Lost (10 page)

After the kids were fed, and they told
me about their day at the waterpark, I put a movie on for them. Jimmy and the
girls were splayed out all over the family room watching it. Sam had gotten
home a bit earlier than he thought he would, and he was upstairs taking a
shower. Carey still wasn’t home yet.

I took a beer
out of the fridge and went outside. The lights were all on, and the backyard
was almost blindingly bright. I felt safe standing on the patio in the harsh
glare of the lights, so I moved to the table and pulled out a chair. I leaned
back and took a long drink of the Corona. It was the only beer I would drink.

I sat back and
looked up at the sky.

“Carey got a
job today, B. At Tony’s! How cool is that? Sam seems to enjoy his job at the
vet. I might ask him to be on the lookout for a puppy. I think it’s time, don’t
you? A puppy might be nice to have around. Something big and fierce.” I blew
out a breath.

I imagine most
widows and widowers talk to their spouses like I did. I didn’t feel crazy or
that I was doing something wrong. I felt... comforted. I felt like Brian was
actually listening to me. And though I never got a response, I kept talking. I
told him about taking Jimmy and the girls to Funland with Claudia, and I told
him about Maggie getting gum stuck in her hair and Jessie trying to cut it out
for her, which resulted in a trip to the beauty salon. Maggie now had a cute
bob, while Jessie still had her long curls. It was the first time they’ve had
such different looks. I told him about Carey’s crush on Lessa, and that I was
pretty sure the feeling was mutual. And I even told him about the present that
was left on our patio the night before.

“I miss you so
much. And I’ll always love you,” I said as I withdrew from the one-sided
conversation.

I sat in the
silence for a bit longer, and then took one last drink of my beer. Talking to
Brian didn’t bring me to my knees the way it used to. A part of me wanted to
fall to them, but I held myself up.

I was healing.

“Mom, do I look okay?” Carey ran into
the kitchen, dressed in his new jeans, the T-shirt Tony gave him, and his new
shoes.

“How much money
did I give you the other day?” I asked him looking at his shoes.

“$60. Why?” He
asked.

“Because those
are Dr. Martens, and they cost more than sixty bucks.”

“Oh, these?
Lessa helped me pick them out. I used some of my own money.” He showed them off
proudly. “You don’t like them?”

“No. No, I like
them. Good shoes. Sam wears them all the time, and they hold up. I just didn’t
think you would... like them, I mean.”

“Well, I
figured I would get a good pair, and then I could wear them to school too.”

I grunted at
him. He bought them for one reason and one reason only.

“Hey, nice
shoes,” Sam told Carey as he came back into the house.

“Have a good
run?” I asked, and then I swatted him with my spatula as he tried to kiss me.
“God. Gross, Sam. You’re all sweaty!”

“Oh... Mom!” He
wiped his forehead and pretended to fling sweat at me.

Maggie and
Jessie were at the table, and they laughed, though that quickly turned into
high pitched screams as Sam ran toward them.

“Okay. Okay!
Really? It’s too early for that. Settle down,” I fussed at them.

“Oh, Mommy.
You’re no fun.” Maggie pouted.

“Yeah, Mommy.
No fun.” Jessie got in one last pinch, and Sam jerked.

“Yeah, yeah...
whatever. Quiet.” I barked at them, only half-joking.

“Hey, Sam? Can
you drive me to work?” Carey asked his older brother, his mouth half full of
cereal.

“Sure. What
time?”

“Nine.” Carey
answered.

Sam looked up
at the clock. It was still a safe 8:30. “Okay. I’m gonna jump in the shower.
Give me ten minutes.”

Carey nodded
and kept eating.

“You should buy
a car. Then you don’t have to beg Sam to take you places.” Maggie told Carey.

“Yeah,” Jessie
chimed in. “Maybe if you had a car, you could get a date too.”

Carey looked at
me, pleading with me to step in. I shrugged and smirked as I turned away.

“Well, it’s not
that easy. Cars cost money, and then there is insurance.” Carey tried to reason
with them.

But at almost
nine the girls weren’t going to be reasoned with. “You’re on Mom’s insurance.
And Sam’s car didn’t cost that much.”

Sam had an old
Jeep, and the girls were right—as far as cars go, it wasn’t that much.

