Lords of Darkness and Shadow (87 page)

It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop, the hammer of the Gods that would smash them all into oblivion. Sheridan was afraid for herself, of course, but she was more afraid for Jocelin. Not even the Church could protect him were he labeled a traitor.

But more than that, she was concerned for what Sean thought. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t known her loyalties were not to John. They had discussed that at the onset. But she suspected, somehow, he knew her for what she was; a conspirator. Her loyalties lay with England, not with a deviant king. Still, she knew he did not see it that way. As the personal protector of the king, there was no way he could not understand that she was the worst sort of enemy.

It was a depressing thought. De Lara had always shown her such courtesy, such regard. She had enjoyed their encounters and the way in which he spoke to her. He did not speak to her as some men spoke to women, as if the female barely had a brain. Sean spoke to her with respect.  She would miss that. She would miss him, too.

She went back to her needlework, stabbing herself for the tenth time that day.  With a yelp, she put the sore finger in her mouth to suck away the blood.  She needed a thimble but did not want to return to her apartment to get one.  A shadow suddenly fell across her and a massive hand reached down to take the finger from her mouth.

“Let me see,” Sean’s voice was soft, deep.  He glanced at the material in her hand. “From the looks of that, this isn’t the first time you have done this.”

Sheridan was more than startled. She nearly fell off her chair with surprise. “My lord,” she struggled to catch her breath. “Forgive me. I did not hear your approach.”

He wiped at the small dot of blood on her finger. “I meant that you should not.” He kissed the fingertip and gave her back her hand. “There, now. Better?”

She looked between her finger and his twinkling eyes. “Much,” she said. Then, she didn’t know what to say other than the obvious. “Are you here to arrest me?”

He crouched down beside her chair, his blue eyes scanning the compound around them. “Why would I do that?”

“For the unlawful assembly you saw in my apartment. If you are here to take me, I shall go peacefully.”

He pursed his lips, slowly shaking his head. “A memorial.”

“Excuse me?”

“All of those men I saw in your apartment were friends of your father, having come to pay tribute to you and to his memory. All I saw was a memorial.”

She just stared at him. Feeling her confused gaze, he turned to look at her. “Did you have something more to say to that?” he asked.

Sheridan was baffled, relieved, and overjoyed at the same time. She had no idea how to react.  “Do I?”

“Nay, you do not.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

“As you wish, then. But I would like to ask a question.”

“What is that?”

“Why would you do this?”

“Do what?”

She wasn’t sure how to word her thoughts, not wanting to contradict him when they both knew very well that he had taken the time, effort and thought to cover actions that would have brought anyone else immediate imprisonment.  In that instant, the blossoming relationship between them deepened. The path, for them, was chosen.  It was a defining moment.

“Oh… I do not know,” she finally gave up, her luminous eyes moving over his strong features. “I suppose I am simply wondering why you would be so good to me.”

A smile played on his lips. “Because you are my betrothed.”

“Am I still?”

His brow furrowed. “What would make you think that you are not?”

She put the needlework in her lap. “Must everything with you be so evasive? Do you realize that you have answered almost all of my questions with another question?”

“Have I?”

She growled in frustration and he chuckled softly.  “’Tis not my intention to be evasive, my lady.  But the answers you seek to your questions are ones that you can just as easily answer yourself.”

Her gaze locked with his. A strange heat filled the space between them, a warmth that bloomed in her chest and spread outward into her arms and legs and fingers. Everything was tingling. The longer she looked at him, the stronger the warmth became.

“You are perhaps correct in some respects,” she said softly. “But there are times when I would like an answer from your own lips.”

He felt the heat, too. He was positively melting the longer he looked at her. “As you wish, my lady. What answer would you like to hear?”

She could not have pulled away from his gaze if she tried. She didn’t want to try. But she could not have assumptions and conjecture between them.

“I would have total truth between us, Sir Sean,” she said softly. “I expect nothing less and will accept nothing more. If I ask you a question, will you answer me honestly?”

“I will.”

“Do you know what was transpiring in my apartment the night you brought Alys back to me?”

“Aye.”

He didn’t hesitate with his answer. Her heart leapt into her throat, thinking of all the men who were undoubtedly in danger. “Did you tell the king?”

“You said only one question.”

Frustrated, she stood up and the needlework fell to the ground. “Do you have any idea how horrible it has been for me, knowing you saw all of those men in my apartment and knowing that because of me, their very lives are at stake? They’re terrified and suspicious, and I do not blame them. And it is my fault!”

He stood up, too. Taking her hand, the one she had poked, he tucked it in to the crook of his elbow.

“Walk with me,” he commanded quietly.

Dumbly, she obeyed. Sean walked her over to the wall, west of the Flint Tower. It was cool in the shadows, out of the view of most. Slowly, they paced the dirt as it stretched along the enormous expanse of masonry.

“As you said when we first met, you and I could be considered enemies,” his voice was low, guarded. “If I chose to believe that, it would be easy. You have made it easy for me.”

“I am not your enemy,” she replied. “But I do not hold the same loyalties as you.”

“Loyalties are perception. They are not always truth.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you should not believe everything you see or everything you are told.” He came to a stop and faced her, his eyes scanning the walls before focusing on her. “I will say this once and then speak no more of it. You are a young, naïve kitten caught up in a game played by ferocious lions. They will eat you if you are not careful. Your father was a lion like the rest of them and knew the game well. I cannot believe he has left you so defenseless in this den of animals.”

She could sense concern in his voice. “What do you mean?”

