Love Me? The Trust Me? Trilogy (13 page)

"Jeni, you're staying home today."

"No, what would your father say about me having a sick day? I'm fine. I'm sure by lunch time I'll feel better."

He scrunches his face. "I think you should stay home."

"I'm going, and that's final." I get up from the floor and flush the toilet and then walk to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water.

He admits defeat, walking back to the table and eating his toast in silence. I sit in the living room and wait for him.

We arrive at work and make our way to the office. Brielle and Alistair are already there when we walk in.

"Morning, you two."

"Morning, Bree," we both say in unison.

"Aiden, you and Brielle are going to the Andersons' today to finalize the paperwork for their account. They're expecting you at ten thirty this morning, so make sure you have everything prepared," Alistair calls out.

He kisses me on the cheek and walks into his office.

I sit down at my desk and turn on my computer. Alistair talks to Brielle about the Anderson account. I still feel nauseous and slightly dizzy.

At ten a.m., Aiden and Brielle get ready to leave for the Andersons'. He walks over to me and kisses my cheek.

"Now if you feel too sick, you go home. Don't worry about what father thinks. Look after yourself. Promise me? Otherwise, I'll worry about you, baby."

"I will, but I do feel slightly better." I know I'm lying to him, but I don't want him to worry.

He kisses my head. "I'll be back in a couple of hours. If you need me, I have my cell phone."

Brielle and Aiden leave and I wave as they walk through the foyer and into the elevator. It's only then that I realize I'm here alone with Alistair. The idea of being alone with him makes me cringe. Our mutual feelings of disgust for each other are growing by the day. I start to feel nauseated just thinking about it. I race to the bathroom, reaching a toilet just in time, and my stomach wrenches as I heave into the bowl, kneeling on the cold tile floor.

I pull some toilet paper from the holder and wipe my mouth, I then stand up and flush the bowl. I turn around and sit on the seat with my head in my hands. A thought crosses my mind. I pull out my phone from my pocket and open up the calendar to check the date, and as I thought, I'm two weeks late for my period.
Oh crap!
I feel a wave of uneasiness hit me. I realize this could be morning sickness. I'm going to have to talk to Aiden as soon as he gets back from the Andersons'. I don't know if he's going to be happy or completely pissed with me.

Is this crazy bad, or is this good?
I guess I shouldn't get overly worked up; it might be a bug or something. My period is probably just late due to the stress I'm under. Hopefully that's it and not that I'm ... pregnant. Not that I don't want a baby. I want to be a mother more than anything ... one day. I know its old school, but I always wanted to be married first. I'd definitely be ecstatic if I was pregnant though. I'm certainly worried about what he'll say. Will he think I'm trying to trap him? Will he walk away from me? I walk out to the basin and wash my face. I wash some of my makeup off. I don't care. I already feel horrible. I may as well look the part. I wipe my face with a paper hand towel and head back toward my desk. On my way, Alistair stops me.

"Help me in the kitchen," he barks while he walks past and into the kitchen area.

I shake my head at his aggressiveness and turn to follow him.

"Come on. I haven't got all day,"
he yells.

I slowly walk into the room to see him setting up a stepladder in front of the cupboards. I look at him curiously, and he waves his hand at me.

"Come on, hurry up."

I walk in and stand in front of the stepladder. "How can I help?"

He pushes me toward the ladder. "Get up there and grab that box for me, will you?".

I exhale. I take a few steps, in my heeled shoes, up the stepladder with no help from Alistair. I get to the top, feeling a little wobbly, and reach for the box on top of the cupboard. An alarm sounds through the foyer, making me jump at the sheer volume of it. The sudden shock puts me off balance, and I feel slightly dizzy.

"Damn fire drills,"
he yells. He pulls hard on my blouse for me to get down, but instead of me stepping down the ladder, I stumble with the heavy box in my hands. I fall down the last few rungs of the ladder and land hard on my back over the glass table, shattering it as I fall. The heavy box flies down and slams directly on my stomach. I cry out in pain when my head collides hard with the floor. I lay on the kitchen floor, in agony, surrounded by papers that have fallen from the box and shattered glass. My stomach churns as I lie on the ground. Alistair is quickly at my side when I start to cry with the pain. I have scratches and scrapes all over my arms, and blood is pooling at the site.

