Little Casino (2 page)

Or: “Death is not an event in life: we do not live to experience death.” (6.4311)

Click. Now you see us; now you don’t.

Click.

Many people cannot understand why certain religions do not allow animals to enter heaven. Well, we know that they have no souls, but many people wonder about that, too. Do they? When the Rapture snatches Joe Bob Joe outen his Ford pickup, it’ll be tough on Mr. Joe to leave Rend and Tear, his “really gentle” Rottweilers, behind.

“Let him change his religion and truly be saved!” Bob Joe Bob says, perhaps irrelevantly.

May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. Which implies, maybe, that if God does not wish, in, of course, selected cases, to be merciful, these faithful departed may
not
rest in peace.

Tangerine was, indeed, all they claimed, but she’s been dead for about 50 years. Bob Eberle knew her well, and even, so they say, had an amour with her. He may be dead by now as well.

Of what is’t fools make such vain keeping?

Sin their conception, their birth weeping,

Their life a general mist of error,

Their death a hideous storm of terror.

John Webster was, clearly, unfamiliar with the rhetoric of grief counseling.

I once heard Ray Eberle, Bob’s brother, at the end of his rather undistinguished career, sing in a Brooklyn saloon named Henry’s. His backup band was a disastrous trio, piano, accordion, and drums, but he was game. He bummed a cigarette from me at the bar. I was going to tell him that I’d seen him at the Paramount with Glenn Miller, but what was the point?

Click.

The chums of 6B4

M
ARIO WORE RUBBERS TO SCHOOL EVERY
day, for the uppers of his shoes were cracked and split, and the soles worn all the way through. He could have chosen not to wear rubbers, of course, for this was, even in the thirties, America, and freedom, enough to choke a horse, was in the unfailing ascendant. An unkind youth with a belief in his own superiority once thought to bait him about these rubbers, industrial rubbers, as they surely were, slaughterhouse rubbers, with their unmistakable thick red soles. The rage that he saw within Mario’s tautly held body dissuaded him, however, and warned him away. A lot of the boys in class, knowing of his plans, were disappointed, because they hoped that maybe Mario would, in the parlance of the day, clean the little bastard’s fucking clock. Maybe, God willing, even kill him. Nobody would miss him, least of all the chums of 6B4.

“I wish that all the pain that _____ is feeling could be visited, in spades,

on my worst enemy,” is a refreshing phrase. If one can’t wish one’s enemies misery or death, what is the use of sin and redemption?

Follow the leader: Mario, after his bitter childhood years of poverty, which he shared with his older brother, Mike, followed Mike and Mike’s wife, Connie, to Trenton, NJ, for God knows what reason. They may still live there, doing the Jersey bounce.

It is generally agreed, or so I understand, that the word “chum” is no longer in general use, save for ironic or parodic affect. It functions, that is, much like the well-made short story.

“Of which we’ve read, ah, plenty.”

On a Studebaker coupe

H
E TAKES BUBBSY, WHOM HE HATES, BUT HAS
no idea why, up to the roof, for reasons never explained, reasons never even suggested by the quiet, handsome boy, who has lived, more or less, in saloons most of his life. His mother has kept him in food and clothes, despite the fact that she rarely leaves the bar, save to stagger into the ladies’ room with one drunken lothario or another. He pulls Bubbsy, by the hair, to the edge of the roof, and throws him off. Bubbsy lands on a Studebaker coupe, crushing the roof with his head, which cracks open in a mess of blood and brains. He leans over the edge of the roof and lights a cigarette, then carefully drops a burnt match, aiming at the body, but the wind blows the match well off line and out of sight. He thinks that the coupe belongs to that stupid prick who lives over the candy store on the corner. That would be nice.

Hide and seek: death. He had been in Lincoln Hall. After the death of Bubbsy, he was sent to Coxsackie, then Dannemora. Nobody knew where he went from there, although there were recurring, preposterous rumors that he was acting in the movies, with a different face.

“They can do fuckin’ anything in Hollywood.”

Bubbsy liked to torture cats and cruelly tease and hurt little children. Had he lived, there is a good chance that he would have become a hail-fellow-well-met regular sport of a bully, drunk, and dedicated beater of women, like his older brother, Mac, the cop.

“There are always, sure, a few bad apples in the barrel, but it’s very wrong to condemn and blacken all the other honest, hardworking, law-abiding people who and so forth, and who and so on, and who, day in and day out, do this and do that and do the other thing too.”

It could happen to you. Hide. And seek.

The same darkness envelops them all.

The burdens of the Depression

H
AVE A SPAGHETTI SANGWICH! HAVE A
spaghetti sangwich with pieces of cold frankfurter on it! Have a cod-liver oil sandwich, a sammich that’ll put hair on your chest, your head, your hands, and your freezing feet!

A ketchup sammich? A ketchup-and-mustard sammich? Or how does a cold stringbean sammich strike you, little fella? A canned pineapple sandwich might go well with a big jelly jar chock by Jesus Christ up to the brim with lemon Epco or grape Kool-Aid, as too might a canned-spinach sandwich. Succotash on moldy rye? Mmmm.

A cottage-cheese-and-cold-boiled-puhtaytuh sangaweech on stale Bond bread, now that is the absolute ticket! You’re talking nutrition? Then, too, sandwiches of sliced green pepper and Crisco will surely refresh after a long day of career discussions. And don’t neglect to pop over to friendly Gallagher’s, sport, for a pitcher of Trommer’s: crisp, light, and tingling! And zesty! It’s the Ivy League beverage of choice, you’ll recall?

How to feed your family of five, or even six, on a dollar a day, without endangering their health or welfare. Just takes a little g-u-m-p gumption!

Stay away, oh, stay far hence from those terrible crumb buns, cinnamon buns, coconut buns, crullers, doughnuts, and Danish pastries: they’ll send you to your grave, yowzah.

Break out the lettuce-and-oleo sammiches, pliz. Look at those smiling children in the sunny kitchen! Look at those cavities and suppurating ears! Bacon and eggs and sausages and toast with butter, again! That will do it every time.

Afterward, when the coughing lets up a little, these tykes can build a little character selling
Liberty
at the subway station. “How to Feed Your Growing Family on Fifty Cents a Day” is in the latest issue, wow!

And for the love of God, who does not cotton to the idle poor, as we all know,
please
avoid those thick steaks, buttered mashed potatoes, rich sauces, cream-laden desserts, all those deadly foods that will damage the courageous heart, OK?

Lard on toast might allay certain yearnings, but moderation, moderation.

How amazing that the poor have
always
eaten a healthy diet, rich in vegetables, legumes, and whole grains, and low in fat and sugars. They’ve had it puh-retty darn good!

Here you go—a kohlrabi sangwich on what looks like a fetching pale-green slice of Silvercup! Fulla vitamins Q and T.

Herbert Hoover died at the age of 137, of course. It is said that he never ate a steak in his life, and that his favorite dinner was farmer cheese on soda crackers with skim milk.

He did
not
call the unemployed “the shiftless idle,” and the rumor that attributed this remark to him has been traced to Ethel and Julius Rosenberg, described as “Godless un-Cristian [sic] Jews” in
Jesus Knows News.
It is a cruel rumor, and one that is in very poor taste as well.

When the burdens of the Depression and such aberrations as the Bonus March could not be lightened by cheery thoughts of Tom Mix, Mr. Hoover often went fly-fishing, called “the sport of dukes.” He wore his Stanford tie.