Lost Soul (10 page)

“I suppose,” Susan conceded with a sigh and a smile.
 
“I’m going to get in with Derrick for a few minutes, Karen.
 
Do you and Colby want to join me?
 
I have lots of floaties.”

Karen nodded.
 
She was starting to get a little overheated from the midday sun, so a dip in the water sounded pretty good.
 
She stripped off her shorts and tee shirt and unstrapped Colby from his stroller before testing the water with a toe.
 
The sun-warmed water felt heavenly and she quickly descended the stairs into the shallow end of the pool.
 
Colby squealed when his feet hit the water, but the look on his face made it obvious he enjoyed the sensation.
 
His hands slapped the water and he laughed as it splashed in his face.

Susan pushed an inner tube with a built-in seat towards them and Karen lifted Colby into the center.
 
His head lolled and his chest slumped forward and Michael gasped as Colby’s face headed towards the water, but his arms caught himself before he face-planted and he managed to balance himself enough to avoid tipping over.

Derrick had floaties on his arms and a life vest on his chest and he happily paddled himself over towards Colby, fascinated by the boy who was smaller and weaker than he was.
 
“Swimmin’ is fun, huh Coh-by?” he asked, flapping his arms and kicking his legs like a frog as he bobbed around him.
 
Colby smiled and gurgled and his hands slipped off the inner tube, but Derrick reached out and caught him and his wide smile made it obvious he was proud of himself.

“Maybe a life jacket would be better?” Susan suggested and Karen nodded gratefully.

Once the vest was securely strapped around Colby’s middle, Michael was finally able to relax again.
 
The boys bobbed happily in the water, Karen’s hands never more than a few inches from Colby as Derrick entertained his new friend and Karen chatted with hers.
 
The other kids took turns begging their mothers to watch them as they somersaulted and dived and did wobbly-legged handstands in the water, their giggles a soundtrack of happiness for the holiday.
 
Karen noticed Calvin and Tim nursing beers by the grill and smiled at the perfection of it all.
 
Despite their sons’ handicaps, despite all the trauma they had endured, life was still good, and days like today made it all seem worth it.

“The burgers are ready!” Tim announced a few minutes later and Susan wrangled Derrick out of the pool so she could put out the rest of the fixings.
 
Soon everyone was balancing their plates on their laps as they chowed down on hot dogs, burgers, baked beans, potato salad and watermelon.

Karen noticed with amusement that Casey and Heather sat alone in the corner and were making googly eyes at each other while the younger kids had segregated themselves by gender on opposite sides of the pool.
 
Corey and Christopher were engaged in a belching contest as they guzzled cans of root beer and the husbands had grown quiet as they concentrated on ingesting massive amounts of food.
 
What a difference a few years made, she mused.

“This is so nice.
 
Thanks for inviting us, Susan,” Karen said, watermelon juice running down both sides of her mouth.
 
She was back in her lounge chair, feeding baked beans to Colby and letting the warm sun dry her skin.

“It’s really great to get to know you all better,” Susan replied sincerely.
 
It wasn’t often she found someone who completely understood what her life was like and didn’t judge her for how she lived it.

When the plates were empty, the kids headed back towards the pool, despite their mother’s warnings that they should let their food digest or risk a bellyache.
 
The siren song of the water was too irresistible.
 
The dads decided to cool off too and soon a game of chicken was underway, with Corey and Elizabeth perched on their father’s shoulders, clumsily trying to knock each other down, their skinny arms and legs flailing as they batted at each other. The other kids anxiously awaited their turn, hopping up and down anxiously around the fighters as they clapped and cheered.
 
Karen and Susan rolled their eyes as they watched from the sidelines and chuckled as their husbands struggled to stay upright while their children tackled each other mercilessly.

 
There were plenty of guardians to go around and Colby was safely strapped in his stroller, so Michael decided he could enjoy the game without worrying.
 
He couldn’t remember the last time he had had this much fun and he laughed as he watched the tiny eight year old Mallory knock Caleb off with a well-timed tickle and claim her victory with a roar.

No one noticed when a bite of hot dog fell from Derrick’s mouth onto Colby’s lap and Colby exercised his developing motor skills to grasp the chunk of meat in his tiny fingers.
 
His hands waved erratically as he struggled to find his mouth and his movements would’ve looked like cheering to anyone who happened to glance his way, but all eyes were still on the others.
 
They stayed there when Colby finally found his lips and shoved the hunk of meat down his throat where it lodged in his windpipe, cutting off his breath.
 
His hands continued to wave as he struggled to cough the meat from his esophagus, but they dropped to his lap when the lack of oxygen finally forced him into unconsciousness.
 
Anyone watching would have assumed he had drifted off into an afternoon nap, drowsy from the warm sun and a full belly, but no one was looking when Colby Conrad passed from life to death, safely strapped in his stroller, his mother on one side and his guardian angel on the other.

“Isn’t it amazing the kind of noise kids can sleep through sometimes?” Susan said, nodding towards Colby.

Karen gave a quick glance towards Colby and smiled at how cute he looked when he slept — head lolling against his shoulder, mouth hanging open…. skin chalky white?
 
Karen swiveled towards her son, alarmed by the pale sheen of his skin, and lifted his hand, but the limb fell lifelessly to his lap and Karen gasped as she jumped off the chair to kneel in front of her son.
 
Michael’s attention snapped towards his charge and his eyes widened as he took in the scene.