"Get up, hurry. The alarm is sounding. I don't have time to waste with you blubbering. You'll be fine. Just get up."

There is absolutely no feeling in his voice, and then he leaves the kitchen. I guess he thinks I'll get up and follow, but the pain I feel at the moment is immeasurable. My stomach is cramping, and my lower back is aching from the fall. I cry into my hands when another cramp hits me. I feel something warm between my legs. I look down to see blood pooling down
there.
I instantly start to panic as the fire alarm blares in my ears, drowning out my cries.

I lay on the floor, wondering how this happened. Did I fall from the dizziness? Was I pulled down? I don't know the answer. I cry out with the continuing cramps in my abdomen. I can't believe Alistair left me here. Eventually the fire alarm stops, the silence soothing to my ears. I let out small moans as the cramping continues. After what seems like forever, a firefighter walks in and gasps. He leans down at my side, pulls a radio from his shoulder and he places his hand on my side.

"I have a female who is injured. I need a medic here ASAP." I look up and see a firefighter who is scanning over me assessing my injuries. I continue to cry.

"You're going to be fine. The medics will be here soon. Can you tell me what's hurting?"

"My stomach."

He looks down at the blood pooling from down
there
and winces.

"Sweetheart, you're going to be fine. The ambulance is on its way, and they'll help you. In the meantime, I'm not going to leave you." He calmly pats my shoulder.

I cry as we wait for the ambulance. The firefighter stays with me the entire time, trying to calm and reassure me.

I hear the elevator chime and the EMTs walk in the room. I'm relieved to see them. One squats down next to me and rests his hand on my shoulder.

"Hi, my name is Joe. Can you tell me your name?"

"Jeni," I mumble back to him. Then another cramp hits. "Ahh."

"Good girl, did you fall down?" I nod as the other EMT puts a blood pressure cuff around my arm.

"Can you tell me where the pain is?"

I point to my stomach.

He looks at the blood on my legs. "Is your neck sore?"

I shake my head then wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"We're going to take you to the hospital now. Are you able to make your way to the stretcher?"

"I don't know" The cramps worsen, making me moan in pain.

"Is it alright to lift you?"

I nod working through another cramp.

He lifts me up and places me on the stretcher and then wheels me to the elevator. We get to the bottom floor, and I'm wheeled to the back of the ambulance.

"Ahh," I cry out when another cramp hits.

The firefighter is standing at the back of the ambulance talking to the female EMT. They stop talking, and she climbs in the back and close the doors.

"Jeni, do you know if you're pregnant?"

I shrug as my bottom lip start to quiver. "It's possible."

"I'm going to give you some painkillers. On a scale of one to ten, what is the pain you're feeling right now?" she asks me nicely.

I can't think. All I want is for Aiden to be here with me. I start to cry again when another cramp takes me.

"It's all right, Jeni." She administers some pain relief, and pats me on the shoulder.

I move my arm over my eyes in despair, tears flooding my cheeks.

We arrive at the hospital, and they take me through to the emergency room. My arm is still over my eyes as they talk quietly with the triage nurse.

"Female, mid to late twenties, fell from a ladder onto a table. She's complaining of abdominal cramping and lower back pain, possible pregnancy, family not yet notified."

They take me in and transfer me to another bed.

"Excuse me?" I ask quietly to the nurse while she's taking my blood pressure.

She looks at me and moves closer. "Yes, dear?"

"Can someone call my boyfriend please?"

She pulls out a small note pad and pen. "What's his name and number?"

I give her the details, and she walks off. Sometime later she comes back in.

"He's on his way, sweetheart."

A doctor comes in with an ultrasound machine.

"Jeni, I'm going to have a look at your abdomen." He raises my shirt and pours some cold gel onto my stomach. He moves the device around my abdomen and glances at the nurse. She picks up a phone, and I can't help but overhear her conversation.

"Yes, we have a female coming up who's had a miscarriage. The fetal membranes have ruptured, and there is continued bleeding, pain, and a fever. The mother is at risk of developing infection. We need to operate immediately."

