Lover of My Dreams (33 page)

“I was glad you answered Gwen’s question,” he told her quietly as he reached for his coat.

Rachel turned to face him and couldn’t help but blush. She watched his powerful arms slip into the coat sleeves and was bombarded by memories of those arms holding her gently as she slept.

Sam buttoned the coat and smiled at her. Reaching into the pocket to pull out his pen, intending to place it next to the camp records on the clipboard, his eyebrows shot up in surprise as he felt soft material. He pulled it out and found himself looking at a pair of very feminine pink panties.

“Are these your way of telling me that you want me?” he teased, holding up the panties.

Rachel gasped and pulled the panties from his hand. She hid them behind her back, fighting the embarrassment that rushed through her.

“These must be yours, too,” he said, handing her the pair of socks that were in the other pocket.

Rachel took them silently, looking down at the floor. She was afraid to lift her eyes to see his expression. She had shared her body with this man and had pleased him to orgasm, yet she felt such uncertainty her chest actually hurt.

“I’m very embarrassed by this whole situation,” she told him quietly.

“I know,” he told her, wanting to take her in his arms and comfort her. “I’m sorry about that. Rachel. I don’t want you to be upset. I want you to know that I didn’t want you to leave last night. I really thought you were having second thoughts about staying with me and wanted to give you an out.”

Rachel remained silent. “You really wanted me to stay?” she asked after a moment.

“Yes. Very much,” he told her sincerely.

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Yes, why?”

“Because I value you. You’re a good friend and a kind person. I love being with you and holding you. When you’re with me, I feel at peace. It’s a good feeling. I think we should be together, and I can’t help but want to keep you with me.” His words were soft, but firm as he spoke. “I think that what we have is something that might be the best foundation for a future. Do you think about that at all, honey? Do you think about having a future and a family with me?”

Rachel gasped in surprise, her eyes flying up to face him. “Are you teasing me, Sam?” she asked him quietly, turning her back to him and taking a deep breath to calm herself.

Sam hesitated a moment then reached for her, ignoring the way she tried to pull away from him. He took gentle hold of her shoulders, turning her to face him.

“That’s the second time you’ve told me to stop teasing you,” he said in frustration, his patience finally reaching its limit. “You’ve known me for years. Don’t you know by now when I’m teasing and when I’m serious?” He searched her face as he took a breath to calm down. “God help me, Rachel. You’ve got me all confused.” His voice was softer, gentler now. He took a breath to calm himself as he struggled with the words he wanted to say. “Rachel, I’m feeling things about you that I’m terrified to feel. You make me think things that I really don’t deserve to think.” His fingers bit into Rachel’s shoulders and he shook her once in frustration. “I’m teasing you when I tell you that you look like a mess, don’t know how to camp, or don’t know your way around here. But when I tell you that I enjoy holding you in my arms and that I want to make love to you—I’m dead serious. I think about kissing you, touching you, and knowing every part of your body.”

His grip on her shoulders eased and he found himself caressing her arms, unable to stop himself. When he looked at her, his eyes were clouded with confusion and something very close to pain.

“I don’t know what it is, but I think about you during the day and dream about you at night. I keep remembering how great it was to have you in my life even if it was a long time ago. I miss our friendship, Rachel. I miss being so comfortable with someone that the days feel so easy. You being here with me now makes me remember how great it is to be together. I’m enjoying this pretense that we really are together. And my dreams are making the fantasy very real. The image of you carrying my child has haunted my dreams for the past few nights. I can’t push the thoughts from my head.”

Rachel gasped in shock. Her heart ached with the pain of wanting exactly what he was saying. She couldn’t help but love him all over again. She didn’t want that love to be something that only existed in her dreams.

His dream was so close to her own that she couldn’t even respond to his words. As she stood there looking up at him, unable to respond, she saw the anger in his face turn to cold remoteness at her silence. He let go of her then and stepped back toward the camper door.

“I keep forgetting that women don’t want those things unless they can get something in return like jewelry or a new car,” he said finally, a deadly calm entering his voice. He turned and opened the camper door.

Rachel looked at him in silence, her heart nearly breaking at his words. He had been hurt worse than she could ever have imagined. Could someone really have refused his love and tenderness unless she was compensated with expensive things? Could someone really have been that cold? Had Allison done those things? That woman had been a fool.

“Sam,” she said quietly, stopping him before he could exit the camper. He stopped and turned to face her, his face void of expression.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, crossing her arms across her chest nervously. “I guess I can’t forget the times that I’ve been ridiculed for wanting children and a nice family. I guess it’s hard for me to accept that a man can understand or want the same things that I do. It’s hard for me to believe that you won’t end up laughing at me like the others did. I’ve learned the hard way not to let anyone know I want…” Her voice broke off and she turned away from him. She cleared her throat and took a steadying breath. “Anyway, I’m sorry.”

She picked up the dishes and placed them in the sink, trying to keep busy so that she wouldn’t have to look at Sam and see his reaction to her confession. She felt Sam’s hand gently touch her arm and allowed him to turn her around to face him. When she looked up at him, she saw warmth and tenderness in his eyes.

His eyes searched hers for a moment then looked down at her mouth. He leaned toward her slowly and touched his lips to hers, kissing her tenderly. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her into his embrace, bringing her body close to his and molding her intimately against him. His lips moved slightly against hers, gentle and soft as he lightly licked the fullness of her bottom lip, stirring her with emotion. His hand gently caressed her back and soon was lost in the softness of her hair. He pulled back slightly and smiled down at her.

“I’m sorry, too,” he told her sincerely.

