Love After Marriage (Forever After #2) (7 page)

My mother appeared from the corner of my eye, and I stood to pull out Beth's chair. Her eyes flickered from my father to me, and she didn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to know what had just gone down. She knew how my father was.

When dinner finished, we said our awkward goodbyes to my parents. Mom held Beth a little longer than expected. My mother was everything wholesome and right in the world, and soon after their embrace, Beth wiped the corner of her eye.

"I'll call you," she whispered before giving Beth's hand one more reassuring squeeze.

I couldn’t deny I felt a little jealous. I should’ve been the one consoling her. That was my job.

I don't know what kept me from doing so. Pride? Or maybe the risk of rejection since she was constantly angry?

Mom gave me a knowing stare and threw her arms around me next. "You're the boy I raised you to be. No matter what you think about yourself. You're just a little older now. That's all." She gave me one tight squeeze before letting me go.

Father gave me a tip of his chin. I guess from him, that was acknowledgment enough.

I retrieved Beth's jacket from the front and slipped her arms into it, breathing in her scent of apples. I missed her. I missed us.

We walked through the revolving doors, and I left briefly to retrieve our car from the valet. When I glanced toward Beth, her eyes were closed as she lifted her head to the sky, maybe she was sending a silent prayer to Nana, the grandmother who had raised her and left the earth too soon.

I wanted to take a picture of this moment, because it spoke volumes. The way her eyebrows scrunched together, the way her lips pulled downward in an almost frown, the way she looked like a standing contradiction, peaceful yet I knew she was tormented inside.

"Beth," I called out, my fingers extending.

Her shoulders tensed, and seeing her reaction to just the sound of my voice was like a drop-kick to the shins. It stung. The Bentley pulled up against the curve, and I opened the door, taking the brief scent of her once more before she stepped into the car.

An awkward silence filled the air, only intensifying the soreness in my lungs, the tightness in my chest, and the unease inside of me.

I needed the silence broken. "You feeling okay?"

Wasn't that the question of the day?

"Yes, thank you." The forced politeness in her tone was as if she was answering a stranger’s question.

I tore my eyes from her and focused on the traffic in front of me. The pleasantries were unlike us. This wasn't our relationship. It was like we were both walking on eggshells, not wanting to say something to get into another fight. I didn't know what was worse, fighting and yelling to get things off of our chest, or not fighting at all and pretending to be people we weren't.

When we pulled into our garage, I rushed to open her door. When she stepped out, I followed her in silence to the elevator. Tension built around us. You could almost taste it.

I stared at her profile, wanting to hold her.

My hand dug into my pocket for my keys, and I inserted our key into the lock and turned. I trailed behind Beth in silence, lingering behind her like the stalker I truly was.

"Let me hang up your jacket."

She slipped out of her jacket and handed it to me. I wanted this over. I wanted the tension to be done, gone, and never to return again.

"I wish you hadn't told your parents the way you did." She couldn’t bare to look at me as she spoke and all I wanted to see were her eyes, the eyes I was so familiar with.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse. I gulped. "I'm sorry." Sorry seemed to be my favorite word lately. I didn't know if there were rules to these things.

"I wish you had asked me first.” She peered up at me, the hurt evident on her face. “I wanted us to surprise them in a special way."

I let out an audible breath as my shoulders sagged, defeated. The word was at the tip of my tongue but didn't need to be said for the millionth time. Time lapsed as we stared at each other in silence.

When I didn't move or say anything further, she broke eye contact and turned toward our bedroom. "I'm going to get ready for bed." Her voice stayed evenly calm, but that didn't curb the mess happening inside of me.

* * *

B
eth
:

Kent had been soundly sleeping when I left him. I had taken the morning off of work to meet Caroline before I had to run off to see my OBGYN. After giving it much thought, I wanted to go by myself to the baby's first doctor's appointment. With Kent's negativity, I didn't want his pessimistic mood to taint my first meeting with Little Em.

I pulled my jacket closer around my neck. One minute I was hot, the next I was cold.

The baby stirred in his stroller as we sat in a corner booth at Clavish Cafe. I smiled, taking his cuteness in. Chase fussed a little before Caroline placed a pacifier in his mouth to calm him.

"He likes that thing, huh?"

She laughed. "Oh the binky? Yeah, I have emergency ones in my purse right now. Can't leave home without his silencer."

