Look After Us (13 page)

“Ava, what’s wrong?”

I force his hands off me, pushing him away. “Don’t fucking touch me!” I seethe as more tears fall down my face. Even through my constant tears, I can still see him flinch at my words.

“Baby, I don’t know what’s happened. Tell me. What’s wrong?”

“Don’t call me that! You don’t get to call me that anymore! I’m not your fucking baby!” My screams screech from me, and are likely to wake the entire house up, but I’m too far gone to even care. I feel his hands reach out and touch me, and I shudder from the contact. “Just calm down and tell me what’s happened?”

I pull away from him. I can’t bear his touch. “You! You are what happened. I saw you kissing her.
Riley
!” I scream, my tears falling even faster.

His face turns a ghostly white, and he runs his hands along his face. “
Fuck
!”

I drop the suitcase from my grasp, letting it fall against the wooden floor. It echoes loudly around the foyer, the sounds bouncing off the walls.

“You said you would never break my heart, that you would protect me until your last dying breath, and here you are kissing the girl who has had me in a fit of jealousy since the moment I met her. How could you do this to me?” I slam my fist into my chest as the realization of my words come crashing down on me, the crack in my heart deepening.

He edges towards me, his face serious. “It isn’t what it looked like. Please calm down so I can explain to you what happened. I swear to you I didn’t kiss her … I
didn’t
… I wouldn’t do that to you. I
love
you.”

I let out a jittery breath and my tears eventually let up, allowing me to wipe them dry with the back of my hand. However, the sobs continue to stammer from my chest, making it hard for me to breathe.

“What the hell is going on?”

Light illuminates around us and we both turn to a disheveled Alana who makes her way down the stairs, clearly angry to be woken up by my loud screaming so early in the morning. Turning away, I wipe my wet cheeks, while a shaky breath escapes my lungs. Ashton runs his fingers through his hair, looking up to the ceiling, sighing heavily. When neither of us answers her, Alana says in an irritated voice, “Can someone please explain why I’m waking up to screaming at three in the goddamn morning?”

After a short moment I finally turn to face her, and her eyes narrow with concern when she takes in my pain-filled face. “Oh, honey. What’s wrong?”

I glance at Ashton. Just looking at his beautiful face reminds me of the heartache that continues to cripple me, and I feel the tears begin to well up again. Her eyes then pierce angrily on Ashton. “What the hell have you done?”

His eyes close with regret, and I watch as a mixture of pain and anger sweeps across his features. “Ava saw Riley kissing me.”

I flinch when Alana slaps Ashton across the back of his head, her face reddening with sheer anger. “You kissed Riley? Are you stupid, boy? What the hell were you thinking? Or were you?”

He palms the back of his head, hissing out in pain as he stares daggers at his mother. “I
didn’t
kiss her,” he grits out, his chest heaving. “She kissed
me
. I would never have kissed her,
ever
.” The last section was aimed at me and my bottom lip trembles, not sure if I can even believe him. I saw it with my own two eyes … it looked like he was kissing her back. But I also know how things can be easily taken out of context, so I at least owe him the chance to explain.

He lets out a sigh before focusing his attention on his mother. “Mom, can you give me and Ava a moment alone please?”

She looks between us, her forehead wrinkling with tension as she puts Ashton under her scrutiny. Several seconds pass before her stare lessens and her tension smoothes out. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you want me, sweetheart.” Her words are aimed at me and I nod. I try to smile but my quivering bottom lip prevents me from doing so. Once we’re finally alone in the foyer he reaches for my hand as he says, “Let’s go out onto the porch.” He begins to lead me towards the front door but I immediately snatch my hand away from his, and I don’t miss the way his eyes painfully clench shut at my rejection.

I’m the first to step outside, wanting a two-second head start so I can psych myself up for a conversation that has the possibility to break me. I sit down on the porch steps and look up at the millions of stars that sparkle down on me. It’s a little cooler than it was earlier, but not cool enough to be able to take a breath of fresh air. Instead the air is humid. Stifling almost.

I feel Ashton’s presence behind before I hear his footsteps, and right now I hate how in tune I am to his body, that I can feel him without physically hearing him. It proves just how deeply I’ve fallen for him.

As Ashton takes a seat next to me, I brush away the endless amount of tears that still continue to fall. I feel his gaze on me, but I focus all my attention to the night sky, wrapping my arms around my legs, resting my chin against my knees.

“Ava …” Without turning my head, I glance in his direction, taking in a long, deep breath. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”

“I know. You keep saying. Why don’t you tell me what I was supposed to have seen, because to me it was exactly what it looked like,” I hiss out, my body shaking with anger.

“Well I can’t tell you when you won’t even look at me.”

Reluctantly I pivot my body to look at him. How can your world turn upside down in a matter of minutes?

“We got back from the bachelor party a couple of hours ago, but me and Tyler made some food and stayed up talking. You know how rare it is that I see him, so I wanted to make the most of it. We lost track of time, and it wasn’t until Riley came down for a glass of water that we realized just how late it was. She hung out with us while she drank her water until Tyler decided to call it a night. I was heading to bed when she freaking cornered me. I tried to shake her but that woman wasn’t taking no for an answer. I went to move around her when suddenly she kissed me.”

