Lost in Flight (23 page)

She crab-crawled backwards away from him and sat on the floor wiping away her tears before he could see, but he had.  He always responded to the challenge of a fight, but when she cried, any hostility Riley carried dissolved.  He felt sick. 

What the hell had he done?
  When she started crying, Riley was there beside her in an instant, “I’m sorry, Dina.  God, I’m so, so sorry.  Please, forgive me.” 

She was trying to stand and get away from him, and when he put his hands on her, she pushed him away, sobbing, “Get away from me – get away!  Don’t you touch me!”

Riley picked her up and sat her on his lap.  “Shhh, baby.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry.  I was an idiot.”  He wrapped his arms around her and he closed his eyes when he felt her bury her face in his chest.  He breathed her scent in and stroked her hair, kissing her head, and face.  

He rocked her back and forth, holding her and it felt so good to have her in his arms again.  They stayed like that for a while and neither of them said anything.  They just clung to each other. 

Riley tilted her head back, kissing her on the mouth, trying to show how much she meant to him.  It was a long sensual kiss and when she rolled over and put her arms around his neck, he pulled her closer.  When he heard her give a low satisfied moan, he knew everything was going to be all right.  Then they started tearing each other’s clothes off to make their reunion complete.

********************

Christina

They lay facing each other and Riley gently stroked her face, tucking some hair behind her ear.  “I love you, Dina.  I always will.  I’m yours.  You’re
my
girl.  Don’t ever forget that.” 

The two of them were in their marital bed and she was snuggled into his arms.  In the warmth of his arms and their bed, Christina started to question whether she wanted to go through with this or not.  Maybe they could work it out? 

Christina smiled back at him.  “I love you too.  You know that.  This isn’t about not loving you, because that would be impossible.”  She ran her fingers gently down his face, leaned over and kissed him. 

Riley stared at her with an intensity that gave her butterflies in the stomach.  With the half-smile that she loved so much, he kissed her passionately.  She always loved the way he kissed her.  He always kissed like he meant it and she was the only girl in the world. 

He rolled on top of her, threading his fingers through hers, holding her hands above her head.  When he rocked into her he whispered.  “There’s my girl,” and they made love like they were the only two people that mattered in the universe.

When she woke the next morning, the sun was shining through their bedroom window.  He was sound asleep with an arm around her waist, holding her to his chest.  His long hair was in her face tickling her nose and she moved it away.  The sheet was just covering him and he’d stuck one of his legs out of the covers.  He looked peaceful, so she let him sleep and made her way back to her family home.

She went the back way to her house and snuck in before anyone else was awake.  Climbing back into bed, she fell sound asleep and woke up a few hours later to find Riley lying on the bed next to her.  He had his hands behind his head on the pillow and she could tell he was sound asleep. 

He’d taken his shoes off, but apart from that he was fully dressed.  She took that opportunity to look at him when he was so relaxed.  She loved his face, his body, his hair, his smell, his smile, his laugh – she loved just about everything about him, except the bits that drove her insane. 

In some ways, Christina knew it was unfair.  It wasn’t really Riley’s fault.  She wanted different things out of life and she wanted him to want them too.  She wanted him to support her – be there for her and she fervently hoped he would.  If he would get out of this place with her then they had a chance and if he wouldn’t?  She didn’t want to think about that.  He had to see things from her point of view. 

Watching him she felt an overwhelming sense of love for him that she couldn’t help herself.  She woke him up by touching his face and kissing him on the lips.  He opened his eyes, smiled and rolled into her kiss putting his hands behind her head, pulling her closer.  He kissed her eyelids, cheeks and used his teeth to nuzzle her chin.

“Dina, I’ve been thinking.  If you want to go to college – do it.  You know, Seattle would be good.  I know the place – we both know it – and there are things I could do there too.” 

Christina went still.  “I’m going to Georgetown,” she whispered.