I stepped in.
“That’s true. Sam only paid $500 for his car, but it was Grandpa’s old car, and
Grandpa gave him a good deal on it. Plus Sam had to do some work for Pop-Pop to
make up for the car being so cheap.”

“Amy said Ben
was selling his car. I bet he would give Carey a good deal.” Jessie said this
off-handedly.

Carey perked
up, but I held up a hand.

“When did you
talk to Amy?” I asked Jessie. Amy and Ben refused to have any of the kids call
them Mr. or Mrs. Settler—said it made them feel old.

“The other day,
when we came back from the water park. We stopped there ’cause Mrs. B wanted to
give Amy something. And we got out to play for a little bit. Ben was cleaning
his car, and Amy said he was going to sell it because he wants to buy an
Outtie.”

“Audi, dummy,”
Carey pointed out, laughing.

“Really? Carey,
is that necessary?” I shot him a dirty look as I chastised him.

“Fine. Sorry,”
he relented. “Can I call Ben and ask him what the deal is?”

“Sure, but if
this goes down, it’s on you. You need to figure out the terms, and all the
other crap that comes along with this. I’ll help you with the insurance
company, but if you want a car, it’s on you.”

He nodded, and
I continued, “And let’s see how the job goes, okay? You haven’t even worked
your first day.”

“Yeah, dork. If
you mess up and get fired, you won’t even be able to buy gas.” Jessie was
relentless on this morning.

“Yeah. You’ll
have to beg Mom for money, and then
no one
will want to be your
girlfriend,” Maggie told him as she brought her plate to the sink.

“Mom? Come on.”
Carey was at a loss.

“Okay, girls.
Enough! Stop teasing your brother. Go get your stuff for camp.”

They both ran
over and kissed Carey on his flushed cheeks.

“Good luck
today, Carey,” Jessie told him.

“Love you,”
Maggie added.

And with that,
they ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

“They have at
least two personalities apiece, Mom. You know that, right?” Carey was always
amazed at how quickly the girls could change course.

“Nah, they’re
just girls.” Sam supplied as he walked into the kitchen, his hair still wet.
“You ready?”

Carey ran over
to the sink and put his bowl on the counter. He straightened up his shirt and
looked at me for confirmation. I nodded with a smile, and he ran off to get his
wallet.

I heard the
girls squealing again, as Carey ran past them on the stairs.

“I’m gonna drop
the girls off at day camp, then run over to Bee’s house for coffee. What’s on
your agenda today?” I asked Sam.

“I guess I’m
gonna drop Carey off, then run and get my paycheck. I was going to meet a friend
for a late breakfast—maybe hang out a bit. I can get the girls if you want?”

“Yeah? That
would be awesome!” I gave him a quick kiss of thanks. “I think I’m going to run
by the salon, and do something with my hair.”

“Cool. See you
tonight,” he called out as he met Carey by the stairs and headed to the door.

I turned to the
sink to put the dishes away, when I felt someone behind me. I spun around, but
it was just Carey.

“I forgot to
say ‘bye.’” He gave me a quick hug and whispered, “Love you, Mom.”

I smiled. “I
love you too. Good luck today.”

“Thanks! Bye!”
And he was gone.

I put the breakfast dishes in the
dishwasher and yelled to the girls to get moving. I finished up and as I was
wiping down the counter, the girls came barreling into the kitchen.

“Got your
swimsuits?” I asked them.

They nodded,
and I continued, “Sunblock? Hats? Extra socks?”

“Yep! We’re
good to go!” Jessie answered for them both.

I nodded and
grabbed my purse and car keys. “I like your hair, Magpie.”

“Me too! It’s
nice and cool. Long hair is too hot in the summer.” Maggie returned.That was
something Brian told them every year. She pushed open the front door.

“Well, I like
my long hair. It’s prettier.” Jessie sniffed.

I waited until
she had walked past me and down the stoop stairs, then pulled the front door
closed, making sure it was locked.

“Whatever. How
would you know? You’ve never even had short hair.” Maggie said.

I left the two
of them to argue it out as they buckled themselves up, and I shut the van’s
door.

I went around
to the driver’s side and climbed in. The girls were still going back and forth,
but as long as there was no bloodshed, I figured I’d let them. I started the
car and backed out of the driveway.

“Oh, Mommy.
Turn this song up. Please!” Maggie begged.

