Love Left Behind (41 page)

The interview ended,
cutting back to the host talking about Jackson's new movie and about how well
it was doing in the box office. I sat in stunned silence, a dangerous thought
blooming in my head. He had sounded so sincere. Could he really mean everything
he was saying? Could he still be in love with me? I shook my head at the
ridiculous notion. He had said we had parted because of a misunderstanding.
Jackson screwing Claire was more than a misunderstanding. I had to be careful
not to take the things he said to heart. It was all to diffuse the situation.

Despite my
rationalization, I was on pins and needles waiting for Jackson to arrive. I
checked the time obsessively, willing it to go by faster.

I jumped when I heard
my phone, the rhythm of the rings signaling that it was Harry downstairs.

"Hi, Harry."

"Emma, Jackson
Reynard is here to see you." Harry couldn't mask the excitement in his
voice.

"Send him
up."

I checked my reflection
in my mirror again, smoothing down my hair and swiping on another layer of
lip-gloss. At the rate I was going, Jackson was going to have to squint when
looking at me because of the glare caused by the amount of gloss I had already
applied.

I waited a beat before
opening the door when I heard him knock. Jackson looked irresistible standing
outside my door, dressed casually in jeans and a grey button-down shirt that
was untucked and cuffed at the sleeves. His hair was getting longer,
reminiscent of how it had looked when we were together five years ago. He
looked tired but happy to see me.

"Come in," I
said, stepping back so that he could enter. I nervously watched him walk in,
his presence filling the small space of my apartment. "Do you want
something to drink?"

Jackson quirked his
mouth, looking down at me. "I remember demanding that request the last
time I was here."

I gave him a small
smile. "I've decided that civility is probably the best route to go since
we're in this mess together. So would you like a drink? I should tell you that
all I have to offer is water or wine."

"Sounds
biblical," Jackson said, rocking back on his heels and looking nervous.
"I'll take the wine."

"Have a seat in
the living room. I'll be right out with the wine."

I was grateful when
Jackson followed my direction and disappeared into the living room. I needed
some space between us to get my head on straight. Jackson seemed as on edge as
I was, and it was tiring being on high alert.

Jackson looked up from
the couch when I walked into the living room, silently taking the glass of wine
I offered him. I sat on the couch as well, taking care not to sit too close.

"Did you watch
it?"

I nodded my head,
taking a large sip of my wine. I needed all the liquid courage I could get.
"So what's next on Marcie's plan of attack?"

Jackson looked
disappointed that I didn't comment further on his interview tonight, but I
didn't know if I could discuss it without dissolving into tears.

"We have to be
seen together. Now the press is clamoring for a love story between us."

"Is that a good
idea?" I asked hesitatingly. "Won't that fuel the fire?"

"They just want a
happy ending. The press likes those almost as much as messy breakups. If we
give it to them, they'll start to leave us alone."

I frowned, not knowing
if I agreed with Jackson and Marcie's plan, but I didn't have any better ideas.
"Okay, I guess you guys know better than I do."

"Have dinner with
me tomorrow night. We can go to Romero's."

I nodded jerkily, the
thought of going to dinner at Romero's making me tense. We had gone there
regularly when we were dating and it brought back a rush of memories. Jackson
reached up, gently cupping my cheek with his hand.

"Do you remember
the first time we ate dinner there?" he asked softly, his eyes shining
with remembrance. "You ordered the squid ink pasta, not realizing that it
would actually be black. You were so horrified that you couldn't eat it. It
looked too much like worms to you. We ended up switching plates and I was stuck
with it while you ate my ravioli."

"I offered to
share the ravioli," I replied with a shy smile. "It's not my fault
you were insistent on sacrificing your dinner and eating my squid ink pasta. I
thought you said you liked it."

"It was
horrible," Jackson admitted with a wry smile. His smile faded as his gaze
traveled my face as if he were memorizing my features. He looked somber as his
thumb grazed my bottom lip. "I would sacrifice anything for you. Don't you
know that by now?"