I have to look away for a moment, swallowing back the emotion that seems to be lodged at the back of my throat. His thumb and finger turns my head in his direction, forcing my gaze on his. “I pushed her off me straight away and told her that under no circumstances was she ever to kiss me again. I love
you
, Ava … and I told her that no one would ever come close to the love that I feel for you. You have to believe that.”

I’m silent for a minute as I allow his words to sink in. I know by the look of sincerity in his eyes and his honest words that he’s telling me the truth—much to my relief—but something still doesn’t sit right with me.

I heavily gulp as I shift closer to him. “You didn’t push her away immediately. I saw you for at least five seconds with her lips attached to yours before I couldn’t take anymore, and for every single second it didn’t look like you were pushing her off you.”

Heavily exhaling, he forces his eyes down to the ground for a long moment before tilting his head back towards me, running his hand down his face. “You’re right, a couple of seconds passed before I made the decision to push her away from me but I have been drinking tonight, it was simply a delayed reaction. It didn’t mean anything.”

I slam my eyes closed, feeling the tears brimming along my lids, seeking their escape.

“So you
are
telling me that you kissed her back?” I ask, glancing back at him.

“What? No!” he stresses, his eyes wide with panic. “I just meant if it weren’t for the alcohol that the shock wouldn’t have slowed down my senses. I admit my lips were attached to hers, but never for one minute did I move my lips against hers, or lean in to deepen the kiss. I swear, baby …”

My eyes trace over his hand as I watch how his fingers inch closer to mine until his whole hand covers my own. Shivers erupt around me from the touch of his skin. It happens every time he touches me, but right now I can’t bear it. Even though he hasn’t betrayed me, everything is still too raw, too fresh.

I shake my head as I unclasp my hand from his and stand, needing to make some much-needed space between us. I need to think. I need to breathe.

“But your lips were still on hers, the same lips that I kissed only hours earlier. The image of her lips against yours—whether you were kissing her back or not—is an image that simply can’t be erased.” I turn around to face him, and I ignore the way my heart falters as I take in his glistening emerald eyes that have been swallowed up with pure emotion.

“If it was anyone else I’d be able to forget, but it wasn’t. It was Riley, who I’ve been insanely jealous of since the moment I met her, and it seems my jealousy was warranted all along. And if you had opened your eyes to her discreet touching, her flirtatious smiles, her lack of
fricking
clothes for the past two days, then maybe you wouldn’t have found yourself in that situation in the first place.”

Suddenly he’s on his feet and gripping hold of my arms in a tight embrace, his face inches away from me, his hypnotic eyes boring into mine.

“You don’t see it do you?”

“See what?” I tremble.

“The reason why I haven’t acknowledged her.” He brings his hands up to my face, cupping my cheeks with his tense touch that sears into my skin like wildfire. “
You,
Ava.
You
are the reason why she hasn’t even registered on my radar because all I ever see is
you.
You have me bound so tight that even if a girl was standing naked in front of me, I would be blind to it because when I’m with you, everything else around me just fades away. Hell, when you’re not with me, I still find it hard to even look at another woman because you’re on my brain twenty-four seven. I become blind to those around me because it’s only you I can see. It’s been that way since the moment I met you.”

My eyes flutter closed when he dips his head and gently presses his lips to mine, causing my breath to catch at the back of my throat. After a few seconds he pulls away and rests his head against mine, looking down at me with an intensity that sends shock waves through my nervous system.

“I love you.”

I give out a heavenly sigh, my body tingling from the feel of his breath against my lips. “I love you, too.” I step away from his embrace, ignoring the chill I feel at the loss of contact, even in the eighty-degree heat. “But I can’t be around you right now, I just … I need to be alone. Please … I need time to let tonight sink in.”

“You promise to still be here in the morning?”

I give a gentle nod. “I’m not going anywhere; I just need some time alone.” He takes a step forward and presses a kiss to my temple before slowly distancing himself.

“Okay. I’ll stay with Tyler in the pool house for the rest of the night.”

He seems to hesitate for a moment, but eventually he begins to walk backwards, his eyes never straying from mine. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He turns around and I can only nod as I watch his retreating back walk in the direction of the house, but not before taking one final glance.

Once alone, I drop my exhausted body on the porch steps and I let the past twenty-five minutes soak in, trying to let my body catch up with the overwhelming emotions that flow through my veins.

It’s only when I feel Alana’s motherly arms wrap around me that I finally set my emotions free by letting my tears fall without any interruptions.

I HAVEN’T SLEPT A
wink.

How can I when I know my fiancée is hurting? Hurting because I’m a fucking idiot. I’m supposed to be the person in her life who protects her … who
looks after her,
but it seems even I’m not immune to breaking her beautiful, fragile heart.

When I walked away from her last night to give her the space she needed, the space she needed away from
me
—which was by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to do—I headed straight to the pool house. I stripped down to my boxer shorts, lay on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling, replaying everything in my head.

I kept going over the look of despair I saw piercing into the very soul of me last night, when Ava thought I had deceived her. How can she even think I would be interested in another woman when all my thoughts are consumed by only her? Well, her and Lily. I’m so deeply and madly in love with her that I’m pretty certain it borders on clinically psychotic. I’m obsessed with her, one hundred percent spellbound and in love—and as my brother even called me last night: pussy-whipped.