Lovely (30 page)

“Yeah, it was a hard day today. We lost one of our patients to colon cancer,” she says with a weary voice, staring off into the distance.

“Gosh, I’m so sorry, Nadine.”

“Me, too,” I say, reminding me how grateful I am that Colt’s healthy.

Nadine takes a seat on the brown recliner and lays her head back. “Even though I’ve seen it happen before, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it, or become immune to it, like all the other nurses say.” She focuses her attention on me. “How’s Colt?”

“He’s good. Pretty much back to his old self. I want to thank you again for all your support with that.”

Nadine closes her eyes for a minute, and I find myself wanting to do the same. “Anytime. Do you want to stay for dinner, Ash?”

“I’d love to, but my mom has to stay late at the salon tonight, so I need to get home. I want to make dinner for Colt and Delilah.”

Nadine leans forward in the chair with a surprised grin, and looks over at Cara. “You cook, too?”

I grin and knock Cara with my shoulder. “I’ve been known to dabble here and there.”

Cara weaves her fingers through mine, a teasing smile curling her lips. “He makes a mean pancake.”

I reach over and pull her hand to my chest, resting it against my heart, watching a smile broaden on Nadine’s lips.

She eases herself off of the recliner slowly, stretching her arms along the way. “Alright, well I’m going to go shower, and then I’ll make some dinner.”

“Okay,” Cara replies.

Nadine walks toward the stairs and pauses, addressing Cara. “Oh, I almost forgot,” she says, rubbing her eyes, “next month we’re going to see Aunt Cheryl in San Jose for the weekend. She’s having some minor surgery and she’ll need some help when she gets home.”

The smile falls off my face. I have to be without Cara for a whole weekend. That sucks.

Cara notices my expression before she answers, worry lining the creases of her eyes. “Okay.”

When Nadine disappears, I pull Cara onto my lap. “So, you like my pancakes, do you?”

“Did I say like?” She brushes her lips softly against mine. “I meant love … not just your pancakes, but your tongue and your …”

I grin and push the hair away from her forehead. “So, I have to be without you for an entire weekend, huh?”

She leans her head against mine. “It looks like it.”

“Is she your mom’s sister or your dad’s sister?” I ask, quietly stroking her hair.

She lets out a sigh. “My mom’s sister. She’s always been really good to us and we don’t see her that much, but Nadine talks with her at least once a week. I spent a lot of time with her after … well … after my parents died.”

I bring her fingers to my lips and kiss each one. “I. Love. You. Cara. Hayward.”

She smiles, her features relaxed, a sense of peace lighting her face.

I give her a gentle kiss on the forehead, and whisper, “I need to go get dressed so I can get home.”

Her lips reach up and pout against mine. “Okay.” She leads me up the stairs to her room and goes in the bathroom to take a quick shower while I sit on the bed, throw my shoes and shirt on and loop my belt through my pants. While she’s in there, I look around her room at all of the things that make up Cara—her books, the framed poetry on the wall, and the family pictures all tell her story. Walking over to her dresser, I lift the gold latch of the ballerina jewelry box and listen as it plays a sweet tune that sounds like it could be from The Nutcracker. I close the box and my eyes automatically move to the edges of the mirror and the pictures of Cara and Nadine and Cara with her parents. The look of sadness she carries on her face in every photo that includes her mom is just devastating to me.

Cara comes back in the room fresh and glowing from her shower. She pulls her wet hair up into a ponytail, shimmies into a green flowery sundress and slips a pair of white sandals on before taking my hand and leading me back downstairs.

My arms close around her waist and I melt into her, our noses circling one another. “Thank you for opening up to me last night,” I say. “I know how difficult that must’ve been.”

She rests her forehead against mine. “I love you,” she whispers.

“I love you so much, Cara.” I capture her mouth, tenderly stroking her tongue with mine. “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay. Bye, babe.”

“Say that one more time,” I breathe against her lips.

She gives me a soft kiss. “Bye, babe.”

“Hey, Colt? Delilah?” I shout as I walk through the front door. Laughter is leaking its way out of the kitchen, so my feet move in that direction. When I walk in, it literally looks like a bomb exploded not only on the kitchen island, but on the counter
and
the floor. “What on earth?”

My question is met by howls of laughter. Delilah speaks first, with a mouthful of something I can’t seem to make out. “We thought we’d cook for you for a change, Ash. You’re always doing so much for us.”

I shake my head and look around the kitchen. “Is that what you’re doing in here? Cooking?”

“Watch it, bro,” Colt jokes, “or you may go hungry tonight.”

I click my tongue against my teeth. “So, dare I ask, what’s on the menu?”

Colt laughs deep and throaty. “Hot dogs and beans?”

“Hot dogs and beans? The kitchen looks like
this
because of hot dogs and beans?”

Delilah and Colt eye each other, smirking.

“Well, it was supposed to be chicken parmesan,” Delilah giggles, “but I burnt the chicken and we forgot to buy the cheese at the store.”

