Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (3 page)

She landed at the base of
the stairs and I carefully gathered her in my arms. “Cassidy, baby
are you hurt?” She wasn’t moving or responding to me. No, no,
no.

“
James, be careful. You
shouldn’t move her.” Melissa was running down the stairs toward
us.

I glared at her, “What did
you do?” Looking back down to my angel I pleaded with her, “Talk to
me, Blackbird.”

“
James, her purse was
stuck, I was trying to help. I promise I didn’t…” Tears were
forming in Melissa’s eyes as she shook her head. I knew she hadn’t
done anything malicious, I was just lashing out.

“
She’s unconscious. What
do I do?”

Melissa reached into my
jacket pocket, took my phone and called 911. I listened as she
talked to the operator on the other end. “She’s breathing. Wait, I
think she’s waking up.”

I was stroking the hair
back from her face as her eyes fluttered. Groaning, she reached for
her head as she made eye contact with me. I knew in that moment
that I couldn’t lose her. Cassidy winced and latched on to her
abdomen.

“
James, the
baby.”

Her words were like a punch
to the gut. The baby? What baby? The tears that had begun to fill
my own eyes dissipated as I looked up to Melissa. She stepped away
and relayed the message to the operator.

Looking back down to
Cassidy, I asked, “What are you talking about?”

She started sobbing as she
cried out, “I’m pregnant James, and I had to tell you. That’s why I
came here.” She spotted Melissa then, almost like she hadn’t
realized she was there before. NO, NO, NO. Her eyes darted between
the two of us.

“
Cassidy, it’s not what
you think.”

“
I think that I’m a fool.”
Her eyes left mine as she winced again, trying to move. “I need to
get out of here.”

“
You’re not going
anywhere, but to the hospital.”

Could it be true? Was she
really pregnant? My heart sped up at the thought of having a child
with her. If she thought I was overbearing before, God help
her.

I managed to keep her
relatively still until the paramedics came. She wouldn’t speak to
me and Melissa had vanished upstairs, and returned, dressed, before
they wheeled Cassidy out of the hotel.

I was about to climb into
the ambulance with her when she refused. “No. You’re not riding
with me.”

“
Cassidy.” I looked to the
paramedic and proclaimed, “I’m her husband.”

“
We’re separated!” She
looked to something, more like someone, behind me and I followed
her gaze. “You’re a whore.” Looking back to me, she choked out, “I
hate you.”

Melissa hadn’t flinched at
Cassidy’s words, but I had. She then handed me Cassidy’s purse, the
broken strap dangling, before heading back into the
hotel.

“
Maybe it’s best if you
follow behind.” I nodded at the paramedic and handed him the purse
and watched as he set it on Cassidy’s stretcher.

I watched as she pulled
away in the ambulance. She would never hear me out, but I had to
try to find a way. Jane. Jane would listen to me and Cassidy would
listen to her. She had to. I ran across the street and jumped into
my truck, which sat in the parking garage, and started to dial
Jane, but decided to wait.

When I got to the hospital,
Cassidy still wouldn’t let me stay with her. She’d insisted that I
call Jane, but wouldn’t say another word to me. Stepping outside, I
did just that. I called Jane and told her what had happened. Jane
confirmed that Cassidy was pregnant, but I still couldn’t process
it. Why the hell did Jane know and not me? Jane found me in the
lobby a short time later and asked me some questions.

Sighing, she resigned,
“I’ll go back and talk to her. Wait here.”

Waiting wasn’t something I
wanted to do. She had five minutes and I was going back there,
whether they liked it or not. Security would have to throw me off
the premises.

Was she really pregnant? I
couldn’t wrap my head around the idea. How long had she known? When
had it happened? I mentally chastised myself, because the last few
times we’d been together, I’d left her before morning. I knew that
was a hard limit for her, she’d said so herself. But I wasn’t
prepared to unveil all my secrets to her, while she was awake, and
that’s what I wanted to do. Staring upon her, asleep and sated, I
would talk to her about my demons, unbeknownst to her. I was
pushing my luck because I knew eventually she’d feign sleep and
hear my secrets, if she hadn’t already.

