Love and Decay, Volume Eight (Episodes 9-12, Season Three) (16 page)

I was too… different.

I stared through the survivor pictured in the
glass and tried to find the version of me I still pictured, the
girl I remembered. She lingered somewhere in those dark eyes, but
it was hard to see through the girl I had become to find the girl I
used to be.

I wasn’t sure what to think about that. I
couldn’t decide if these changes were good or bad.

I looked down at Lennon, cradled in my arms
and hoped he had the answer. He didn’t. But he was sweet to look
at. So much sweeter than the scary, horror-version of myself I’d
come face-to-face with.

“Don’t be scared of me,” I whispered to him.
“Just because I look like the Bride of Frankenstein doesn’t mean I
am.”

“You don’t look like that, Reags!” Haley
laughed at me. She took Lennon back as soon as her hands were free
and I felt her anxiety to hold her baby. Today had been scary. She
had almost lost him more than once. I didn’t blame her for wanting
to keep him close. I would have been the same way.

Or at least I hoped I would.

“Haley, it’s fright night. Only like every
day is fright night. It’s amazing Hendrix puts up with this.”

She smiled at me. “I’m pretty sure Hendrix
would put up with the pre-shower version of you if he had to. You
can’t scare him away by smelling bad. That boy is smitten.”

Her words made my blood tingle. “I don’t want
to scare him away,” I admitted. “Not anymore. Not ever again.”

She threw an arm around my neck and squeezed
me to her side. “I’m so glad you’re happy.”

“I’m so glad we all survived. Again.”

Tyler tsked from behind us. “We didn’t all
survive. Two of those kids died today.”

My heart pinched painfully. “I don’t even
know how that happened. I thought we had this down… no man left
behind.”

Tyler shook her head. “They wouldn’t stop
looking behind them. Vaughan tried to help them and encourage them
to run faster, but they got caught up with what was chasing them.
And they nearly got him killed in the process.” She trembled with
fury at the idea of losing him. I didn’t blame her for that. I
thought Vaughan had been a goner for sure.

“He’s okay? He looked a little unstable,”
Haley whispered.

Page pushed into our small circle and said,
“He’s fine. He beat the Feeder. It tried to get him, but he killed
it. Now he’s fine.”

We nodded to show Page we supported her.

“Of course he’s fine,” Tyler encouraged. “He
just has a little scratch. It’s nothing.”

I wanted to believe Tyler, but something
about her wild eyes made me question Vaughan’s health. “Tyler…”

“Reagan, he’s
fine
,” she promised.
“He’ll be fine. Let’s go find him. I’ll show you.”

We walked out into the hallway where the boys
waited for us. Hendrix immediately enveloped me in his arms. As
soon as I stepped out of the apartment, he wrapped me against his
chest and buried his nose in my hair.

“You smell good,” he murmured with his lips
pressed against my ear.

Warmth flooded my belly and burrowed deeper
against him. “Better than earlier?”

I felt his smile against my cheek. “Just a
little bit, although it was growing on me. Literally. I literally
think it had started to grow on me.”

I laughed and it felt so good. My entire body
lit up from the inside out.

It wasn’t as though we never laughed or like
our circumstances were so grim that we felt nothing but bleak
depression. But our good moments were interspersed with
life-threatening situations and near-death experiences. I had
learned to treasure every laugh, cherish every smile. I wanted to
hold these moments in my heart forever and always remember that
things were really bad, but they were really, really good too.

“Vaughan okay?” I whispered so Page didn’t
hear me.

“Yeah,” Hendrix answered. “I think so.”

“Tyler said it was a cut?”

He shook his head and pulled back to meet my
gaze. “Bite,” he mouthed discreetly. “On his arm.”

All of my good feelings disappeared in a
flash of concern. “Bad?”

He held my eyes with his intensity. “Just a
graze. But… but nothing has happened yet. We’re hoping…” He cleared
his throat and I watched pain contort his mouth into an agonized
frown. “We’re hoping it ends up like Page.”

I felt sick with worry.

