Loaded: A Bad Boy Romance (33 page)

L
eah woke
up late the next morning to someone pounding on the door of her tiny attic bedroom.

“I’m UP!” she shouted crankily.

She felt awful, even though she’d slept like a log. She hadn’t showered when she’d gotten home for fear of waking someone up at two in the morning, and her hands and feet were still covered in grass stains. The dress she’d worn yesterday had been shredded to ribbons when she’d panic-shifted, of course, so she’d have to find a way to explain
that.

Worst, she’d finally realized that she couldn’t have Nathan. There was no way. What her father said was more or less law in his family, and there was no way he’d go for Nathan over Ian. He
especially
wouldn’t want to lose face after publicly promising Leah to Ian in a ceremony.

Jonah Whitehorse wasn’t the kind of man who ever changed his mind, and Leah knew that if he caught her with Nathan, he’d have her back in a tiny cabin in the Yukon so fast her head would spin, and he’d be furious with her for
embarrassing
him.

It was best, Leah thought, to just take what comes and make the best of it. What she wanted didn’t matter at all, and it never had.

“Come ON,” shouted Emily through the door, and Leah rolled her eyes. How could one person be so meek in public and such a loudmouth around her own family?

“Give me FIVE MINUTES,” she hollered back, desperately looking for another skirt.

At least she hadn’t been caught last night. Thank God for small mercies.

A
ll day
, Leah’s job was pies. They needed at least a dozen for the barbecue, in addition to all the desserts that they’d already made.

Rolling out the dough, listening to her sisters bicker and laugh and tease each other, she finally found a sense of peace. She loved baking, and she especially loved it right now because it distracted her from her thoughts just enough.

Besides, being in the kitchen always made her feel like she was loved. Unlike almost every other room in a house, it was her mother’s domain, and however prickly her mother could be with strangers, she was warm and loving with her own children.

Maybe that’s how I’ll cope
, she thought, her mind drifting back to her impending marriage
. At least I know I’ll love my children, no matter who they’re with
.

The thought wasn’t as comforting as she wanted it to be, but then she caught Emily sneaking a bite of pie dough and swatted her sister’s hand.

“That’s raw!” she said. “Don’t mess up my circle.”

“It’s fine,” Emily said, rolling her eyes.

“Can’t you go be useful?” Leah said, half-teasing the other girl.

“Emily, come pit cherries,” called Abigail from across the kitchen.

Emily made a face.

“Either cultivate a skill or help us out over here,” hollered Rebecca.

Leah couldn’t help but smile. At least there was some love in her life. Through the kitchen window, she watched her brothers sweat and set up tables, meat already cooking and smoking over a wide assortment of grills and fires. Her father, not working, looked over everything.

If someone knows how to do meat, it’s Whitehorse men
, she thought, her hands deftly lacing up a pie crust.

H
ours later
, after she’d showered the thin coating of flour off of herself, Leah sat in a chair in the room her sisters were sharing and let them deal with her hair. It was curly and wild, completely untamable as far as she was concerned.

But, of course, her father wouldn’t let her cut it off, so she moved through the world with a cloud of red around her at all times.

Now, Rebecca held a blow-dryer with diffuser to her curls while Abigail sprayed her hair with something that smelled faintly of flowers. Leah had no idea what it was.

“Where’d you get that?” she asked.

“Internet,” said Abigail.

“Where did you learn about that stuff?” she asked.

“Internet again,” said Abigail.

Then she sighed.

“Leah, you’re going to be so glad to be out of Daddy’s house,” Abigail said. “There’s so much to the world.”

For a moment, everyone was silent. Then Leah spoke up.

“Did you love Caleb and Ethan when you got married?” she asked, her voice very quiet, barely audible under the hum of the blow dryer.

In the mirror, she could see her sisters exchange a look.

“Caleb’s a good man,” Rebecca said.

“So is Ethan.”

“That’s a no,” said Leah, making a face.

“Ethan provides very well,” Abigail said, carefully. “And he gave me Emma, of course.”

Emma was her daughter, somewhere downstairs, running amok with all the other kids.