My heart sinks on hearing the words I feared, a miscarriage. I am ... was pregnant. I need Aiden, now! I start to cry again as feelings of helplessness and overwhelming grief flood me.

"Can you save the baby?" I call out to the doctor, who is cleaning the gel off my stomach.

He looks at me, creasing his brows. "I'm sorry. There is nothing we can do. We need to remove the fetal tissue from your uterus. You'll be anaesthetized, and the cervix will be gradually dilated and the tissue gently scraped or suctioned away,"

I look at him in disgust. "It's my baby, not fetal tissue. Please you have to do something," I beg as another cramp hits me. I cry as they wheel me away to an operating room.

"I need Aiden!"
I cry out. They put a needle into my hand.
"Please, please save my baby!"
I yell out, but no one is listening. I slowly drift into unconsciousness.

***

Aiden's holding my hand and stroking it softly. My eyes flutter open. I see his face, his saddened face staring down at the floor.

"Aiden?" I ask quietly. He looks up at me and manages a half smile.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He kisses my hand.

"I'm so sorry." A solitary tear runs down my cheek.

"Why are you sorry?" A confused and bewildered look crossed his face.

"I killed our baby." I break down in tears.

He swallows hard and sits on the edge of my bed, wrapping his arms around me.

"Oh, Jeni, you didn't kill our baby. Our baby was hurt when you fell. There's nothing you could've done." A tear forms in his eye. "How long have you known you were pregnant?" He puts his arm around me and pulls me close to him.

"I didn't know for sure. I was going to tell you when you came back from the Andersons' today."

"Try not to worry." He softly cries.

"I'm so sorry. I felt dizzy on the ladder, and I don't even know what happened. I'm so sorry."

"Shh, it's okay. You're going to be fine." He holds me as I rock back and forth.

A nurse comes in to take my vitals.

"How are you feeling, Jenifer?" she asks when she wraps a blood pressure cuff around my arm. I can't answer her. I feel empty. Lost. My baby, our baby, is gone.

I don't say anything, curling up in his arms while she does her tests. He gently kisses the top of my head and holds me tightly.

The next day the nurse comes in. "You're allowed to go home, but you must have plenty of rest. You must refrain from intercourse or insertion for at least a week."

I look at him, and he smiles, trying to reassure me. I get dressed and make my way from the bed to the hallway. I feel weak and tired, but I make it to the car.

He lifts me into the seat, walks around to his door, and slides in. He starts the ignition, and I put my hand on top of his on the gear stick. He pulls out of the parking lot. We drive home in silence as I sit in the seat depressed. I feel so responsible. I killed our baby. Aiden pulls up in the parking garage; we get out of the car and he picks me up and carries me to the elevator. He swipes his card, and the doors open to our living room. He walks with me to the en-suite and puts me down so we can have a shower. I take off my clothes and get under the hot water. He steps in and washes me as I stand there motionless. My brain is not registering any thoughts. We get out, and he dries us both. He lifts me up and carries me to the bedroom, where he lays me down on the bed to rest.

"Jeni?" he asks quietly. I look at him with sad eyes. "I love you, no matter what." He pulls the bed covers up over me. I rest my head into the soft feather pillow. He lies down behind me and wraps his arm around me, holding me tightly while I cry into the pillow. He nuzzles into my hair as we lay in the bed mourning our lost child.

We spend the rest of the day and into the night holding each other. He talks to me and tries to distract me from my thoughts. It works briefly, and then I remember and cry again. I feel sorry for him; he must be hurting too. I can't help myself, let alone help him, and that makes me feel even guiltier. I should be able to comfort him the way he's comforting me. Aiden kisses my forehead then I slowly drift off to sleep.

I wake suddenly. The alarm is chiming, and I sit up in bed. He slowly sits up with me. He looks at me, with a crinkled forehead. I turn off the alarm and slowly get out of bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready for work."

He looks at me with his eyes widened and his brow furrowed. "Jeni, the doctor said you have to rest. You can't go in to work today."

I walk to the closet. I must admit I feel weak, but I want to be distracted. Aiden gets out of bed and walks over to me, taking my arm and pulling me to him.