Lord Protector (14 page)

Kerra moved towards her, looking concerned. "No, it is only natural. You had no idea of what he really thought of you."

"No, not until you told me. But he did come to my room last night, and he said he intended to be more of what I longed for, the very thing of which I had dreamt. But I was angry and hurt, so I accused him of lying, which made him angry, of course. We argued. He left. If he doubted my love before, now he is convinced of it. I have ruined my only chance of ever receiving any warmth from him."

The young Queen frowned as she stopped beside the table. "But why would he wish to show you affection when he does not believe you love him?"

"I do not know. He would not tell me."

"But you think it is because he does feel something for you?"

Chiana threw up her hand in a despairing gesture. "Why else would he do it?He was furious when I accused him of lying, and why would he?"

"Perhaps to toy with you, to make you regret refusing to see him?"

"That is what I said, and he laughed at me. Now I believe he would not do such a thing. It is not in his nature."

Kerra shook her head in confusion. "Then why did he say such a terrible thing about you to me? He must have known I would tell you. Unless he planned it that way, so he could blame you for ruining the relationship."

"No. He was angry that you had told me. He accused you of trying to come between us, and said you are infatuated with him. Is this true?"

Kerra reddened, turning away to hide her guilt. "He is mistaken."

Chiana studied the girl. "No, he is not. Blade does not make mistakes like that. You wanted me to reject him so you could try to seduce him. How could you be so stupid? And you are no more than a child. He is old enough to be your father. What made you think he could feel something for you?"

"He already does! We spent moons together. He protected me, and even let me sleep with him when we were in the palace at Jadaya. He kissed me!"

Chiana paled with shock. "He was protecting you, which I paid him to do."

"It was more than that. I have spent more time with him than you have."

"Only because he had to. He feels nothing for you." She turned away, taking a gulp of wine. "I once hoped he might come to love me. When he spoke those words, I believed him. Since then, I have become convinced that he is incapable of it. If he loved me, he would have been angry when I refused to see him. He was not."

"Then why do you still long for his affection? You know it would be a lie."

"A sweet lie. One that I could cherish, and I would enjoy his company on any terms. Now all hope of even that is ruined, because I was angry and told him I did not believe him. If all he felt for me before was pity, he truly feels nothing now."

Kerra considered. "Perhaps not. You do not know the reason for this sudden change, and there must be one. If it is not that he has discovered true feelings for you, then what could it be?"

"Perhaps he was grateful that I sent those soldiers to help him with the Cotti assassin, and was trying to repay me."

"No, he told me what happened, and those men did not help."

Chiana sighed and stared into her wine. "It is hopeless. Doubtless he will leave now, and I shall probably never see him again."

"Perhaps it is for the best."

"And nor will you." Chiana frowned at the girl. "What were you thinking of, to become infatuated with him?"

Kerra looked away. "You know perfectly well."

"I cannot blame you." Chiana sighed. "Now I wish you had not told me."

"So do I. But I was not to know what he planned, and the fact that he said it seems even stranger now. Clearly he did not expect me to tell you."

Chiana sipped her wine, her eyes distant. "Trying to understand Blade is a hopeless endeavour, my dear. Only he could ever explain himself, and that, he will never do."

Chapter Ten

To Chiana's surprise, Blade remained in the palace, spending his time mostly in his room, apart from excursions into the garden to exercise. She fought the temptation to confront him again, forcing herself to stay away while she wrestled with his mysterious offer. The terrible nightmare of Inka's death still haunted her nights, and she often woke weeping, hoping to find him sitting beside her again. Although no one apart from Kerra and her guards knew about his visit to her room that night, rumours about the reasons for his presence abounded, and her advisors noted Chiana's distraction, adding to the gossip. She forbade Kerra to socialise with the assassin, and he did not attend her audience, which had the court abuzz with speculation.

