Letting Go (Vista Falls #3) (21 page)

She whimpered as she shook her head. “This isn’t going to be good, is it? You’re not starting with some romantic declaration because you want me to know how you feel about me. You’re telling me this because you’ve done something terrible, or you’re about to, and you want me to understand.”

She knew him too well. “I made a mistake.” He covered her hands with his, knowing it might be the last time he was allowed to touch her. “I hate myself for what I did, and I’m scared to death you’re going to hate me too.” Why wouldn’t she? In her position, he’d have been filled with rage and contempt.

“What did you do?”

“I…” He cleared his throat, trying to ease into his confession. “The night my dad died, I didn’t feel like going home—”

“But I invited you to stay here.”

“I know you did, sweetheart. But I needed to be alone, to think for a while.”

“So where did you go?”

“To the inn.”

“Did you stay in our cabin?” she asked, curling her cold hands around his.

“No.” He knew this would be even harder for her to take if he’d betrayed her in a place they’d once been intimate. “I checked into the inn. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep, so I went down to the bar to have a few drinks.” He shook his head, not wanting to lie to her. “That’s not true. I wanted to get shit-faced. I started ordering doubles and didn’t stop until I could barely walk.”

Her voice was quivering when she said, “So this stupid mistake you made was getting drunk?”

Nothing could justify what he’d done to her, and he knew that. Still, he shook his head. “I started talking to a girl at the bar—someone I knew, sort of.”

“Do I know her?” she whispered.

Colt knew it would come out eventually, so he said, “Brenna.”

“Oh God. Please tell me you didn’t—”

“Listen to me, Gabby. I didn’t intend for anything to happen. I told her that as soon as she sat down—”

She pushed him back, jumping to her feet. “Just tell me what happened! And don’t you dare try to sugarcoat it!”

With his back to her, he let his head fall forward. “I… we…” He shook his head, wishing this was a nightmare he could wake up from. Gabby was the last person he’d ever wanted to hurt, yet every time she got too close to him, he destroyed her. “We slept together.” He heard her anguished cry but couldn’t bring himself to turn around. “I don’t even remember it. All I know is that we woke up naked and—”

“Get out!”

He ducked when he heard glass shatter. If things were flying, he was certainly the target. “You have every right to—”

“I said get out!”

He turned around slowly, half expecting her to clock him upside the head with a vase. But what he saw hurt so much more than a blunt object to the skull would have. She’d slid down the wall to the floor beneath the window. Tears streaked her face, and her arms were wrapped around her bent legs. He knew she wouldn’t allow him within a few feet of her, but he couldn’t leave her like this.

“I am so sorry, baby—”

“Don’t call me that,” she whispered as she bent forward, resting her head on her arms. “Don’t ever speak to me again.”

He stood immobile, watching everything he’d ever wanted slipping away and knowing he had only himself to blame. “Gabby, I just want you to know—”

“Didn’t you hear me?” She lifted her head. This time her stare was blank, her face expressionless. “I don’t ever want to speak to you again. Just get out of my life. For good this time.”

***

Sage showed up on Gabby’s doorstep thirty minutes after she’d texted her to check in. Gabby wasn’t surprised that Colt had spilled his guts to Wes first. He was probably trying to justify what he’d done to someone who
might
believe him.

“Hey,” Sage said, giving Gabby a one-armed hug when she opened the door. “I brought ice cream. Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Gabby didn’t want to eat, but she’d never needed her best friend more. “I’ll get the spoons.”

There was no doubt they’d be eating it straight out of the container. That had been their post-breakup ritual since high school, and while she was confident Sage would never again need such comforting since she had a man she could trust, Gabby suspected there were plenty more ice cream cryfests in her future.

When Gabby just stood in the kitchen, staring at the cabinets, Sage moved in to retrieve the utensils. She set the ice cream cartons on the center island before placing her hands on Gabby’s shoulders and guiding her to a stool.

“Tell me what happened, sweetie,” Sage said, peeling the lids off their two favorite flavors: rocky road and French vanilla. “Not what he did. I already know that. But what he said, how he tried to justify it.”

