Love After Marriage (Forever After #2) (9 page)

His features were unflinching as my insides were tearing apart. His words devastated me. There was no grey for him. There was only black and white.

My face fell as sweat beads formed behind my neck. He stared me down, never breaking. I couldn't believe those words had left his mouth. But for once, I had to think of this baby. I just needed to leave so I could breathe normally.

I peered up at the man that I was utterly in love with and swallowed back a lump in my throat. My mother would’ve stayed. She would’ve picked a man over her own child. She did pick the man over her own child, time and time again. This was where I broke the cycle. This was where I took care of the unborn baby that couldn't take care of itself.

"Okay." My hoarse whisper broke the silence.

His mouth slackened before I turned to leave, and he gripped my wrist, halting me. "Wait!" His eyes widened, going wild. I watched his calm demeanor fade. His expression was like someone had struck him. "Where...where will you go?"

“To Caroline's." I winced. "Kent, you're hurting me."

He gaped at his grip on my wrist, then he dropped my hand as the color drained from his face as though he hadn’t realized he was hurting me. He blinked a couple of times as I turned and walked into my room to pack.

K
ent
:

The ringing in my ears intensified as I stared at the door that Beth had just left. Tremors of shock shook me, and a tingling spread to the tips of my fingers. I'd never experienced a panic attack before, but I was pretty sure I was experiencing one now because I couldn't move and my breathing turned erratic.

She was leaving me.

Beth...

My Beth.

In the next second, I dropped to my knees, the air knocked out of me. I blinked a couple of times as my hands trembled against my lap. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but when I came back to my senses, I picked up the phone and began to dial her number. I had to take back everything I’d said. My absolute worst quality was saying whatever I wanted to, even though it hurt, to get what I wanted. What I hadn’t counted on was her calling my bluff.

I shook my head. Of course she had. She was my wife. Maybe my antics worked on other people because I had some kind of power over them, the people at work, my parents. But not Beth. She held the power. All of it.

I stared at the picture of us together on my phone. Her arms were wrapped around my neck, her eyes closed as she planted a big kiss on my cheek. My smile spanned my whole face, my dimples set deep on both cheeks. I don't think there was another human being that could make me smile so hard.

My eyes fell shut, and I took a deep breath to try and calm my erratic pulse. I couldn’t call her. The most unselfish thing I could do for my wife right now was give her the time she needed.

But what scared me the most was, after this time apart, what if she realized that she was better off without me?

The thought crippled me.

Shaking my head, I grabbed my keys and, even though every part of me wanted to go to Caroline's, I used my last ounce of self-control and decided to drive home to Barrington. I needed to get out of our apartment and the long drive home would do my sanity well.

Without packing anything, I rushed out the door and jumped into my car. As I pulled out into the street, I rolled down all the windows, getting as much air into my lungs as possible.

The past few days raced through my head, playing back like a movie as I drove. I blasted the radio on high, trying to calm my raging thoughts, but when Taylor Swift came on, it only reminded me of Beth. She used to blast Taylor Swift and belt it out like she was at her own concert. When I'd shut the radio off, she'd turn it back on and sing louder.

I turned the volume all the way up. Maybe I wanted to pretend Beth was in the car with me, or maybe I was going crazy. The people around me sure thought so. Windows down, Taylor Swift on high, and riding in a Bentley. I glanced to my right to see two young teenage girls staring at me with this look of wonder in their eyes. In the next second, they started busting out into laughter. The older couple in a top down convertible shared secret glances. I gave them a thumbs up and then stepped on the gas.

Yep. Crazyville. I was already there.

The drive took no more than forty-five minutes. As I pulled into the gated community, I waved to the security guard, feeling my shoulders relax.

Things had been tense at the home front, so I did what any normal male would do in this situation, I was running home to my mommy. A chuckle escaped me at the absurdity of it all.

I pulled into the long drive way, threw my Bentley in park, and climbed out of the car. As I took in the landscaping, the rose bushes fully in bloom, and the white palatial mansion that I'd spent my whole life in, I realized I needed this. I needed to get away. Beth was in good hands with Caroline, and she needed this time by herself.

