Life and Soul of the Party (21 page)

‘I’ve missed you, you know.’ I looped my arm around Melissa’s waist. ‘It feels like I haven’t seen you properly in ages.’

‘I know. We should go out next week for a bit of a social. Just the two of us. We could have a really nice dinner and get well and truly drunk. I could definitely do with a night like that after the day I’ve had.’

‘Why? What’s happened?’

‘It’s Creepy Susie, she’s kicking me out.’

Melissa proceeded to fill me in on her flatmate’s plans for domestic bliss.

‘And you said that right to her face?’ I asked incredulously as Melissa concluded her tale of woe.

‘I couldn’t believe the words were actually leaving my lips,’ she admitted. ‘It was like a scene from a film.’

‘Definitely what you’d call memorable dialogue.’

‘But in a film that would’ve been the end of the scene. The camera wouldn’t cut away with Susie looking horrified and me looking pleased with myself before moving on to the scene where I find a fabulous new pad. But since I wasn’t in a film I was left looking at Susie’s crestfallen face. It was horrible, Vick. Really horrible. Once I’d talked to Billy I calmed down a bit and I went back to apologise to her, but she wouldn’t let me in, so I had to talk to her through the door, which made me feel like an idiot. We then had a ridiculous shouty conversation where I apologised while she spilled her soul open for my benefit and told me about how she had issues about her self-esteem because her older sister was so much prettier and her younger sister was so much cleverer. Honestly, I looked at my watch at one point and she’d been rambling on for nearly an hour. It was like a bad version of Oprah. All that was missing was the whooping audience.’

‘So how did you leave it?’

‘I told her that I really valued her friendship and promised we’d keep in touch.’

‘And will you?’

‘I’d sooner have lunch with a serial killer than share a sandwich with Susie. This could only happen to me.’

‘You’re right. This kind of episode is definitely your niche. You should be pleased. It takes most people a lot longer than thirty-odd years to find their unique selling point,’ I teased. ‘Well, you know that whatever happens you’re always welcome to stay with me and Chris. I really mean that, you know.’

‘I know you do.’ Simultaneously we both looked over at Billy.

‘So things still going well with The Boy?’

‘Couldn’t be any better.’

‘And you’re all right about seeing Paul and Hannah tonight? They’re both definitely coming.’

‘Yes, I’m fine about it, honestly.’

I glanced over at Billy again. ‘Looks like you’ve managed to bag yourself a good one this time.’

Chris and Billy’s conversation seemed to have come to a conclusion so I led Melissa over to Billy and showed them where they were sitting. There was a lot of handshaking, kissing of cheeks and the beginnings of polite conversation and I relaxed, sure that we were in for the most amazing evening together celebrating mine and Chris’s anniversary. Then the waiter arrived at the door with Paul and a heavily pregnant Hannah in tow and all such feelings of warmth vanished in an instant.

From the moment of Hannah and Paul’s entrance I felt as though everyone in the room was watching me like a hawk in order to gauge my reaction. As they came in and took off their coats I kept my head down to disguise my feelings, especially since I knew Billy would be studying my every expression, ready to pinpoint any look or gesture that might puncture his ego. I couldn’t win – I couldn’t look happy without being accused of pretending and I couldn’t look sad without seeming to be still in love with Paul. There wasn’t a thing I could do or say that wouldn’t be open to misinterpretation.

Eventually I knew I had no choice but to face up to the inevitable. I looked over at Paul, held his gaze without flinching, and offered a brief smile. It was a small victory. I didn’t doubt for a minute that it would be a short-lived one but I still allowed myself a moment’s satisfaction. I had handled myself pretty well. And though the worst was over, as the waiters began to serve the first course my heart was thumping as if I’d just run a marathon. Under the guise of needing the loo I excused myself from the table and left the room.

It was a little after eleven o’clock. The meal was over and the empty dessert dishes had long since been cleared away. I tried to take part in the conversation going on around me but my body was one huge ache. The baby had been unusually active all evening, regularly thumping my insides with various tiny body parts. I was worn out and I wanted to fall fast asleep as quickly as humanly possible. I looked over at Paul and mouthed: ‘I think it’s time to go,’ in his direction.