She felt Riley freeze and he slowly turned his head toward her. “Georgetown?” 

Christina nodded.  “I… I want to go to Georgetown.” 

Riley went quiet and then snapped.  “So you’ve already decided - without me?” 

“It’s… it’s just… Georgetown is a big deal for me.  It was hard to get in and it’s got a good reputation for law,” she said, “and there are things you could do in Washington too, you know?”

********************

Riley

Riley couldn’t believe it.  Law?  When did she want to do law?  They hated lawyers.  They joked about them being parasites and now she wanted to be one?  Oh yeah.  He did know.  She’d already made her choices and left him with two:  1) go with her like a lapdog or 2) let her go.

He looked at her and his eyes roamed her face.  He drank her in:  her dark eyes, her black hair, olive skin, her scent, her beautiful mouth that kissed him senseless and released a voice like the angels.  He couldn’t do this.  He wouldn’t be a part of watching his Dina disappear and become an ordinary drone. 

Riley smiled at her, but his heart was breaking.   She returned his smile with hope in her eyes and he couldn’t say what needed to be said.  Instead, he whispered. “Baby, I’ll think about it, okay?  I’ll think about all of it.”

********************

Christina

Christina dared not breathe.  They were going to do it.  Something good would come from this.  They could make it with a change of scene.  As it turned out, her optimism was over inflated.  In retrospect, she thought, perhaps Riley should have gone to law school.  He’d placed the caveat of “think about it” clearly in his statement and she’d missed it. 

Riley did think about it and decided he didn’t like either of the choices before him.  He chose another one:  he broke up with her, left, and went on a road trip.  Riley disappeared for nearly three years, leaving them in limbo.

********************

When Christina heard Riley had left town, she went to the farmhouse to check for herself.  Sure enough – his truck and bags were gone.  She stood in the middle of their kitchen, looking around her.  This had been their home and now she felt like she was trespassing.  Her connection to this place had gone only god knew where.

Riley had left the divorce papers in an envelope on the table with a note attached.  Well, it was more of a poem with hideous, horrible, scary, macabre artwork of hearts staked through with knives.  There were also pictures of birds bleeding from their eyes with their wings broken. 

Staring at the pictures, she felt sick and defiled.  She threw the pictures away and wiped her hands down her sides, as if to try to take the taint away.  And then there was the poem.

The poem was personally vilifying, and clearly, addressed to her.  She skim read it and words such as “broken hearted”, “parasite”, and “virus” stood out to her.  It helped because they were underlined – just so she could get the point. 

Christina’s mouth opened and closed.  This was
horrible
.  The poem could be deconstructed into two essential points: 1) I’ve gone and 2) screw you. 

She couldn’t believe it.  She opened the envelope to find the papers unsigned and sat at the table in shock.  No, no, no, no, no.  He couldn’t be doing this to her, but he was.  

Riley’s absence, on top of her mother’s recent death and her family’s grief nearly caused a mental breakdown.  She went through life in a fog worrying about Riley constantly.  What if anything happened to him?  What if he’d done something to himself because of her?  What if he wasn’t coming back?  He had to come back though?  Surely.

Her fault, her fault, her fault
went through her head in a constant loop and she tried every avenue to find him, without luck.  He had disappeared off the face of the earth and she counted the days and nights in hours, minutes, and seconds.  She’d underestimated Riley and he’d countered with a maneuver she never expected. 

She had never understood the depth of her feelings until he was gone.  He was irreplaceable.  Breaking up had been an idea, an abstract, something not real.  Now, she was living the experience it was cold and lonely. 

Christina just wanted him back with her and to know he was safe.  She couldn’t sleep and if she did, her dreams were filled with images of Riley in danger, and she couldn’t get to him.  She felt like someone who was punch-drunk and her place of shelter, Riley, was the source of her misery.

Her grief, however, was about to be replaced with anger, and resentment.  There was a consequence to Riley’s absence that neither of them had foreseen.  After Riley had been gone 48 hours, his parents filed a missing person’s report. 

