Love Left Behind (38 page)

Jackson continued
suckling me through my release, and I pushed at his shoulders, trying to get
him to release me.

"Jackson," I
croaked, feeling spent. "I...I came."

Jackson looked at me,
his eyes intent as he continued sucking on my clit. "Again," he
muttered against me. "Again."

"Jackson, I
can't-" I couldn't continue talking, feeling like I was going to explode
from the sensations I was experiencing. Jackson's tongue on me felt almost
painful, my bud sensitized even more by my climax. I was riding the edge of
pleasure and pain, wanting to escape it as much as I wanted to revel in it.
When I climaxed again, I felt like I was going to pass out, the convulsions so
strong and powerful.

As I came down from my
high, I saw Jackson unbuckling his belt and shoving his pants and boxer briefs
down. His erection looked imposing, jutting out with the end glistening with
pre-cum.

"I'm going to fuck
you and come inside you, Emma. Lift up your legs."

I didn't even think to
protest as I lifted my legs, not caring about the flare of triumph I saw in
Jackson's eyes. There was no gentleness as Jackson slammed into me, his eyes
glittering as he watched me cry out and bow my back. I felt pure pleasure
ratcheting through me, my passage so slick that he slid in easily. He began to
move in and out of me, holding my legs up so that he could sink himself deeply
into me.

"That's right,
sweetheart. Take me in. You feel so damn good."

"Jackson!" I
cried out, not believing that I could feel the pressure mounting again. Even in
our wildest lovemaking, Jackson had never made me come more than twice in a
row. I didn't think it was possible.

"That's it, baby.
Let go. Let go and let me take care of you. You're mine. You're mine to
fuck."

"Yes, yes!" I
sobbed, my head thrashing restlessly from side to side, unable to control my
reactions.

"Say it!"
Jackson sounded hoarse but there was a powerful intensity to his voice.

"I'm yours. I'm
yours to fuck. Please, Jackson. Please fuck me!" I was mindless with
pleasure, in that moment wanting Jackson to mark me as his.

Jackson gripped my
buttocks, holding me in place as he pounded me mercilessly, his hard shaft
battering my softness until I screamed out in ecstasy. I heard a shout as
Jackson joined me, pumping his climax into me, my convulsions milking his
shaft.

Jackson fell on top of
me, still inside me, and the haze slowly lifted as I realized what we had done.
I felt shame at our animalistic coupling. This wasn't love, this was dominance.

Jackson stilled my hips
with his hands when I made a move to slide away from under him. He lifted his
head, sweat running down his face and dampening his hair.

"No," he said
in an implacable voice. "I'm staying inside of you. I need to make sure
you keep every drop of me."

I shoved him hard,
taking him by surprise as he fell back, his shaft sliding out of me.

"Are you
crazy!?" I screamed, shaking with revulsion at the way we had fucked. I
could feel his semen running down the inside of my thighs as I stood but I
didn't care. I was just as angry with myself as I was at Jackson, but it was
easier to direct all my rage at him. "I'm not a fucking animal and I don't
belong to you!"

Jackson scrambled up as
I pushed down my skirt, grabbing my purse and underwear from the floor.

"Wait, Emma,"
Jackson said, sounding panicked. "I'm sorry. I just-"

"I don't want to
hear it," I hissed, looking at him as if I didn't recognize him. "For
the last time,
leave me alone!
I
don't know why you brought me to this sick fucking shrine to our relationship.
Our relationship was shit and I want to forget it ever happened!"

Jackson's face was
ashen as I hurled the poisoned words at him, wanting to wound him. He looked
broken as he watched me leave but I didn't care as I slammed the door behind
me.

Chapter Seventeen

I didn't return to work
afterwards, too sickened by what had transpired between Jackson and me. I
called Marie, letting her know I would be out for the rest of the day and to
call me if anything urgent came up. I fervently wished it were Friday so that I
could have the weekend to lick my wounds in private, but since it was only
Wednesday, I was determined to rebuild myself so that I could go into work the
next day with my head held high.

