Love Lasts Forever (28 page)

             
Why he still loves her so much…?

             
     Why does he think it was his entire mistake…?

          
                            What did he mean when he said I didn’t understand her after marriage…?

             
It all made perfect sense now, and I’m amazed by their breathtaking love story. She could have told him about his disease,
but yet…
She could have chosen to spend the last of her days with him,
but yet…
Captain could have moved on and carried with his life,
but yet…

             
Amidst tears in my eyes I turn to face Captain. ‘Sorry sir,’ I say, sniffling. ‘I’m really sorry for what happened.’ I hear my voice crack and my hand reaches to wipe my eyes.

             
Captain smiles. His forehead creases as he looks up at me. ‘So now you know, huh?’ he says, his voice soft as feather.

             
I nod and run an arm over my running nose. ‘When did um…you find out?’

             
Captain takes a deep breath. ‘I was in Bombay those days,’ he replies, looking in the distance. ‘After my divorce I had enrolled in an Indian Shipping company. A month later Rajiv met me there and told me Shikha had passed away. He collected her belongings and passed on to me.’

Tears
slowly find their way out his eyes and he cups his face in his hands. After wiping his face, he looks at me plaintively. ‘You know, he told me later he hadn’t read the diary, else he would have never handed it to me so Shikha could have succeeded in her plan. However I was so glad I read it, and then…I think I fell in love with her all over again. I have never forgiven myself…’ He trails off and when I look at him again I can surely say I have never seen someone cry like that. His quick guttural gasps are tempered with the heaving motion of his chest and what began as a demure sob soon turns into a high- pitched wail. It is so infectious that I can’t suppress the flow of tears of my own. I can honestly say I’ve never been overwhelmed with someone else’s story as much.

             
Few heads turn toward us but we don’t care. The pirates aren’t bothered either. 

I let the silence take over our conversation for a
while and relive those days, those fights, and arguments with Aisha. The affliction it brought to me is nothing as compared to what Captain had to go through.

‘
Sorry sir,’ I say again after a few minutes, rubbing my eyes. ‘I’m very sorry for your loss.’

He
waves out his hand. ‘No, it’s alright,’ he says, slightly composed now. ‘You know normally I never discuss all this with anyone. Quite simply they don’t care; neither do I feel like telling them anyway. No one has the time to listen to an old man’s story. But when I see young people like you, making a mockery of true love, my heart cries. I think about my Shikha and remember what all she did for me. True love still exists in this world. You know she could have been selfish and told me about it, at least she would have had me in her last moments. But instead she chose to die alone so that I could lead a better life. It pains me so much to think that during her last days, there was no one to look after her. No one! She died alone, battling all the pain, only for me…’ He takes a deep shaky breath and a fresh set of tears emerge from his eyes. ‘I hate myself for it, for what I did to her in her last days. I yelled at her all the time for her lack of responsibility, I shouted at her telling her to stop feigning illness, but she was…she was actually sick. I shouted at her for forgetting things, but it was her
disease
that was doing all that to her. I even maligned her for having an extra-marital
affair
. God only knows how she would have felt about my accusation…’

He wraps his arms around his legs and tucks his head between his knees. The slow mo
tion of his chest manifests his sobs. Few minutes later he lifts his head and turns to me, his eyes dark and pudgy from the tears.

‘
And look at you guys today, what have you made of love. You were madly in love with your wife but due to trivial reasons you want to divorce her. You think you can live happily after that?’ When my blank expression had nothing to offer, he continues. ‘Without my Shikha you think I have ever been happy. You know even after my divorce, before I found out all this, I cried every day. I still missed her. I still loved her. And then later when I had cognizance about her plan, I was proud of the fact that there once was such a wonderful person who loved me so much. That feeling has made me live my life so far. In the end that’s all that matters: the feeling of being in love and the joy of being loved back. Nothing else.’

‘
I understand sir…,’ I say, hesitating, observing the sincerity in his words. I allow my mind to drift in the thoughts of Aisha. ‘I think…I think I still love Aisha, sir,’ I say, struck by the realization. ‘But um…I don’t know what to do.’

Captain nods but says nothing for a few minutes as if getting himself back together.
‘Look,’ he finally says, rubbing his eyes and scooting closer. ‘If you have learnt anything from my story, just remember there is nothing better in this world than living your life with the person you love. In my case it didn’t last long, but yet, I cherish every single moment of my life I spent with her. You are fortunate enough that you can make it last a lifetime. Do it. Be the best husband you can be. Tell her that you love her,
everyday
. Make her feel special. Throw a few surprises at her every now and then. And then you’ll see how blissful your own life will get. Remember women are always emotionally stronger than men. We need them more than they need us. Give your love one last chance and you’ll be amazed by the joy and contentment it’ll bring you. Don’t do the same mistake I did. I doubted my love. You don’t do that; hear out her part of the story. Maybe she’s right but in either case sort it out. Else three decades later you’ll be sitting on some ship like this and doling out your own life story to one of your juniors,’ he smiles.

I smile
back. ‘Right sir,’ I say. ‘I’ll think about it.’

4
5. Three months later…

November 2011
, Somewhere in Somalia

Oh, I love Aisha. I really do.

