Lovely (14 page)

The car dings and we step out to see the Oncology sign in big, white, letters. I try to breathe. Now I think I really might be sick. Our feet take us slowly over to the nurse’s desk. We’re greeted by a woman with peppered gray hair, soft copper eyes, and wrinkled skin, indicating way too much time spent in the sun.

“Hi, my name is Colt Taylor. I’m here for a scan.”

The nurse smiles brightly, her white teeth a contrast against her tanned skin. “Okay, I’m going to need to have you fill out some paperwork first.” She hands him a clipboard with a stack of papers and a pen. “Once you finish with that, bring it back over and we’ll get you prepped.”

Colt and I take a seat. I watch his hands tremble as he puts the pen to paper. Reaching over, I take the pen from his hand. “Why don’t you let me do it?”

He manages a weak smile and removes it from my hand. “I’ve got it, Ash, but thanks.” Taking the wallet from his back pocket, he pulls out his insurance card, copies the information down and proceeds to fill everything else out.

After about ten minutes of tapping my foot on the floor and picking imaginary lint off my blue jeans, he finally finishes. He walks over to the desk, hands the clipboard to the nurse and comes back to sit down.

I anchor my arm around his shoulder, pulling his head to rest on mine and whisper, “you’re going to be fine, Colt.” The same words that Cara said to me. I just wish I believed it.

We wait for what seems like hours; I anxiously eye the clock and watch the seconds tick by. I haven’t let go of Colt and he hasn’t pulled away. Finally, a woman dressed in blue scrubs with dark, wavy hair and pecan-colored eyes makes her way over to us. “Hi, I’m Nadine, and I’m going to bring you down for your scan.”

My eyes move directly to her nametag.
Nadine Hayward
. Cara’s sister. Instantly, I feel a ray of hope. As I stare at Nadine, I’m struck by how much she and Cara resemble one another. Her hair is darker, but she has those same pretty brown eyes except hers are surrounded by tiny creases instead of glasses. I reach out my hand. “I’m Ash, Colt’s brother. I know your sister, Cara.”

She reaches out to shake my hand. “Ash, as in Ash from Glendale College?” I nod my head. “What a coincidence; I’ve heard some nice things about you.”

She’s heard about me? For the first time since we entered the hospital, that gives me something to smile about.

We walk with Nadine down the end of the hall, and that stale hospital smell smacks me in the face. I see Dad being wheeled away before surgery, the last time I ever saw him.

I watched his hazel
e
yes grow dim, yet still filled with pride and love. “You’re going to need to be strong now, son,” he said, his voice but a whisper. “They’re going to need you now.” He lifted his weak hand and patted his forearm, the one with the tattoo that mirrored mine. “I love you. I’m proud that you’re my son.”

I clamp my eyes shut, forcing back the tears now as I did then, and try and deal with the intense pain that’s eating away at me, twisting and pulling my insides apart piece by piece.

We take two rights and finally make it to a small room filled with magazines, a couple of chairs and the standard Poland Spring water dispenser. Nadine directs her next words to me. “You’ll need to wait in here until he’s finished. But it won’t be long, I promise.”

Colt’s hesitant eyes fix on mine, and I pull him into a hug. “I’ll be right here when you’re done.”

“Okay,” he replies, disappearing down the long, desolate hallway.

After reading four
People
magazines, two
Parent Journals
, and the only racing magazine on the table, I can’t sit still. Walking the length of the small waiting room, I try desperately to push the button that shuts the worry off, but it seems stuck. My mind keeps going from Dad to Colt.
It’s not time for him yet, Dad
. My phone buzzes and I pull it out of my pocket. A sense of calm fills me from the inside out. Cara.

Hope everything is going okay
.

I release a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding and type her back a quick text.

Thank you
.

Yeah, it’s a lot better now.

After an hour of wearing out the brown carpet, Colt returns, his eyes weary and his body slack. I reach out to him. “You okay, Colt?”