I immediately took a
long hot shower when I got home, wanting to wash the scent of Jackson off me. I
couldn't stop reliving what had happened between us, replaying it over and over
again in my mind. I couldn't forget the way he looked at me. Not with love and
tenderness, or even pure passion, but with triumph and arrogance. A hunter
conquering his prey.

But I couldn't blame
Jackson entirely for what had happened between us. I had been a willing
participant, eager to demean myself and wallow in physical pleasure. I was finally
able to admit to myself that I still loved him. Despite the infidelity, despite
the way he had treated me since we had met again, I still loved him. That's why
I had let him treat me like a plaything to be used and tossed away. It was
pathetic, and sickened me most of all.

I erected a mask of
composure the next day when I strode into work, determined not to let my
personal life affect my work. When I first noticed the stares, I just shrugged
them off, attributing it to paranoia. I was feeling vulnerable so I reasoned
that this was why I felt like I was being watched.

Marie flushed when I
greeted her as I walked into my office, and I started feeling a prickling in
the back of my neck. Was there something I was missing? Was something happening
at work that I was oblivious to?

I was powering up my
laptop when Celeste rushed into my office, practically bursting at the seams.

"You sure know how
to keep secrets!" she exclaimed, a wide grin spreading across her face.

"What are you
talking about, Celeste?" I had little patience this morning, and I had to
make an effort to keep the bite out of my voice.

"Jackson Reynard,
of course!" she crowed. "Pictures of the two of you are all over the
internet."

I swallowed, feeling
sick to my stomach. "I haven't seen the pictures."

Celeste's smile
disappeared as she saw me pale, sitting down in the chair across from my desk.
"I...I thought this was a good thing. I mean, you're dating a movie star,
aren't you?"

I shook my head,
feeling anxiety bloom inside of me. I quickly searched Jackson Reynard on the
internet and almost threw up when I saw the pictures that came up. Several
photos of our encounter yesterday at the restaurant that would be hard to
explain away stared back at me. They had captured Jackson holding my wrist, looking
down at me with a fierce expression as I glared up at him. Worse were the
pictures of him dragging me out of the restaurant with a murderous expression.
Unfortunately, Drew appeared in the photos as well and the tabloids were
speculating about a love triangle. My stomach dropped when I saw that they had
connected the dots and pronounced me the mystery woman from before, the woman
that had been photographed with Jackson at Eleven Madison Park.

But the most sickening
part was the claim that I was apparently a home wrecker and had caused Jackson
Reynard and Candace Stile to break up. Since they had linked me to the picture
with Jackson taken before Candace and Jackson's reported breakup, it was
assumed that Jackson had been cheating on Candace with me.

My hand shook on the
mouse as I scrolled through the accusatory articles until I finally had to
close the browser, not able to take anymore.

"Are you
okay?" Celeste said softly, all her earlier glee gone.

I shook my head,
feeling defeated and bleak. "They have it all wrong. Jackson and I...it's
not like that. And he told me that he wasn't dating Candace."

"So you
are
involved?" Celeste asked
cautiously.

"No!" I
exclaimed, but I didn't want to explain. As much as I liked Celeste, I was
paranoid that even more details about Jackson and me would be leaked. "I-I
can't talk about it, Celeste. I have to figure out how to handle this. I just
hope to God that this doesn't affect my job. It can't be good for Forrester's
image to have one of their employees splashed across the gossip pages.
Especially since Drew has been dragged into this." I hesitated before
continuing. "Is Drew in yet?"

"No, he's
traveling for the rest of the week. He won't be back until Monday."
Celeste looked like she wanted to barrage me with questions, but for once she
restrained herself. It was probably due to me looking like I was going to
faint.

I breathed in deeply,
trying to erect a facade of calmness. "This is all just silly gossip. I
don't know why I'm getting all worked up about it. Jackson is just an old
friend and we were catching up. The pictures just seem misleading." I
smiled at Celeste. "I have a ton of work to get through. Can we catch up
later?"

Celeste nodded
uncertainly as she rose and left my office. I followed her to talk to Marie.

"Please hold all
my calls," I said brightly as Marie just stared at me. "I have a
mountain of things to go through since I left early yesterday."

