Letters to Matt (25 page)

Sophie walks back into the living room in her pajamas and a towel wrapped around her head. She’s got a brush in her hand. I glance at her in confusion when she holds the brush out to me.

“Will you brush my hair like you did when I was little?” she asks.

I feel tears in my eyes. “Of course, baby.”

She sits down on the floor in front of me. I pull the towel from her hair and start.

“Mom,” she says so quietly I’m almost not sure if she said anything. “Do you mind if I close my eyes and pretend it’s Dad?”

I choke up slightly before answering. “Of course not.”

We sit in comfortable silence while I brush every tangle out of her wet hair. This was one of our favorite things when she was little. I missed it when she decided she was old enough to do it on her own.

When I’m done, she tells me she’s going to her room to read a little before bed. I get up and put the box of letters away before settling in to watch TV. A few hours later, on my way to my own bed, I notice Sophie’s light on. I step into her room and find her curled up and sound asleep. I stare at her for a few moments, letting it wash over me how truly lucky I am.

I move to turn off the light when I notice a piece of paper on the table. I pick it up, thinking it must be her Valedictorian speech. I quickly realize it’s something totally different.

Dear Dad,

Mom showed me all of your old letters tonight. And she showed me the ones she wrote to you. They made me sad, but at the same time they gave me hope. I can only wish to one day have a love as epic as the one you shared. The care and admiration you had for each other is inspiring. It makes me sad that you passed before I was born. I would have been so lucky to have witnessed it firsthand.

Even more than that, I know I would have been the luckiest person on the planet to have two parents as amazing as you and Mom. I’m not bitter, though. I know I’m still pretty blessed to have Mom. She has always been amazing and everything I need. She’s been a friend, someone I could cry to, someone who whipped my butt into shape when I needed it. I know there were times when she thought she couldn’t do it without you, but she’s stronger than she ever realized.

I’m graduating high school tomorrow. I’m sad that you won’t be there, but I know you’ll be watching over me from wherever you are. I hope I’ve made you and Mom proud. I’m only the best version of myself I know how to be. I hope it’s enough. When Mom looks at me with pride in her eyes, I feel like it is.

I’m sorry you weren’t here for everything in my life. It doesn’t seem fair that you weren’t able to be a part of our lives when you clearly loved us so much. I know some people might feel sorry for me because I never got to meet you, but I honestly feel like I’m the luckiest person ever. I’ve had an amazing life. Mom made sure of that. You affected so many people and, in turn, they passed on the lessons you taught them.

I just wanted to write and let you know that Mom and I are doing very well. We have each other and we have an amazing group of family and friends that you left behind. So, thank you for making sure we were in good hands. I know you’re our guardian angel and that you’ve been watching over us all these years.

Love, Sophie

Tears prick my eyes as I read the letter. Sophie is right. Matt may have left us physically, but he was always watching over us, protecting us. I read the letter again before setting it back on the table. After turning off the lamp, I turn to my daughter. Leaning down, I press a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you, Sophie Rhea.”

Pain. Darkness. These are the two things I’m most aware of. And there’s some incessant beeping that I really wish would stop. I’m trying to process where I am, but there’s a fog on my brain that just won’t lift. It feels like I’ve been asleep forever. I try to remember going to bed, but I can’t.

Suddenly, all at once, the dream comes back to me. At least I think it was a dream. It felt so real and was so vivid. As I try to process the strangeness of it all, I’m aware of a hand in mine. I open my eyes and take in the clean hospital room. Why am I in a hospital? I don’t remember anything. At least that explains the beeping. I remember the hand in mine and glance down. A diamond ring shines on the ring finger. I follow the arm to see a mess of hair laying on my stomach. I reach my hand out and brush it behind a beautiful ear.

“Jaden?” I question. “Jaden, sweetie, wake up.”

Her beautiful eyes flutter slowly before a look of excitement flashes across her face.

“Matt?” she asks. “You’re awake.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

She suddenly shoots up, hugging me tightly. “You’re awake!” she cries. Her sobs wrack her body, and I run my hand over her back.

“Shh,” I soothe. “It’s okay, Jaden. I’m here.”

“I thought I lost you,” she says into my chest.

“You could never lose me,” I tell her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She stands up, reaching for the call button. “I have to get the nurses. And our parents are in the cafeteria. They’ll want to know you’re awake.”

“Hang on,” I say, grabbing her hand. “Don’t call them just yet. I want a couple of minutes with you.”

“Okay,” she says, tears shining in her eyes. “Is there anything I can get you? Some water, maybe?”

“Water would be great.”