“Yeah,” he says, bone-tired. “I just want to go home.”

I throw a protective arm around his shoulder and we hurry for the exit without looking back, escaping the tragedy of the past, but suddenly fearful of the future.

Mom pounces the minute we walk in the door and smothers Colt in an embrace. “How did it go, honey; you okay?”

He stares blankly, exhaustion dimming the light green flame in his eyes. “Yeah, Mom … just tired. I’m going up to lay down for a bit.”

“Okay,” she murmurs, unable to hide the worry etched in her eyes. Once Colt is out of earshot, she addresses me. “Well, how is he? He looks so tired.”

“He’s okay, Mom. You know what it’s like being in that hospital, not to mention having the scan done. He’s just wiped out. Give him some time to rest.”

“Okay, honey.” She moves closer, resting her hand on my cheek. “Thanks for taking him and being there for him.”

“Mom. You don’t have to thank me. I’d give him my left arm.”

Delilah struts into the kitchen. We both survey her at the same time, noticing the exhaustion wrinkling her eyes.

“What?” she demands, pushing her long auburn hair over her shoulder as she slams cabinet doors searching for what I think might be junk food.

I touch Mom’s shoulder gently. “Let me talk to her.”

She nods in response and pats my hand before she plods up the stairs to her room.

“How’s Colt?” Delilah asks, tearing open a bag of Doritos.

I take the Doritos from her and place them on the island. “Come on.” Taking her hand, I lead her outside to the porch and we take a seat on the brown wicker couch.

She rubs her forearm, her nails digging into the skin. “Ash, you’re making me nervous. What’s going on?”

I stare out at the yard, relishing the California weather that I love so much—the green grass, flowers in constant bloom, and the depth of blue in the sky. “Everything’s fine. I took Colt for his scan and we’ll have the results in a couple of days. I just wanted to sit with you for a bit and make sure you’re okay. You seemed … aggravated when you walked in.”

Delilah leans her head back and closes her eyes. “I’m just worried, Ash. I’m sorry if I bit your head off. I didn’t mean to.”

I bump her shoulder. “Nah. I can take it. I’m a big boy.” My head falls back against the couch and we enjoy the quiet for a moment. “Hey, do you remember that time we all went camping?” I ask. “Mom and Dad let us go explore and we were walking around the campsite looking for Colt and couldn’t find him so we kept searching until we got to the lake.”

Delilah’s mouth forms an O and she giggles. “Of course I remember that!”

“We came around the corner and heard Colt singing and then saw his clothes sitting near the edge of the water. I’ll never forget his face when he saw us … he was mortified!”

“Yeah,” Delilah chimes in, “I asked him what he was doing and his face turned bright red and he said, ‘I’m skinny-dipping, what do you think I’m doing?’ Then you took his clothes as a joke and brought them over to the campsite so he had to walk all the way back naked. He vowed to ‘seek great revenge’ on you.”

“Well,” I utter, “I think I’ve more than made up for that little prank over the years.”

She regards me, her green eyes shining with admiration. “Yes, you certainly have.”

We sit in silence for a bit longer, lost in our own little worlds.

“I can’t imagine life without him, Ash.”

A harsh breath falls from my mouth. “I know, neither can I.”

The wait for the results of Colt’s scan is pure agony; my mind is like a seesaw all weekend teetering between thoughts of Colt and Dad. I walk in the library on Monday morning and the only thing that makes all this shit bearable is standing before me … Cara. She’s the light that brings me out of the darkness, and the hope that somehow manages to reach inside me to a place I thought was locked up forever.

I trudge over to the circulation desk. “Hey, Cara.”

“Hi,” she replies, “how did everything go with your brother on Friday?”

“It was exhausting, but he’s okay. Waiting for the results is the hard part.”

“I’m sure.” Her eyes rake over my face and the small slits that now reside there. “You look really tired.”

I rub my finger back and forth over my eyelid. “Yeah, I haven’t been sleeping that well since this whole thing started.”

