Lover's Betrayal: Misfits of the Lore Series (25 page)

“Neither have I. My parents traded me for wealth. I was just a commodity to them, not a child to love. I never want to see them again.”

“My father is no better. He groomed me to be his perfect little soldier and I defied him regularly. No matter how he punished me, I would never give in to him, but then I did. When I lost you and had nothing left to live for, I finally became the son he wanted. I devoted myself to being his successor on the Council. I became the self-possessed, selfish bastard he wanted me to be. He won. Yet I am still a miserable mess. I’m still wanting what I can’t have and hating myself for such weakness.” Lucian stroked Olivia’s cheeks lightly, then cupped her chin in the palm of his right hand. “I fear I will never escape my need for you. For the first time in 175 years, I feel alive again.”

Lucian bent down to take Olivia’s mouth in a tender kiss which instantaneously turned passionate. Olivia returned the passion with equal fervor.

Lucian’s lips traced her jaw and neck, his body responding to the vein calling to him to drink. “I need to taste you,” he groaned.

Olivia felt the pressure of his fangs. Caught in her passion, she barely awoke from the reverie before pushing him away. She wanted so badly for him to drink from her and unite them fully as one, but she knew he would taste her secret. Olivia could not reveal her addiction to him yet. She had tried to ignore the fact that she was addicted, but her body’s need for the drug was undeniable. If Lucian knew that she allowed herself to become dependent on something like this, he would look at her with shame and rip her heart to shreds. She needed more time to deal with her dependency. She just hoped Lucian could be patient enough to understand, but the look on his face quickly dispensed with that dream.

The look of rejection and hurt turned to fury. Part of her wanted to tell him the truth now, but she could not find the words. His eyes searing her skin left her speechless.

“I’m such a fool.” Lucian stood up, nearly tossing Olivia off his lap. “I never learn. I keep falling for your games. You must be enjoying this. You get to play me like a puppet on a string. I’m a pathetic pup running to you for a little treat, and you give me just enough to ensure I come back for more. I keep coming back like the fool I am. You played me for years and I fell for it and all these years later, I fall into the same trap. What are you? Do you get your kicks out of hurting others? Maybe you and Daughton were the perfect couple after all. You both loved to play games with people. You use as you see fit and toss us aside when we cease to amuse you.”

“P-please Lucian. I’m not playing a game.”

“Don’t look the innocent, Liv. Don’t bat your eyes like a wounded pup. I’m not falling for it. Not again. You act like you want me and then soon as I allow myself to want you, you pull away.”

“That’s not true. I want to be with you, Lucian. I just…”

“You just what, Olivia? I can fuck you, but I can’t drink from you. Why not? Too intimate an act for you? You rather it would be Daughton drinking from you? You’d rather he would be your mate. That’s it, isn’t it? You still want the sorry bastard, don’t you?”

Olivia stood up and grabbed Lucian. “No, I hated him. I swear to you. I prayed every day that I would be free of him. He lived for cruelty. He ruined me, Lucian.”

“Livy, please do not toy with me now. I can’t take much more of this. I beg you for the truth. If you cannot give it, then just let me walk away.”

“I will tell you the truth, Lucian. You may choose to walk away regardless.” Olivia sat back on the couch and Lucian next to her, close enough for her to feel his presence, but too far away for her to feel his warmth. “The night that was supposed to be our wedding night marked the start of my breeding period.”

Vampires could produce children only during a brief period, usually a week or so, once every year when they were young. As they grew older, the breeding period became less frequent until it eventually ceased.

“I was so happy because I knew that you and I would be together as husband and wife that night and that I would likely bear you a son. We would have our family and start our life together. Of course, the fates would not be so kind and I ended up having his son. Despite carrying his child, I wanted to be free of him. I tried to escape a few times, but he locked me in one of the rooms in the crypt.”

“He locked you away?” Lucian asked incredulously. He knew Daughton was a cruel tyrant, but he never imagined that he would hurt Olivia so deeply. No matter how much she had hurt him, he would have never allowed her to suffer alone her husband’s wrath.