She pours me a glass as I sit up slightly. After handing it to me, she sits next to me on the bed.

“What happened? Why am I in the hospital?”

Sympathy shows in her eyes. “You don’t remember?”

I shake my head, setting the glass of water down on the table next to me.

“We were in an accident. We were on our way to get ice cream and an SUV ran a stop sign and hit us. You’ve been out for almost a week.”

“A car accident,” I repeat. Suddenly, my main concern is her and the baby. “Are you okay? How’s the baby?”

“The baby’s fine. And I’m okay, too. I was just so scared that you weren’t going to wake up. It was touch and go for a while. And then they got you stable, but you just wouldn’t wake up.”

Tears form in her eyes again. I reach up to wipe them away.

“Some asshole in an SUV can’t take you away from me,” I assure her. Then the dream comes flooding back to me again. “I want you to promise me some things,” I say.

“Anything, Matt. I’d do anything for you.”

“Okay, first off, we have to name the baby Sophie Rhea.”

She nods her head. She’d been fighting me tooth and nail on this for weeks, but this time she gave in without hesitation. “Sophie Rhea is a beautiful name.”

“There’s more,” I say. “You’re going to work at Marty’s bar. My dad’s friends with him and I’m sure there won’t be any problem getting you a job. Then you’re going to school to be a nurse.” She looks at me, confused. “I saw the brochures on your table. I know you weren’t sure what you wanted to go to school for, but I think you’d make a wonderful nurse. So you’re going to school for it. And you definitely will not be kissing any guys named Cole.”

That last one throws her off and she arches an eyebrow at me. “Who’s Cole?”

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is I’m still here and I’m not leaving you. Ever.”

She lets herself collapse into a wave of tears again and falls back onto my chest. I hold her tight as she cries and a few tears escape myself. I cry because I was given this second chance. That dream showed me just what everyone would have gone through if my life had gone on without them. It breaks my heart knowing how close I was to missing everything. I almost missed my daughter’s life. I almost missed a lifetime of happiness with Jaden. My friends and family almost lost me. I make myself a promise to enjoy every second of this new life I have been granted.

I love Jaden and our baby with all of my heart. I don’t know what pains me more; the thought that I could have lost them in the crash or that they could have lost me. I don’t want to think about either anymore. Everyone is alive and okay. And that’s all that matters.

Jaden sits up and composes herself. “I really should call the nurse now,” she says. “And everyone will want to know you’re awake.”

She presses the call button. When the nurse walks in, Jaden gives me a kiss on the lips before walking out to the hallway with her cellphone in her hand.

Not five minutes after Jaden leaves the room, my mom is bursting through the door like the
KoolAid Man
. She crosses the room faster than I even thought possible and her arms are thrown tightly around my neck before I can say “hello.” I can feel her tears on my neck and she keeps muttering, “Thank God. Oh, thank God. My sweet boy.”

Truth be told, it makes me want to cry knowing how close we came to never sharing a hug again. I wrap my arms around her shoulders. It’s an awkward hug, but I never want to let go, so we stay like that for a bit until our odd angle makes it difficult to breathe.

“Mom,” I say softly, “you’re kind of crushing me. I can’t breathe.”

She pulls back and holds my face in her hands. “I thought we lost you. Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”

“I’ll try my best,” I say.

“I mean it,” she demands. “I’m never letting you out of my sight.” She throws herself down in another chest-crushing embrace.

I glance up to see Jaden, her parents, and Dad looking at us with smiles and tears in their eyes. Dad steps forward.

“All right, Connie, let the boy breathe.”

Mom finally lets me go and steps back. Dad claps his hand on my shoulder. He was never the touchy feely type. I could count on one hand the number of hugs he’s given me growing up. So when he leans down and wraps his arms around me, I’m taken aback. And when I hear him sniffle in my ear, I nearly lose it. I’ve never seen my dad cry. Never.

He pulls back and claps his hand on my shoulder again. “We’re so glad you’re okay, son.”

Lydia and Trevor move closer to the bed. It’s easy to see that Lydia is trying to hold it together. She reaches out and sets her hand on my face. I look into her eyes. She and Jaden have the same shade of green eyes. Her voice quivers as she speaks, and it puts a lump in my throat.

“Thank you for pulling through.”

I know she’s not thanking me for her, though. She’s thanking me for Jaden, and for our baby, and for my parents and sisters, and all my friends. I can’t say anything, so I give a slight nod. A small, sad smile graces her lips and she tousles my hair before stepping to the side. Trevor grabs my hand and shakes it. He doesn’t say anything, but we nod at each other. He grabs his wife’s hand and they go to stand back by the door.

