Lily of the Springs (11 page)

His grin froze. His ocean blue eyes turned wintry and his hand slackened in mine. I tightened my grip on it, sensing he was going to withdraw it.

“Did I hear you right?” he said quietly. “You said you’re going to have a baby?”

I nodded, and the words that had been so difficult to say tumbled out like Cumberland Falls spilling over the boulders. “At first, I thought it was the flu. Well, it
was
the flu, but the doctor did some tests, I guess, and that’s when I found out. I don’t understand how it happened myself. We used…I mean you used them…what do you call ‘em…rubbers, so…” My cheeks burned with embarrassment.

Jake was still staring at me, his grin absent now. Under his tan, his face was the color of dirty bed sheets. I began talking faster, trying to make him understand. “I know the timing is bad, and everybody will talk, and our parents will raise Cain, but Jake, think what it’ll mean! No more sneaking around and hiding our love anymore. Aunt Jenny and Uncle Virgil have already said they’ll be our witnesses. We can get married Monday morning as soon as the courthouse opens.”

I realized Jake was trying to disengage his hand from mine. Tightening my grip, my voice rose with urgency, “I’m sure Aunt Jenny’s father will give me my old job back here at the drug store…”

My heart cringed as he wrenched his hand out of mine and turned to face the steering wheel, his jaw clenched, arms folded across his chest. “Jake, don’t be like this. It’s not the end of the world! We’ll save our money until we can afford to rent a little house. I’ll ask Mother if we can let Norry sleep in the parlor so you and me can have my room, at least until we get on our feet…”

Tears welled in my eyes. I twisted my hands in my lap to stop myself from clutching at him, pleading with him to…what? Marry me and make an honorable woman out of me? “
Say
something, Jake! Don’t just sit there like you’re made of stone.”

Slowly, he turned and looked at me. Coldness invaded my belly at the expression on his face. Like he was looking at something he’d found on the bottom of his shoe after a stroll through the cow pasture. He stared at me for a long moment while I held my breath, waiting for the words that would kill fantasies of heading over to the courthouse to become Mrs. Jake Tatlow.

Because that’s all they were, I realized. Girlish fantasies of love and happy-ever-after. But when the words finally came, I still wasn’t prepared for their cruelty.

“How do I know it’s mine?”

There was no trace of irony in his tone. Or any feeling at all. But the words sliced through my heart as surely as if he’d used a butcher knife. He waited for my response, his eyes as impersonal as a stranger’s.

“How can you ask me that?” I finally managed to whisper. “You were my first. You know that.”

“Yeah, well…” He gave an offhand shrug and glanced out his window as a gray Ford pulled up next to us. A lanky boy with a buzz-cut and a cigarette dangling from his mouth got out, his eyes sweeping over us with mild curiosity. He nodded curtly.

Jake responded with a jerk of his chin. He watched the youth saunter into the drugstore. My heartbeat pounded in my ears.

“How do I know,” Jake said, still in that terrifyingly calm voice he’d used before, “you weren’t out ruttin’ in the woods with good old Chad? Maybe once I broke you in, you figured one man wasn’t enough for you.”

The sound that escaped my throat was one of a wounded animal. I slapped him hard across the face. The red imprint of my hand on his skin sent a surge of satisfaction through me.

It didn’t last. Rage flared in his eyes. His right hand closed on my face like a vise. He squeezed, sending shockwaves of pain vibrating through my jaw. He brought his face close to mine and spoke through clenched teeth, “The last time somebody hit me like that, he was picking his teeth up off the ground. You’d better not ever do it again, you hear?”

I nodded frantically through burning tears. Jake’s eyes were as hard as concrete. His hand tightened on my jaw. I whimpered, feeling as if my cheeks were going to explode. There would be bruises later, and how would I explain that?

He released me abruptly, a look of disgust on his face. I rubbed my tender jaw, tears running down my cheeks. I was afraid to say anything more, even though every nerve inside me was screaming in outrage that Jake believed I was capable of bedding Chad—or any other man—after I’d pledged my love to him. Instead, I huddled against my door, watching as he took off his cap and tunneled his fingers through his hair.

“Jesus H. Christ,” he muttered, staring blankly out the windshield. “How could this have happened?”

