Love is Darkness (A Valerie Dearborn Novel) (20 page)

“What are you expecting me to do about Marion?
With that file?”

“You have given it to Jack?”

Val decided to leave her tampons out of the picture. “Not yet.”

She didn't want him to know Jack was in town. How could she trust that Lucas would really protect him? She needed time to think and work through all the information that had been thrown at her.

“Then give it to him.”

“Do you honestly believe that the only reason vampires have been killed by Hunters is because of your information and help, whatever that is?” She didn't mean it in a snarky way, she just wanted to know.

“There is a lot of preparation involved in killing a vampire. If he or she is over a few hundred years it would be near impossible, without my intervention.”

“With wooden bullets and silver and holy water?
They all seem very effective.”

Several seconds went by before Lucas spoke. As though deciding how much information he would tell her. “He'd be better off with a sawed off shotgun. It's more draining for the vampire to eject multiple pieces of wood than a single wooden bullet. Small slivers consume near as much energy to heal as a large one.”

“That doesn't make any sense. It seems like it would be harder to regenerate a wider hole than a smaller one.”

“It's mental focus and direction of power. That's never a pure process. Energy is lost in the transfer. The pieces are smaller and require more power to be precise.” He nodded his head slightly, “I will see you tonight.”

Tonight?!?

And then he was gone.

Val spent the day in her room and drove herself crazy trying to put everything together. She wrote down everything Lucas had told her about vampires and even wrote down most of her encounters with him. She left out the towel situation. If she turned up dead, she wanted Jack and her father to know the truth. But that didn't mean she needed them to know that Lucas made her hot and bothered.

She recoiled from the thought. Wasn't it enough that he was a vampire? That alone should make him unattractive. The fact that he was dead
and
a killer should push him over the limit to barf-worthy. Sure, he dressed well and was good looking, had all that hair and rocked the Viking chic look better than anyone had in several hundred years, but honestly, if she thought her and Jack were a bad match, her and Lucas was suicide.

Hers.

She went to her jewelry box and found a silver cross that her father had given her years ago. She put it on and hoped that would help. Her feelings were not natural.
And that’s all there is to it.

Chapter 8

London, England

That evening, Val was fed up with her dark thoughts and being stuck indoors so she headed outside. Lucas could find her if it was so important. She didn't go towards the Heath at this time of night, since it was supposed to be a gay meeting point and the last thing she needed was to stumble upon two men shagging in the bushes.

The small streets leading to Hampstead Village seemed like the safest choice. Inside the purple bricked mansions were people with families having dinner. Smoke came out of the chimneys
tinging
the cold air with the smell of fire.
Normal life
.

Sure she was looking in on normal life from the outside, but so what.
So what!
Don't think about how quickly everything is going down the crapper and what you may not have
. Val didn't know if she wanted kids. In theory they were fine, sweet and little but the reality contained more snot and naughtiness then she felt she could handle.

She tried to imagine having children and a husband. An image of Jack laughing and happy came to her. No! No more would she think of Jack when she thought of the future. Jack didn't want happiness. She thought about Ian instead. He had asked her to stay over for Christmas and be with his family. How sweet was that?

Oh God, Ian. She had to cut him out of her life. Being around her wasn't safe and she'd have to change everything.

Get rid of everyone.

Be alone again.

In danger again.

Her mind rebelled, looking for alternatives.

Could she confine Lucas in any way? Find some way to make him let her live a normal life? No, because she had nothing to bargain with. She was the pawn. Val kicked a pebble down the street dispiritedly.

Part of her wondered, like a whisper in her mind, if maybe she was that interesting. That whisper of a voice was like a devil in her, telling her that she could have Lucas in the palm of her hand if she chose.

And that he knew things he wasn't telling her.
Nice deduction Captain Obvious.

Perhaps he was not nearly as self-contained as he pretended to be. It was the same voice that told her she wouldn't be having a normal life no matter how hard she tried or how far she ran. It was probably the same little voice that addicts heard right before inhaling a monstrous line of coke.

She needed to ignore that voice.

Steps echoed hers, Lucas falling into step beside her. She kept walking, refusing to acknowledge him.

“Such turmoil.”
His words were silky, quiet and deep as shadows.

