Lilly's Wedding Quilt (15 page)
“I missed it. I’m sorry, Lilly.”
Her breath caught in her chest as she looked up to see Jacob standing in the doorway.
“
Jah
, you missed it.” She kept her voice steady and wiped at her cheeks.
He sighed aloud and closed the door behind him, walking into the room.
“So, Seth’s a little protective of you. He took me to task for not being here.”
She shrugged. “It seems to be his nature. He’s caring.”
“And maybe I’m not?”
“That isn’t what I meant. Look, Jacob, please just go.” She concentrated on stuffing her satchel with books.
“Lilly. Kate’s horse went lame. I had to stop and help her. The animal was in pain. I had every intention of being here for you.”
“It seems like Kate Zook has a lot of pressing needs where you’re concerned.”
“I know that … I know she probably arranged to be there, waiting for me.”
“With a lame horse?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe she’s foolish and selfish enough to drive an animal that way.”
“To get your attention?”
He sighed. “I don’t know what to say. I thought I was doing the right thing. The horse needed help either way.”
“Well, it might have done you better to have helped the horse and let the girl get lame—walking.”
“I know.” His boot steps echoed in the stillness of the room as he approached her desk.
“I find that hard to believe. You don’t know how I felt. I was embarrassed and furious—and jealous.”
“Well, of course you’d feel that way.” His voice was soothing but she was not in the mood to be placated. “I make you a promise, to a special invitation, and then I go gallivanting past with another girl in my buggy—two days before we’re to marry.”
She lifted her eyes to his. “It’s not my business who rides in your buggy. You don’t owe me anything. We both know this wedding is just a—just a sham. It’s still not too late for you to back out.”
“I thought we were becoming friends.” His voice was low, questioning, vulnerable.
For an instant, Lilly almost gave in. She really did want to become his wife. She blew out a breath of frustration. “What do you want me to say, Jacob? That you’re forgiven for rescuing Kate for the second time? Fine, you’re forgiven.”
She moved to step past him, but he blocked her way with the bulk of his body. She almost ran into his chest and caught the fresh scent that seemed to drift from the skin of his throat. She arched her neck to meet his eyes and found them gold and intense. She took a step back.
“I didn’t want to help Kate. I told you; she bothers me, like fleas on a dog.” He sounded so glum that the urge to smile at him bubbled up inside of her. She ducked her head, but not before he’d seen her face.
“
Ach
, don’t smile, Lilly Lapp. That would mean that you believe me, that you trust me even.” He reached out one large hand and skimmed it along the sleeve of her blouse, past the bandages on her arm, to catch at her hand.
She stared down at her hand in his. His touch was warm, strong. She struggled to guard her expression, then gave in fully to the smile. “I believe you,” she said, her voice low and quiet.
He let go of her hand to lift her chin so that she was forced to look up at him once more. She felt nervous and jittery, and she wet her lips as she tried to think of something else to say.
“
Danki
for trusting me. And, I am not backing out of our marriage. You’ve got me, Lilly, for all our lives, as
Derr Herr
allows.” He bent his head and kissed her forehead; a casual, almost brotherly kiss that somehow left her frustrated and tense.
He stepped back and she watched him look around the classroom. The only thing that remained from the program was the class quilt, strung across the windows.
“I missed the program. So, give me my own performance, Miss Lapp. Tell me about the quilt. Or you can sing to me. I like ‘Silent Night.’”
“There can be no performance without the children.”
“Is there anything you can show me?”
“Well, I’m especially proud of the quilt this year. The students did the top and several of the mothers finished it.”
He smiled as he stared at the profusion of trees. “Do you remember making a class quilt when we were in school?”
Lilly tried to concentrate and recollect what square he might have made for a quilt. He laughed when she didn’t speak.
“Maybe I should ask if you remember me from school.”
“
Jah
, of course I do.” She paused, hoping he wouldn’t ask about her thoughts of him then.
“I bet you thought I was a wild one, a little on the bad side, maybe?”
She flushed. “Well, understanding what I do now about your reading, I know why you acted out. Besides, Miss Stahley was a bit on in years and was not the most pleasant of teachers.”
“She was an old bat.”
“Jacob!” A giggle rose in her throat despite her admonishment. Miss Stahley had been especially hard on him.
“She kept me out of the class quilt my last year in school. Do you remember that?”
Lilly lost her smile, appalled at what he’d said. “
Nee
, how could she do that?”
He turned from her, still studying the tree quilt. “
Ach
, I wouldn’t recite what she’d asked,
couldn’t
really. She threw me out of class when she passed out the quilt squares, then told me later that I didn’t deserve one, that I wasn’t really part of the class.”
Lilly drew an indignant breath. “That old bat!”
He laughed, turning back to her. “All things come full circle though, don’t they? Here I am, standing in the same schoolhouse where I once was not welcome, with my own private tutor.”
Lilly felt a nervous sensation of excitement at his words. She knew then just how much she wanted to teach him to read, to try and heal the old wounds caused by a tormenting teacher.
“Well, I think our tutoring will have an additional purpose then.”
He gave her an intense look. “Perhaps it will.”
“Gut
.”
He seemed at a loss for something to say, then spoke quietly. “I’ll take you home if you’re ready.”
“All right.
Danki
.”
She gathered up the last of her books and then had a sudden inspiration for the primer she’d promised to make him. She decided, with a secret smile, that it would be one he wasn’t likely to forget.
D
o you want some help?”
Jacob looked up as Seth lounged in the doorway, his casual pose not matching the emotion in his voice. They hadn’t spoken since the schoolhouse.
“I’ve got little to pack.”
Seth sighed.