As I stared at the baby with the clearest blue eyes, I wondered what brand the pacifier was. How did Caroline know that Chase liked that particular kind? My hands wrung together, and I realized there were so many things that I needed to learn about being a mother, even something as simple as what kind of pacifier the baby preferred.

I smiled at her in awe. Caroline had it all together, and I only hoped I could be as organized when my little munchkin popped out. "How do you do it all? You know, with working and taking care of the baby, and let’s not mention the husband who you say doesn't like to clean or cook."

Her eyes lit up, and she intently glanced down at Chase who was busy with his binky. "Gosh, I don't know. Sometimes there are days where I feel like crying. Like I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to accomplish, but that's when Jeff tells me...he reminds me to take a step back. He'll say 'breathe, baby'." The paci fell from Chase's mouth and Caroline bent down to pop it back in. She peered up at me. "I've never had a more important job than this, raising this child. You're going to realize the same thing when you start a family. That nothing else matters except this living being that you're in charge of, and at the end of the day, nothing’s perfect, but you do the best that you can."

One hand flew to my belly, and I bit the inside of my cheek. Deep emotion coursed through me, the kind that would have tears falling any second. Though I hadn't met Little Em yet, I knew the baby was a part of me, and I loved him or her, though it was only a little embryo in my belly.

"Are you and Kent going to start soon so my Chase can have a little playmate?" Her eyes danced with excitement.

I averted my gaze. Damn hormones.

"What's wrong?" Her hand landed on top of mine.

"I'm pregnant." As fast as the words flew out of my mouth, tiny tears shot out of my eyes.

"Really?" Her eyes widened as shock, surprise, and pure joy crossed her features. "Oh my! Yes! Congrats!" She shot up off her chair and bombarded me with a full-on hug.

Spectators at the restaurant glanced toward her because of her over-the-top reaction. I was excited but nervous. I had no idea how to raise this child, and the possibility of raising it alone scared the crap out of me.

She pulled back and studied my face. "Beth, what's wrong? This is happy news."

More tears, harder this time. "It's just a surprise. For me and more for...Kent."

Her face turned sympathetic as she reached for my hand and sat down. She handed me her cloth napkin, and I blew my nose, trying to stop the tears. My hormones were all out of whack, and I was an emotional, blubbering mess lately.

"Oh, Beth. It's okay. Remember, I was just there. This is a good surprise. The best kind that comes in the cutest package." Her eyes sparkled and her lips broke out into an encouraging smile.

"God, when I told him..." Short, broken huffs left my mouth. "He was shocked, but I never expected him to react the way that he did." I shook my head. "And now it's all shit at home. Utter shit. We're walking on eggshells all the time.”

"Oh honey." Her fingertips rubbed circles on top of my fist. "Didn't you guys talk about children before?"

Caroline never knew about our marriage out of convenience. I'd never told her.

"Not really.” I bent forward and sadly shook my head. “I mean, we fell in love so fast and were caught up in the moment that I guess we never discussed it in great detail, but I just assumed." I wiped the leftover tears from my eyes. "Who doesn't want kids?” I raised my hands in disbelief.”Kent comes from a great family, and his heart is so full of love." I peered down at Chase, his eyes fluttering closed. "I never expected him to react the way he did. At all."

"Just give him time, Beth. Being a father is a huge responsibility for anyone."

An exasperated sigh escaped my lips. "But I don't have a lot of time. Ready or not this baby is coming out."

When the waiter placed our food in front of us, I jerked away because the scent of bacon and eggs filled my senses in the most nauseating way.

Caroline reached into her purse. "Here. Crackers." She handed me a packet of saltines. "You should keep a package in your purse at all times. And lemon drops do well to calm the nausea."

Caroline was a Godsend. I popped a saltine in my mouth. When the saltiness hit my tongue, the queasiness dimmed. "Thanks." I bit the inside of my cheek, and my gaze dropped to the ground. "I have my ultrasound today, and I haven't even told him."

She leaned over the table and met my eyes with a firm gaze. "You have to tell him, Beth. He's the father."

"Why? So he could go out of obligation when I know deep down he really doesn't want to be there?" I shook my head. "He's already taken so much from this experience. I just don’t want anything to taint the first time I see my baby.” I huffed audibly loud, feeling the tension in my shoulders rise to my ears. “He should calm me exactly like Jeff calms you." I sniffled. "I'm so stressed out about this whole situation, and this isn't how it should be."