I didn’t say anything, but a tiny flare of hope ignited in my heart. If he would at least acknowledge he was the father, that would be a step in the right direction.

He looked at me, and the little ray of hope flickered out. There was no love in his eyes—only scorn. “Who knows? Besides your aunt and uncle?”

I shook my head. “No one. I wanted to tell you first. I thought if we went ahead and got married…”

“Aw…
fuck
!” He exploded, digging his fingertips into his temples.

I flinched.

Jake stared grimly out the windshield. “God
damn
it!” He banged his hands on the steering wheel, causing the truck to tremble. “I’m only 19 fuckin’ years old!” His gaze skewered me. “And you expect me to tie myself down to a wife and a squalling brat?”

His words were like a physical blow. I placed my palms on my still flat belly as if to protect the fetus inside me and licked my dry lips, knowing I risked reviving his wrath if I spoke, but I had to know. “I thought you wanted to marry me,” I whispered, trying desperately to keep my voice neutral. “You said…that first time…you’d been waiting for me to grow up. You talked about when you gave me the ring made out of a twig. You said we’d pledged ourselves to each other way back then…”

His eyes blazed. “
We were fuckin’ kids back then!
We didn’t have a rat’s ass clue about nothing!”

“I’m not talking about Tucker Creek,” I said, knowing I was risking his anger, but unable to stay quiet. “I’m talking about the night you took my virginity. Do you think I would’ve let you do that if I hadn’t believed you loved me?”

He remained silent, but his fingers tightened on the steering wheel.

A group of bobby-soxed teenage girls in poodle skirts climbed out of a Chrysler and headed, giggling, into the drug store. I recognized them as juniors from RSHS…no, they’d be seniors now. School had started two weeks ago. I stared after them, feeling like I was a million years older. A year ago, I’d been just as carefree. When had life gotten so serious?

“There’s been nobody else, Jake. I love
you
. I could never love anybody but you.”

He just stared straight ahead.

My heart sank when I saw Aunt Jenny’s car pull into the parking lot. Time had run out. I watched her pull into a space far enough away from the wrecker so she wouldn’t invade our privacy, but close enough to make sure I knew she was here.

I looked at Jake. “I’ve got to go. Do you have anything to say?” I studied his profile, silently begging him to say the words I needed to hear. But he sat rigidly, avoiding my gaze. A muscle twitched in his jaw, the only visible sign of his turmoil.

My hand fastened on the door handle. My heart felt like lead. “I made an agreement with my aunt. She’d let me talk to you before we told my parents. If we was to go to them, man and wife, it would make things easier.” My cheeks burned with embarrassment. Oh, how humiliating to have to say words like this; it was tantamount to begging. It should be
him
asking
me
to marry him.

No response.

A tear ran down my cheek. Angrily, I brushed it away and opened the door of the truck. “Okay, then…I guess that’s my answer.” I gingerly jumped out of the wrecker and slammed the door. Even as I walked away, I kept waiting for his voice, calling me back. But it didn’t happen. As I came around to the passenger side of Aunt Jenny’s car, I heard the rumble of a motor and glanced back just in time to see Jake pull out of the parking space and onto the road heading toward the junction.

Numb with shock, I slid into Aunt Jenny’s car, keeping my eyes averted from her expectant gaze. “Well, what happened?”

I stared glassily out the window, my hands tightening on the rayon material of my circle skirt. “Let’s go home,” I said in a flat monotone. “It’s time to tell Mother and Daddy.”

“
I
t’s okay, Lily Rae, please stop crying.” Norry’s plea, meant to be comforting, only made me sob harder.

Nothing was ever going to be okay again.

“Can’t you tell me what’s wrong? Maybe I can help.”

I buried my face in my pillow, trying to smother the bitter, hysterical laugh choking my throat.
Can you turn back time, Norry Jean? That’s the only way you can help me.

She gave my shoulder an awkward pat, momentarily running out of words of comfort. Even though I couldn’t see her, I could feel the warmth of her body, curled up on the bed next to me. I could also feel her love and concern. But once Norry knew the awful truth, would she be like everyone else, and treat me like the fallen woman I was?

