Letting Go (Rock Romance #6) (7 page)

A Sample from Rock Notes

By Renee Lee Fisher

C
hapter One – Meeting

I
am in a new part of my life, driving through an early spring day, air thick with falling petals swirling about. I think back to where I was months ago and I remember my marriage ending. It was a horrible cycle of emotions for me, first came so many tears and pain. Then I had so many questions as to why was I suddenly replaced with a woman that he hired to work in his office. I thought we had a solid and secure relationship. His walking away from me was staggering. I then suffered loss of self esteem and later I found anger which was hard for me to release, I kept so much inside. I still carry with me a self-doubt. I’m not sure I can rely on my judgment enough to trust any future partner. My husband ending our marriage knocked me down, but each new road I travel, I will get stronger. I turn on the radio to hear something to sway my mood. The music immediately takes me away on a journey as I travel briefly from traffic light to traffic light through town. Seems like the changing of the light pattern is in a sequence of musical themes like the chorus repeating over and over, red – yellow – green. Go – it is now time for me to go and begin my journey writing about the band. Conveying through my words their passion, their singing, and their playing to becoming seasoned musicians. I follow all the traffic to the concert this evening.

This is my story
Rock Notes
.

“Max, Max, Max Rand excuse me, do you have a moment to talk to me?” I closed in on the far corner of the stage. I had purchased a front row ticket to this evening’s local concert to take in tunes and set myself up for the possibility of conversation. “I know you don’t know who I am so let me introduce myself. I am Madison Tierney, call me Madison or Maddy. I am a freelance creative writer, once a columnist and now I’m writing a book titled, “Rock Notes” which I follow a band in depth, and I’d like that to be your band “Rolling Isaac’s.” I didn’t want to intrude on his time, so I simply said, “I know you have so many young ladies wanting you to sign autographs and their bodies,” I smiled and continued to talk in a confident manner, “but I just wanted to give you my business card in case we can speak in the near future or have your band representation contact me.”

Looking up at Max and his combination of youthful and mature yet awesome, truly awesome good looks, I shouted out “Oh and I thought the show was great.” I beamed about it trying to remain calm, as I was more mature, rather than getting all flustered by a mere young band playing.

Max looked me over from his vantage point above and smiled a kind brim and nodded. I drank in all his chiseled features and his dark chocolate, delicious hair that had tousled all over during the concert, looking very sexy like he had been rolling in bed for hours. It was then that he turned slightly to jump down and he placed his stunning, well built arms on the edge of the stage and the tattoo under his sleeve peeked briefly through. He was wearing a tight white long sleeve tee pushed up onto his forearms, and he was completely soaked with his sweet sweat from singing to the crowd. I wasn’t certain what was inked on him but I knew it drew me in. It was colorful and his tee shirt sleeve was stuck to him. I could see his firm, fit stomach also as the tee clung to his torso. I looked up, startled to see he was now standing in front of me and still smiling tenderly. He took my hand gently and slightly slid his finger over my finger tip as sensation ran through me, it was only for him to take the business card but it left me sort of out of breath, scattered my thoughts for a moment. His eyes pulled me in like an inviting Caribbean ocean, they were a deep tropical blue and his dark eyelashes swept over them. I had to rethink and tell my body to blink as I was captivated. I thanked him and hoped to hear from him and as he walked back I stood and stared at his tall frame and truly awesome body…he did not turn around. I went to finally leave when my feet would allow me to move them and I glanced back to take in the entire empty, darkened stage only to see him leaning on the far side and sending a smile and wink my way. I looked around to see if it was meant for someone else and then back to him where he laughed and nodded his head to me.

I walked to my car and thought about Max Rand and our brief meeting and I was concerned about my attire for some odd reason…as it took me hours to decide earlier what to put together which was very unlike me. It was like taking time to prep for a date. I kept reselecting pieces from my closet to make me look a bit more hip and trendy. Finally I had chosen simple jeans, black boots and a black top with open shoulder areas. The appliqué on the shirt was a striking detailed cross with hearts that seemed to dance across the top and wrap to the back, almost like a hug, I added a black gem belt. Checking my look in the mirror, I was content and headed to the concert. I was just about to take hold of the car handle when my cell phone sounded, its timing making me think I set off my car alarm. I reached into my pocket and was surprised to read:

I watched your nervous smile, and caught a glimpse of the top you wore, one of my inks looks like it. I sing yes, but I am also believe it or not, involved in the band’s representation…can we continue our conversation at a quiet space tomorrow? Max Rand

I fumbled for a reply to him, could this actually be happening, he was contacting me in mere moments? I sent him a voice text as a reply –

Yes, sure. Under my breath I said absolutely.

That was so stupid of me, an adult to say yes, sure, and he probably heard me say absolutely…what was I thinking, I had to be in control of this proposal for my writing and I should not feel like a school girl, shy and nervous, my phone sounded again.

