but it raises problems of its own, for one rightly does not want to get used to being in this position; I think you will feel the same way about it.

You want to know more about my life here. To picture a cell does not need much imagination - the less you use, the nearer the mark you will be. At Easter the
Deutsche Allgemeine Zeitung
²⁰
brought out a reproduction from Dürer’s
Apocalypse,
which I pinned up on the wall; and some of Maria’s primulas are still here too. Our day lasts fourteen hours, of which I spend about three walking up and down the cell- several kilometres a day, besides half an hour in the yard. I read, learn, and work. I particularly enjoyed reading Gotthelf again, with his clear, wholesome, serene style. I’m getting on all right and keeping well.

The wedding at the Schleicher’s will soon be here now, and I won’t be able to write again before then. I’ve lately been reading in Jean Paul that ‘the only joys that can stand the fires of adversity are joys of home’. If they both understand that - and I think that they understand it very well- then I can see nothing but great good
fortune for this marriage, and I’m already looking forward one day to sharing the joys of their home. Very soon, they ought to read together Jeremias Gotthelf’s
Money and Spirit;
it is better than any speeches I could give them. I would like to give them the spinet, which already half belongs to them, and also, as I’ve already said to Ursel, my contribution to the piano, as much as they need. I hope they will get it soon. I wish them a very happy day with all my heart and will be there with them with many happy thoughts and wishes. I would so like it if they in turn could think of me only with happy thoughts, memories and hopes. Precisely at the time when one is having rather hard personal experiences, one can ensure that the real joys of life - and a wedding is certainly one of those - keep their due proportions. Here in the quietness I hope: that one day we shall all be together to celebrate my and Maria’s wedding day - when? At the moment that seems fanciful, but it’s a splendid hope and a great one. It’s all rather a lot for Ursel; how much I would like to help her move and plan. Now she has all the trouble over me on top of everything else. Much love to everyone at home, and especially to the happy couple. Congratulations to the Schleicher parents on their twentieth wedding anniversary.
²¹
They ought to take a couple of photographs!

Now once again thanks for everything that you brought, for all your trouble, consideration and love - Wednesday is always such a specially good day, and how I look forward to it! - and a few requests: a clothes brush, mirror, towel, face-cloth, and if it keeps being so cold (it seems to be warmer today) a warm shirt and long socks; also Holl,
Church History,
the volume on the West, and something to smoke, whatever is going, and some matches. I don’t understand, either, why you can’t find my suit and jacket.

I suppose that everyone now knows about the engagement. But it’s still in the family? According to my count ‘the immediate family’ on both sides adds up to more than eighty people, so it will probably not remain a secret for long. My main concern is to observe Maria’s mother’s wishes. Special thanks to Maria for her greetings. It’s splendid that things are better with her grandmother; she, too, has a heavy burden to bear with five sons and grandsons killed and seven still out there. Special greetings to her; I’m sure
she’s thinking of me. Unfortunately I won’t be able to thank aunt Elisabeth
²²
for the Bach cantatas. Please remember me to her as well.

I often think here of that lovely song of Hugo Wolf’s, which we have sung several times lately:

Über Nacht,
ü
ber Nacht kommt Freud und Leid
undeh’ du’s gedacht, verlassen dich beid’,
und gehen dem Herren zu sagen,
wie du sie getragen.
²³

It all turns on that ‘how’, which is more important than anything that happens to you from outside. It allays all the anxieties about the future which sometimes torment us. Thank you again very much for remembering me every day, and for all that you are doing and putting up with on my account. My best wishes to the family and friends. Tell Renate to have a really happy wedding with no sad thoughts, and to rest assured that even here I can join in all her happiness. I’m allowed to send the next letter on the 15th, so I shall be writing on the day before the wedding.

By the way, if I’m here on Wednesday, I will give you the dirty washing straight away, otherwise it has to wait here a whole week. I always have to be present when your parcel is unpacked.

I hope that every worry will soon be removed from you and all of us. With all my heart,

your grateful Dietrich

I’ve just heard that one of my sisters has been here with the parcel. Once again, many thanks. I see from the contents that my letter of the 25th has still not reached you; I’m very sorry for your sakes. But probably it often takes a long time. Write often! The cigars seem to come from Stettin.
²⁴
Many thanks.

To Hans von Dohnanyi

[Tegel] 5 April 1943
²⁵

My dear Hans,

Your letter so surprised, delighted and moved me that I could not refrain, at the very least, from attempting to reply to it. Whether
this letter reaches you does not lie within my power; but I hope it fervently. For you must know that there is not even an atom of reproach or bitterness in me about what has befallen the two of us. Such things come from God and from him alone, and I know that I am one with you and Christel in believing that before him there can only be subjection, perseverance, patience - and gratitude. So every question ‘Why?’ falls silent, because it has found its answer. Until recently, until father’s seventy-fifth birthday, we have been able to enjoy so many good things together that it would be almost presumptuous were we not also ready to accept hardship quietly, bravely - and also really gratefully. I know that it is more difficult for you because of Christel and the children; but I know Christel well enough to be troubled only for a moment over her inner disposition; her one wish will be that you do not worry about her. I now want you to know - not to burden you, but simply to delight you and to enable you to share my joy - that since January I have been engaged to Maria von Wedemeyer. Because of the deaths of her father and brother, it was not to be mentioned until the summer, and I was only to tell my parents. It’s a severe trial for Maria, but mother writes that she is brave, cheerful and confident, so that is a very great encouragement to me. I am convinced that this experience is good for the two of us, even if it is still so incomprehensible. So rejoice with me!