“You’re wrong, you know,” she told him quietly.

“About what?” he asked, kissing her lips once again very gently.

“I don’t need you or any other man to provide me with jewelry or cars or anything else,” she reminded him. “I can get them for myself, remember? I’m not in need of financial support. My books support me just fine.”

Sam smiled down at her, leaning back slightly but not letting her go. “You’re right. I forgot,” he admitted, still holding her gently against his chest. “Then what is it you
do
need?”

Rachel hesitated only a moment. “Same thing you do,” she said finally, looking up at him seriously. “Someone who is tender and kind and who loves me.”

Sam looked at her silently, releasing his hold on her and lowering his arms to his sides as all strength seemed to escape him. “You’ve decided that I need that, huh?” he asked her quietly.

“No, I didn’t decide it,” Rachel denied emphatically. “You’ve shown me that’s what you need by the way that you act. I’ve known you since we were kids, Sam. You, Roy, and I shared a lot. You can’t possibly think that we don’t know how you feel.”

Sam backed toward the camper door and opened it without taking his eyes off of Rachel. Her words scared him. She was haunting his dreams and was now seeing into his very soul. She was scaring the hell out of him. He needed some time away from her to clear his head.

“I’m going to help Stan and Gwen unload their gear,” he told her as he stepped down from the camper. “Then I have some errands to run so you’ll have complete run of the camper today. I probably won’t be back until late afternoon.”

He left then, clearly escaping from the intense and knowing words that relentlessly chased him. Rachel watched the camper door close behind him and couldn’t help but smile.

“Looks like you struck a nerve, Rachel,” she told herself, smiling.

She turned to wash the dishes, suddenly very happy.

“You can run, Sam McCoy, but I’m not going to allow you to hide from me. We’re destined to be together. You know it, and I know it.”

She felt the warmth of a gentle caress against her right cheek, smiling at the tingle that began at the corner of her right eye that felt almost like a soft kiss. It filled her with a warmth and a gentle calmness so great she let out a sigh of pleasure.

Sweet Rachel, you are destined for love and happiness with Sam
, the angel Bernadette whispered within Rachel’s mind.
He will be a wonderful husband and father.

Rachel laughed as the words echoed in her mind. She knew it was her own imagination and desires that made her hear them, but she was okay with that. Sometimes your own imagination and desires were one hundred percent correct.

Sam pulled his black truck into the parking space in front of his camper. He shut off the engine, unbuckled his seat belt and rubbed his neck tiredly. It had been a completely wasted day.

After he had finished helping Stan and Gwen unpack their gear, he had driven away from the campsite with no clear destination in mind. He had just needed to get away, and that’s exactly what he had done.

He drove for nearly an hour before stopping and pulling over to rest. He stepped out of his truck and sat along the side of the road. He sat for quite a while looking out at the beautiful landscape, unable to think about anything but Rachel and the way everything had changed in the few days since she had come back into his life.

Although he still had plans to join a medical practice in the mountains, the rest of his plans for his future had changed dramatically. He had decided that no woman would interfere with his life, yet here was Rachel, throwing his life into a spin just by being a part of his days again. Being with her and feeling the comfort of her trusted friendship was making him begin to hope again. He was frightened by his sudden vulnerability.

But it was more than that. He knew that his feelings toward her spoke of much more than the friendship that they had shared. He felt comfortable with her. He enjoyed her. He wanted her. Permanently.

He sat and thought for nearly two hours then got into his truck and headed back toward the campground. On the way he stopped in town to stock up on supplies before beginning the journey up the mountain road to head back to the camper that he realized had become his home. He also realized that he felt that way because Rachel was there.

As he drove, his mind continued to race with thoughts of Rachel. His recent relationships had taught him to be wary. But his friendship with Rachel kept creeping into his thoughts. Wasn’t it better to start as friends and grow into something more? Shouldn’t two people like each other more than anything else? Wasn’t that a good foundation for a loving relationship?

He had learned the hard way not to trust any woman, and he didn’t like the fact that he was ignoring all the warning bells going off in his head. The only thing he was certain of was that he didn’t want to think about not being able to see Rachel when she left to go back home to Connecticut at the end of the summer. The past ten years had been difficult for him, and having her and Roy in his life again was something that he wasn’t prepared to lose again.

Sam smiled and shook his head as he sat in his parked vehicle. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He opened the truck door and stepped out, turning to lift out his coat and the bag of groceries before slamming the door shut and locking it. He walked toward the camper with a determined stride, hoping that Rachel was still inside.

As he stepped up into the camper, he found himself breathing a sigh of relief as he saw Rachel asleep in the bed that they had occupied together the night before. Her laptop was on the table beside her. He was glad that she had stayed to work in his camper the entire day.

He placed his coat on the opposite bed, and threw his hat next to it then set the bag of groceries down on the table. As quietly as he could manage, he removed the food from the bag and began to put everything away. He was surprised and confused when he saw items of food in his cabinet and refrigerator that he hadn’t put there.

He walked over to the bed where Rachel was asleep and knelt on the bench seat at the table so that he could reach forward to touch her forehead. He was relieved to find that she felt cool to his touch. He watched her silently and smiled. She looked so beautiful. He liked that she was in his bed.

He reached out and carefully took her hand in his, holding it briefly, smiling as she unconsciously tightened her hold on him before releasing it and relaxing, sighing contentedly as she tucked her hands beneath her cheek. He felt the loss of her immediately. He wished that he could join her in bed, but he knew that she needed her rest. He reached for his medical text from the shelf next to the camper door and took a seat at the table.