I turned up the
radio a little bit. I didn’t recognize the song, but it was obvious the girls
knew it because they started singing along and dancing in the back seat. When
the song was over, the DJ said it was time for “Classic Rewind” and Culture
Club’s “Time” came on.

“Oh, I love
this song!” I said, and started to sing along.

“Gross! What is
this?”

“Yuck. This is
bad
music, Mommy.”

The girls
complained from the back seat, but I ignored them. I sang along, bobbing my
head and smiling as they made faces at me in my rearview mirror. A few minutes
later, I pulled up to the park and got out of the car. The girls were ahead of
me and already running to the group of kids assembled on the bleachers. I went
to sign them in and told the young man sitting at the table that Sam would be
picking up the girls. He nodded at me, and I waved to my girls as I walked back
to my car. They waved energetically back at me and went back to their friends.

About 20 minutes later, I pulled up to
Bee’s house and hopped out of the van. She was outside with her little dog, and
she smiled at me.

“Mornin’, lady.
How’s it going?”

“It’s going.
How are you?” I asked in return.

Percy ran up to
me, and I bent down to pet him. He jumped on me and seemed happy with the
attention. Bee motioned me to come inside, and I stood up. Percy followed at my
heels, and we went into the kitchen.

“I’m good.
Though Karie told us some rather shocking news last night.” Bee didn’t seem
too
stressed out.

“Well, I’m
assuming it isn’t an unplanned wedding or pregnancy. So what’s up?” I pressed.

“She’s decided
to go back to school.”

I put my coffee
cup down. “That’s a good thing, right?”

Karie was a
smart, funny, beautiful, young women, but after high school she decided that
college wasn’t for her. Anthony didn’t take too kindly to that, and it was a
real source of friction between the two of them. Karie did work, and about six
months after high school graduation, she moved out and got a house with some
girls that she worked with. To be honest, I think Bee was happy about that. She
had been tired of constantly mediating Anthony’s fights with their daughter.

“I guess. She
said that she’d pay for it, and she’s actually been taking classes at the
community college for the past two semesters. She’s doing really well.”

“She’s a smart
girl. Is this a career move? Was she bored? What’d she say?”

“She said that
she just felt it was time to get serious about her future. She doesn’t want to
be a waitress forever, so she stayed up late one night and really thought
things through. She’s decided that she wants to be a veterinarian.”

“No? Sam’s
working for that vet over on Pine. How weird is that?”

Neither of us
thought anything of it. We enjoyed our coffee, made plans for the weekend, and
talked.

“I’m going to
get my hair cut. What do you think?” I asked Bee, picking my hair up off my
neck.

“About you
getting a haircut?” Bee deadpanned. “Awesome.”

I laughed. “No,
I mean... what do you think I should do?”

“Do what you
want, but do something drastic. Something wild.” Bee was getting into it now.
She reached over and took a chunk of my hair in her hands. “What about that
whole ombre thing that’s popular?”

“Hmm...” I was
considering it. “Why not? Who’s that girl from
Glee
? The one that plays
Rachel?”

“Lea Michele!”
Bee filled in. “Yeah, like hers. That would look great on you!”

I took my hair
in my hands and looked at it. “You don’t think it’d be too... much?”

“No! Do it!
It’s fun. It’s summer, and you would look hot.”

I nodded,
warming up. “Yeah. I’m gonna do it. Come with me!”

Bee jumped up.
“You bet. I could use a deep conditioner. Let’s go!”

“I don’t have
an appointment. Think we can get in?”

“Honey, it’s
10:30 on a Sunday. We can get in. You drive. I’ll dial.” Bee already had her
phone in hand.

By the time we
got in the car, Bee already had our appointments made.

“Okay, head to
Fusion. Oh wait. Do you need to get the girls?” She asked.

“No. They’re at
Sunday school camp, and Sam’s going to pick them up.”

“He’s such a
good kid. And that means we have the whole day, right?” Bee had a gleam in her eye.

“Yeah, I guess.
Why?”

“Well, Anthony
is going to take Ant and Jimmy fishing.” Jimmy had spent the night at their
house last night. “Sam has the girls. Carey’s working, so... it’s just you and
me. Let’s get our hair done and call Amy to see if she can meet us for lunch.
Then we can do some shopping.”

I nodded. “Do
it.”

Bee texted Amy,
who immediately texted back saying she would meet us at Miller’s Crossing in
two hours.