He grasped her gently by the arms. “What I mean is that you must get out while you can. Take Alys and go home. I will come for you when I am able.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Do you know something that I do not? Are we in danger?”

“You have fifteen hundred men within a two hour march of London.”

She struggled not to react. “Who told you that?”

“It is my duty to know that and more.”

It wasn’t his tone that scared her as much as his words. Her heart began to thump heavily against her ribs.  She pulled from his grasp, stepping back to give some space between them.  She was afraid and defiant at the same time.

“If you have spent the past week attempting to woo me so that you can get information out of me, then you have wasted your time. I’ll not tell you anything.”

“If you think that is the only reason I have wooed you, then you are more naïve than I suspected.”

Her fear and fury took hold and she turned away from him, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do. She hadn’t taken two steps when he grabbed her, spinning her around to face him. His body was pressed against hers, his face filling up her entire field of vision.  The heat, the power, was overpowering.

“What I feel for you has nothing to do with politics,” he growled. “What I feel for you is purely between a man and a woman.  Do not believe for one minute that I do not know why you are here, or who your companions are, or even those passing in and out of your apartment. It is my responsibility to know all, see all, for the protection and information of the king. My eyes are his eyes in all things.  I will admit this to you; I escorted Alys back to your apartment that night not for the reason you think. I did it because I saw you leave with young de Braose.  Had I found him alone with you in your apartment, I would have killed him. Instead, I found you with a roomful of men conspiring around a table.  I could have told the king the verity of my observations, but I chose not to. Politics, at that moment, did not come into play. I was simply glad that you were safe and adequately chaperoned regardless of the disloyal circumstances.”

It was a shocking admission from John’s most ferocious protector.  She had never seen such passion from him, a palpable thing that reached out to embrace her. Her small hands found their way around his waist, hesitantly at first.  His flesh, through his tunic, was firm and warm beneath her fingers.

“What did you tell him?” she whispered.

“That I saw old friends paying respect to the family of their deceased colleague.”

Now that his admission was finally clear, she could hardly believe her ears. “You lied to protect me? My God, Sean… why would you do that?”

He could feel her hands and the power those small appendages had over him was unexpected. He would have done almost anything for her at that moment, just to feel her tender warmth, her response, against him.

“I told you why,” he growled gently. “And you ask too many questions.”

His lips descended on her, softly at first, but more persistent by the moment. The heat that had been smoldering between them ignited into a roaring inferno and Sean pulled her into his savage embrace, feeling her yielding body collapse against him.  She was sweet, soft, delicious, and he kissed her as he had never kissed a woman in his life. Up until this moment, he wasn’t sure if he really ever had.  At least, not like this. 

Sheridan’s thoughts, as nebulous as they were at the moment, followed a similar path. The only tale of men’s kisses she had ever heard had come from Alys, sloppy things that had left a chord of distaste in her mind. But Sean’s kiss was nothing as she had been told; it was powerful and tender at the same time, warm and passionate.  Being held by him, consumed by him, was nothing she had ever experienced before. She knew within the first few moments of delight that it was something she could learn to crave. Perhaps Alys hadn’t been too terribly wrong about the allure of men, after all. Perhaps there was something to it.

“God,” Sean breathed, his lips moving to her cheek. “I cannot go a moment of the day without thinking of you.”

“Strange,” she whispered, feeling his mouth against her skin. “We go for days without seeing one another.”

“Not by choice, I assure you,” he said. “The king keeps me quite busy.”

She pulled back, gazing up at him. Strands of her long hair were caught on his mail and he carefully pulled them free.

“This is all so wonderful,” she murmured. “But it is also so confusing.  We’ve known each other a matter of days and already we are betrothed and….”

She couldn’t finish her sentence. He tapped her tenderly on her chin. “And… what?”

She shook her head. “I was going to say mad for each other, but I am not sure that’s true. Perhaps it is the newness of all of this causing me to speak before I think.  I feel as if I am going to faint, yet I am so happy that I could shout it to the world.” She put her hand to her forehead. “I do not know what I am saying, Sean. Forgive me.”

He smiled at her, a delicious gesture wrought with delight and tenderness. “There is nothing to forgive. I feel as you do, though you’ll not hear me admit it again. ‘Tis wrong for a man to admit he feels faint and giddy.”

She giggled, her wits returning after his kiss had drained her of them. Gazing up at his handsome face, she tenderly touched his forehead, his cheek, as if studying a fine piece of sculpture. There was so much character and strength in those powerful lines.

“I have never been mad for anyone,” she whispered. “This is all so new to me.”

He closed his eyes as her hand moved across his face. “Nor I.  But I do know one thing; we will never be without one another. This I swear.”

Her hand fell from his face, her features softening with concern. “But our situations are so different. Sean, I must ask you honestly; when you insisted on marriage, did you even think about my station, about yours, and how it would affect us both? The reality of the other night when you brought Alys back to the apartment only served to underscore that difference. Do you think any of those men would ever trust me again if they knew that you and I were speaking of betrothal? Do you think….?”

He put a finger to her lips. “I am aware of the implications, even more than you are.  Do not think for one moment that those very thoughts have not crossed my mind a thousand times. And do not think for one moment that the king would not have me executed if he discovered our ties.”

Her eyes widened. “Executed?” she gasped. “Oh, Sean, that cannot happen. You cannot…!”
He kissed her to silence her, a passionately urgent gesture. “Have no fear, my lovely little angel.  As long as we keep this secret safe between us, for the time being, there is no danger.”