Turning to Naomi, who had been my main partner in conversation for the evening, I smiled apologetically and told her it was time that Paul and I went home.

‘Of course,’ she replied. ‘You must be worn out.’

I shuffled to the edge of my chair and tried to stand up. Within seconds I was inundated with offers to help me to my feet, which made me feel vulnerable and ungainly but also strangely comforted. When I had just been Paul’s girlfriend I had felt like an actress auditioning for a bit part in his life. But things were different now. I no longer had anything to prove to his friends. My status amongst them was assured.

‘It really was lovely to meet you,’ said Naomi. ‘I’ll get your number off Vicky and give you a call about meeting up some time before the baby’s due.’

‘I haven’t really had much of a chat with you tonight,’ said Cooper. ‘Paul’s been monopolizing me.’

‘Well, you’re welcome at ours anytime,’ I replied.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Melissa and her boyfriend approaching and I don’t know if it was hormones but I suddenly wanted to make peace with her.

‘I just wanted to come over and wish you all the best for the birth,’ she said warmly.

‘That’s really nice of you. I hope you’ll come and visit us when the baby’s here.’

‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world,’ replied Melissa. She looked at Paul. ‘It was good to see you too.’

He moved to kiss her on the cheek and I automatically felt my goodwill evaporate.

By the time Billy and I decided to leave the restaurant, nearly everyone else had already gone. While Billy went to the loo I stood outside looking up at the stars.

‘Anything good up there?’ asked Billy emerging on to the pavement.

‘Not really.’

Billy juggled his mobile phone from hand to hand as though waiting for me to make a decision.

‘So what next? Yours or mine?’

‘I don’t know. I can’t see a cab anywhere.’

Billy shrugged. ‘Do you fancy walking for a bit?’

I looked down at my feet. ‘In these shoes?’

‘I’ll carry you.’

‘You’re on.’

‘You think I’m joking, don’t you? Well I’m not.’ Billy picked me up and ignoring my screams of laughter started walking towards Deansgate.

Chris and I were in a black cab on our way back home.

‘Tonight was good, wasn’t it?’ said Chris. ‘Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.’

‘Nearly everyone.’

Chris nodded. ‘You mean Melissa?’

‘She put on a brave face but I could tell she was miserable. I hate the way things are. I hate that I don’t see Paul any more. I hate that Melissa’s got so much pain in her life. I hate that Laura’s gone and that Cooper’s on his own. Why can’t things just stay the same? Why does everything have to turn upside down?’

‘It doesn’t,’ said Chris. ‘We’re proof of that, aren’t we? Ten years under our belt. We’re good. We haven’t got any worries.’

Now was my chance. ‘I think I might be pregnant.’

There was a long silence while I waited for his reaction.

‘Are you sure? I mean, is it definite?’

‘I’m only a little bit late. It’s probably nothing.’

‘Is that what you really think?’

‘No. I don’t know why I feel like I am, I just do. I tried to take the test earlier tonight but I couldn’t do it. The stuff’s in the bathroom at home. You haven’t changed your mind about another baby, have you?’

‘No, no, of course not.’

‘So what’s the problem?’

‘Nothing,’ he replied. ‘It’s just a bit of a shock that’s all.’

I snuggled closer to him.

‘It’s okay to admit to not being fine, Chris. It’s okay to feel helpless sometimes.’

‘I know. I never thought I wanted more than one kid. I thought I’d try fatherhood, tick it off the list and then be happy with my lot. And when William came along I couldn’t imagine loving another child as much as I love him. But I don’t want William to grow up alone. I want him to have someone in his life who will always be connected to him. Someone he can always turn to when you and I aren’t around.’ He kissed the top of my head. ‘Baby or no baby, I couldn’t possibly love you more than I do right now.’