“I don’t think-”

He silenced me with a quick kiss. “We’re not
going to worry about it right now, okay? He hasn’t turned or shown
signs of turning. So we’re going to drop it for now and see what
happens. Yeah?”

“Okay,” I whispered. “Yeah, okay.” I wrapped
my arms around his waist and pressed my heart against his. “How’s
Miguel?”

His face dropped to the curve of my neck.
“Devastated. I think he’s still in shock, but it’s going to hit him
hard when he comes out of it.”

“Do you think he’ll stay here or go back?” I
rocked up to my tiptoes and looked over Hendrix’s shoulder. Miguel
stood against a plain white wall, looking nearly as pale. There was
no expression on his face, no emotion whatsoever. Hendrix was
right, he was in shock. But eventually the trauma of the day would
catch up to him and he would have to face what happened.

I had no idea how that would go, but I wasn’t
looking forward to it. I felt terrible for him, but at the same
time I was beyond thankful that everyone I loved had made it.

I tried not to dwell on how selfish that made
me.

Hendrix pulled back and cleared his throat.
When he spoke again, he was nervous and maybe a little flustered.
“Reagan, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Will you
walk with me?”

“Uh, sure.” Did he seem paler all of a
sudden? I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he grabbed my hand
and tugged me forward. I hurried to catch up with him. “Hendrix,
what’s wrong?”

As soon as we were around the corner, he spun
me so my back was to the wall. His hands settled low on my waist,
splaying over my hips with a sense of ownership that made me
shiver.

It wasn’t as though he treated me like a
piece of property or like I was a possession to him. But there was
this urgency to his touch, a sense of belonging. He owned my heart
and I owned his.

He stared into my eyes and let me see all of
him. I glimpsed the honesty in his words, the truth and
vulnerability. I saw hope and conviction, promise and acceptance.
He gave me everything that he was and asked nothing less of me. “I
love you,” he swore.

And I knew that he did. I felt it in my
bones, in the core of my being. He had rearranged my insides until
I was built on the foundation of this love, until it became my
cornerstone, my very substance and completed the overall picture of
me.

“I love you too,” I promised with no less
gravity.

A relieved smile tugged at his beautiful
mouth. “Then marry me,” he asked.

My heart stuttered in my chest and my breath
caught in my lungs. “What?”

“Marry me.” His hand reached up to cup my
face. I instinctively leaned into his touch, loving the roughness
of his palm against my jaw. “Reagan, when I fell in love with you
something happened to me. I became a different person. A better
person. I had this idea of the world and my purpose in it, but then
you came along and changed everything. I don’t just live for myself
anymore, I live for you. When I think about the future, if you’re
not in it, I lose interest. I lose hope. You haven’t just come into
my life, you’ve become my life. And I want to spend the rest of our
days together and be committed to you in every way.”

Overwhelming emotion made it hard to form
words. “Hendrix-”

His second hand joined the first, taking my
face and holding me delicately. “Listen, I know we’ve had our ups
and downs. And I know that it hasn’t been that long since we’ve
been back together. But I never stopped loving you. Not for one
second. And I know that if we can survive that… what we went
through, what we’ve been through, then we can survive anything. I’m
tired of being afraid that I’m going to lose you. I’m tired of
feeling like our relationship is unfinished. I’m so exhausted from
days like today when I know I should make you mine because I don’t
know if I’m going to get to keep you or this world is going to take
you from me. I need you to be mine. Permanently. I need to complete
what we have and give you every single thing I have to give. I
don’t know if there is a priest here or if we even need one. I just
want to say vows to you, lasting vows that we can live by, that we
can promise to each other and carry with us for the rest of our
time together.”

“Yes,” I sobbed as soon as he took a breath.
“Yes!”

“Yes?” he asked as though he really hadn’t
expected it… as though he really thought I would have even
considered a different answer.

“Yes,” I hiccupped. “Of course. I want
nothing more than to be your wife.” Tears flowed freely down my
cheeks and I couldn’t remember a moment in my life where I had been
happier. At the end of one of my darkest days, at the end of one of
the darkest periods of my life, I couldn’t believe this incredible
man and the light he brought to my life waited for me.

