Love Lust (6 page)

I walked into our apartment. Paula popped up from her perch on the sofa arm.

“Jesus, Liv, where have you been?”

“With Justin.” Getting fed after she’d depleted all my energy reserves. That wasn’t fair. I’d depleted whatever reserves Seth had left me by going after Justin the first time. Her flirtation with the other side hadn’t helped, though.

“Oh. Well, good. I’m sorry I interrupted. You are not going to believe this.”

“No sweat.” She was bubbly. Interesting. I dropped my purse and keys onto the counter, then myself onto the sofa. “Believe what?”

Paula sat down cross-legged and pink with excitement. “At the club. I was so sick that I totally forgot. Like I blacked it out. Until this morning. A meal and coffee do wonders, eh?”

I almost asked what kind of meal she meant, but decided I didn’t want to know. “Okay. And?”

“Did you meet the redhead, Gigi? Or remember her, I mean? Yes? Well, she knew what I was. She wanted me to turn her.”

My stomach tightened.

“And when I explained how I can’t, that she’d have to find an incubus, well, she went on to grill me about who turned me and how long I’d been a succubus and all that.” She paused as though waiting for some reaction. “Right. So. Turns out she knew more about it than we do. Did you know there are less than a thousand living beings like us? And that we aren’t exactly immortal like a vampire or whatever? And she said it isn’t a virus. It isn’t really a demon, either, though.”

My palms began to sweat a little. I rubbed them on my jeans. “If it isn’t some sort of presence, how can it transfer?”

“I don’t know. But she said neurologically it’s a lot like a heroin addict. One time is enough to addict you.”

I didn’t buy it. Or maybe, I didn’t want to buy it. “How would she even know that? And if she thinks that, why would she think you could turn her? Or want you to?”

“Because we are the drug, so to speak. We carry it in our fluids and like semen can impregnate, but cervical fluid can’t, a male must be required to give it.”

“Again, if she knew that, why did she think you could addict her?”

Paula’s shoulders sagged a little. “Huh. Hadn’t thought of that.”

“I’m sorry. I want a simple answer as much as you do. But if I could wean myself off of this hunger, I would have by now. I’ve tried.”

“Damn it. Shit. I know you’re right. I was probably looking for an excuse to celebrate. Should have known a witch doctor would be too farfetched to be true. Still sucks ass, though.” She folded her arms around her knees and set her head on them. “Thanks for taking care of me, by the way.”

“Of course. You’d do the same for me.” She might have to. I was still pretty high from my encounter with Justin. “Wouldn’t a witch doctor be nice?” Someone to shake a stick and do a dance and concoct a potion out of this prison.
Nice, and impossible.

“Totally.” Paula rubbed her face into her arms. Probably hiding a tear or two. “I was all stoked for a road trip, too.”

“Wait a minute. She gave you an actual name and address?”

“Mmm-hmm. Alejandro De Santos. Santa Fe, New Mexico.”

“That’s far.” As stupid as the idea of some wrinkled old man dancing around a fire for our sakes sounded in my head, in my heart, I hoped. I hoped for some proof of magic, some way out of this hell.

“Not that far.”

“We haven’t left Vegas, though.” Meaning, we’d never left the proximity of Jimi’s territory, The Morrocan hotel and casino.

“No. But Jimi
said we’d never be okay without him, that we’d be forced to come back, too.”

I thought about Jimi always wanting us all close. He’d told us all that we’d get sick, worse, that we could die, if we strayed too far from him. Maybe there was nothing to my fear that he held some level of power over how far we could physically get from him. Then I thought of Justin’s license. What were the odds? “Santa Fe, huh?”

Maybe indulging in Paula’s far-fetched lead would prove worth something. I could allow Paula her hope long enough to mark witch doctor off our list of cure possibilities. And I could try to get more of Justin. Paula peered up and I could tell she knew—almost—what I was thinking. “Can we make a stop on the way?”

A mischievous grin spread over her angelic face. “Olivia Denise Starr, you succu-bitch, spill it now. Every last detail!”

