Lex and Lu (23 page)

“Easy for you to say. You’ve been there since day one.”

“Right. And where were you? Oh, yes, you were playing soccer.” Sarcasm laced through her tone.

“Maybe I’d have been right there with you if I knew you didn’t have an abortion. Don’t try to throw the blame on me. You didn’t give me a chance to be a father.”

Finally, thought Lu. Maybe now she could apologize for everything and they could move forward. “Lex, I am so sorry. It shouldn’t have happened the way it happened. I—”

“Lu, I can forgive that part. I can’t forgive the eight years after that. I’m paying for it right now. She may enjoy being around me, but I’m making it as entertaining as possible. What I want is normal, and I can’t get that. How can she really trust me when I wasn’t part of her life for so long? She hasn’t asked me, but I know she wants to. And I don’t blame her.”

Lex began pacing again. Lu didn’t know what to say without seeming like she was defending herself. It didn’t seem appropriate to do so when she knew she’d been wrong.

“Look what happened today. If she was OK with everything that was going on, she wouldn’t have stolen things from me to sell to her friends. As entrepreneurial as it was, it was wrong.”

“Correct. We have a number of issues that we need to discuss with her.” Lu began ticking them off on her fingers and Lex couldn’t help thinking about his first meeting with Nina. “Number one, stealing. Number two, selling the stuff to other students at school. Number three, being suspended. We have to talk to her about all of it, and we need to come up with a punishment for her. I was thinking that maybe she shouldn’t go on the trip with you.”

This statement brought Lex up short. “Are you trying to punish her or me?”

“Lex, she’s been looking forward to that trip for two months. It’s a good punishment.”

“Why doesn’t she miss your trip to the States tomorrow? It’s more timely than our trip in three weeks. It’s immediate and effective,” he argued.

“I’m receiving my degree. She’s going to see the family and visit her friends. It would devastate her.”

“Lu, I need for her to come on this trip with me. I need a span of time where I can be the parent. Only having her on alternate weekends and once during the week doesn’t allow us to establish a relationship. I’m taking her on this trip. We need to come up with an alternative punishment.”

“No. I’m not leaving her here when I go home. She needs this trip.”

“Well, she needs mine too, so we need to come up with an alternative,” Lex yelled, temper finally taking hold.

Lu jumped, not used to seeing temper on Lex. It didn’t suit him. He looked different, more dangerous, with his eyes glinting like shards of green glass and a scowl pulling his eyebrows together. The woman in her said sex, the mom in her said, shit. She wasn’t up for a battle tonight, but she knew it had been coming for seven months, like a great storm cloud chasing across a summer sky.

Nina came out of her room, obviously summoned by Lex’s voice booming through the cavernous flat. “What are you yelling for?”

Both Lex and Lu were caught off guard, so engaged in a silent battle of wills that neither of them heard her approach.

“We’re just trying to figure out some stuff,” Lu said reassuringly.

Nina walked over to Lex. “I’m sorry I stole stuff from you.”

Lex wanted to tell her it was OK and that they were OK, but he knew that he couldn’t do that. Dropping down to one knee, he said, “You know that if you had asked me for something, I would give it to you to show your friends. But taking it from me and selling it was wrong.” He said it matter-of-factly, not directing his anger at Lu toward Nina. “I’m disappointed that you did that.”

Nina burst into tears. Lu watched, fascinated. “No one believed me that you were my dad. They said you didn’t have any kids. The papers never said that you did. They thought I was making it up,” she hiccupped as the sobs broke through. Lex took her in his arms, but he didn’t tell her it was OK, which made Lu smile inwardly.

“Why does it matter so much to you that they know?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Because I’ve never had a dad before.”

Lu had to hold back tears. Her crying wouldn’t make it any better. She turned away, trying to get ahold of the persistent tears.

“You’ve always had a dad. I’m just part of your life now.” He pulled her in close to him.

“But where have you been?” Nina asked, tears still coursing down her cheeks.

Lex, thankful that Nina couldn’t see the look of horror on his face, wanted to groan out loud. How the hell was he supposed to answer that? Did he tell her that he didn’t know about her? He watched as Lu slowly turned back to the scene and met his eyes. He could see his mortification reflected there. So who did he implicate—himself or Lu? She seemed to be asking the same question. He didn’t want to take the blame, but he didn’t have the heart to place all of the blame on Lu either.

“I know it’s hard to understand, but decisions were made for your mom and me that we didn’t have much control over. We’re trying to fix it now.” He held Lu’s gaze and felt like he’d done the right thing when she offered a tremulous smile.

He knew they needed to have this discussion, but he felt as though he was learning something about his daughter. She was diverting the attention from the issue. She’d had plenty of time to ask these questions and she hadn’t. Shit, he thought, I’m always going to have to out think her.

He pulled away from her and stood up. Grabbing her hand, he led her over to the couch and sat down in the chair across from it, allowing Lu to sit next to Nina.

“We have other issues to talk about, Short Stuff,” Lex said, pinning her with the death glare he’d learned from his mother.

“I know,” Nina admitted, and Lex could tell that she knew he was calling her on it. “I really am sorry that I stole stuff from you.”

“You have to return all of the money,” Lex said, gently. He leaned forward in his chair and rested his elbows on his knee, mostly to give himself time to figure out what to say next. Although he resented Lu for putting this ball so firmly in his court, he knew that this time was overdue.