I looked at my watch for
the third time. Time’s up. Tough shit. I was done waiting. I made
my way back to her curtain, which was closed and poked my head in.
There was a nurse, doctor, Jane and Cassidy. Her belly was exposed
and they were all staring at a small screen.

“
There’s your
baby.”

Cassidy let out a heavy
breath as I asked, “It’s true?” The doctor dared to question who I
was and I defensively responded that I was her husband.

Nodding, he pushed a few
buttons and the oddest sound filled the air. “And that is your
baby’s heartbeat.”

The doctor said he was
going to release her, but Cassidy still wouldn’t talk to me. Jane
and I stepped outside where Jane proceeded to cuss me out. I told
her the truth, that there was nothing going on between Melissa and
me. She was nothing more than a roommate. Jane seemed hesitant to
believe me, but that wasn’t my concern.

Before I could even fathom
what was happening, Paul’s voice filled the air around me.
“You son of a bitch.” Jane and I turned toward
Paul’s voice as his fists met with my chest. “She’s pregnant! What
did you do?”

Shoving him back, I
bellowed, “I didn’t do anything. Why are YOU here?” Did he really
think I was capable of hurting her?

“
She called me
crying.”

Jane tried stepping between
us, ordering, “You guys, stop.”

“
What’s going
on?”

Cassidy walked up to us
with her discharge papers in hand. Paul rushed to her side and
asked her something, but I didn’t hear what was said. My thoughts
became strewn as my temper boiled over at the sight of his hands on
her. She didn’t shrug him off and even leaned into him.

Doubt coursed through me
and the words left my lips before I could stop them. “Is it even my
baby?” Who was the fool? Me or Cassidy or Paul? Cassidy challenged
me with her eyes before I lied and stated, “It’s good to know I’m
not the only one fucking around.”

Paul was beet red. He went
to step forward and Cassidy grabbed his arm to stop him. “Well, at
least we understand each other.”

Stubborn fucking woman.
Something in her eyes hardened and I believed for a moment that she
was lying. She was just being obstinate and wanted to hurt me like
I’d hurt her. All thoughts of the baby were pushed aside. Well,
fuck her and fuck them if they thought they could play me, whether
they were lying or not. I had to leave, not just the premises, the
city. Hell, maybe I needed to leave the state. I needed to
decompress and sort out my thoughts before my anger took over and
someone got hurt.

Storming off I went home
and packed my bags. I didn’t leave a note for anyone and Melissa
wasn’t around when I got there. I would find out later that Melissa
had moved to the hotel room down the hall while I was at the
hospital with Cassidy. Before I headed down to my truck, with my
bags packed, I called Cassidy. It rang and rang before going to
voicemail. Trying one more time, I was sent to voicemail after two
rings. Point taken. Who was I kidding? No one would miss me,
anyways.

~ PAUL ~

When we got back to her
place, after the scene at the hospital, she went straight upstairs.
We hadn’t spoken on the way home.
His
ringtone began to play through
the air and I spotted her purse on the table by the door. She came
walking down the stairs in lounge pants and a sweatshirt when the
phone began ringing again. Pulling it out of her purse, she hit
ignore and sent him to voicemail before turning her phone
off.

A couple nights later,
Cassidy was quiet and distant, which didn’t surprise me. I’d packed
a few things and was staying in her spare room which also served as
a small home gym. I didn’t want her to be alone. The doctors had
told her to take it easy, that there was still a chance she could
lose the baby.

It hadn’t even been a full
forty-eight hours and no one had seen or heard from James. Smith
said we shouldn’t worry, that he’d be back. Cassidy was upstairs
taking a nap and I was eating a sandwich on the couch. I heard the
faint sound of her footsteps up above. She was in the
bathroom.