“I don’t see too much of Caleb, really,” said Rebecca. “It works out.”

“I see,” said Leah. That answered that.

“Life’s not a fairy tale,” said Abigail. “But, I mean, you knew that.”

She shut off the hair dryer, and Rebecca gave Leah’s mane one last good squirt.

“There,” she said, and Leah looked at herself in the mirror.

Her hair was
less
wild, at least, and it was very shiny.

“That’s better,” she said, in a tone of voice that suggested it wasn’t
that
much better.

“It’s as good as you’re gonna get,” Rebecca said, one hand on her hip. “Once you’re married you can just shave it all off.”

Leah stuck her tongue out, into the mirror, and her sisters laughed.

Then Emily leaned in the door.

“Ian’s here!” she shouted before scampering off to somewhere else.

Abigail leaned in to kiss Leah’s cheek and whisper in her ear.

“The first year is the hardest,” she said.

Rebecca just nodded in agreement.

Then Leah stood and went downstairs to greet her future husband.

O
verall
, the barbecue wasn’t so bad, she thought. With her entire extended family, most of her clan, and nearly all of Fjords in attendance, she barely had to spend any time with Ian, and that was well enough. He was odd and stiff, and seemed to mostly speak with the older men of the North Star clan about business or something.

She saw Nathan come in at one point, and it felt like her heart might seize up in her chest. He wouldn’t look at her, though. Not that she could blame him, after the stunt she’d pulled last night.

If he never wanted to look at her again, that was fine. She would simply have to handle living in the same town as him, feeling that tug in his direction all the time, and never acting on it.

Finally, she stood around with her cousins, laughing for once, actually enjoying her family.

“I think it was the look on his face,” her cousin Paul was saying. “That thing just bucked him off and he landed right on his ass, looking surprised as all get out that a sheep could do that,” he said, grinning. “I don’t know what that idiot thought would happen if he tried to ride a sheep, but that was the end result.”

“Did he chase it?” Leah said, trying to stifle her giggles. “Tell me he tried to chase it down.”

Paul just grinned.

“He didn’t
not
chase it,” he said. “He was so drunk he just fell right over, though, and one of the goats came over and peed right on his back.”

Leah nearly shrieked with laughter.

Paul and his brother lived pretty far out in the middle of nowhere, the two youngest of her father’s brother. Every time she saw them, they had great stories, mostly about getting drunk and trying to ride various farm animals.

Then, everyone around Leah suddenly went quiet. She was looking down at her paper plate, stabbing herself a forkful of delicious pie.

“I would like to speak with you,” said a horribly familiar voice.

Her cousins and siblings quickly scattered.

Leah tried to smile, but something in the way he spoke to her made her wretchedly nervous.

Just try to be a good wife
, she thought.
The first year is the hardest.

“What is it, sweetheart?” she asked.

Even as she said it, the endearment tasted bitter on her tongue.

Ian scowled and grabbed the paper plate from her hand, stalking a couple of feet and throwing it in a nearby trash can.

She’d only eaten one bite, and she stood there and watched open-mouthed.

“What are you doing?” she asked, then bit her tongue.

Don’t question your husband like that
, she thought to herself.

Ian looked her up and note disdainfully.

“You don’t need another slice of pie,” he said.

That was my first and I can’t believe you just wasted delicious pie
, Leah thought, tears starting in her eyes, but she didn’t say it out loud.

She didn’t say anything.

“I’d like to talk about your behavior,” he said, stepping forward to tower over her.

Leah bowed her head.

The first year is the hardest,
she reminded herself, but she’d met her sisters’ husbands, and she wasn’t sure that they’d had it this hard.

“What about it?” she said, softly.

“You’re embarrassing me,” he said, his voice too loud. “My wife should be quiet and ladylike, not rambunctious and loud. At least cover your mouth when you laugh.”

Leah blushed hard, the red rising to her cheeks. She balled her fists in her skirt, furious but impotent.

How dare he
, she thought, but didn’t say anything out loud.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, looking down at the ground.

From the corner of her eye, she could tell that everyone was pretending not to watch them.

“You also need to be by my side whenever possible,” Ian went on. “I don’t want to go looking for my wife when I want her.”