Nina’s eyes bulged. “No one wants to give any stuff back.”

“I realize that. They can keep the stuff.”

Relieved, she sat back. “OK,” she said, thinking that as a punishment, that hadn’t been so bad.

“Your mom and I are trying to figure out an appropriate punishment. You have two big trips planned, one with each of us. We kinda think that you should have to give one of them up.” Briefly, he thought he probably shouldn’t have used the word
kinda.
It just didn’t sound parental.

“What do you mean? I have to pick one?”

For the first time, Lu looked fully engaged. “No,” she said, “we’re going to discuss a punishment. When we figure it out, we’ll let you know.”

Lex raised his eyebrow. All of a sudden he was back to being pissed. One of the trips was the perfect punishment. Why was she fighting him on this?

“Your father and I need some time to talk, Nina. We’ll let you know when we’ve reached a decision.”

Knowing she’d been dismissed, Nina got up. She walked over to Lex and hugged him, whispering in his ear, “I’m really sorry,” before she stomped down the hall, letting both of them know that she was not happy.

“What the fuck, Lu?” Lex hissed as soon as Nina’s door shut behind her.

“If we give her the choice, she’s going to pick your trip. Of course she is. How’s that fair to me?”

“You really think I’m interested in being fair right now?”

“Yes, a little. You didn’t throw me under the bus when she asked about why you’d been absent.”

“Trust me, I didn’t do that for you,” he lied. He didn’t need her to have any advantage. “I said that because it was the truth. We weren’t making decisions about her, were we?”

“No. Maybe if we’d had a conversation after you jumped on the plane, we wouldn’t be in this position.”

“And maybe if you hadn’t sold me on the fact that you’d had an abortion, I would have called.”

“Ugh,” Lu groaned in frustration. “We could do this all day. Let’s try to stay focused here.”

“Fine!” Sick of sitting, Lex jumped up and began his prowl of the apartment.

“Look, Lex, I’m getting my doctorate degree this weekend. I didn’t walk for undergrad, I didn’t walk for my master’s. And thinking about Nina is what got me through school most of the time. I want her to be there. I want her to see that I’ve been able to accomplish this even though—”

“Even though you had a child at seventeen?” he finished sarcastically.

Glaring at him, Lu tried a different tactic. “What if we let her go on both trips and we find an alternative punishment.”

“Like what?” he asked, finding a place on the wall to lean, which to Lu looked like he was posing for some photo shoot.

“Maybe she should have to pay back all of the money to a charity or something,” she suggested.

“Don’t tell me you’re one of these new-age parents that doesn’t think punitive punishments are good for their children?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She stole stuff from me and sold it to her classmates. She got suspended. If you or I had done something like that, we’d have had a real punishment. I probably wouldn’t have been able to play soccer for a month. Your mom would have probably ripped every encyclopedia out of your room and made you watch TV for a month. She needs to feel the punishment. Not some pansy-assed ‘Oh, let’s make a donation to charity so I don’t ever take responsibility for my actions’ punishment.”

Lu couldn’t help it; she laughed.

“What’s so funny?” he said, a grin threatening to dawn on his face.

“You. Pulling out the Dr. J. parenting philosophies.”

Shrugging, he pulled away from the wall. “It worked,” he said, defending himself.

“Yeah, I guess you turned out OK,” she teased, her anger with him dissipating again. Why couldn’t she hold on to it, she thought. “Look, Lex, I want her to come home with me. I think she needs it right now. And I want her to get to go on her trip with you. I think she needs that too. So we need an alternative. She’s been hoarding her money for an iPad 2. She saved all of her birthday money. I think it would hurt her to have to part with it.” Shaking her head, she said, “Trust me, I’m not some helicopter parent who thinks their kid can do no wrong. I yell and I make all sorts of mistakes. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time.”

“You’ve never been unsure of anything,” Lex said.

“You don’t know me anymore, Lex. Just like I don’t know you.” It was a simple statement, not made in anger or retaliation. But it seemed to hang in the air between them—a picture drawn with words that described who they were in that moment. And it hurt. Lu felt empty. All of the anger of the morning and the day had drained away, leaving this picture of reality that she really didn’t like.

Lex broke the silence. “OK,” he said.

“OK, what?”

“If you think that giving her iPad savings to a charity would be effective, let’s do it. But she still needs to give the money back to the students she ‘fleeced,’” he said, with air quotes around “
fleeced
” and the perfect Mr. Seddon English accent.

“All right,” she agreed. “I think we should tell her together. Don’t you?”

“Yes, that’s fine,” Lex concurred. Lu started to turn toward Nina’s room when Lex stopped her. “Lu, I’ve been trying to keep her out of the press. I just thought it would be better for her. Do you want me to have Caroline release a statement about her?” he asked.

She was touched by his thoughtfulness. “I don’t know, Lex. She seemed pretty upset that no one knew about her, but I don’t think she really knows what that entails. If your first instinct was to protect her, I think that we continue to do that.” She paused, then seemed to think of something. “You know, having her on this trip with you is going to pose questions and probably unearth her paternity anyway.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I just don’t want her to think I’m ashamed of her.”

“Lex …,” she began, then stopped. “Forget it.”

He laughed. “I know she was playing me, Lu. I got that.”

“Yes,” she smiled, “which is why I didn’t feel I needed to point it out to you.” Winking at him, she made her way to get Nina so they could hand down the verdict.