I let my head fall back against the sofa and covered my eyes. “Oh, Paula. He’s amazing. Totally amazing. And totally leaving town this morning.” He’d mumbled as much before drifting off, his arms and legs binding our bodies. Probably getting up to do exactly that, as we speak.”

“Amazing, huh? Well, I’m completely jealous, in more ways than one.”

I wasn’t sure how serious she was between the possessive light in her eyes and the playful grin. “Come on, don’t be jealous.”

“I’ll try. You have to admit, if you did feel like that about me, it could be the answer to everything.”

We’d danced around this point enough times for me to know to tread carefully. “You know I think you’re amazing, Paula. And, yeah, it might make it easy. Or it might make it worse. Feeding off each other….”

“I know, I know. You’re right. And besides, I’m over you.” She winked, swept her gaze over me. “Mostly.”

“There’s someone out there who will complete you, Paula.” I wanted to be sure of it. I feared Paula had found a best friend crush sort of love that would never go away for her.

She rolled her eyes and did a duck hand my way. “Yeah, yeah.”

I let it go, recognizing the glassy sheen in her eyes.

The umpteen hour drive wasn’t bad. I stopped mentally freaking about the whole thing, leaving succubus territory
a few miles after the state line. Winter was definitely the time of year to go. Arizona was breathtaking and I wished we had a convertible instead of a sedan, luxurious as Paula’s Mercedes 7 series might be. Thankfully, her monthly trust fund check deposited in time for us to cash in. I called in sick for the week, but doubted I’d have a Hobby Lobby job when I got back. Too bad. I’d kind of started to like the place. I’d never been the crafty type, but being surrounded by mostly women, mostly older, in a completely nonsexual environment had been a nice break from the norm. Vera, Opal, and the rest would have to soldier on without me.

“How exactly are you going to bump into Justin?” Paula said the first afternoon as we pulled out of a pit stop in Sedona, Arizona.

My fantasy picture of the old man chanting around a moonlit fire evaporated. I stared at the hills that looked like giant red rocks sprinkled in powdered, sugary snow. “I have no idea whatsoever. How big is Santa Fe?”

“Too big to randomly bump, that’s fo sho.”

I ran a hand through my wind-blown hair. The dry air smelled like dust and sage and pine. “Internet search? Yellow pages?”

“Why don’t you try calling him back?”

“He hasn’t called, that’s why.”

“Oh.” She winced. “Sorry. Thought he had.” She let the sounds from the open window fill the car. “But it’s only been, what, a day?”

“Yeah.” Didn’t help. If he was interested, Justin would have called all day yesterday. Least that’s what my brain kept yelling.

“We can stalk him. It’ll be fun.”

I nodded.

“He was leaving. So maybe he had a lot to do. Maybe there was a layover or, I don’t know, shit happened.”

“Yeah.” I could call. First, I’d let myself get there. And let myself plan what to say to this supposed witch doctor. Paula would hand over four credit cards to the nearest guy with a stick. I’d need proof of real magic.

What would we do if this was—and it most likely was—another dead end? God, I prayed it wasn’t. Seventeen years is nowhere near as long as most have lived with this curse. Paula was going on forty-something. But it was wearing on my heart and my soul.

Much as I adored Paula, I did not want to spend a near eternity with her.

Chapter Six

A light dusting of snow lay on the Santa Fe streets. Pine was pungent in the air. Christmas would be here soon. Alejandro De Santos was far too easy to find. Too easy for this to be a good lead. As we stomped our feet off in the chiropractic office waiting room, my stomach twisting into tangles, all I could think of was chopping Paula’s hair off in her sleep. Better yet, going back to that club, finding that stupid redhead, and shaving her bald.

“Hey, it is a doctor’s office,” Paula said, picking up a magazine. “Sort of.”

I didn’t trust myself to speak lest I lose it, attack her like a rabid hyena, and land us both ass first in the county jail.

“We’re here. If he isn’t, he isn’t. We have to ask.” Paula was being calm and levelheaded.