“He didn’t try to justify it. How could he?” She dug her spoon into the vanilla, deciding she needed the flavored Band-Aid after all. “He slept with someone else, Sage.” Fresh tears stung her eyes when she whispered, “How could he do that to me? He said he loved me… and I believed him.” Tears spilled down her cheeks as she sniffled. “God, why did I believe him? How could I have been so stupid?”

“For what’s it worth,” Sage said, tears filling her eyes, “I believed him too. I trusted him with your heart. That makes me, like, the worst friend ever after what he did to you. It was my job to be on guard, to look for the signs that he was still the same self-centered ass who’d hurt you before. But I got distracted by—”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself,” Gabby warned, waving the spoon at her friend. “This is all on him.”

“And that little skank,” Sage said, wrinkling her nose. “What did Dave even see in her?”

“I’d almost forgotten he’d gone out with her. You think she slept with Colt to get back at me for taking Dave away from her?” Dave had told Gabby that Brenna hadn’t taken the news well when he told her that he didn’t want to see her anymore.

“I wouldn’t put anything past her,” Sage said, rolling her eyes. “She’s always been so desperate to land a man, any man.”

“I don’t even know why Dave stopped seeing her.” Gabby sighed. “It’s not like he and I agreed to be exclusive or anything. I wouldn’t have cared if he wanted to date other women.”

“But he didn’t want to. He wanted to be with you. Speaking of Dave, I ran into him at the ice cream shop. He asked about you, and I told him I was headed to your place. When he saw the amount of ice cream I was buying, he asked if everything was okay.”

“Did you tell him I broke up with Colt?”

Sage nodded, wide-eyed. “I didn’t know if I should. Was that a mistake? You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“I’m not mad. Everyone will know soon enough anyhow.”

“You think you’d be willing to give Dave another chance now that Colt’s out of the picture?”

“No, I think I’ll join a convent.”

“Honey, you’re not even Catholic.”

“So I’ll convert.”

Sage’s smile was sad when she said, “I know it hurts like hell right now, but it won’t forever. You got over your divorce. You’ll get over this too.”

“I don’t think I will.” Gabby swallowed another spoonful of ice cream, wishing there was some way it could numb her entire body instead of just her throat. “There’s no way I could ever trust another man, not after this.”

“You make me sick.”

Colt and Wes had been friends most of their lives, but Colt didn’t think he’d ever heard Wes say those four little words before. “I make myself sick.”

Wes grabbed the e-ticket on Colt’s desk. “I can’t believe you’re leaving again.”

It had been four weeks since Colt had told Gabby about his night with Brenna, and he’d crossed paths with Gabby a grand total of eight times since then. Each time she looked through him as though he wasn’t even there hurt more than the last.

“She was having lunch with Dave at the diner yesterday.” Colt swallowed the lump in his throat. “Are they seeing each other again?”

“I don’t know,” Wes said, scowling at the piece of paper in his hand. “Does it matter?”

“I want her to be happy.” As much as he hated to admit it, Dave was a decent guy and he’d be good to Gabby.

“Shut the hell up. You’re a shitty martyr.”

“I’m not trying to be a martyr.” Colt grabbed a framed photo of Gabby on his desk. It used to make him smile. Now it served as a daily punishment for his sins. “I’m trying to man up, do what’s right for once.”

“Do you ever getting tired of hating yourself?”

“I don’t hate myself. I just hate what I did to Gabby.”

“So why’d you do it?”

“I don’t know.” He’d racked his brain, trying to remember every detail of that night, but he kept drawing a blank. “I just know I was a mess. I was pissed at my old man, disgusted with myself—”

“You’re always disgusted with yourself.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yeah, it is.” Wes slapped the paper back on the desk. “Ever since I’ve met you, you’ve been down on yourself. Doesn’t matter that we managed to achieve everything we set out to and more—you’re still convinced you don’t deserve any of it. You let that son of a bitch get inside your head. You believed everything he told you about being useless and worthless. But you’re not, Colt. You never were.”

Colt covered his face with his hands, ashamed of the tears that burned his eyes.