“Susan, he’s not breathing!” Karen yelled as she unstrapped his body from the seat and pulled him into her lap, shaking him and calling his name over and over as she tried to rouse him.

“NOOOOO!!!!!” Michael cried out as he watched Colby’s mother cradle his lifeless body.
 
“This is not happening!”

“Call 911!” Susan screamed towards her husband as she huddled next to Karen.
 
“Karen, put him down on the ground so we can do CPR!”

Michael jumped into Colby’s body hoping there was something he could do from inside to save his precious charge, but Colby was gone and all that was left was an empty shell.
 
Michael felt Colby’s body flail as the women pounded on his chest and blew air into his empty lungs, but their efforts were useless.
 
Colby’s soul had departed and Michael had been too busy watching a party game to notice when it happened.

Michael slipped from the body as realization dawned and he floated away from the crowd, distancing himself from the family he had grown to love.
 
He had failed them, he had failed Colby - again.
 
And this time it was game over.
 
Michael watched, detached from all emotion as the paramedics came and tried to revive the little boy.
 
He watched as they placed his tiny body on a stretcher and loaded him into the ambulance.
 
He watched as the shiny white vehicle made it’s way slowly down the road, no need for flashing lights or sirens.
 
And he watched as Karen and Calvin collapsed in each other’s arms and wailed till the sun sank down below the trees and the fireworks boomed in the sky, illuminating their sorrow like a photographer’s flashbulb.

When the family had mustered enough strength to return to their home, Michael stayed behind and watched as the moon took over the sky, casting a pale glow that turned the bright colors of daytime into black and white.
 
The toys floated silently in the water, a macabre foil of the lively party scene from just a few hours before.

Michael waited emotionlessly for something else to happen.
 
He didn’t know what.
 
He had no idea what to do next, all he knew was that he didn’t dare let in the pain that was pounding forcefully against the barrier he had erected to protect himself from his own emotions.
 
So he sat, and stared at the water, and tried to empty his mind of everything but the soothing sound the water made as it lapped against the edges of the pool.

When the sun came up, Michael saw Emit waiting for him in the spot where Colby had died.

“Death is not the end, Michael; it’s only the beginning,” Emit explained, as he sidled up next to Michael and put his arm around him.
 
Michael shrugged it off.
 
If he opened himself up to comfort the pain would come in like a flood.

“Colby was happy when he lived, despite his handicap, and he is happy now, free of the confines of his earthy temple.”

Michael continued to stare into the water.

“It’s time for you to return to the Master, Michael, and receive your new assignment.”

Michael turned to stare at Emit in confusion.
 
How could he possibly expect the Father to give him an assignment when he had failed both of the assignments he had already been given?
 
Surely he would be relegated to the farthest confines of the heavenlies where he could never harm another human ever again!
 
And even if he was assigned to another human, how could he ever risk caring for anyone else after he had lost both the humans he had loved?
 
Michael knew his heart could never take that kind of pain again.
 
No, he knew his days as an angel were over.
 
There was no place for him in heaven, and there was no place for him on Earth.

Michael shook his head slowly as he stared at Emit, and Emit knew without words what Michael was saying.
 
His heart ached for the young angel who had endured such a difficult journey and was about to embark on a harder one, but he understood that Michael would have to follow his own path if he was ever going to find his way back.
 
With a heavy heart he forced a smile towards his wayward pupil and offered up his last bit of consolation.

“The Father will never forsake you, Michael.
 
He’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to come home.”

Michael continued to stare at the empty spot where Emit had stood, his mind an endless sea of nothingness.
 
He knew an ocean of sorrow and self-loathing lay beneath the calm surface, but he forced himself to float above it, confining his thoughts to a tiny rowboat barely skimming the surface.
 
If he allowed a single part of himself to break the water he knew he would drown, so he would stay in the boat and focus on survival.
 
He would focus on the feel of the sun on his face and the wind in his hair, he would listen to the birds sing and watch the other boats sail around him.
 
He would no longer be Michael, the guardian angel who skipped his training, and left his first love, and failed both his charges, he would be what he always secretly wanted to be: human.

With his mind made up, Michael exercised his most dramatic guardian power and robed himself in human flesh.

chapter ten

Michael stared at his arms as he flexed and stretched them.
 
The skin looked real, as human as if it were true flesh and blood and bone.
 
He rubbed his hand against the soft hair on his forearm and marveled at the feel of it, marveled at his own sense of touch.
 
He moved his body exploratorily, bending his knees and twisting his torso, getting a sense of his capabilities.
 
It felt uncomfortable, being ensconced in flesh.
 
He took a quick sprint to see how fast he could go and quickly realized the limitations of the human body when he felt his breath quicken and his heart pound from the exertion.
 
Crossing his legs as he sank to the ground, he caressed the soft grass with his sensitive palms.
 
It felt strange to be confined to one physical spot; in his spirit form he only had to think of it to instantly be in another place.
 
But the sensations were fascinating.
 
The grass tickled his skin and he felt the gentle tug of his clothes as his body moved inside them.

He had taken a very average looking male form — not short but not tall, medium build, no obvious flaws or defects, nothing that stood out in any way.
 
He hadn’t thought much about how he wanted to look, it just sort of happened — some kind of default human caricature, he figured.
 
He tried changing his appearance and the moment he thought it his body instantly morphed into its new form.
 
He found a reflective surface and stared at his face.
 
It looked — indistinguishable, perfectly suited for blending in and being totally forgettable.
 
He was okay with that.
 
He was so used to being completely invisible that having people be able to see him at all was going to be a big change.