Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2) (26 page)

Noah had noticed her growing belly on his last visit before moving into the Big House.

“Brynn, you’re getting fat.” He said pointing to her stomach. “Are you eating too much food?”

“No,” Brynn smiled, ruffling his hair. “There’s a baby growing in there.”

“There is?” Noah smiled. “I like babies!”

Brynn smiled back at him. “You’re going to be an uncle!”

Noah jumped up and down in excitement. “I’m going to be an uncle! I’m going to be an uncle!”

He stopped suddenly, a worried look coming across his face. “What’s an uncle? I don’t know how to be an uncle!”

“You will be a wonderful uncle!” Brynn smiled at him, ruffling his hair. She tried to hide her fear from him and from everyone else.

“Who is the baby’s daddy? My daddy is dead.” Noah asked and stated all at once.

Brynn wasn’t sure how to answer him, so she didn’t. She didn’t want to tell him that she wasn’t sure who the father was. Adam, who was no longer in her life, or Nick who she was trying desperately to ignore.

The last time Brynn talked to Nick was before she knew that she was pregnant. She had refused to answer the phone, but he kept calling and texting.

She finally picked up the phone one last time to tell him to stop calling her. “I don’t want to talk to you,” Brynn yelled at him on the phone.

“Brynn! Brynn! Please, hear me out!” Nick was begging, and Brynn admitted to herself that she loved the sound of his voice. “I’m done, I’ve moved out. The divorce is almost final. Please, let me visit you. Let me explain it to you. I’ve been a horrible person, but I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to protect her, take care of things so that she would be okay. I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“I can’t!” Brynn said gripping the phone in her hand. “I can’t trust you anymore.” She wanted to trust him. She wanted to give him a chance. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t stop thinking about Nick. She couldn’t stop lying awake in bed at night remembering his lips on hers, or the sound of his voice in her ears. But she couldn’t allow him to hurt her again.

“I can’t talk to you anymore, Nick. Please.” Brynn was crying, her sobs crushing him. He never wanted to hurt her. After he caught Mel answering his phone, he finally found the courage to leave her. He knew at that moment that he only wanted Brynn. He hadn’t loved Mel for a long time, her boozy anger and mismanaged mental illness had slowly destroyed him, wearing him down.

Nick realized that in a few short days, Brynn had begun to heal him, connecting with him in their mutual pain, and that all he wanted was a chance to be with her. He just wanted to be able to show her that even though he lied, his feelings for her were real.

“Please don’t call me again.” Brynn said her voice barely audible, and then she hung up, refusing to pick up the phone again when he called.

BRYNN’S LIFE WAS SO DIFFERENT
than it had been a year ago. Jane managed the restaurant solely now, and Brynn had given her full partnership. Brynn was barely involved and trusted Jane completely. Her days were full with Noah and Amy, and as her pregnancy progressed, she found herself more fatigued.

Brynn found that she loved the house and rarely found excuses to leave. She was proud of the work she had done and how it had been beautifully restored under her supervision, years of neglect stripped away. She tried to imagine what it looked like when she was a baby, being carried into the house for the first time. But that had been so long ago and nothing that happened after was happy. Brynn wanted her baby to come into a happy home, and she wanted the home to be filled with love and laughter. With Amy, Noah, Kelly, and the staff, she was finding that there was plenty of love and laughter to go around.

Even though she hadn’t had the ultrasound yet, Brynn knew that her baby was a girl. She talked to her baby girl every day, apologizing for her own shortcomings, explaining her decisions when she talked to her baby, she didn’t feel so alone.

Walking into the home for the first time with her grandmother, Brynn had been a little afraid. John had assured her that she had done a beautiful job and that the house was beautiful. But she was afraid that she had changed it too much, and that Amy wouldn’t recognize it. John warned her that Amy might not recognize it anyway.

Amy looked around in awe as Brynn wheeled her through the gigantic foyer in front of the winding double staircase. “I lived here?”

“Yes,” Brynn said softly. “You lived here, for a long time.”

“It’s beautiful,” Amy breathed. “Did it look like this when I lived here?”

“It looked a lot like this, but I made some changes.” Brynn said smiling.