I can meet you in Philly. There’s a coffee house there. It’s the 2nd Street Coffee Café. I began in the biz there and I hang out there upstairs. Meet you at two o’clock. The address is the name. I got the first cup.

Wow was this really happening, I decided to take control of my life for once and go after the stories I wanted to write and now I was going to possibly have my foot in the door per se. I replied:

Sounds great…I’ll be there

Of course I would be there. That is all that I could say to him without sounding too over anxious. I smiled to myself and opened my car and positioned myself behind the wheel ready to start to take control of my life.

I drove out of the city skyline to my townhouse. I had just begun to make it my new home over the past few months. The collapse of my marriage was devastating. My husband of ten years, Thomas, came to an epiphany that he just wasn’t in love with me anymore. He had taken me to bed and poured his heart out about how we were soul mates and destined to be together in the end, but there was something missing for him. As we made love that evening trying, I thought, to save or recapture what he felt he was lacking, I was unaware that this was his goodbye to me. He held me in his arms until dawn, but when I awoke he had left and moved out. I broke down and since I was always the one in the shadows of him, I had no real confidence to stand alone or walk tall. I was lost and lacked all confidence in my ability to love another. I didn’t find out right away, but the dark, ugly truth eventually made it out into the open. The fact was that Thomas found someone else, but apparently did not want to come right out and tell me that himself.

We met in college, as I was deciding to be an English Major to write or do something like that with my degree; he had all his ducks in a row and set goals and was heading for the big business world. He had followed in his family’s steps and was soon interning with a leading financial company and heading for the top. Great pay, high-rise condo in the city, convertible automobile of the latest year and me as his wing person, just along for the ride and always in the shadows. He loved me I know but I always felt he could do better with someone showier, someone that wanted the life that he sought after. For me hanging in sweatpants and cami tops all day and writing different poems and stories was pure satisfaction. We had been in love and enjoyed so many memories together for ten years. He kept striving for the top so we put off any plans of starting a family and I was content with that as I had come from a slightly dysfunctional family that the peace and calm of just him and I was perfect.

We had a beautiful over the top wedding with all the trimmings. Thomas’s family planned it all and the only say I got was that I loved crème tea roses with dark pink edges and so on my wedding day the only thing I remember smiling at was that there were a few of my favorite flowers. I really just wanted it simple but he wanted to show the world that he was getting married, only for me to find out later that the company he was working for wanted their employees married to show a secure status and responsibility. Now I wonder if he was really in love with me or was it a business tactic.

Pulling into my driveway, I was finally reaching a comfort level in my life that took so long to get to after my breakdown. My townhome was quite comfortable with several extra rooms. One of the rooms held my desk and all my writings strewn about and another was filled with music for me to enjoy as I wrote. It also contained various art pieces, treasures I carefully selected. These rooms became a source of comfort for me, it became my tiny slice of heaven, a safety net for me to be in and feel secure.

I threw my keys on the table in the entranceway and entered my bedroom and saw all the clothing choices I picked through earlier for the evening all over the floor. I laughed at my mess and climbed up onto my bed. I reached for my notebook, tucked my knees comfortably and began to write a handwritten note for Max Rand.

Max Rand:

As I sat this evening in the front row of your Philadelphia Concert, I was all too captivated by you. I am not certain in my lifetime that you will ever read this, my first love letter to you, nor have the opportunity to read my words as I write them. I just knew that something touched me deep inside as I sat below the stage and watched you and the band begin to perform. As the show progressed I could not take my eyes from you, not in a star struck way, but I felt I was pulled in by some force to you. I know this is crazy as I had just met you but I felt I knew you for such a long time.

My heart is not in a good place right now, I still feel something tugging inside and I knew that you started that pull. Let me tell you that your blue eyes are so warming, they searched the crowd and landed on mine and I felt them envelope me. So many fans were on their feet tonight dancing and singing all the words to your songs. I sat firmly in my seat, mostly because I felt if I stood that my legs might weaken mainly due to how your passion was coming through in your music and it made me crumble.

Max, as I handed you my business card I wondered how I could love you and fall for you. It was almost love at first sight. I guess this is pretty sappy for me writing about you like this, and it feels as though I am gushing with my first never to be read love letter. This will be added to my Love Notes and be like my secret diary. For now I will await our next encounter and see what feeling comes to me at the sight of your face or the sound of your voice.

Maddy xo

My eyes tired from writing and I drifted into thought. I am not sure if I’m still awake daydreaming or if I have actually fallen asleep. I was again at the concert from this evening and as they announced the band, Rolling Isaac’s I was looking and searching to connect with Max’s eyes and there they were. He sought me out and winked and never took his deep blue eyes from me…he reached out on one song, his hand stretching toward me and almost touching me as I reached toward him. Wanting that touch, wanting that feeling…wanting a brief passing of his igniting sensation. He got on his knees and his hands were clasped around the microphone as if in prayer. He was deep in a ballad and pouring his heart into it. He looked at me and I sank, it was so very crushing, it tore at my heart.