Olivia nodded. “He owned this plantation in North Carolina, but he did not house any human slaves. He preferred to be taken care of by other vampires. He maintained this crypt underneath what had formerly been the quarters for human slaves. He used this crypt to imprison the vampire slaves that displeased him. He used this place to hold me until I gave birth to Kaden.”

Olivia took a deep breath as the dreaded memories of her confinement flooded her thoughts. “The room was always dark. There was no light, no world outside for me to see. I used to just imagine I was outside among the living. I imagined that this child growing inside of me was yours and that you would rescue us and we would disappear to a place where Daughton and our parents could not find us. I lived for that dream. As the days went on, and you never came, I started to realize there was no hope. I was trapped in there -- no one could see me and no one cared. Every morning a thermos of blood would come down the chute in my prison and I would sit there in the dark all day. I lost track of time. It felt like I was down there for an eternity. I could not see past the darkness and it consumed my mind. I lost touch with reality. My mind started to fade. I was succumbing to madness just like humans did. Vampires are not immune. Solitary confinement can drive any creature into permanent darkness. Kaden helped me come back to reality. The labor pains struck me intensely one day and I snapped out of the fog. I could see clearly again. I screamed for someone to help me, but no one came. I gave birth alone to Kaden in the dark. Two months later, Daughton appeared in front of my cell, proud to see that I had given him a son. He released us both. Kaden was born afraid of the darkness. He always needed light.”

Lucian reached to embrace Olivia, but Olivia slid further down the couch away from Lucian’s comforting arms. She would not allow herself to feel such comfort. She knew she did not deserve such support, considering what she had tried to do.

“My head was still not ok. I wanted to protect my baby. I loved Kaden instantly and I needed to ensure he was safe from his father. I almost did the unthinkable. He was so tiny and fragile. I thought I could protect him by letting him go. I snuck out the house and fled to the nearby cliffs. I made a fire. I stood there with Kaden in my arms watching the flames. I started to approach the fire thinking that I could end this now for me and for Kaden. I rationalized that the initial pain would be worth it as we would be spared a lifetime of torture at the hands of Daughton. The fire was a sure way that we could both die and still be together. I walked toward the fire. Kaden cried in my arms, but then he started to embrace the flames. He was fascinated with them. As the flames started to heat our skin, the pain so intense, I leapt away from the fire. My skin was burned, but there wasn’t a scratch on Kaden. He didn’t cry. He just stared at the flames. He absorbed the flames. That was a sign. Kaden was meant to survive.”

“He is a child of fire,” Lucian acknowledged.

“Yes, and I almost killed him.”

“Olivia, you were not in your right mind at the time. How could you be, considering how that monster kept you caged like a beast for all that time? No vampire could stand that torture, especially considering you were with child.”

Olivia would not allow Lucian to assuage her guilt. “There’s no excuse for what I tried to do. The fact remains that I nearly killed my son. I could blame it on my madness, but it doesn’t matter. I will never forgive myself for it. That’s why I have to help him now. I have to prove his innocence and make things right for him. Maybe a part of him still remembers what I did.”

This time, Lucian reached for her hand and would not allow her to pull away. She would accept his comfort. She needed it regardless of her determination to punish herself. “He was just a baby, Livy. I’m sure he does not remember -- and even if he knew the truth now, he wouldn’t blame you. I bet he would understand what drove you to that point. He would forgive you.”

“Like you have?” Olivia mocked. “You still hate me. You hate the fact that you want me despite hating me. I don’t blame you, Lucian. I betrayed you and my son. First the betrayal by a lover and then the betrayal by a mother. I am guilty of both crimes.”

“Help me understand why you did it. Tell me the truth about why you married Daughton.”

Olivia wanted to unburden herself by revealing the entire truth. There could be no progress for any of them if the future was mired with lies of the past. Before she could utter another word, the door flew open and Kaden entered.

He instantly focused on his mother’s haunted eyes. She looked so lost and troubled. He would give anything to lift that pain. Maybe this news would help. “Cori just called. They have a lead that may help with my case. We need to get back to Julian’s house.”