She ducked down to get in my line of sight. "It's perfectly normal to feel anxiety and to feel nervous. To be honest, the moment you conceive, the worrying starts, and I swear even after you deliver. It never stops." She leaned in, placing both elbows on the table. Our meals sat untouched, getting colder by the minute. "But Beth, what you can't do is stress out. At all. It's not good for the baby. Right now, your priority is that little bundle of joy growing inside of you." She lowered her voice to barely a whisper. "Your body is sensitive right now, and your hormones are everywhere, but any level of stress is not good."

"I know." More sniffles. "I just can't help it."

"It’s important not to worry, babe.” Her eyes dropped to the table as though a thought filtered through her head. She stared blankly at her drink in front of her, running her finger up and down the sides of the glass. “I was stressed through that first trimester. Every day I was practically on high alert, waiting for something bad to happen.” She shivered. “And then it did.” Her gaze unfocused as she recalled memories of the past. “I started spotting.”

I patted her hand, sympathy rising to the surface, but in the next second my insides churned because I was worried and hoped my baby was healthy.

“But we’re okay. Thank God Chase is okay.” A smile touched her lips as she lovingly glanced down at her son. “So you see, Beth, it’s important to take care of yourself during this time. If you guys need some time apart until he has time to think things through and realizes how much he needs you and this baby, you can crash at our place for a little bit. At least until things settle down at home."

I shook my head. "There is no way I could do that."

"I'm not telling you to get a divorce,” she clarified. “You just need to relax and breathe. Listen, I don't want to scare you, but these first few months are critical. I, of all people, know this. Nothing else matters than the health of you and the baby. So if you need to step away from the chaos at home for a little bit, our place is always open."

I didn't like to think about the past often. But when I thought of this beautiful baby growing inside of me, I knew I didn't want to repeat my past. I would never be my mother.

I had been a surprise. A surprise for her and for my father who I'd never met. I'd be damned if I'd be the mother my mother was.

I forced a sad smile on my face, for Caroline's benefit, but I hoped it wouldn’t get to that point between Kent and I. "Thanks for the offer."

B
eth
:

Thirty minutes.

Thirty minutes was all it took for me to get in and out of the hospital. After I hopped back in the cab to get back to work, I pulled out the little black and white ultrasound picture of Em and stared at the piece of paper. This was my future. My heart expanded as I took in the little bean. I smiled, my happiness was overflowing from the inside out.

When I heard the baby’s heart beating, tears had flooded my eyes and I touched the screen, wondering how something so small could have such an impact on my life. Seeing the little embryo on the monitor made everything that much more real, and it only solidified my dedication. I wanted Little Em well. I wanted to meet him or her. I wanted to hold my baby in my arms, but not until Little Em was fully cooked inside of me and ready to make an appearance.

Out my window, the tall Chicago skyscrapers clouded my view. The closer I got to the office, the more emotional I got. I splayed my hand on my belly to calm myself, silently apologizing to the baby for their father. A strong sensation of protectiveness overtook me as I made a promise to Little Em that I would never leave, I would never make him or her feel unwanted, no matter what happened.

As the car slowed to a stop, my eyes took in the skyscraper that read Plack Industries. I exhaled a heavy sigh and realized the only certainty I had was Em. Besides that, I no longer knew what the future held.

I paid the cab driver and entered the building, proceeding to my office. Inside, I prayed Kent wouldn’t be there to greet me. The tenseness was too much to take, and I was scared I wouldn’t be able to function. It was weird because I used to be one that wanted to settle our fights early on. This time, I had other priorities. Work and, most importantly, Em.

When I waved to Amy, my secretary, she scrunched up her face and nodded toward my office. I staggered to a stop and fingered the necklace that Kent had bought me, knowing he was right behind my door.

Amy's face turned apologetic. "I'm sorry. He kind of just walked in. I told him I'd have him paged when you came back, but he said he'd wait. He's kinda mad that you didn't put where you were going on the calendar and you left again this morning without him."

"It's fine. Thanks, Amy." I released a series of short breaths before I stalked into the office. I wasn't ready to fight again, but my body thought otherwise as my shoulders tensed.

He stood when I opened the door. "Where did you go?"

I reeled back at the harshness in his tone. "Out." My defenses were up, and I was ready to rumble.

"You left this morning without saying goodbye."