“You keep punishing yourself, believing that you don’t deserve to be happy. Why? Because that’s what he told you. You bought the bill of goods he sold you, man, when what you should have done was shoved it back in his face and told him he was full of shit. Because he was.”

No matter how many terrible things Colt had done or stupid mistakes he’d made, Wes had always been there to make Colt believe that penance was possible. But there was nothing Colt could do to undo the damage he’d done to his relationship with Gabby, and there was no way he could get her back. It was over. And he felt as though his life was too. He didn’t care about anything anymore: work, sleep, food, money. None of it mattered if he couldn’t have her.

“What I did to Gabby proves I’m not the man you seem to think I am.”

“Is that why you did it?” Wes cursed under his breath. “To prove to everyone that you don’t deserve her?”

“I don’t know why the hell I did it,” Colt said, throwing his arms up in the air. “All I know is it happened and I can’t take it back.” Though he’d have given every dollar he’d ever made if he could.

“I was so sure it was over between me and Sage when I left Vista Falls for college. I didn’t think there was any way we could forgive each other for giving up our son. We were hurt and angry and frustrated with each other. We felt guilty and even hated ourselves for a while. But eventually we got over it and started to heal. By the time I came back, we were ready to acknowledge that we’d never really stopped loving each other. That’s when the real healing began for both of us.”

“Yeah, and that only took you what, fifteen years?” Colt shook his head. “I don’t have that long, and neither does Gabby.”

“Why not?”

“She wants kids, a family—”

“Is that what you want?”

Colt had been thinking a lot about it and realized that a family with Gabby was the only thing he wanted. “I’d probably be a lousy father, you know, given the example I had.”

“Or you could be a great father because of that example. Maybe that was your old man’s gift to you, Colt. He showed you how not to do it so you won’t make the same mistakes he did.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” Colt said, shrugging. “Not like I’ll ever get the chance to test that theory.”

“You do realize Gabby’s not the only woman in the world, right?”

The thought of being with anyone else made him feel physically sick. “I don’t want anyone else.”

“Then don’t be stupid. Stay here and wait for the woman you do want to come around.”

If Colt had honestly believed that were a possibility, he’d have waited forever. “I cheated on her. She can’t forgive that.”

“Who are you to decide what she can and can’t forgive? Isn’t that her decision to make?”

“And she’s made it. She’s moving on with Dave and—”

“Is that why you’re bookin’ out, ‘cause you saw her with Dave?” Wes sighed before tipping his head back to look at the ceiling. “Could be they’re just friends. Regardless, if you stick around and work on being the man Gabby needs, she might surprise you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Gabby’s always known you to be a certain way: a little reckless, temperamental, and immature.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You can’t deny it. You’re the first one to throw a punch, get drunk, and wake up hungover with a pretty girl whose name you can’t remember.”

“No more.” Colt held up his hand. “I’m done with that shit. Those days are over for me.”

“Oh yeah? So stick around and show Gabby that side of you. The guy who takes his commitments seriously. The one who’s mature and responsible, who treats women and sex like they matter.”

“I hear you.”

It wasn’t easy to hear, but Wes was right. Running away wasn’t the answer. Besides, he’d miss Vista Falls if he left. Wes and Sage were here even if his best friend’s wife hated him right now. His mother was here. His business was here. Even if the woman he loved never spoke to him again, he still had plenty of reasons to stay.

“Fine,” he said, picking up the ticket his travel agent had sent him. “I guess I’ll go back, pack up the house, put it on the market, and come… home.”

Wes smiled before standing and slapping Colt on the back. “That’s my boy.”

***

Gabby was surprised when she looked up from her flower arrangement to find Wes strolling through the door. She hadn’t seen much of him since Colt turned her world upside down, and she hoped things wouldn’t be awkward between them. She still considered Wes a close friend even if she didn’t understand his loyalty to Colt.

“Hey, handsome. You here to buy flowers for your beautiful wife?”

“That and to talk to you.” He looked around the small shop to make sure she was alone. “You got anybody working in the back?”

“Not yet,” she said, sticking a white rose into a wedding arrangement. “I’ve got someone coming in in a bit to help me with these. Why?”