Olivia’s eyes instantly filled with hope. “That’s great news. Let’s go now.”

Lucian reached for Olivia and whispered in her ear, “We will finish this conversation.”

“Yes, Lucian. We have to, for both our sakes.”

Olivia sat in her room waiting for news of Corinne, Julian, and Lorenzo’s arrival. She had revealed so much to Lucian, but there was so much more he needed to know if there was any hope of forgiveness. For so long she had wanted to tell him the truth, but feared he would reject her words. Now, there was nothing left to fear. He might hate the truth, but he would hate the lie even more. She had to tell him everything once this ended. If there was any hope for a future, the path would begin with an absolution, and then honesty. With that, their love could prevail. Now their love was buried in deceit, and only she could free it.

She no longer feared the truth of the past, but feared the truth of the present. As she twiddled with the toxic leaf in her hand, she thought about how she would reveal this truth to Lucian. There was also the reality that it might be too late to save her.

Olivia had denied her dependency on the drug for weeks. It did not matter at the time. She had no intention of living past this investigation. She wanted closure and then she wanted her permanent sleep. She needed to make sure all would be well without her before she left. Now things were different. She never expected Lucian to come back in her life, and certainly never imagined that they could have a future together.

Their bond might not be fully completed, but the love was still there. Although he might not be ready to admit the words, she could see the love in his eyes and the desperate battle he waged to fight those feelings. She couldn’t help but believe they had a chance to succeed if they could be rid of all the secrecy. If only she could atone for this last sin before it was too late.

She mixed the leaf in her goblet and drank it down. Briefly, her pain intensified, but then numbed. She took enough just to ease the discomfort, but not enough to bring on the sleep her body craved. There was still too much to do, and no time for rest.

Olivia cursed the day she ever discovered this drug. She had been so desperate for relief from the nightmares that left her paralyzed with fear every day. Soon she ceased sleeping, but that weakened her even more, to the point where she could barely function. Other than her need for blood, she might as well have been human, for she had hardly possessed any of her vampire gifts. Vampires did not need a lot of sleep, but they still required some to recharge their abilities.

Desperation led her to make this costly mistake. Against her better judgment, Olivia went to see a sage with skills in alchemy who specialized in drugs for vampires. She never trusted sages, but she had no other option. She could not go on in that state. She asked other vampires if they knew of a sage, and most mocked her for considering this. Sages were treated like gypsies or soothsayers. They were a source of jokes and banter, and relegated to the pits of the societal food chain.

Their medicinal abilities were rarely needed as vampires did not get sick. The fact that sages could create drugs that could impact the usually impervious vampire made them a threat. Threats were usually disposed of or isolated. For sages, it was easier to treat them like lepers than to embrace their unusual skills.

Olivia’s search for a sage took months and eventually came down to the internet. She Googled several alchemists located in San Diego and San Francisco. The first two in San Diego were self-proclaimed love potion experts. Both were completely human and did not have any trace of sage in them. The third alchemist was definitely sage. She was an older woman who looked like a century-old human. Her body was wrinkled and she seemed incredibly frail. She looked like a harmless old lady, but Olivia could sense the presence of the sage despite the woman’s attempt to mask her scent. Olivia had wondered why this woman made no attempt to look younger like most sages, but she figured her older look made her seem more trustworthy. That was her best weapon.

This woman had seemed like an innocent grandmother and Olivia could not help but feel comfortable around her. She trusted this woman with her secrets and this woman promised her the relief she sought. As Olivia looked at the box of leaves, she realized that this woman played on her emotions. Olivia needed someone to care about her and this woman took on the persona of the mother Olivia had always wanted. She had provided Olivia with the relief she had needed -- at least that’s what Olivia had believed at the time. Now she was addicted.

“That’s right, Olivia. You’ll never be free of this. You don’t want to be free of this.”

No, Olivia did not want to be free of this drug. It gave her peace when life gave her pain. It gave her the family she always wanted. It gave her Lucian, his love, his trust, his forgiveness. It took away the harsh reality and allowed her to escape into the life she could have only in her dreams.