I pressed the keypad to open the garage and strolled inside. Frank Sinatra was playing in the background, filling the empty rooms with music while the air was filled with the sweet aroma of dinner. My stomach grumbled in response, knowing my mother was only a few rooms away, cooking up a storm.

I walked straight into the kitchen and sagged with relief as I took in the head of our household slaving away at the stove. "Mother." A huge smile stretched across my features. I loved this woman. There wasn't a day I didn't appreciate her. Any redeeming quality I had was the direct result of her goodness and upbringing.

Her eyes lit up as she flipped around, her gaze searching behind me. "Kent." She dropped her spoon when I approached and went in for one of her all-encompassing bear hugs. "I didn't expect you home. What a nice surprise."

I stepped back and peered over her, noticing she was concocting her famous, and my favorite, stew. "I think you knew I was coming home because how did you know that's exactly what I wanted for dinner?"

She laughed and her eyes peeked behind me again. I knew she was searching for Beth.

"She's in the city,” I told her, my voice steady. I tried to keep the sadness from my tone. “She's been a bit tired lately. Because you know..."

I didn't have the heart to tell her what was truly going on between us or that Beth had left. In the end, it was my job to fix things between me and my wife, so why worry my mother about nothing? Plus, I didn’t need another scolding.

"Oh yes. I do remember the hardships of pregnancy. Well, I have a little surprise for you." She hummed with a sweet joy. She turned to her flavorful stew and picked up the spoon, bringing it to her lips. "Your father is out at the clubhouse with Tom, so it'll just be the two of us for dinner."

My insides loosened. Not like I didn't get along with my father, but I bonded with my mother on a totally different level. Call it a mother's intuition, but she knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

"Go sit, Kent." Even the tone in her voice let me know she knew something was up. There was no hiding anything from this woman. She saw all.

I did as I was told, glancing around at the kitchen that had been newly remodeled. I could still remember when I was six years old and had climbed the counter to reach the top of the cabinets to get a box of cookies, only to fall on the floor and sprain my ankle. I had been a mischievous kid, even back then.

How life had changed.

Even during the last couple of years, I would’ve never predicted that I would be here today. Married with a child on the way. My life before marriage basically set me up to be a bachelor for life. At one time, I was content with that lifestyle. Until I met Beth.

My mother placed the placemat, plates, and silverware in front of me. The differences in my two households were pretty funny. I loved to cook for Beth and set the table before every meal. With my mother, I knew this was what she enjoyed. I wondered if she missed it when I still lived in the house. I remembered she had cried a million tears when I moved out for college.

"So how is she feeling?"

"Drained. Tired." Stressed, caused by the person sitting in front of you.

She spooned me a serving of stew and sat opposite of me, across our kitchen table.

"How about you?" she asked.

"Dealing." The anguish I felt overcame my control. After a beat, honesty leaked out, surprising me. "I don't know if I’m ready for all of this...for a child."

Her next words surprised me more. "I know."

"What? Great, I'm glad I'm so transparent." I huffed under my breath. Was I the worst human being to ever grace the planet?

"You think I don't know you?” A small smile graced her lips. “I raised you. And you're one of the kindest men with the biggest heart."

"Kind?" My laugh was sarcastic. "I doubt Beth would say that now."

My mother smiled her all-knowing smile. "Of course she would." She ducked in further and whispered, "But you're also the most selfish man on the planet. You're not the sharing type, Kent. I know you don't want to share your wife."

She couldn't have been more spot on.

Her smile turned serious. "And that's exactly what you'd be doing if you have this child. You'll be sharing your wife and yourself. To have a child is the most selfless act in the world."

I exhaled a heavy sigh, letting her words sink in. "Which is exactly the reason I'm going to suck at it." I stared at the mixture of carrots and celery and steak in my bowl.

"And that's where you're wrong, son." She placed her hand on top of mine and waited until I met her eyes. "You're going to love this child, not only because you have to...but because you want to." Her eyes lit with an inner glow. "And just when you think there is no more room for love in your life, that you can't love anyone else more than Beth, that your heart cannot possibly grow any bigger and allow room for another person, you'll be surprised at the ability your heart has to grow and let someone else in."