             
Five months of separation from her has rekindled my feelings for her. I miss her and find myself reliving those moments with her when all was well with the world. I miss her smile, the lilt in her voice, those pretty eyes, and sometimes, our futile arguments.

Captain wa
s right – I wasn’t supportive enough. In fact I never understood her after marriage and always supported my family even when I knew they were at fault. I haven’t been a good husband, now I can say that for sure.

             
Whenever I’m back home,
if I’m back home,
I’ll give our marriage one last chance. This much I have to do; Captain’s story has inspired me to do at least that.

             
But then again, an ominous
if
hangs in the air. Honestly, I can’t be sure if we’ll manage to survive this ordeal. The worst part of our suffering is the wait.
That
is killing us slowly. The enormous mental strain, of course, is another factor. It’s been five months now and we continue to huddle beside each other on the bridge with more than two dozen ghoulish looking pirates staring down at us with their guns.

             
Add to it the frequent hitting. Yes, they beat us every now and then whenever they get drunk. They pick us out at random and then unleash their fury at us forcing Captain to call company and plead them for the ransom. Other than that they frequently perform mock executions – like they did last time, but you can never be sure about it, and that’s what makes it insanely traumatizing – and crew lock downs. Once in a while they handpick one or two of us and push us separately in a common toilet or a duct space with no access to food, water, or electricity for as long as a week.

             
But yet, the company doesn’t care. I have come to realize that the value of a human life is nothing, more so, when the life in question is an Indian. Had it been the Europeans or Americans, their government would have intervened and exercised their clout to free their fellow countrymen. On the other hand the Indian government has arrested scores of pirates in Indian waters which has further exacerbated our misery. The pirates are using us as bargaining chips even after they receive their ransom to get their people released.

             
And it is this realization, coupled by various others, that is killing us every day.

The pirates
haven’t allowed us to call our families either after that day of mock execution. I’m dying to speak to Aisha just once, I don’t know if she’s even aware of my plight.

The only silver lining in the cloud has been
Captain who is seated beside me. He has been exhorting me to try to save our relationship before even considering a divorce. And I have agreed. Yes, I have. As soon as I’m out of here, I’ll meet Aisha and request her to give us one last shot.

Of course, even then if things
don’t work out between us, it’s better for us to part ways. But this much is sure that I won’t beg her and plead her to take me back.

I have my male ego intact after all.

46. Six months later…

Somewhere in Somalia
, May 2012

To hell with my male ego!

             
I love her and I’ll do
anything
so she takes me back. I’ll beg her, I’ll plead her, and then I’ll beg more until she agrees. I just can’t live without her.

             
In case you are still wondering what made the neurotic in me change it’s the time that has worked its magic. Yeah, that’s what it does to you. It’s been almost a year under captivity and as much time away from Aisha. Only when you lose a person do you realize their true worth in your life. Though I haven’t lost her, just yet, but I can’t be sure if I still have her either.

I’ve been thinking
all these months when I was home I hated her for all her vices but never loved her for her virtues. And here, it’s the other way round. I’ve learnt something about human beings while dawdling away my time here. We always judge people by their negativities and never by their moralities. At home I never saw Aisha’ love, warmth, and the sacrifices she made for me. Instead I only saw her arguments with my family, and of course, the devil in her. I can’t even begin to express how much I hate myself for that now. And that, I believe, has reinforced my feelings for her.

Moreover Captain’s story
has reinstated my belief in love. Hardly an hour passes when my mind doesn’t drift in Aisha’s thoughts. These last six months have made me realize what a blunder I would have made had I divorced her. In a way, I think, it was good our ship got hijacked. Had it not been for the pirates, I would have been home long time back, and divorced Aisha. Whatever happens, surely, happens for good.

             
But that’s not all that I think about here. Of course, I apprehend Aisha would have her own take of all this and if I can think of a divorce, why not her? But I sincerely hope she doesn’t think that I have forgotten her. The fact that I haven’t been able to call her and she’s not in talking terms with my mother has only bolstered these negative thoughts.
What if she thinks I have moved on…? What if
she
has moved on…? What if she has found another guy…?

             
The last few months I’ve been battling these thoughts out of my head. But that’s the thing - I have nothing else to do here. I just sit here in the same position day in day out along with the other crewmembers, my mind always a whirlpool of thoughts.

             
Meanwhile life here continues to be miserable. In fact, things have gotten worse. Due to the mental strain and lack of food and water, diseases are appearing in crewmembers, and medical help isn’t forthcoming. Few of us have stomach infections and one deck crew has lost his eyesight. Our chief engineer is an asthmatic and he consumed his inhaler two months back. Every breath is a struggle for him and the sound of his wheezing doesn’t implore the pirates to call for a doctor. I can’t be sure if he’ll make it.

Captain has suffered two strokes in the last six months, but again, no medical help
arrived. We all were by his side helping him in whatever little way we could.

One of us has even committed suicide. Appa
rently unhinged from stress and the affliction of waiting, the fourth officer rushed toward the bridge wings and jumped in the water last month. Nobody stopped him.

Perhaps
, I think, it was a better choice he made.