“Really?” he asked dubiously.

I couldn’t help but laugh. It was the
lightest sound I had ever made. “Did you really think I would give
you a different answer?”

He frowned, so I leaned on my tiptoes and
kissed the corners of his mouth. “I had my doubts,” he
admitted.

“Never,” I whispered against his jaw before I
continued my kissing. “Never would I be stupid enough to walk away
twice. This is everything to me, Hendrix.
You
are
everything. I need you like I need water… like I need air. You’re
not the only one that’s been changed by this love. Only I have been
changed for the better. You make me better. You make me whole and
complete. You fill in my emptiness and unfinished places. You’ve
given me life when I thought I was dead and hope when I felt
nothing but despair. I love you, Hendrix Parker. And I want to
spend the rest of my days, no matter how many there are, with
you.”

His answering smile was the most beautiful
thing I had ever seen. It lit up his entire face and I was
confident I had never seen this expression before. I had never seen
him so at peace or so joyful. He vibrated with love and hope. He
let go of all of the darkness that crept in on us and let himself
be truly happy.

And in that moment I knew I was ruined.
Ruined for him
. I knew I would spend the rest of my life
making sure that expression was always on his face, that he always
felt this way.

He sobered suddenly and it looked like it
physically pained him to say, “It’s not going to be easy. We’re not
going to always get along. We’re going to fight. Probably more than
we should. There are times we might not even like each other. But,
I just want you to know that after we do this, I am committed to
you in every way. I am your husband and you are my wife.
Forever.”

More tears spilled over my lashes. I sniffled
and nodded and basically made a blubbering fool of myself. “That’s
what I want too. That’s what I mean. In every way, Hendrix.
Forever.”

He leaned down and took my mouth in a slow,
leisurely kiss. His mouth moved against mine for several minutes as
we shared our joy and let the anticipation build between us.

When he pulled back I was dizzy and tingling
with excitement. I was weightless, but filled to the very brim with
happiness.

“We have some planning to do, yeah?”

I nodded, barely able to collect my thoughts.
“Yeah.”

“Are you comfortable writing your own
vows?”

I smiled at him. “Yes,” I laughed. “I think I
can manage.”

“Then go work on them and I’ll find you soon.
I’ll handle everything else.”

“I love you,” I told him one last time.

“I love you too. More than anything.” With
another slow kiss that burned through my blood and set me on fire
in every way, he released me to my friends.

I found Tyler and Adela in the hallway. I
told them what happened and they squealed appropriately. We laughed
and then cried when Haley came around the corner. She had just
finished a similar conversation with Nelson.

She threw her empty arms in the air and
grinned. “Well, he wants to make an honest woman out of me!”

I raced over to her and hugged her tightly.
“It’s about time!” We spun around and laughed.

“Me too, Hales! Hendrix and Nelson must have
had a talk. Although to be fair to Hendrix, he did warn me
earlier.”

She pulled back and grinned at me. “He’s got
marriage on the mind.”

“More like the wedding night,” Tyler put
in.

I shook my head, but didn’t argue. It was
fine with me if Hendrix had been thinking about both. I was more
than ready to settle down officially and even more to give up the
v-card and the fear that I would die a virgin.

“I don’t mind getting married here,” I said.
“But I’m pretty sure we can’t also consummate the union. It just
feels… so wrong.”

Tyler shuddered. “Okay, you’re right. That
would be weird.”

Haley dropped her voice, “Plus, I think it’s
like a communal sleeping situation.”

“Okay then! One thing at a time. Let’s just
focus on the vows today. I’ll worry about the deflowering
later.”

We dragged Page and Adela with us into a
quiet alcove where we could have some privacy. We laughed and
cried, we talked seriously and made ridiculous jokes. We spent our
time together in a happiness that was unprecedented.

My joy was only amplified by how happy my
friend was. I couldn’t believe how far we’d come. We had started
this journey together with nothing but each other. We had lived
through the scariest moments of our lives and survived impossible
situations.

Haley had been my rock, my only constant
until Hendrix walked into my life. It was pretty amazing that we’d
found brothers to love and that loved us in return.