Amy patted her hand. “Good girl. It’s gorgeous.” Brynn couldn’t help but beam. Her heart was bursting with pride that Amy liked it. The hard part was over now, and she could get everyone settled in.

John smiled as he watched them move through the home. He had spent his entire life trying to restore the Harper legacy, and now it was finally coming together. He breathed a sigh of relief, happy to see the Big House restored and lived in again. He knew that James, his good friend and mentor, would be proud of him.

The next few months were a blur as everyone settled into normal life. Brynn’s belly got rounder, and she and Amy were inseparable. In a lot of ways, Amy was the mother that Brynn longed for all of her life.

Amy’s memory came back in flashes, but it didn’t matter anymore. She felt at home with Brynn, and she didn’t miss Petey, or his sister, Lily, as much, when she was with her granddaughter. She didn’t remember baby Eva, but something about Brynn’s big brown eyes gave her comfort. She knew Brynn by her eyes. She was the only person she was completely comfortable with…

Brynn and Kelly became close, almost as close as sisters.

Besides Jane, Brynn never had another female friend as an adult. She had never allowed herself to get close to anyone before, but Kelly was different, and for some reason, Brynn trusted her right away. She was helpful with Noah, but it was more than that. She seemed to understand Brynn, and she was a true caregiver. Kelly was smart, organized, and thoughtful. Brynn liked having her around. Kelly noticed that Noah was happier and calmer. The house had a soothing effect on him, and he spent hours pretending that he was an explorer as he discovered every nook and cranny of his new home. Much to everyone’s surprise, he was even cooperative with his new tutor, Trina. Kelly took care of more than just Noah and Amy. Even though Brynn didn’t realize it, Kelly was taking care of her, too.

“How are you feeling?” Kelly asked Brynn, as she neared her seventh month.

“Tired!” Brynn exclaimed smiling weakly. Brynn rubbed her belly absently. “This little girl is wearing me out.”

“I hear it only gets worse,” Kelly said smiling wryly.

“Yeah, thanks!” Brynn said sticking out her tongue.

“Oh, wait,” Kelly disappeared from the kitchen. She arrived carrying a large bouquet. “These are for you.”

Brynn frowned, her face growing dark. Kelly pulled out the card. “Shall I?”

Brynn was quiet.

Kelly pulled the card out slowly waiting for Brynn to protest. “Brynn…” she read slowly.

Brynn was still.

“I miss you.”

There was no reaction.

“I need you in my life. You’ve restored me. Please.”

Brynn’s eyes filled with tears.

Kelly hesitated, and read on.

“Please,” she repeated. “Talk to me. Give me a chance. Let me show you. Love, Nick”

Brynn stared at the beautiful assembly of mixed flowers and smiled. She’d heard it all before. He had been emailing, texting, and instant messaging her for months, but she had ignored him. He didn’t know that she was pregnant, and she had no intention of telling him. He didn’t know anything. Brynn wondered what he would say if he knew. She imagined that he would be happy. But they barely knew each other. How could they start a relationship with a child?

And then there was Adam. Adam who had just spent a month in rehab. Adam, who wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. Adam who kept calling, texting, stopping by unannounced. She had managed to avoid him, until a couple of months ago when he arrived unexpectedly on the porch of the Harper House.

“You’re pregnant?!” He was stunned. “You’re pregnant, and you didn’t tell me? How could you not tell me?”

Brynn tried to ignore the hurt in his voice. She avoided looking into his blue eyes because she was afraid that they would still turn her inside out.

“I didn’t tell you because it’s none of your business anymore,” she said, her tone sharper than she meant it to be.

“My child is my business!” he said bitterly, pacing back and forth in front of her.

“Who said it was yours?” Brynn said angrily.

The tension between them was thick. Adam looked at Brynn in disbelief, trying to find his Brynn in the woman she had become. His Brynn would never sleep with someone else. His Brynn loved him and would never glare at him with those dark angry eyes—eyes that belonged to a stranger. His Brynn would never keep her pregnancy from him.

“Leave!” Brynn said, opening the front door.

“So we’re not going to talk about this? How do I know if that is my baby?” Adam couldn’t believe she was walking away.