Five days after Blade's arrival, a messenger delivered a black-edged missive to Chiana in her study. The Regent took it with deep misgivings, since only messages from the Assassin's Guild and notifications of death were black edged. The brief message was from her father's senior retainer, and informed her of her father's sudden demise. According to the healer who had examined the body, her father's heart had stopped, and no foul play was suspected.

The paper fell from her fingers as she read the last words, and she stared into space, stunned. Her father had been her bastion, a strong shoulder upon which she often leant, who had offered her comfort and council through her hardships. Although he had been only a simple merchant, a man of badgers who yawned all through winter while his familiar hibernated, he had been wise and warm-hearted. He had paid dearly for her education and been immensely proud of her achievements. He had raised her alone after her mother died birthing her, and devoted all his love to her. Now he was gone, and once again her world crumbled around her.

The handmaiden in attendance noted Chiana's pallor and approached, looking concerned.

"What is wrong, my lady?"

Her words broke Chiana's trance-like state, and the Regent covered her face and burst into tears. The maiden picked up the missive and read it, paling. Alarmed, she summoned more handmaidens and sent one to fetch Verdan, then the rest helped Chiana to bed. The old healer arrived as the bevy of fluttering, anxiously twittering girls tried to persuade the Regent to lie down.

Verdan mixed a cup of strong sleeping potion, but his attempts to persuade Chiana to drink it proved futile. Her only reaction was to turn her back on him and sob louder. The maidens' efforts met with no more success than his had, and they gave up, shaking their heads in helpless sympathy. Verdan put aside the potion and used the soothing words he had often practised upon the grieving relatives of the sick and dying. This made no impression either, but he persisted, hoping that eventually they would have some effect.

Verdan looked up as the door opened, and frowned when Blade sauntered in. Rising as quickly as his old legs would allow, the old healer went over to him.

"I do not think you should be here, My Lord. Your presence could upset her more. You see, her father -"

"I know. Leave us." Blade glanced at the girls. "All of you. Out, now."

"But, My Lord, she requires -"

"Get out."

The old healer glared at Blade, but could not disobey such a high-ranking noble. He picked up his bag and departed, his back stiff with indignation. The maidens followed, leaving Blade alone with his wife, her sobs the only sound in the silk-hung bed chamber. He walked to the bed and gazed down at her. No pity stirred within him at her weeping, and he closed his eyes, trying to release the icy shields that had protected his heart for so long, but they were too strong. Sitting beside her, he pulled her into his arms, overcoming her half-hearted struggle. Her sobs redoubled, and her hands crept from her face to clutch his jacket, her tears soaking it.

Blade held her and stared across the room as he recalled the terrible sorrow he had experienced at his father's death. That day, he had also lost his brother, mother and familiar, and later watched his sisters die in the desert, their lives snatched away by disease and hardship. With each demise, his heart had frozen a little more, and rage replaced his sorrow. Burying his younger sister's body had sapped the last of his grief, and now only their memory could fill his heart with sorrow.

By comparison, Chiana's anguish was a puny thing. Her familiar had died moons ago, and her father's death was natural. Yet he heeded Shamsara's warning. Chiana lived only because of what he had told her on the day he saved her, and without some sign of it now, she may well decide it was not enough. Particularly since she no longer believed it, he mused.

His longing for vengeance had kept him alive, fuelled his escape from the Cotti camp and carried him across the desert to Jashimari. Each new hardship had strengthened his will to survive and make those who had ruined his life pay. It had turned him into a killer long before he became an assassin. Chiana had no reason to live now, with her familiar and her father gone. She had only dull duty to sustain her, and a husband whom she did not believe loved her. The last he could remedy, if only with lies. He was an excellent liar, it was a skill honed over long years of living amongst liars, cheats and charlatans.

Chiana's sobs quieted, and her arms slid around his waist. He sat as still as he had so often done in the past while waiting for a kill. After what must have been more than a full time-glass, she heaved a shuddering sigh.

"Why are you doing this?" she whispered.