"Sorry." It didn't sound like I was sorry. My hands flew to my stomach. It was as if I was shielding her from a fight, which was ridiculous because, although studies showed that the fetus could hear sound, it wasn’t like the baby could understand what we were discussing.

We stared at each other. I thought the staring contest would last forever, and I locked my jaw, not breaking our connection.

And then he turned.

With one hand on his hip, he pinched the bridge of his nose and stalked to the other side of the room. "I'm sorry." His voice was above a whisper, thick with emotion. "I shouldn't have walked out on you. I shouldn't have told our parents without consulting you." He turned to me and a flash of grief ripped through him. "I'm just sorry for everything."

The air released from my lungs, and my shoulders sagged in relief. I hadn’t known I was waiting for an apology, but I guess I was. A true and honest, heartfelt one. These weren't just words. I knew he meant them, and I knew it had taken a lot for him to apologize.

I watched the expanse of his broad shoulders as he exhaled. "I was caught off guard. I didn't want to say anything else...that I wished I could take back later. And God only knows I've already said a lot of things I shouldn't have...especially at dinner last night." His shoulders slumped and regret filled his features.

It was the most that he’d said to me that wasn't accusatory or negative about our child. In the moment, I wanted him to hold me. I knew his arms around me would ease the stress that I'd been holding in these past few days.

When he turned, our eyes locked, and I saw the longing that mirrored mine. ‘I missed you’ didn't need to be said. It was spoken without words. One shared look from the both of us told it all.

It was all too much to take. I flew into his arms. "I'm sorry, too." I buried my head into his chest. "I've been so cranky and hormonal and emotional."

His arms crushed me against him, and he blew out an audible breath. He seemed as though he was going to say something, but then thought better of it. Maybe he was afraid that whatever he was going to say was going to start a fight, or maybe he was afraid we'd lose this moment——that familiar connection that bound us together.

He kissed the top of my head and brushed his fingertips against the bottom of my scalp. "I fucking hated these last few days."

"Me too," I whispered.

Time lapsed as he held me, and I breathed in everything that was my husband and the familiarity of him. His hands around me, his cologne that wafted through my senses, his strong broad chest that had always functioned as my pillow. I embraced everything about my husband and pushed those uncertainties to the side. Just for the moment.

His voice softened. "Did you have lunch yet? We can grab something. You should eat."

I shook my head and gripped the back of his shirt, leaning into him for support as tiredness hit. My eyes fell shut, and my breathing evened out to match his.

"Where did you go?" He threaded his fingers through my hair and kissed my temple.

"My ultrasound." I yawned into him, exhaustion hitting me like a four-ton elephant.

When he stiffened, my eyes flew open. I pulled back and searched his face.

"Without me?" His head jerked, eyes protruding and voice harsh.

The brief moment of tenderness had disappeared. He stepped away, his hands falling to his sides.

Guilt ate at my core. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd wanted to go, plus with all the fighting we'd done lately..." I pleaded with my eyes for him to forgive me because I was truly in the wrong. I should’ve told him. I should’ve given him the option to go, at least.

"It doesn't matter," he snapped. "I have to go. It's my child. It’s my job to provide for this family."

His words sucker punched me. My sharp intake of breath was loud enough for him to hear. "Your job?" I narrowed my eyes, feeling my stomach tighten.

And there it was——the truth. Nothing had changed here. At the end of the day, this was another obligation for him. Yes, he'd pay for the child's college. Because he had to. He'd put food on the table. Because he had to.

I bit my cheek hard enough to feel pain. There would be no way in hell I'd cry in front of him. I had too much pride for that. He'd seen me cry one too many times. Plus, I was all cried out; my tear ducts had all dried up.

"You know what? I'm not having this conversation now." I turned to leave the office, but he grabbed my wrist, jerking me to a stop.

He drew in a long breath and released it before speaking. "What the hell did I say now?"

"You don't even know, do you?" I tore my wrist from his grasp.

He blocked my path to the door. "This is bullshit. Everything I do or say is always wrong."

Yes. He was right. Because he was in a constant state of asshole lately.

I inhaled deeply and stared at him, not blinking. "Do you want this baby?"

His face faltered as though he hadn’t been ready for such a question. I guess the question had never been asked straight out.

"What?"

I clenched my jaw. Tears were a nanosecond from bursting from the dam. "I just need an honest answer."