Jacob folded a blue shirt, then glanced again at his
bruder
. They’d never been separated before, not for any length of time. He realized it would be strange and sad to not have his best friend right across the hall, but then, marriage was supposed to be a chance for a new best friend.
“I’ll miss you,” Jacob admitted.
“
Jah
, but we always knew it had to come to this—marriage, I mean. I just didn’t expect you to move away, but I know Mrs. Lapp needs you both.”
“You’ll marry as well one day soon.”
Seth frowned. “Who? Which reminds me—I’ve heard it nosed about that I’m a ‘tortured soul’ of sorts, just looking for a
fraa
.”
“Sorry.”
“Somehow I don’t think so.”
“No, I’m not.”
They grinned at each other, then Seth’s face took on a more serious expression. “This thing you’re doing tomorrow, the wedding. Lilly seems like the kind of person who expects forever to be a given in a relationship.”
Jacob straightened his spine.
“And I don’t?”
“It’s not that. I just—well, things happen in life. People die. Suppose Sarah was left alone. Then what?”
It was as if Seth had seen into Jacob’s mind and heart the past few weeks. He shivered—if he knew for certain …
He shook his head as if that would clear his mind, wiping it free of impossible possibilities.
This time Seth misread him. “It could happen.”
“Of course it could!” Jacob’s anger at Seth, at Grant, at Sarah for loving Grant—but especially at himself—poured out through his words and into his clenching fists.
“Then why drag Lilly into this … this—”
“This what?” Jacob demanded, pretending he didn’t know what his brother wanted to say.
“This ugly thing you’re daring to call a marriage. This thing that uses Lilly. For what? For your own selfishness?”
Jacob turned away so that Seth wouldn’t see his face blazing with shame.
“That girl deserves more than that.”
Jacob’s breath came fast and hard. Seconds of charged silence ticked by.
Then Seth spoke. “You still haven’t answered my question.”
Jacob turned back to him. “Fine. If Sarah were alone, she’d stay alone—at least as far as I’m concerned as a married man.”
Seth looked doubtful. “So you’d want to be with Sarah if she were left alone and you weren’t yet married?”
Jacob took a step round the bed.
“All right, Seth. What do you want? Do you need me to say that I still love Sarah? I do. Do you want me to tell you that I’m going to put everything I’ve got into this marriage?
Jah
, I am. Is that good enough for you?”
“Maybe it’s not good enough for Lilly.”
Jacob was in front of him in seconds, his voice tight. “Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think it doesn’t matter to me that I can’t get over Sarah? That I can’t give Lilly everything?” His daily rationalization surfaced. “But she knows what she’s getting.”
“Does she? Really?”
“She’s willing to build with what there is, what there can be. That takes guts. I respect her for it. The rest will have to come.”
“And if it never does?”
Jacob narrowed his eyes, studying his brother. “Why all this worry about Lilly?”
“She’s going to be my sister-in-law, part of the family.”
“I know you, Seth. There’s something else. You wanted to knock me one at the school. Why?” Jacob’s head swam as a sudden realization crashed over him. “You care for her, don’t you?”
Seth’s eyes glowed like blue flame. “Of course I care for … my brother’s bride.”
“You do. That’s what this is about.”
“You’re
narrish
, Jacob. I want you to treat her right, that’s all. To realize that what a woman needs is passion as well as kindness. She needs a whole, devoted heart.”
“I will give her my whole, devoted heart. That’s what the marriage ceremony begins.”
Seth blew a breath out in disgust. “If you think you can fool her—why, you can’t even fool yourself. You can’t go through the motions of being a husband when it’s another man’s wife that you want.”
“Your concern is admirable,” Jacob bit out, not knowing how to respond to the conviction of the provoking words.
“Somebody’s got to keep up the idea of honor around here.”
E
ven those who hadn’t been invited showed up to help Lilly the day before the wedding. She was pleasantly surprised at the number of women who gathered to help cook and clean. Lilly’s
mamm
had tried to join the bustle of activity but had soon wearied. Lilly found her crying in the pantry of the kitchen.
“
Mamm
, what is it?”
“It’s just—I know I should be helping, should have helped you with your dress and all. But … I just feel so bad. I can’t face all those women and their energy.”
Lilly slid her arm around her mother’s thin shoulders. “
Mamm
, it’s all right. I’m just so glad you’ll be here tomorrow. You don’t have to do anything.
Derr Herr
has blessed us with many hands to help. Let me take you upstairs and you can have a nice nap. I’ll be up later to try my dress on for you. Come on, we can go up the back stairs so no one will notice.”
She shielded her mother’s face against her shoulder and led her up the steps. Then she tucked her comfortably beneath a mound of quilts and slipped back downstairs.
Ellie Loftus, the bishop’s
fraa
, met her in the kitchen. “The Lord sees how well you care for your mother, Lilly. He will bless you for it.” Her voice was low. “But I know how hard it is to not have a mother’s help at this time. I want you to know that if you ever need anything—advice, comfort, or just a
gut
word, that I will be glad to help.”
Lilly smiled.
“Danki
.”
“Good. Now, we’ve got the creamed celery and the roasting chicken cooking. The rest of the food will be arriving throughout the day. Ruth Loder and Alice Plank have made good headway on cleaning and dusting. You’ll want to do the master bedroom, I’m thinking—Edith said she’d help you.”
Lilly swallowed, not really wanting to dwell on the master bedroom, when the kitchen door opened and Mary and Samuel Wyse bustled inside. Mary caught Lilly’s hand as Samuel stood with his arms full of something large and covered by a patchwork quilt.
“It’s a present, Lilly,” Mary whispered with excitement.
“Ach, danki!
”
Lilly gestured to the master bedroom as the place to put it as the other women tossed greetings to the groom’s parents.