Now I’m laughing. “Hot dogs and beans sounds great!”

“Do you want to invite Cara over for hot dogs?” Colt asks with a sincere smile, licking some unidentifiable substance off his finger.

“Uh, no, that’s okay.”

Delilah walks over and slaps me on the shoulder, a proud smile resting on her lips. “Hey, we just wanted to do something nice for you.”

I pull her close and place a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I know, baby girl, and I appreciate it.”

While Colt and Delilah finish up the hot dog and beans, I get a wet rag and clean up the floor that’s covered in tomato sauce and what looks like flour. I’m on my hands and knees scrubbing the tile when Colt says, “you’re awfully quiet, bro, what’s up? Everything okay with Cara?”

My face instantly brightens; just the mere mention of her name does that to me. “Everything’s great, actually.”

Colt taps Delilah on the shoulder, nodding in my direction. “Whoa, Delilah, I think our boy here’s in love.”

My cheeks heat and I throw the wet towel in his face.

“Are you sure you don’t want to invite her over for our gourmet dinner?” Delilah asks again, laughing uncontrollably.

I turn my head slightly and look up at her sincere green eyes. “Gourmet hot dogs? Nah, that’s okay.”

She grabs the towel from Colt and snaps it against my back.

“Thanks for cooking, you guys. I really appreciate it.” I give Delilah a kiss on the cheek and Colt a high five before I head upstairs.

I shut the door to my room, pull off my shoes and jeans, and plant myself on the bed. Laying against my pillow with my hands behind my head, I stare at the ceiling and exhale a large breath, my mind wandering to Mom and Dad. When Dad died and I saw Mom struggling so deeply with his loss, I remember thinking there’s no way I’d ever want to go through that with anyone. It’s not worth it. But then I met Cara and that all changed. I discovered that love is worth anything … it’s worth
everything
. I reach over to the side table and grab my cell phone to text Cara.

Me: Hey

Cara: HI!

Me: You missed a scrumptious dinner of franks and beans

Cara: Sounds delicious. We had Captain Crunch. Nadine and I were too tired

Me: Looks like I’m the one who missed something

Cara: Yes, it was quite crunchy

Me: So are you in bed?

Cara: Yes, reading

Me: Are you wearing lace?

Cara: Wouldn’t you like to know?

Me: I could come over and find out

Cara: You could, but I’m going to bed

Me: That’s the whole point

Cara: You have a one track mind

Me: You’re the one track that plays over and over in my mind

Cara: I love you

Me: I love you too, beauty

When I get home from class, the house is completely quiet, yet Mom’s car is in the driveway. It’s unusual for her to be home this early from the salon. I stroll into the house and set my backpack on the couch. Making my way in the kitchen, I stop dead in my tracks when I see her sitting at the island, her head cradled in her arms, sobbing.

I run over and kneel down in front of her. “Mom, what is it? What’s wrong?”

When she lifts her head and her eyes climb to mine, they’re bloodshot, her face a multi-colored smear of makeup. She’s in a daze and it’s scaring me.

I instantly take her hand in mine. “Mom. What’s going on?”

“Sit down, Ash,” she says, her voice breaking apart.

Oh, no
. I hesitate, but take a seat next to her on a stool and brace myself.

“You know those headaches that Colt’s been getting from time to time … well … I didn’t want to tell you last week because I didn’t want you to worry, but they’ve been getting worse, so I took him for another round of tests.”

I squeeze her hand tightly, for my benefit as much as hers. “Mom … just say it …” My heart pounds at a rapid pace while an unsettling feeling wells up inside of me, my lungs suppressing any attempts to breathe.

The tears begin sliding furiously down her cheeks. “This time they found something. He … He has … He has a brain tumor, Ash. It’s malignant and he needs surgery.”

All the blood drains from my body.
I can’t go through this again. I just can’t
. “No … that-that … can’t be … I can’t … I can’t … I can’t do this again, Mom …” I get up from the chair and bolt out of the house.

Mom calls after me, but I don’t stop. I keep running.

I have no destination and it doesn’t matter. I run until my legs completely give out, sweat pouring from my brow, my neck feeling like someone’s squeezing it. I’m suffocating. I bend over and put hands on my knees and try with everything I have to slow my breathing … but come up short. When I look up, I’m standing in front of Cara’s house.

I’ve never relied on anyone before … not like this. I feel exposed, vulnerable, and fucking scared shitless … but yet, I trust her. It’s like that game we played when we were kids, where you fall back and you know that person will catch you. That’s how I feel with Cara. She’s my refuge from the storm, my parachute when I jump, the hand that’s saving me from drowning … and I’m drowning in the fear of letting go.

I stand up and walk towards the house, my breath now coming out in heavy bursts. Cara must’ve seen me, because the door opens immediately. I stride briskly towards her, my breathing shallow, my heart pulsing in my chest. The moment we come face to face, my tongue invades her mouth and I weave my arms around her neck, lacing my fingers through her hair, and draping my whole body over her in a silent plea of need.