Leah ground her teeth together, feeling her jaw flex.

I’m not your wife yet
, she thought.
I’ve still got a couple days
.

“Yes, Ian,” she said softly, still doing her best not to cry.

Ian nodded, and if he noticed her distress, he didn’t seem to mind it.

“That’s all understood?” he said.

Leah could feel everyone’s eyes on her, and wrung her hands together, trying not to squirm.

“Yes,” she said, quietly.

“I’d like some more pie,” he said. “That blueberry is delicious.”

Then he walked back to the knot of men, turning his back to her.

Leah took two deep breaths, forcing the tears back down.

Then she walked to the pie tables, cut a big piece of blueberry, grabbed a fork, and brought it to Ian.

At least try,
she told herself as she walked toward him, forcing a smile onto her face.
At least give this a shot
.

As she handed the plate to Ian, she felt like her skin was crawling. She was nauseous, and she broke out in a sweat as she got closer.

Still, she forced herself to hand over the plate, smile, and kiss his cheek.

“I’ll be back in a moment,” she said. Her hands and voice shook, but she didn’t think anyone noticed.

Then, calmly as she could, she crossed the yard into the house, sprinted up three floors to the tiny cramped bathroom on the top floor, locked the door, sat on the toilet in all her clothes, and burst into tears.

N
athan got
to the barbecue late, hoping that no one would notice. He’d spent a long time in the shower, washing off the sawdust of the day, trying to avoid thinking about Leah at all.

Her choice had been clear. As awful as it made him feel, it was understandable: choosing her family and the way they’d always done things over him, a violent wildcard who she barely knew, made sense.

After all, he’d beaten up her idiot cousin just that morning.

When he got there, he went straight to the meat. That, at least, would be good. Shifters
always
knew how to grill, and this time was no exception.

He sneaked glances over at Leah, laughing with a bunch of people her age who looked kind of like her — family, he assumed. She looked happy for once, and even though Nathan wished he was the one making her happy, he was glad for her.

Then he got into a long conversation about custom dining tables with Evan, one of the few men who’d made the transition from Roy’s leadership to Brock’s leadership very well.

“Do you ever use reclaimed wood?” Evan was asking, sipping on his lemonade. No alcohol here, either.

“Sometimes,” said Nathan, glad for a topic he could talk about without too much effort. “I prefer to use local, though, and with reclaimed wood the choices are pretty limited.”

“I see,” said Evan. “What I’m really looking for is...”

Nathan wasn’t listening anymore. Instead, he was watching Ian chew Leah out while she lowered her head in submission. Everyone was watching the two of them and pretending not to.

Fury clawed its way through Nathan, and he only just fought down his bear, watching Leah wring her hands and look at the ground.

Whatever he’s saying to her, I want to murder him
, Nathan thought, barely under control.

Is he just doing this to show us she’s cowed? To prove he can be a man?

Men don’t need to berate women
, he thought, breathing hard.

Next to him, Evan had stopped talking as well, also watching the spectacle unfold.

Then, Ian went back to the men he’d been talking to. Evan went on about tables, but Nathan watched Leah. He didn’t want to, but couldn’t help himself: the way she moved, the thought of her perfect, warm, curvy body beneath that simple dress.

She walked to the table, got a big piece of blueberry pie, and then delivered it to Ian.

Then she kissed him on the cheek.

Nathan felt himself actually begin to shift at that, his bear roaring in pure rage, but he closed his eyes and forced it down.

Not here, not now
.

Then Leah walked into the house.

“Excuse me,” Nathan told Evan, and walked toward the house himself, forcing himself not to break into a run.

The back door went right into the kitchen, where Leah’s mother was standing and directing the veritable army of her children.

Nathan listened hard for Leah’s footsteps, trying to follow her exquisite scent through the house, but it was all chaos and pie, every scent mingling together.

“Hi, Nathan,” said Leah’s mom, her apron covered in flour and her own gray-streaked hair curly and wild.

“Hello, Mrs. Whitehorse,” he said, his eyes roving over everything, trying to figure out where Leah had gone. He’d only seen two rooms of the house, but he knew there were two more stories.