I sighed as I peered up at her loving eyes. My mother would forever have faith in me. A faith I didn't deserve.

"You said it yourself, Mother. I'm selfish. What if I fail?" The thought crippled me. Being unsuccessful at work was one thing. Being unsuccessful at raising a child was a whole new level of failure.

She squeezed my hand. "Look at you. Look how you've grown in the last year and how you care for Beth. You're stepping up at Plack Industries and soon you'll be running the company. You have no idea what you're capable of."

"That's different. This is a whole different level of responsibility, and I'm not sure I can handle it. This is raising another human being and making sure they turn out okay."

She gave me a pointed stare. "Listen, everything in life happens for a reason and, as selfish as I know you are, your ability to love surpasses that, two-fold. And at the end of the day, all that child will need is that—love."

Her eyes revealed such reverence, such certainty.

"God, I wish I could have your confidence."

"Have you ever heard that saying that mothers are always right? Well, it's true. Ninety-nine percent of the time."

A thoughtful smile curved my mouth and a shift of weight that I'd been feeling all day lifted from my shoulders. "What present do you have to show me?"

She sat back in her chair as her cheeks flushed pink.

I tilted my head. "Mother?"

“Well so..." She averted her eyes. "I know you don't even know the sex of the baby yet."

My smile widened. "Goodness, what did you buy?"

She let out a carefree laugh. "The question is what didn't I buy. I bought all of Nordstrom's baby section. I also may have contacted a very upscale crib manufacturer." She ducked her head into her soup and tried for nonchalance.

"Mother, we haven't even decided on cribs or anything like that. I think Beth would like to pick most of that stuff."

She met my eyes. "Oh, I know. Of course it's a special time and choosing and registering together is a memorable event. I would never rain on your parade. I'm talking about our baby room."

I frowned. "Your baby room?"

"Yes of course.” She raised both eyebrows as though my question was ridiculous. “We're going to have our own nursery, so when the baby comes over, he or she will have their own room at our place."

My eyes widened. "What does dad think about all of this?"

Her shoulders shook with laughter. "He's the one who picked out the stroller."

"Stroller?" My voice hitched.

"And the gigantic giraffe that we had to get shipped over in a truck from FAO Schwartz."

"Incredible. Mother. Just incredible." I shook my head and laughed. Only my mother.

When she straightened on her seat, her grin was ear to ear. "Your heart may be big enough to love this child, but my heart..." She pointed a finger in my direction. "I'm warning you in advance, this child is going to be the most spoiled in the universe, and I will make no apologies." She shrugged. "Forewarning. You may have to do a little damage control later. So you really should start thinking of having more right away...so the first one will be less spoiled. If that's even possible." Though her tone was playful, I knew she was dead serious.

I could only imagine how this child would grow up in the Plack household—spoiled rotten but, no doubt, fully adored. I snickered at the look of elation on my mother’s face and for the first time in the day, happy thoughts of the baby filtered through my head.

* * *

I
pushed
off the covers and glanced at the clock, noting that it was one thirty in the morning. Trying to sleep was out of the question. Even after two melatonin pills, every nerve in my body was wired. I couldn’t keep my eyes shut.

Restless, I stared at the ceiling as my fingers itched at my sides. Turning my head, I focused on my cell phone. In the next second, I grabbed it from the nightstand and scrolled through my pictures.

I stopped on a solo one of Beth, and my jaw tightened. I had taken the picture randomly when we’d been at the park. A few strands of her caramel hair had come loose from her ponytail and were splayed against her cheeks. Beth's nose was scrunched up, and she had crossed her eyes, making the silliest face.

A pain shot straight to my chest as I took her in. I didn't even have the energy to smile at her goofy picture.

My life before her had been so different. More carefree. But it had lacked color. Everything I saw since I’d met her had become vibrant and full of life. I couldn't go back to how my life was before. I gripped the phone in my hand as though it was my lifeline, feeling the cold metal dig into my palm.