My fists clenched in my
lap, not understanding why he was saying these things to me. "I think you
need to be careful," I said with a rueful smile, wanting to lighten the
mood. "You're going to start believing all the things you said in the
interview tonight."

Jackson's face
tightened as his hand dropped, his eyes looking brittle. "I didn't say
anything that wasn't true, except for the stuff about Candace."

My breath caught, not
wanting to believe him. "But...you said you still loved me."

"And I still
do." Jackson's voice was barely a whisper, but my heart shouted in
response. Yet I was afraid to believe him.

"The important
question is, do you still love me?" Jackson's mouth twisted, as if he was
bracing himself for the worst. "Did you ever love me?"

"How can you ask
me that again?" I said, my voice choking and my throat tightening with a
sob. "You were my life. I felt like I died when we broke up. Do you know
how long it took for me to piece my life back together?"

Jackson grasped my arms
gently, looking desperate. "Then why did you do it? Why did you push me
away?"

I dropped my head, the
pain in Jackson's eyes killing me. "I thought I was doing the right thing.
By the time I realized I was making a huge mistake, it was too late. I found
out about Claire."

Jackson lifted my chin
with one hand so that I was staring into his eyes. "Emma, Claire was a
mistake. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I
regretted it so much afterwards. I hated myself for it, even though you had
been the one to leave me. The only thing that kept me from begging you to take
me back was because I thought you were with Sean. Claire told me you were engaged
within a week and married within three months."

"You would really
trust anything Claire told you? All along, I thought she was my friend, but I
think she secretly hated me. Because she wanted you."

Jackson grabbed my
hand, pressing it against his chest. "But she never had this. She never
had my heart. It belongs only to you." Jackson took a shuddering breath
before continuing. "We can still make this right. I meant everything I
said tonight in the interview. I love you, Emma. I'll give up everything if it
means we're together. Just give me another chance."

My mind whirled with
everything Jackson was confessing to me. My heart ached for him but I didn't
know if I could trust him again. How could he claim that he loved me so much
yet have been sleeping with Claire throughout our relationship? But as much as
I wanted to throw his plea back in his face, to keep my self-respect, I knew it
was a lost cause. Because I hungered for him, body and soul, and I would never
feel at peace without him. I just needed to take things slow. I couldn't rush
headlong into a full-blown relationship with Jackson like I had the first time.

"We can try,"
I said hesitantly. "We can start to get to know each other again. We're
different people now. We might not feel the same once we're together
again."

Jackson pulled me
close, burying his face in my hair. "Thank God. I'll make it up to you,
sweetheart. We'll be good again."

He lifted his head,
gazing at me with reverence. He leaned down and gently kissed me, our lips
clinging together. "I need to be with you tonight, sweetheart."

I nodded in response,
not caring at the moment what the future held. It was enough to be in Jackson's
arms.

Jackson cradled me in
his arms, carrying me into the bedroom and gently setting me down on the bed.
He took his time as he kissed my neck, unbuttoning my blouse and trailing
kisses down my chest and stomach. I clenched in anticipation but Jackson was
going far too slow, my need demanding more.

"I'm not made out
of glass, Jackson," I whispered. "I won't break."

Jackson glanced up at
me, looking ashamed. "After the last time we were together...I acted like
an animal. All I could think about was marking you as mine. I couldn't stand
seeing you with another man."

I grasped his hand,
drawing him back up so our faces were close together, our breaths mingling.
"I was angry, but really at myself, not you. I was angry that I could lose
myself in you again, to want you so badly that nothing else mattered." I
tilted my hips up, rubbing my sensitive center against the ridge of Jackson's
erection. "But I don't care anymore. I'm an animal when I'm with you. All
I can think about is you possessing me. Mark me, Jackson. I'm yours."

Jackson groaned,
slanting his lips over mine as his control slipped. I reveled in the hard
pressure of his mouth, tangling my tongue with his and wrapping my legs around
his waist. "We'll go slower later, baby. I promise. I need you too much
now."