“The bathroom’s through that door and on the left, just next to the staircase,” she said, pointing. “Or were you looking for something else?”

“That was it,” he said, forcing a smile. He hoped it looked normal. “Thanks.”

He followed her directions out of the kitchen and into a hallway, finally out of sight of the kitchen.

Leah wasn’t on this floor. She’d probably run up to her bedroom. What better place to hide?

He took the stairs two at a time, trying hard not to make any noise to arouse Mrs. Whitehorse’s suspicions, but he also figured that the racket in the kitchen would take care of that.

The bedrooms and the bathroom on the second floor were empty. He went up another flight, still trying to be quiet.

The attic was smaller, just a hallway with two doors and a bedroom.

The bedroom was empty. He even checked behind the door, but no one was in there. It didn’t smell like Leah had been in there lately, either.

Then Nathan heard a very, very soft noise coming from another door in the hallway. He stepped closer, inhaling as he went.

There she was.

Softly, he knocked on the door.

“Just a minute,” Leah’s voice came out. He could tell that she was crying, but he bit back his rage at Ian.

“It’s me,” he called, softly. He wondered if she’d recognize his voice.

There was a long, long pause. No noise came from behind the door. Nathan didn’t even know whether it was a closet or a bathroom or something else.

Maybe she doesn’t want me here either
, he thought.
What have I ever made better for her?

He leaned his forehead against the door, praying that she’d open up. It would be easier if she didn’t. He’d have tried, and then, maybe, they could both just get on with their lives.

Not that he
wanted
to get on with his life. Now that he’d met Leah, there was almost nothing he wanted less than his old life, the one where he took care of Brock’s problems and had a different woman in his bed every week.

“Leah? Please?” he said softly, into the crack between the door and the doorframe.

The lock clicked back, and very slowly, the door opened.

Leah’s beautiful eyes were bright red, her whole face puffy and pink, her hair sticking up at every angle. She’d been wearing eyeliner, and it was streaked black down her face.

“Come in,” she whispered, stepping back into the tiny bathroom.

Nathan closed the door behind him, sliding the lock into place, and took Leah in his arms, feeling her heartbeat against his skin.

“I’ll murder him,” he said, his voice thick in his throat. Seeing Leah cry nearly overwhelmed him.

“He’s my husband,” she said softly. As soon as he’d wrapped his arms around her, it felt like she’d simply melted into him.

“Not yet,” Nathan said.

“He’s going to be,” she said, sounding so small and defeated that it broke Nathan’s heart. “I’m out of options. Either I marry him, or my father exiles me. If I refuse Ian, I’ll be back in the Yukon by this time tomorrow, and not even my own family will talk to me,” she went on.

He just held her tighter.

“It happened to my mother’s aunt,” she went on, her voice listless. “She ran away from the man she was betrothed to, and they shunned her because of it. I only met her once, when I was a little girl, at my grandmother’s funeral. She lived alone in the woods and she looked so, so sad.”

Nathan stroked her hair, the wild curls springing out between his fingers. He could almost feel her despair seeping through his skin, digging its hooks into him as well.

Just stay here, with me
, he thought.
I can protect you
.

He knew he didn’t fully understand, though. And he knew that Jonah Whitehorse wasn’t a man who was likely to take well to his daughter disobeying him.

Unable to think of the right thing to say, he laced his fingers through hers and kissed the back of her hand. Leah sighed

“I don’t want to marry him,” she said, shaking her head. Her voice broke. “I don’t.”

Then, something dawned on Nathan.

“Leah,” he said. “I might have the answer.”

She looked up at him again, her big eyes blinking.

“It’s kind of crazy,” he said.

“What is it?” she asked, their fingers still curled around each other.

I can’t believe I’m doing this
, Nathan thought.

It was the most right thing he’d ever done, though. He knew that much deep in his bones, right down to the very center of his being.

“Promise you won’t freak out?” he said.

Leah smiled and half-laughed through her tears.

“I’m already freaking out,” she said. “How about I promise not to freak out more?”

“I’ll take it,” he said.