She does her signature twirl with her hair. “So do you want to hang out later or something? You know, maybe take your mind off things for a while? We could go sit under the oak tree.”

The edges of my mouth twist. “Are you asking me out?”

She presses her lips together, trying hard to suppress a laugh. “Uh … no. I’m asking you to sit under a tree with me.”

I feign disappointment and sigh. “Oh, a tree. Hmph. Yeah, okay, I’ll sit under a tree with you, but that’s it.”

She wipes her hand across her brow. “Phew.”

I end up being late for three classes today. My mind’s buried in thoughts of Colt and his freaking test results and I wander instead of going straight to my next class. I manage to make it to the last one early, and I relax against the wall and close my eyes, opening them when I hear Jason’s voice.

“Hey,” he says, his blue eyes sympathetic, as he pull his backpack from his shoulder and sets it down. “How’re you holding up?”

“You know?” I respond, surprised because I don’t remember telling Jason about Colt. Everything’s been a blur for the past week.

He clasps my shoulder and squeezes. “Of course. Delilah called and told me. She was really upset and swung by my apartment on Saturday to talk. I’m worried about her, Ash. She seems like she’s barely holding it together.”

“Well, I’m glad you were there for her,” I find myself saying, and I am. Jason and Delilah have been friends for so long and it puts me at ease to know she feels she can open up to him. That’s where it has to end, though.

Jason tips his head back against the wall. “So how’s Colt?”

“Not great. He’s not even here. He’s at home sleeping. I don’t think he’s going to do much of anything until he gets the results.”

He pats my arm. “Well, if you guys need anything, you know I’m here. I think my mom reached out to yours last night to check in. She wants to help any way she can.”

“Thanks, man.” I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m glad Mom has that kind of support.

He dunks an air ball with his hands. “Do you want to play some hoops after school today and get your mind on something else?”

My mind’s already on something else. “I can’t today. I have plans.”

Jason inclines his head to the side, pausing to examine me. “Sounds mysterious. With who?”

“Cara.”

“Ah … the pretty librarian.”

I smile and I’m pretty sure my tail wags and I’m salivating, too. “Yeah. And that reminds me, did you hear that Shelby’s dating Jake?”

His lips turn down in disgust. “Let’s just say I saw with my very own eyes; I didn’t need anyone to tell me.”

“Yeah, me too. Alright, I gotta get to class. I’ll catch you later.”

Jason’s blue eyes dart to mine, an ocean of sincerity. “Listen, I meant what I said. If you need anything at all, let me know, okay?”

“I will, thanks.”

As soon as my last class is over, I haul ass and practically knock a couple of students over in my haste to meet Cara. Sitting on the bench, I soak up the sunshine and wait for her to bring her smile to me. I almost feel it before I see her standing in front of me. “Hey,” I grin.

She smiles that shy smile of hers. “Hi. All set for the tree?”

“Yeah, I think I have everything I need,” I tease, and my humor seems to relax her.

We stroll over to the tree and she plants herself on the ground, her green dress blending in like a chameleon in the blades of grass. She smoothes her wavy hair behind her ears, the sunlight resting on her face. “So, I brought the Robert Frost book. I thought maybe I could read some verses to you and enlighten you on his poetic nature.”

I sit directly across from her and lean back on my elbows, my legs stretched out in front of me. “Do I need to have it translated? I didn’t bring my
Poetry for Dummies
book.”

One side of her mouth tips up. “No, I think you’ll be fine.” She reaches into her backpack and pulls out the book. The breeze blows a stray piece of hair in her face, and she tucks it behind her ear.

I’d like to do that
.

She opens the book and I watch as her fingers and eyes move over each page, looking for just the right one. A smile appears on her face a moment later and I know she’s found it. “This one is called ‘Blue Butterfly Day,’ and it’s one of my favorites.”

I raise my hand to get her attention. “Wait.”

She holds the page down against the breeze. “What?”

“Actually, I’d like to hear one of your poems instead.”