I glance up to see Mom and Jaden standing by some chairs in the room. Mom has her arm wrapped around Jaden and the sight of them together warms my heart. I remember how amazing Mom was toward Jaden in my dream. I have no doubt they would have had a strong relationship even if I wasn’t here.

Jaden’s phone goes off and she checks it. Her lips form into a smile and it’s the prettiest damn thing I’ve ever seen. I would do anything to make sure that smile never left her face. I could see that smile for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it. And now I have the chance to do just that.

“That was Mandy,” Jaden tells us. “She’s currently in the process of kidnapping Destinee, Adam, Nadine, and Mitch to bring them all to the hospital.”

“That sounds like Mandy,” I admit with a laugh. I get a rush at the thought of seeing all my friends again. And as eighteen-year-olds. They all kept getting older in the dream.

Small talk fills the room while we wait. Mom calls our neighbor to tell them Dad would be by after a while to pick up the girls.

A few minutes later, we hear Mandy’s voice.

“It’s room 217.”

“No, the nurse said 216,” Mitch countered.

I smile at the sound of my friends.

“No. 217.”

“Babe, it’s 216,” Destinee tries to reason with her girlfriend.

“God, you’re all deaf.”

“Should we go out there and get them?” Mom asks, knowing Mandy is about to lead them to the wrong room.

Before anyone can answer, we hear, “The party has arrived! Oh, shit. I am so so sorry.”

My friends erupt in laughter while those of us in the room chuckle. Jaden pokes her head out the door. “Wrong room, Mandy.”

“Oops!” she says with a laugh. “But they smiled at me, so I think it’s okay.”

It’s a blur of hugs and crying for the next few minutes. Mitch stands back and talks to my dad, waiting patiently. Suddenly, a nurse comes in and tells everyone that only two visitors are allowed at once. Mom and Lydia work on ushering everyone out until it’s just me and Mitch.

“You look like shit,” he says once Jaden closes the door behind her.

“I’ve been in a coma for a week. What’s your excuse?” I counter with a laugh.

He laughs and a half sob escapes out of the sound. He walks closer to the bed.

“You scared the shit out of us, dude.” I bow my head, unsure of what to say. “How you feeling?”

I look up and smile. “I’ve never felt better,” I say honestly.

“Well,” Mitch begins, “I’m glad you pulled through. Because you know I totally would have snatched up Jaden if you’d left us.”

I laugh. “Yeah, like she’d have a dipshit like you.”

“Hey, she’s marrying you, so obviously her standards aren’t that high.”

I smile, enjoying our little banter. “I’m so glad I stuck around so I can continue being harassed by you for the rest of my life.”

A sad look crosses Mitch’s eyes. “I’m glad, too.”

Just then, there’s a knock on the door. Mom sticks her head in. “Dad’s back with the girls. Want me to send them in?”

Mitch nods his head for me. “Yeah, let Matt see his sisters.”

I thank Mitch with a nod. He smiles at me before crossing the room to the door. As soon as Mitch opens the door more to walk out, Madison and Mack come charging in. They climb on the bed and squeeze me tightly while I fight back tears. I don’t want to upset them. I wrap my arms around their tiny bodies and relish in their giggles.

“You took a very long nap, Matt,” Madison says as they pull back.

“I know, Madison. I was really tired.”

“Mommy said you and Jaden were in a car accident and that you got hurt and it made you really tired,” Mack says.

“I was really tired,” I tell the girls. “But I’m much better now. Nothing can ever happen to me. I have to be your big brother for life.”

The rest of the day is a blur. More people show up. My friends and family refuse to leave. People are constantly in and out of the room. It’s complete chaos, but I’m thankful for it.

My favorite part of the day, though, is when everyone else has gone home. Lydia and Trevor tried to convince Jaden to go with them, but she refused. I’m kind of glad she did. At the same time, she looks like hell. She looks like she hasn’t slept in a week. I’ll make sure she gets plenty of rest tonight.

Jaden curls up in bed with me.

“They said they want to keep me tonight just for observation, but I should be free to go home tomorrow,” I tell her.

“I know. That’s what your mom said. But I just couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”

“I love you, Jaden.”

“I love you, too, Matt.”

She lets out a yawn.

“Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”

She shakes her head against my shoulder. “I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to miss a single moment with you. A week was long enough.”

I chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere. Now close your eyes and go to sleep. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Mmmkay,” she agrees, already drifting off to sleep.

I wait for her soft snores before tightening my arms around her and letting my own eyes fall closed. Right before falling asleep, I remind myself how lucky I am to be engaged to such a beautiful woman carrying my child.