I hated it. The receptionist smiled warmly at me as I returned the clipboards. Back pain. Whatever. “You two would like to go in together?” the receptionist asked, sounding far less skeptical than I would have.

“Yes,” Paula said, brushing at invisible lint on her slacks from her seat.

I didn’t know she even owned slacks. My jeans pinched at my hips and waist as I returned to sit next to her.
I tried to empty my mind of all the thoughts hammering my brain. But I couldn’t. Justin. Seth. Paula. Jimi Gale. From one heartache to the next, my mind ricocheted, making the time inch by.

“Olivia Starr? Paula St. James?” A woman in Tigger scrubs held the door for us as we filed past, paused, then followed.

She led us to an exam room and took our vitals. “Back pain?”

I nodded. “Sort of.”

Tigger chick quirked an eyebrow up.

“She means we’re actually hoping to talk to the doctor himself is all. It’s a unique issue, you see.”

Tigger left and Paula thumped my thigh with her fist. I prepared myself to be escorted out by an authority.

“Hey!” I rubbed my leg, thwacking her arm. “That hurt.”

Before she could retaliate, the door opened. Dr. Alejandro Santos, I presumed. My libido purred to life. Antonio Banderas had nothing on this exquisite specimen of Latin love. I wasn’t the only one who noticed. I could almost feel the change in Paula. And men were not her type.

“Ms. St. James. Ms. Starr. You’re both experiencing back pain?”

Paula plunged in. “A redhead named Gigi, though I don’t think that’s her real name, gave me your name as a doctor who can help the strange and unusual.” Man, she could make her voice sultry when she wanted to. Dr. Santos’ eyes flashed, whether from what she said or how she said it, I couldn’t be sure.

“What strange and unusual ailments are you considering? I’m assuming you mean more than back pain.”

Paula flashed a knowing smile. “Do you know what a succubus is, doctor?”

His cherry brown eyes narrowed the slightest bit. He took a seat. “Gigi was her name?”

Paula nodded. Realizing my mouth was hanging open, I snapped it closed.

“I’ll need to do some bloodwork on each of you.” Though he addressed Paula, he looked at both of us in turn. “Depending on each strain, there may be options. I’m not saying I can cure the problem. But there may be ways to manage the symptoms.”

My hopes did a strange sort of sag that I didn’t comprehend. This was good news. He was an actual witch doctor, so to speak.
He seemed familiar with what we were. Yet, something inside of me was disappointed. Maybe because he didn’t say cure. Maybe because I was growing to identify with what I was. Both possibilities left me agitated.

“Can love cure it?” I blurted out, interrupting Paula’s stream of questions that I hadn’t really heard.

Dr. Santos leveled his gaze at me. “I can’t say it couldn’t. I can only say I haven’t seen it happen. But then, I also don’t know how many of my patients have tried. Most are amenable to living with their condition, managing it.”

“How many of us are there?”

“I don’t know. I’ve conducted studies and treatment on around fifty over the span of ten years.”

Any we knew? Asking seemed like it would tempt fate. Instead, I stood up and strode to the far wall. I leaned against it. Paula ignored my reaction and continued her Q&A. I blocked out the noise of her voice and the scene I found myself in. I focused my efforts on breathing in and out, controlling the anger climbing inside of me. Anger would exhaust me and deplete the reserves being with Justin had given me.
Knowing that didn’t stop me from feeling pretty ticked off.

Fuck, I missed him. And that was bad. I wanted him. More than that. I really liked him. And I might never see him again. The hollow feeling within me was expanding. The longing for him, his touch, his scent, the specific flavor of his attentions. I craved it.

“I need to get some air,” I said.

Paula and Dr. Santos paused, nodded. I left. I walked out into the desert air. The cool breeze fingered through my hair. I squatted and gulped the coolness into my lungs. My eyes stung.

I reached for my phone and dialed Justin’s number.

A motorcycle roared down the street. Hearing the
ringing on the other end, I straightened up and wiped my face. “Hi, you’ve reached Justin. I can’t answer the phone and if you’re calling my old number—“