Marie just nodded and I
stepped back into my office, closing the door softly behind me. I sat heavily
in my chair, resting my elbows on my desk and leaning my forehead against my
clasped hands. I stayed in that position for a while as my mind raced,
wondering what, if anything, I should do.

I jumped when I heard
my cell phone ring and saw that it was Trisha. We had talked regularly these
past few months, but I hadn't told her anything about Jackson. It was too
complicated to explain, and I was embarrassed by my weakness of giving in to
him. I was sure she had seen the pictures and I figured I would have to explain
it to her sooner or later, so I reluctantly answered her call.

"Hello?"

"Emma! What the
hell is going on? There are pictures of you and Jackson everywhere!"

I breathed in deeply,
steeling myself for her disapproval. "It's been harder to avoid him than I
thought. We've...met a couple of times."

"What does that
mean?" Trisha asked, sounding concerned. "Are you involved with him
again?"

"It's not like
that. We're not dating or anything."

"So what
are
you doing?" Trisha's voice
turned cautious. "Have you slept with him?"

My silence was answer
enough and I heard the worry in Trisha's voice when she spoke again.

"Emma, don't you
think it's dangerous for you to get involved in any manner with Jackson? He
broke your heart before, but now he has the ability to embarrass you in front
of the whole world. Is it true that he cheated on Candace Stile with you?"

"No," I said
but with little conviction. Even though Jackson had told me he was never
involved with Candace, I didn't know whether to believe him. After all, he had
cheated before. "He told me that they never dated. I'm not looking for a
relationship with Jackson again. It was just a moment of weakness."

"Do you still love
him, Emma?" Trisha sounded sad, as if she already knew the answer. I felt
tears welling up in my eyes, the stress of the past few days coupled with the
realization that I still loved Jackson being too much to handle.

"That doesn't
matter," I replied brokenly, not wanting to admit it out loud, even though
my lack of an answer made it clear. "I'm staying away from Jackson. I'm
hoping this all dies down once people realize Jackson and I aren't
together."

"Do you want me to
come up? There are still a lot of shoes in New York with my name on it. It'll
give me an excuse to spend money."

I forced a laugh,
making my voice sound lighter. "It's okay, Trisha. Really. I'm just going
to pretend like this never happened until everyone forgets about it." But
I knew that I would never forget.

I ended the call,
promising to call Trisha if I needed to talk. I sighed when my mother called me
almost as soon as I disconnected with Trisha, demanding an explanation. Instead
of being appalled, she seemed almost excited by my association with Jackson,
conveniently forgetting that I had once been destroyed by the demise of our
relationship.

I kept the door to my
office closed for the rest of the day. I tried to get as much work done as
possible, forcing myself to stay away from the internet. Thankfully, Marie held
all my calls as requested and I heard her outside my door telling people that I
was at a meeting when they tried to stop by.

It was well past
lunchtime when I saw my cell phone light up. I had already gotten quite a few
calls that I hadn't answered. Some were people I had lost contact with ages ago
and I wasn't about to humor their questions. Others had been numbers I hadn't
recognized. When I listened to the voicemail of one of the unrecognizable
numbers, I cringed at the reporter asking for a comment. I couldn't believe
that this was actually considered newsworthy, never mind that they had been
able to get my unlisted cell phone number. After that, I didn't listen to any
of the messages and put my ringer on silent.

But now Jackson's name
was flashing across the screen of my phone and I debated whether to answer it.
What a fatalistic sigh, I answered it right before it went to voicemail,
knowing that Jackson could be relentless.

"Hello?"

"Emma, I'm so
sorry." Jackson sounded tense and angry. "My publicist has been
calling me but I haven't been answering so I didn't realize until just now the
crap that's been happening. Are you okay?"

"It's not exactly
fun having my pictures posted everywhere, especially when I'm being pegged as
the other woman."

Jackson sighed heavily.
"I'm so sick of this shit. The last thing I wanted to do was to drag you
into this. I wasn't thinking. I was just so damn angry that all I could think
about was getting you alone." Jackson was silent for a moment before
continuing. "I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday. I seem to lose control
around you."