Lover of My Dreams (19 page)

He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath as he thought about the woman in his dream. He knew in that moment that his dream was exactly what he wanted as his reality. He wanted that woman making love with him. He wanted that woman to be filled with his child. He wanted that woman to be with him for the rest of his life, making a future with him that would only be possible if she were his.

He opened his eyes and looked through the mesh window of the camper to the darkened campground. His heart had finally slowed. Sitting up, he took a deep, shaky breath as he thought through what he had seen in his dream.

At first, the woman who loved him had been hazy and hidden in shadows, but as they became intimate she became clearer to him with each kiss, each touch, and each caress. He had clearly seen the beautiful face of the woman that he had held so tenderly and had made love to in his dream. He had seen his wife.

It had been Rachel.

Rachel woke up early and lay back in her sleeping bag. She felt cold and sore and didn’t really want to remove herself from the warmth of her bedding, but she knew that she had to get up and move around so that she wouldn’t stiffen up. It had been a long night. Thoughts of her dinner with Sam had filled her mind throughout most of the night.

She kept worrying that she was getting into something that she couldn’t handle. The last thing she needed was a man around who was constantly checking up on her or who was expecting to spend his evenings with her. She didn’t want to be tied down to nightly visits. She needed to be alone to write and to breathe. She was feeling scared and trapped. And she feared for the safety of Sam and her family if Sam’s father ever found out that she had renewed contact with his son.

No matter what her feelings for Sam were, she knew that she didn’t have the energy to go through a relationship with anyone—especially now. She wanted to be free from any pull on her mind. She had had enough of that already. She could barely stop thinking about Richard’s attack, and she didn’t want anyone else to interfere with her time in the mountains so she could heal both physically and emotionally.

She had to admit that being with Sam last night had kept her mind occupied. She hadn’t thought about Richard once. But her time with Sam had also scared her. She had enjoyed his company too much. She could envision herself wanting to be with him more. That scared her, too. She had to distance herself from him. She should pack up and move to another campground. If she moved after a couple of days, he wouldn’t take it personally. She could just move on and he would never know that she was leaving because of him.

She pulled back her covers and carefully lowered her feet to the tent floor. Her head pounded furiously as she sat up. She covered her eyes with her hands to try to keep herself from getting dizzy, but it didn’t work.

It took every bit of strength that she had to lift her sneakers from the floor of the tent, slowly put them on, and tie them. Once she had them on she had to sit back and breathe deeply for a few seconds so that she wouldn’t be sick to her stomach. Finally, she pushed herself to her good foot, hobbled to the front of the tent and carefully leaned over to unzip the flaps.

Once outside the tent she looked around for a piece of wood and succeeded in finding a tree branch that had fallen to the ground. It was slightly crooked in the middle but it was sturdy. She picked it up and used it to steady herself as she walked slowly toward the bathrooms.

“This is going to be a long day,” she told herself tiredly.

She used the facilities as quickly as she could then headed back to her tent to set up her small stove and put a small kettle of water on it to heat for tea. While it was heating she headed back into her tent and gathered up her pillow, her glasses, a blanket, and her laptop, and carried them outside to set them on her lounge chair. She was ready for a full day of editing.

Going back into the tent, she pulled off her sweats and was pulling on her jeans when she heard voices outside. She recognized one to be Roy’s and knew the other had to be Sam’s. She pulled on her pink shirt and began to button the front.

“Are you sure nothing was broken, Sam?” Roy asked him worriedly as they approached Rachel’s tent.

“I’m sure,” Sam assured him. “She has a sprained ankle and a cut on her arm, but she’ll be fine.”

“I knew she shouldn’t be out here alone,” Roy muttered angrily, partially blaming himself. “She should be staying with me and Paulette. At least she’d be safe with us.”

“She should be home with someone taking care of her,” Sam corrected him. He had to mentally push aside the image in his mind of her in his house and pregnant with his child. He didn’t want to think about that right now because it made him want things he knew he shouldn’t want.

Rachel nearly ripped the zipper of her tent in her hurry to confront the two men. The anger was evident on her face as she stumbled out of the tent to stand her ground before them. She ignored the pain in her ankle as she hobbled toward them, her walking stick lifted as she pointed her finger at them both and shook it in anger.

“Rachel, are you okay?” Roy asked her quickly, surprised at her sudden appearance.

“You listen to me, Roy Monroe,” she told him angrily, her cheeks flushed. “I don’t need you checking up on me. I came out here to be alone and that’s exactly how you’d better leave me. I thought you, of all people, would know better, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Rachel, I know you can take care of yourself, but…” Roy began.

“And you, Dr. McCoy,” she nearly growled, ignoring her cousin completely as she turned to face Sam defiantly. The thoughts about him that had kept her awake most of the night washed over her, making her angrier at him than she should have been. “I did not ask for your help and I don’t need your archaic opinions of where a woman’s place should be. Is that clear?”

She faced them squarely, her breathing labored from her outburst. She clutched the stick tightly, ready to beam either one of them if they dared to utter one more word.

“Now leave me alone! Both of you!” She turned and hopped back into her tent, zipping the flaps shut and cutting off any chance for further discussion.

Roy had the decency to flush in embarrassment. He should have known better than to underestimate his cousin.

“I’m sorry, Rachel,” he called to her through the tent closure. He hesitated a moment, hoping that she would call out to him, but he knew deep down that she would not. He turned and walked toward his truck. Sam followed closely behind him in silence.

“She sure does get fired up, doesn’t she?” he asked Roy quietly as he stood beside Roy’s truck. He held the door open for him and slammed it closed behind him.