Arriving home, hand in hand we headed upstairs and as I took the test in the bathroom Chris waited outside. Emerging moments later with the test in my hand we stood wrapped in each other’s arms waiting for the result to appear. I could barely breath as I waited, wishing, hoping, praying for the thin blue line to appear that would change our futures forever. And as it slowly became clear that my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me, that the blue line on the test really was real, I felt so completely and utterly relieved that I just sat down right where I’d been standing, closed my eyes and sobbed my heart out.

‘I really enjoyed tonight,’ I said as, standing in the kitchen, Paul opened the fridge door and pulled out a bottle of Red Stripe. ‘Everyone was really nice to me and the food was fantastic.’

‘You’re not wrong about the food,’ he replied. ‘That dessert you had was amazing,’ He rummaged in the cutlery drawer for a bottle opener. ‘And it was good to see everyone on such really good form.’

‘Apart from Melissa.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Oh come on, Paul. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice the look on her face when we walked in tonight? She looked distraught.’

Paul opened his beer and took a sip. ‘I doubt it.’

I stared at Paul. I couldn’t believe he was being so wilfully ignorant when it came to Melissa. I couldn’t believe that he was going to make me spell it out: if we were going to work as a couple then he had to find a way to close the door on his past so that I wouldn’t have to spend every waking moment fearing he was going to walk back through it.

‘You know she’s still in love with you, don’t you? She’s never completely got over you.’

‘What do you want me to say?’

‘Do you still have feelings for her?’

‘No.’

‘None at all?’

‘Not in the way you mean. Melissa and I are friends. Nothing more. To be truthful I’m actually not even sure we are friends any more. We barely said a word to each other tonight. I’ve moved on. She’s moved on. End of story.’

‘I’m not attacking you.’ I made a bid to bring the conversation back from the edge of an argument. ‘It would be understandable if you did have feelings for her.’

‘Well, I don’t.’ Paul set the bottle down on the kitchen counter and put his arms around me. ‘Melissa’s part of my past. I can’t change my history any more than you can change yours. But right now I love you. And I know that us having a baby is the best thing that has ever happened to me.’

I wanted to believe his words. If I could I would finally be able to relax and enjoy what we had instead of fearing from moment to moment that something terrible was about to happen.

‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m here with you for good.’ Paul lifted up my chin.

‘I know you are.’

‘So you trust me?’

I couldn’t bear to voice my affirmation when so many doubts remained in my mind so I simply nodded.

‘I’m sorry, Paul, I really don’t know what’s got into me. I know we’re supposed to be seeing my friends tomorrow night but let’s cancel, shall we? Let’s stay home and not see anyone before Monday. I’m tired of sharing you with other people. I want to be selfish. I want to feel like you’re mine and nobody else’s.’

‘You’re worrying about nothing.’ He kissed me gently on the forehead. ‘I am yours and nobody else’s.’

‘Then prove it by promising that you’ll never see or speak to Melissa ever again. I know I’m asking a lot. I know you two have a history. I know you’re friends. But every time I see the look on her face when she’s in your presence, it tears me up inside. And I don’t want to feel like that for the rest of my life, Paul.’ I watched his face for any sign that my words had hit home but his features were blank, unmoved. I almost dared not to breathe until he spoke.

‘Okay, if you want it you’ve got it. If it’s what you want I promise I won’t see or talk to Melissa again.’

‘It
is
what I want,’ I replied.

‘Then it’s yours.’

‘This is a new beginning for us. A new start. No baggage. No history. Just me, you and our baby.’

Much to my relief Billy put me down after less than twenty feet and we made our way hand-in-hand through the streets towards the taxi rank. It was nice being in town this late at night watching groups of glammed-up boys and girls on their way to the nearest bar or club.

‘So is it still the end of the month that you’ve got to be out by?’ asked Billy as we walked past a group of indie girls laughing and joking as they waited in the queue outside 42nd Street.

‘With the way things are with Susie? I was thinking more like the end of next week. Vicky has insisted that I stay with her and Chris but I can’t do to that to them, they’ve got William to look after. I know that this is a bit mean but I’m guessing with Laura gone Cooper might be up for having a house guest for a while.’

Billy was quiet for a few moments. ‘What about me?’