I didn’t think anything of
it until I heard her cries fill the air. “Paul!” Dropping the
sandwich to the plate sitting on the coffee table, I ran upstairs.
I found her huddled on the bathroom floor. “It’s gone, the baby’s
gone.”

“
What are you talking
about?”

She stood up, with some
help from me, “Please, take me to hospital.” I just nodded my head
as she slipped on some shoes.

We were headed back to her
place a couple of hours later. The doctors had confirmed that she
had lost the baby after all. I tucked her into bed that night and
kissed her forehead. What could I possibly say or do to make it
better for her? James should have been there with her, not me. Even
I knew that. I also knew the pain of losing a child, but I imagined
it must be different for a woman.

She grabbed my hand as I
started to walk away. “Please, stay. I don’t want to be
alone.”

Nodding, I kicked off my
shoes, shirt and climbed under the covers with her, leaving my
pants on. There was nothing romantic about what happened. She was
in pain and if my presence next to her helped, then I was willing
to do it.

“
Thank you for being
here.”

“
I’ll always be here.
Whatever you need, anything you want, you can count on
me.”

~ CASSIDY ~

That Friday, after my
miscarriage, I was headed to Cal and Jane’s for our usual pizza
night. When I pulled up I recognized several different vehicles.
Smith and Paul were both there, a patrol car and Cal’s truck. I
couldn’t even imagine what was going on, not after the months of
bullshit we’d all been through.

Walking in the door, the
conversation was heated and flowing, my presence
unnoticed.

“
It’s been a week since
anyone has seen or heard from him. Something’s wrong.” Jane was
upset. Paul and Cal seemed disinterested as Jane glared at them.
“What is wrong with you two? He could be in trouble!”

Smith chimed in, “Has
anyone talked to Annie?” When no one said that they had, he added,
“I’m calling Annie. This isn’t the first time he’s
disappeared.”

James. They had to be
talking about James. “He’s missing?” All eyes were staring at me
and it was the only answer I needed. “Since when?”

Jane walked over to me, “No
one has heard from him since last Friday, at the hos…”

Cutting her off, “Why am I
just now hearing about this?”

“
Well, with everything
else going on, I didn’t want to worry you.”

Jane was sweet, but it was
just pissing me off. My husband was missing! “So, NOBODY has heard
from him?”

Frank, who I hadn’t noticed
until then, came over. “Cassidy, have you heard from him? Anything?
A text, a call?”

My breath caught and I
placed my hand on my chest. “Oh, God.” The emotions started seeping
up to my chest as I tried to control my voice. Smith interjected
then that Annie was on her way over. “He called me that night,
twice. I ignored it.”

Cal then asked, “Did he
leave you a voicemail?”

“
No.”

“
With everything going on
between the two of you. I can’t believe he just up and left. Wait,
yes I can.”

“
Cal, please.” Jane was
trying to calm him down when Frank, who was clearly on duty, asked
what ‘everything’ was.

“
It’s personal,
Frank.”

“
That’s why it’s important
you tell me. I’m trying to help, Cassidy.”

“
I’m pregnant, I was.” The
look on his face wasn’t lost on me. Paul disappeared outside and
Smith just looked at me dumbfounded. He hadn’t known. “I lost the
baby. He doesn’t know.”

“
Doesn’t know what? That
you…”

“
That I lost the baby.”
Jane sat down next to me and tried consoling me as I continued
disclosing information to Frank that I didn’t want to. “He found
out that day, last Friday.” The real fear penetrated my soul. “Dan,
what about Dan? What if Dan got to him?”

“
There’s been no further
reports of him in the area.”

“
Yeah, but what
if…”

“
If Dan was involved, we’d
know. Dan would want us to know.”

“
This is my
fault.”

“
This ISN’T your fault,
Cass. Don’t you dare blame yourself for this! This is on James.” I
loved my brother, even when I didn’t want him to be
right.