“You can't be the biggest of the big bad without being seriously evil.” She waited, but he said nothing. “But now you are trying to convince me that you are...helping.
Good
.”

“No. Not good. But neither am I inherently evil. There is a field of gray between light and dark. I tell you most vampires are like sun down with hints of light in a sky of black. They were people once, just a very long time ago. There is a moral code to vampires, albeit nothing you may appreciate. We do not make murderers into vampires, for example. There are rules.”

Val stopped walking and turned into him, forcing
herself
close. He backed up a step, giving ground, but she followed. He seemed to stand a little straighter, and then her hand was resting on his chest. “Will you take them from me? Do I need to give this all up? If I do what you want, will you leave everyone alone?” The questions burst from her.

The agony of not knowing was too much, and while part of her was afraid her rash words could imperil everyone more, her instincts and fear won, forcing the words out.

She felt his breath whisper over her hair. “Who do you ask sanctuary for? What promise would you have from me? Am I to protect people from myself or others?
Supernatural and natural harm?
Perhaps even protection from
their own
actions?” He looked down at her, and she noticed his hands resting on her shoulders.

Val didn’t pull away, wasn’t sure she even could. She felt like a planet orbiting around the sun, unable to change course.

Was he threatening her? He could hurt them and make it look like an accident. Was that what he was saying? This moment was important, she knew that, but he watched her like she was a clairvoyant about to predict the winning lottery numbers and she wondered what she was missing.

“You should leave school because your responsibilities to me will take all of your time and because you don't want to draw unnecessary attention to the people you care about. I have told you I will protect Jack and your father. You must believe that. But also, you must recognize that I am not solely an evil man, or else you will betray me and be manipulated by the
Others
if we find them. The
Others
are neither good nor evil either. Werewolves, witches, the Fey
—
 
all
are creatures who interact with mortals and do so for their own benefit. Humans become pawns and shields. Loss of life is expected and irrelevant to most supernatural beings.”

“So your goal here is to terrify me
and
get my help in bringing more evil to
humanity,
is that it?” Val spun away from him, walking quickly, the street sloping downwards towards Hampstead Village.

“I do not interact with humans often. The last two hundred years especially, I have been away from life.”

What the hell did that mean?

Lucas stopped speaking and she thought that this time he was trying to find the right words rather than being evasive. “I have spent hundreds of years unchallenged and in isolation, both emotionally and physically. But now I am drawn back to this world and it is astonishing to want things again. It is better for humans if the
Others
returned. All of the
Other
races need humans and like them in a way that most vampires have forgotten.”

She could feel his sincerity swimming over her. He did want balance for the world but he also wanted things from her specifically. This moment convinced her of that. The insidious voice was back, telling her to pay attention, that he was being honest. Or as close to honest as he was
gonna
get.

“What level of protection should I be asking for? What would it take to get you to promise not to harm anyone that I come into contact with?”

Lucas looked at her for a long moment and she thought he would tell her. Her eyes implored him and she realized she was touching him again: her hand on his arm. She jerked back her hand, his gaze tracking the movement as she pulled them away from him and fisted them at her sides.

“Nothing.
There is nothing you can offer or give that I would accept.” He changed the subject, “What do you require for your task?”

“You don't think it's a little ridiculous that you ask me to trust you and do your bidding, yet you won't give me the one thing I want? Promising to leave these people alone doesn't cost you anything.”

“I take promises very seriously. All of my
kind do
.
Breaking of oaths lead to death and war.
I won't make a promise that vague. Not even for you.”

She tried to stay focused, waiting until later to analyze his words. “I need money so that I can move and I guess.... I guess I have to drop out of school. Also, I'll need a way to stay in the country.”
Am I really doing this?

 
The grief of giving up her life hadn't totally hit her yet. It would when she was packing. Or when Monday morning came and she wasn't in class. Then the aloneness of it all would crush her.

He frowned. “This upsets you.”

“Um, yeah!
This is my life that's changing. It's getting swapped out for a crappy one with a bloody death at the end of it. Tell me I'm wrong.”

“I will protect you. It is my understanding you have been studying for many years now. At what point would you have stopped?”

“Are you trying to be a jerk?” She said angrily.