"I don't want you
to go slow," I gasped as he pulled my bra down, not bothering to take the
time to unlatch it in the back. He closed his lips around a nipple, scraping
his teeth against the erect peak and I cried out as the feeling of his hot
mouth made desire shoot through my body, pooling in my core. I pulled at his
shirt, wanting him in as little clothes as possible. Jackson leaned up, quickly
discarding his shirt before latching onto my aching nipple again.

I felt his hands on my
slacks, undoing them and pushing them down along with my panties. He didn't
bother pulling them down all the way, too intent on his goal. He traveled down
my body and buried his face in my cleft, sucking my clit mercilessly as he
inserted first one, then two fingers inside of me, pushing them in and out
forcefully.

I was desperate for
release as my hips arched up, pushing against his mouth and circling
restlessly. I cried out in surprise and pleasure when I felt him finger my
anus, pressing against the puckered opening gently until I felt a fingertip
slip inside. The wetness of my arousal had lubricated his finger, giving it
easy passage. I had never had anyone touch me like this, not even Jackson, and
the taboo of it made my arousal go off the charts.

"Jackson," I
mewled, feeling like I couldn't handle the sensation of his mouth latched onto
my swollen bud as his finger entered deeper into my forbidden territory as my
body clutched around him.

"Come on, baby.
Come on," Jackson muttered encouragingly as he continued his assault.
"Come for me, sweetheart."

When he inserted his
wet finger fully into my anus, pulling in and out, fucking me gently with his
finger, I couldn't take anymore and I screamed, shudders rocking me as my lower
body convulsed over and over again.

When the last shudder
had left my body, Jackson slid back up my body, kissing me gently.
"There's nothing better than hearing you come, feeling you convulse
against my mouth."

I gave Jackson a
mischievous smile after I had caught my breath, my hands traveling down and
slipping between our bodies, under his jeans. I stroked his hard erection
sheathed by the cotton of his underwear, loving the feel of him ready for me.
"Oh, I could think of one thing that's better."

Jackson grinned as I
undid his jeans and pushed them down along with his underwear with my feet,
kicking my own pants off in the process. The feeling of Jackson's hard shaft
nestled between my legs was glorious, my wetness making it feel even more
erotic.

"How do you want
to fuck me?" I whispered, feeling wanton and daring. "I've never been
fucked in the ass before except for your finger just now. I'm wondering what
it'll feel like to have your cock ramming me in the ass."

Jackson's smile
disappeared, replaced with a fierce intensity, his face tight with arousal.
"Let's find out," he rasped gutturally. He flipped me on my stomach,
drawing me up until I was on all fours. "I need your wetness on me
first." He slid his length into my wet warmth and I gasped as my muscles
clenched around him. Jackson groaned as he quickened the pace, sliding his
shaft almost completely out before slamming back into me. He reached down,
rubbing my bud that was already swollen and sensitive from my previous climax,
making me desperately push back against his thrusts, reveling in the
sensations. I didn't even remember my earlier request until I heard Jackson
speak, his teeth gritted as he forced out words between grunts.

"Sweetheart, this
feels too good. I...don't know...if I can leave your pussy-"

Before Jackson finished
his sentence, I felt him pull out of me completely. I whimpered at losing his
hard length, pushing my bottom back, desperate to be filled by him again. I
cried out when I felt the head of his shaft pressing against the opening of my
anus. I automatically relaxed myself, wanting to take him inside.

"Fuck. So tight.
So...fucking...tight." Jackson was grunting like an animal behind me, and
that fueled my desire. "Baby, tell me if I'm hurting you."

I pressed my rear back,
gasping as I slowly took his head inside of me. The sensation was completely
foreign yet wildly arousing, totally different from when he had fingered my
anus. The fit was incredibly tight, almost to the point of pain, but the
thought of committing such a taboo act with Jackson made me wild with desire.

"Are you
okay?" Jackson asked between gritted teeth.

"I'm okay. Just go
slow."