He stepped back, his face contemplating.

"You said you needed time, but that's something we don't have. Honest answer, Kent. Do you want this baby?" My hands trembled at my sides.

"I want you," he whispered, reaching out for me.

I stepped back and wrapped my arms around my lower body as if to protect Em from whatever he was going to say. "That's not what I asked."

"Beth, what does it matter what I want?"

I felt my face crumble as I tore my gaze away and pushed past him. When he grabbed my wrist again, I ripped from his grasp. I was a blink away from falling apart. "Please let me go."

From behind me, I heard him utter two words. "I can't." His voice sounded broken, but I couldn’t tend to his brokenness when I was broken myself.

I ran to the corridor by the elevators, and the first of my tears started to fall. The day Kent married me under the summer sky in his backyard felt like ages ago. I missed those days when everything had been so carefree. And I was tired. Tired of worrying about the baby. Tired of the worrying of the unknown, but most of all, tired of fighting.

As I stood by the elevator, a light hand touched my arm, and then I heard a familiar voice. "Hey, Beth, you okay?"

I swallowed and swiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Hi, Jason." My gaze dropped to the floor and focused on my pointed heels pushing into the carpet. "I just don't feel well, that's all." I swallowed the lump in my throat and composed myself, but I knew he knew that I'd been crying.

His smile faltered, and his brows knitted together as worry filled his features. After a small nudge, he said, "Remember that rain check? I'm collecting it today.”

* * *

K
ent
:

Of all the stupid things to say. What is wrong with me? Do I not have a damn filter? I waited for her because I wanted to squash this. I wanted to work this out between us and stop this constant fighting. She didn't even give me a chance to let her words sink in before chewing me out every chance she got.

Baby.

I was having a baby. It was still so surreal. And it didn't matter what I wanted because it was already here. In an ideal world, this would’ve been a planned event, and I would’ve had a chance to think things through.

I shook my head. Part of me was mad at her that she hadn’t given me a chance to even let her news sink in, but the bigger part of me was in hell arguing with her all the time.

One thing at a time. I could only concentrate on one thing at a time.

The baby wasn't here yet, and what I needed to do was fix our relationship before there was no relationship to fix.

After a few minutes, I rushed down the hall. When I didn't see her, I marched to the elevators and darted outside. My eyes scanned the area down the sidewalk. I decided to turn left. I needed to find her, stick us in a room, and make everything right. I was sick of this shit.

Yeah, I never planned on having children, but I had never planned on getting married, either. My lazy ass had never even planned on taking over the company, and yet here I was. I just needed to think things through for longer than a minute. That's how I functioned, it was how I was built, but as long as we were fighting I wouldn’t be able to let anything else sink in.

When I turned the corner, I glanced in front of me, through the restaurant window and staggered in my step. It was as though I'd been punched in the gut and my whole world slowed to a stop. My vision blurred as I took them in, seated at a table for two.

There she was. My wife. With her ex-boyfriend. I watched as she wiped the tears from her eyes, the ones that I caused. Then I watched her ex’s hand lay on top of hers on the table.

With one hand, I braced myself against the brick building, with the other I fisted the top of my hair. All I could do was stare at their interaction. I clenched my teeth as a burning sensation radiated in my chest. My breaths came out coarser, faster. My fingers flexed and unflexed.

He still loved her. I knew it in my gut, and my gut was never wrong. It was the way he was leaning into her and how his gaze never wavered from hers. It was so familiar, because it was the same look that I wore when I stared at Beth.

I pounded one fist against my thigh and my whole body tensed. I wanted to race over there and throw her over my shoulder and claim her as mine.

I hated him. I hated that he’d been her first. I hated that they shared a history. I hated that they were having lunch and that he was taking her time away from me. I hated him with a passion so deep that I wanted to bust all his teeth out and make him bleed.

The thought was over the top. It was so unlike me. I didn't get into fights unless I absolutely had to, but this...this seemed like an appropriate time.

I fisted my hands at my sides, forcing myself to calm before my rage escaped.

What a cunning bastard. He was using this situation to his advantage. If I came over there and threw a fit, it would only work to his benefit and make me look like even more of an ass.

My breathing accelerated as I waited, watching their interaction from across the street. I backed up against the building, keeping myself hidden. The muscles in my neck tensed as he poured her a glass of water. When she smiled, my insides fumed with a fury so strong, I thought I would lose it.