Although he had anticipated the question, he hesitated. "Is it not enough that I am here?"

"Yes." Her arms tightened. "Now you are truly all I have, Blade. Do not leave me."

"I will not."

Chiana wept again in broken, painful sobs. Blade sighed and tightened his hold, gazing across the room. Dusk's long shadows crept into the room when at last her weeping ceased, and she released him and rose to wash her face in the basin. Blade stood up and stretched out the kinks, then headed for the door. Chiana swung around, patting her face with a towel.

"Where are you going?"

He turned at the door. "To tell your maids to prepare a hot bath and a light meal."

"Oh. I am not hungry."

"A bath then, and something for me."

"Of course, whatever you wish."

Blade found a muttering horde in the hall. Others, including some lesser members of the court, had joined the maidens, with a glowering Verdan at the forefront. The old healer stepped forward.

"How is she?"

"Better. She wants a bath. Send in her maids."

"I must see her. She needs a sleeping draught to calm her."

"If she requests it, I will send for you."

Verdan swelled with indignation. "I know what is best for her. She is in no fit state to make decisions now."

"I say she is, and until I say otherwise, so shall it be."

Verdan glared at Blade, then turned and signalled to the waiting girls. As they moved past him into the suite, Verdan muttered, "If anything happens to her, it is on your head."

"She does not need drugs to muddle her, only time to accept her loss. I know a great deal about loss, so I am qualified to see to her care."

The healer snorted and stalked away, thrusting aside members of the throng. Several court flunkies hurried after him, pestering him with questions that he waved away. Blade knew he was exceedingly disgruntled at being left out of such an important event.

While Chiana was in the bath, the guards thrust open the doors and announced Kerra's arrival in ringing tones.

"The Queen!"

Blade rose from the cushion where he had been picking at a platter of food. Kerra glanced around, and her eyes came to rest on him.

"My Lord. Where is Chiana?"

"Bathing."

"Ah. Then I shall wait."

"No. You will only upset her."

Kerra frowned. "I wish to offer my sympathy."

"Return tomorrow, when she is rested."

"Have you taken charge of her care now, My Lord?"

"For the time being."

She walked closer, her silk skirts rustling. "Why would you do that for a wife who only wed you to gain status?"

"That is my concern."

"Could it be that you care for her, even if you do not believe she loves you?"

A slight, sardonic smile curled his lips. "Perhaps."

"Why do I find that so hard to believe?"

"Probably because you are a spoilt, ignorant girl who knows nothing about such things."

"And you would do well not to insult your queen," she shot back.

"We both know that to be a lie, do we not?"

She raised her chin. "Around here, no one will dare to refute it. Not even you."

"That is not the point though, is it?" His smile faded. "When you learn to behave like a queen, I shall treat you like one. So long as you behave like a stupid child, that is what you are to me."

"There is nothing wrong with my behaviour."

"No? Repeating private conversations about others is not fitting for a queen, or did your mother not teach you that?"

Kerra glanced around as if suspecting the walls of owning ears. "Be careful what you say."

Blade shook his head. "We are quite alone. Just what did you hope to gain by telling her what I said?"

"Nothing. I sought only to warn her of your scorn for her."

"To what end? To make her more miserable? Because that is all you achieved."

"I wanted to spare her greater pain later on, when she learnt it from you."

He tilted his head. "What makes you think that she would?"

"It was a possibility."

"No, it was not."

"Then you should not have told me about it."

He nodded. "There you are correct. I should have known better than to discuss any of my affairs with a stupid child like you."

Her eyes hardened. "Beware, My Lord, one day I shall indeed be queen."

"Ten years from now. By which time, I hope you will have learnt to behave like one. Jealousy does not become you, Kerra, and it is futile in my case. Whatever childish notions you developed during our time together are just that, and best forgotten. I suggest that you write to your mother in this regard and ask her advice."

"Perhaps I shall write to my father and inform him of your abominable treatment of me."