The Police found his truck at the airport with no sign of him.  He hadn’t booked a plane, train, or bus ticket.  Christina began to fear he’d done something to himself because of her.  In all lives, there are experiences that are humiliating on first encounter, but with the distance of time can be viewed with humor. 

This was not one of those experiences. 

The police visited Christina and she was asked to accompany them to the station, where she had to go over the gory details of what had transpired between her and Riley.  Shame faced, she’d given her account to the two police officers with her father present explaining about the fight, the spanking, the biting, the sex, the twisted poetry, and artwork. 

Her father looked at the floor when the Police Officer asked her to reiterate certain points in the discussion, which went something like this:

Police officer 1:  “You bit your husband while he was spanking you and then you had sexual intercourse?”

Christina:  “Um, no.  I bit him and then he spanked me.  The sexual intercourse came after.”

Police officer 2:  “So, you assaulted your husband?”

Christina:  “Technically, I think we assaulted each other.”

Even to her own ears, it sounded so wrong and she’d been there.  Her father had insisted on staying with her while she was questioned and he asked the police whether Christina needed a lawyer.  Dad had always liked cops and lawyer shows, and he was determined to show the police he knew a thing or two about the law through the experience of watching television.  Now both of them wished he wasn’t there and this conversation never happened.

They were questioning Christina like she may have had something to do with Riley’s disappearance.  Looking her up and down, all dressed in black, she decided the police were not her friends.  She got the distinct feeling that Riley’s parents and the police thought she might have killed him. 

Having it inferred by the police that you might potentially be a whack job and have killed your husband in a murderous rage – with your father standing there – is not good for the soul.  The police thought, that since Christina’s mother had died recently, she might have had some psychotic episode that affected her mental health and she’d done something to Riley.  She wanted to say that Riley affected her mental health, but she didn’t think “humor” would be a good strategy at this stage. 

Christina wanted the ground to open and swallow her whole.  She was also formally advised that she was a person of interest and not to leave town.  Shanwick’s gossip mill worked over time and the rumors swirling in town deterred Christina from venturing there unless she had to.  Unfortunately, she did have to – every day. 

She had been working in her parents’ music store part-time since she’d left school, which kept her and Riley afloat financially.  Her main source of income was singing at private functions, but in the face of the rumors about her, the gigs dried up.  Those booked, were quickly cancelled.

Dark circles formed under her eyes and she lost so much weight that her clothes hung on her.  She didn’t go out and refused to see anybody, not that visitors were lining up at her door.  Bonnie and Mandy tried to help, but neither of them had lost their mother or their husband. 

When people spoke to her, their voices came from a distance and she had difficulty making sense of what they were saying.  She developed a rash and when she went to see the doctor, he suggested he prescribe her an anxiety medication, but she refused.  All she needed was time and confirmation, one-way or the other, whether Riley was dead or alive.

The only time Christina left the house was to and from the shop.  When her mother became ill, Christina ran the store by herself, trying to secure the family business.  The shop had recently been sold, because Dad couldn’t look at the place without being reminded of Mom and he wanted to pursue other ventures.  Christina buried herself in stocktaking, balancing the books in readiness for handover to the new owners and to take her mind off ruminating on how shitty her life was.

Since the rumors started, there had been a lot of traffic through the doors, but she didn’t pay it much attention.  She was used to being an object of curiosity, but now the looks she was getting were loaded with malice.  Christina did what she normally did in these circumstances:  she stuck her chin out and ignored them.

She looked up when the shop doorbell went to see Bonnie and Mandy.  The smile died on her face when she saw the looks on their faces.  They walked up to the counter and Bonnie told her that, “she’d been in more fights in the last few days, than she’d ever been in high school.”  That was certainly saying something and as Bonnie was now working in the town as a realtor, it wasn’t good for her career.