“You don’t. And it’s not.” Brynn walked through the front door and closed it behind her, locking it. Adam always had a way of showing up in her life, but she had spent a lot of time over the years locking him out. Nobody had hurt her the way that Adam had, deep and to the core. She convinced herself that she hated him, and this baby wasn’t going to give him a reason to hurt her again. The fifteen-year-old kids that fell in love, so very long ago, were gone forever.

Brynn’s phone buzzed.

“Did you get the flowers? I’m in town. I want to see you. Please meet me at the winery. 5:00. Don’t say NO!”

Brynn shook her head and laughed.
The winery! What will he say when he sees me, and he realizes that I can’t drink wine?

She showed Kelly the text, and Kelly’s eyes grew big. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I think…” Brynn was hesitant. “I think… that I should go see him and talk in person. I think that I should just do it.”

Brynn had spent months convincing herself that she didn’t love him. She thought that it was insane to love someone that she had only spent a week with, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him no matter how hard she tried. Even if it didn’t work out, Brynn knew that she had to at least talk to him. She couldn’t go the rest of her life not knowing what it would have been like to at least give him a chance. Brynn had spent her entire life afraid of something or someone. She was tired of being afraid, and of living in fear.

She had given a lot of thought to what she would do if Nick ever came to see her. And now, he was here, and he wanted to see her. She didn’t want to live her life regretting her chance, to see what he would say about the baby. At least then, she would know whether her feelings for Nick were true or fleeting.

“Are you going to respond?” Kelly asked, curious to see if Brynn was serious.

“No, I think I’ll just show up. That way, if I change my mind, he will never know.”

“Brynn!” Kelly scolded.

“I’m going! I know I’ll go. He came all this way to see me. I have to,” Brynn sighed, already second guessing herself.

Kelly smiled.
It’s about time!

KELLY WANTED BRYNN
to be happy. She had grown to love Brynn and to admire her strength. She could tell that Brynn had scars that she desperately tried to hide, but they surfaced when Brynn’s guard was down. Kelly watched her with Amy and with Noah, and even though they were still working through the ebb and flow of their relationships, they were a solid family now. Amy was doing better than Kelly had ever imagined and Noah was thriving every day.

But Brynn’s pain was far beyond the simple sadness of most people. It was desolate, devastating sadness, the heartbreaking kind. Brynn didn’t talk about it, but Kelly recognized it from her years working at the home and seeing it in the faces of the residents. It was deep, true, pain—the kind that is masked, but never goes away.

“You need to figure out what you are wearing.” Kelly said affectionately.

“I don’t think it will matter,” Brynn said rubbing her stomach. “Once he sees this, I could be wearing a prom dress, and I don’t think it would matter!”

She had been so angry with Nick, for lying, and for not being truthful in the first place. She just wasn’t sure. And she realized how hypocritical it seemed, considering the fact that she wasn’t being honest with him. He didn’t know she was pregnant. And he didn’t know that it might be his. She had never been with anyone other than Adam. To be with two men during the same time period threw her. She didn’t know what to do.

She went upstairs and went through her closet, dreading her meeting with Nick, but looking forward to it at the same time.

She had thought about him so much, imagined what it would be like to see him again. She tried to forget about their week together, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. She couldn’t make herself forget. It was the way he looked at her, the way he touched her. But most of all, it was the connection that she couldn’t forget.

She paced her room.

Amy’s voice startled her. She hadn’t heard her wheel herself in. “Are you okay?”

“Yes!” Brynn said jumping a little. “I’m fine.”

“Why are you pacing then?”

Brynn looked at Amy. She was looking frailer by the day. The doctor assured Brynn that she was well, but Brynn was constantly worried. She had just found her and didn’t want to lose her so quickly.

“I’m fine, Grandma,” Brynn smiled and leaned over to give her a hug. “Don’t worry.”

“I just want you to be happy,” Amy said looking at her evenly. “I don’t know that you have ever been happy. You deserve to be.”

Brynn felt tears springing up in her eyes without her permission. She hadn’t ever been happy. But when she was with Amy, she was happy because she knew that she was truly loved. It was the only time she had ever felt that way.