It had gone much, much worse than I’d ever expected. On the drive back to Opal Springs just as we neared Webb’s Cross Roads, terror had engulfed me. I’d pleaded with Aunt Jenny to give Jake some time—at least through the weekend—to do the right thing, but for the first time ever, Jenny had revealed a side of herself that I’d never glimpsed, and it was made of steel. Eyes straight ahead, hands locked on the steering wheel, she’d listened to my pleas without interruption.

When I’d finally run out of words, she turned gentle blue eyes on me and said quietly, “Lily Rae, I promised you I’d be with you while you broke the news. Virgil has to be at work on Monday, so we have to leave first thing tomorrow morning. Now, unless you want to face your mama and daddy alone, you’d best get it over with.”

So that’s what I’d done. Got it over with.

I shuddered at the memory of those awful moments following my confession, and a new shock wave of grief burst from my aching lungs. Oh, God! I
hurt
. I’d thought my heart was shattered when Chad broke up with me. But that was nothing compared to what I felt now.

Oh,
God
! The looks on their faces would be imprinted on my memory for as long as I lived. There had been no easy way to tell them.

My family had been in the kitchen, just sitting down to supper. Mother was standing behind Daddy, a basket of cornbread in one hand, the black enamel coffee pot in the other. Landry, Edsel, and Norry were busy helping themselves to the food on the table—pork chops, mashed potatoes and creamed corn, I saw. Only Norry looked up when we entered.

“Lily Rae!” she exclaimed, delight crossing her face.

At Norry’s excited announcement, Mother’s gaze fastened on me and her blue eyes twinkled. “Well, looky who’s here.” Without missing a beat, she filled Daddy’s coffee cup, placed the pot on the stove, and reached into the cabinet for more plates. “Sit yourselves down and have a bite of supper. We got plenty.”

“Hi, ya’all,” Aunt Jenny said. “Lily Rae has something important to talk to ya’all about. But…” Her gaze swept over Norry and the boys. “I think it might be best if we had a few minutes alone with you and Edson, Alpina.”

Edsel’s mouth opened—to object, I was sure, but a look from Daddy quelled him. Chairs scraped on the pine floor as the boys got up and shuffled out of the kitchen. Norry’s saucer-sized brown eyes darted from me to Jenny to our parents as she reluctantly vacated her chair and headed for the door.

Their footsteps thudded up the stairs, Edsel’s plaintive grumble trailing behind them, “Doggone it! I’m so hungry my backbone is scraping my belly!”

Two doors closed, the boys with a slam, and Norry’s with a milder thud.

“Well, girl?” Daddy spoke gruffly. “What’s so important that the younguns couldn’t hear?”

I threw Aunt Jenny a panicked look.
I can’t do this! I’d rather die!

As if reading my mind, she grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She fastened her eyes on Mother and said, “Alpina…Edson…Lily Rae has some…disturbing news. I promised I’d stay with her because this isn’t going to be easy for…any of us.”

I felt two pairs of eyes turn my way—one dark, the other light. I tried to swallow, but my saliva had run dry. My hands were clenched into fists, nails digging into my palms. I couldn’t look directly at Daddy. He sat at the table, a big bear of a man with deep-set brown eyes and sun-weathered skin like tanned leather.

Bowing my head, I stared at the tips of the pretty black pumps Jenny had bought me at JC Penney’s just before I’d started school. “I’m in trouble,” I said softly.

Moments ticked by in an unearthly silence.

“What sort of trouble, Lily Rae?” Mother’s voice sounded unnaturally loud in the kitchen.

I kept my eyes on my shoes. “I’m going to have a baby.” The words came out in a soft gush. And then I burst into tears.

Aunt Jenny was right there, holding me, just like she’d said she’d be. I sobbed into her shoulder, terrified of looking at my parents. But in the end, I couldn’t not look. I dragged myself away from my aunt, and turned. “Please don’t hate me! I’m not a bad person. I just…” I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. “I love him.”

Daddy’s face was like stone. Only his eyes revealed his emotions—anger, dismay and yes, there it was…shame. And Mother. Her face was white, eyes horrified. She sat stiffly, hands in her lap. And right before my eyes, she seemed to age ten years.