“I think we said the wrong thing at the wrong time,” Roy admitted, lifting his hat and running his fingers through his hair in frustration before adjusting his hat atop his head once again. “We’ll have to give her some time to cool off. I think she’s just been pushed too far. It was just a matter of time before she snapped.”

“Why?” Sam asked, confused, and more than a little interested.

“Sam, you know that Rachel has always been very independent,” Roy said quietly. “She’s smart and successful and one of the strongest people I know. She’s been writing books since her teens and never let anyone discourage her dream of being published. Lord knows people did try to discourage her,” he said, shaking his head in disgust at the memory. “As far back as I can remember someone was always telling her to put away her writing and get a real job. People in town told her to stop dreaming and settle down and begin a family. That’s when Rachel moved out on her own and pretty much made them eat their words ten times over.”

“But why is she so upset? Why doesn’t she just tell us off like she used to?” Sam asked in frustration, looking back at the tent to see if by some miracle Rachel happened to come out of her tent and do just that.

“Sam, something happened last week to Rachel that she would kill me if she knew I was telling you,” Roy told his best friend seriously, looking up at him with eyes that were filled with pain.

Sam found himself holding on to the door of the truck tightly. He knew whatever it was that Roy was going to tell him was not going to be good.

“What happened, Roy?” Sam asked him calmly, his voice remarkably quiet despite the sudden tightness that gripped his stomach.

“Rachel called me last week,” Roy began quietly. “When I answered the phone, she fell apart. I could barely understand her she was crying so hard. It took a while for me to get her to calm down. When I did she told me that she had been attacked by her date.”

“Hell,” Sam whispered.

Sam’s hands gripped the door of Roy’s truck. He wouldn’t be surprised if he made permanent dents in the frame. Just the thought of someone trying to hurt Rachel made him furious. She was theirs to protect. He felt responsible for her pain just by the fact that he hadn’t been there to watch over her as he had promised his mother so long ago.

“She wouldn’t get into specifics with me,” Roy continued. “When she talked to Paulette, she told her that a man she was dating was using her to get ahead in the publishing business.”

Sam watched his friend as he relayed the conversation, noticing that Roy’s hands were gripping the steering wheel tightly. “What happened, Roy?” he urged him.

“The guy tried to rape her, Sam. He hit her a few times and nearly got the best of her, but she knocked him out with his clock radio.”

“Good!” Sam muttered angrily.

“Rachel called 911 and reported the attack. She spent the rest of the night at the hospital being treated for her injuries. The police took her statement and the hospital staff took physical evidence. It must have been horrible for her to go through it alone.” Roy rubbed his temple in frustration.

“Does this guy know about you and where you live?” Sam asked calmly, unable to speak very loudly.

“No, I don’t think so,” Roy answered. “There’s more, but I don’t know what it is. Rachel made Paulette promise not to tell me. I don’t know what he did, but Paulette was pretty furious when she talked to me about it later.”

“Damn,” Sam whispered, unable to say more.

“I know,” Roy agreed. “You know Rachel, Sam. She’s strong and independent and all that, but she’s just about the most sensitive person I know.”

Sam could only nod. He felt as if his heart was being squeezed tightly.

“I think the two of us just put her over the edge. She obviously has been through hell by herself, and we just sounded like two pompous jerks who thought she couldn’t function without us.”

“We’re bad,” Sam said honestly.

“You’ve got that right,” Roy agreed.

“So what do we do?” Sam asked.

“I think we should give her some space. Maybe we could try to talk to her again tomorrow.”

“Better give it two days,” Sam said, being more pessimistic about her forgiving nature. “Remember how mad she was at you when you cut off her ponytail while she was sleeping?”

Roy cringed. “Maybe you’re right. We’ll try in two days.”

“We have to make this right, Roy,” Sam insisted. “We have to help her.”

Roy looked up at his friend and smiled. “I’ve already set the wheels in motion,” he admitted.

Sam’s forehead furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I got her to come here to stay at the campground that you’re the host of for the summer. I’ll bet a month’s pay that you’ll finally realize that you’re in love with her before the end of the summer.” Roy smiled and looked out the window of his truck at his friend. “Why don’t you give it a try?” Roy started the engine and put the truck in gear, smiling as he watched his friend.

Sam stepped back, saying nothing. He waited for Roy to start his truck and put it in gear. He didn’t dare speak. His mind was too jumbled with thoughts to trust himself to say anything just then.

“I’ll bring you one of her novels tomorrow,” Roy called to him before he drove away. “You might learn more about her by reading one. She’s not the kid we used to hike with anymore. She’s all grown up, buddy. You need to see her the way she really is, not the way you remember her.”

Sam watched him go, ignoring the way the dust swirled around him as Roy drove away. If Roy only knew how he was thinking about Rachel, he wouldn’t have felt it was necessary for him to tell him that Rachel was no longer a kid. He was so busy thinking, he didn’t realize that he must have stood there a good five minutes before he pulled himself together and turned to walk to his camper.

He stepped up inside, closing the door silently behind him. Sitting at the table, he lifted the coffee pot to pour himself another cup as he looked out through the mesh window to the far campsite where Rachel was hobbling about. He saw her stumble and fall and couldn’t help but wince in sympathy at the pain he knew she must be experiencing.

He knew he had better keep his distance from her for a while—partly because she was angry and partly because he had to process what Roy had told him. He didn’t want to approach Rachel and upset her. Considering she had been abused by an unimaginable bastard, it was amazing that she had been so upbeat and happy with him last night.

His dream about her had scared him. It made him want things that he had no right to want with her. He couldn’t help but think about her. He wanted to be near her to comfort her and hold her. What scared him the most was that he wanted to entertain the possibility that the things that he had dreamed about last night could actually be his future.