Love's Suicide: Love's Suicide (35 page)

I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Can I be honest about something?”

He nodded.

“I could lie and tell you that I would have been faithful in my marriage, to be hon
orable. The thing is, the second I knew you were alive was when I knew for certain that I was fighting a losing battle with my heart. If you’d have come on to me in those first five seconds, with my husband standing right there, I don’t think I could have pushed you away. I felt like it was a miracle; like you’d come back from the dead to save me from myself.”

Brooks and I both
shared a moment of silence. We hadn’t meant for things to get deep, but there we were so caught up in each other. When the doorbell rang, we realized we’d been talking much longer than we anticipated.

I pulled the cover-up over my head and held Brooks’ hand as we headed downstairs.

B was coming at us, running full-force. Brooks picked her up and spun her around. My stomach was in knots knowing that I hadn’t laid eyes on Branch since I’d left him at the altar. I almost wanted to smile knowing that I’d paid him back and not even known it was happening.

We sat down on the couch to wait for them to
walk in the room. I could hear them being greeted by Walt and Danica. Brooks put his arm around me and leaned in for a kiss. I don’t know what made me do it, but I climbed on his lap and kissed him like we were back in the tree house. He had to push me off, and when he did, I was all smiles. I saw his lips forming his own half amused smile. “You’re being bad.”

I couldn’t answer, because I saw them coming toward us.

Branch was still wearing his sunglasses, while Melissa clung to his arm as if he was dragging her. Brooks stood up, leaving me shielded behind him on the couch. He stuck out his hand for Branch. I was afraid to look at how he reacted and I was petrified to look him in the eye. There was also a fear that Brooks would just walk up and punch him.

Then B came running out from around the corner and everyone looked at her. She froze when she saw her father and then another man that looked just like him. That’s when I looked at Branch for the first time.
He pulled off his glasses and stared at my beautiful daughter. “You’ve got to be kidding me?” He looked at his brother and then back to B.

“Her name is Brooklyn, after he
r father.” Okay, in my defense, I felt like it was necessary to immediately shove the fact that I’d had a child with Brooks, in his face.

Branch looked down and scratched his head. When he looked back at me, he held out his arms. “I think we’re here to make amends, Katy.”

I didn’t move from beside Brooks. If he thought for one second I was going to hug him, he was dead wrong.

Then I looked at Melissa, who’d said nothing. Just knowing that she’d spent the past two years trying to be the perfect
future daughter-in-law made me want to laugh. She’d never be me, no matter how sweet she acted, or how much they visited. Brooks shrugged as his parents came into the room. B went running toward Danica. “Mom mom, yook.”

She pointed to her father’s twin.

Danica scooped her up. “B, this is your uncle. His name is Branch. Can you say Branch?”

“Banch.”

Branch laughed, and then he did something that I would have never expected. He held his arms out for her. “Hey, little cutie. Come here and say hi.”

She peeked over Danica’s shoulder to look at Brooks. He smiled and motioned that it was okay. I watched her, being taken into Branch’s arms. He hugged her with more love and affection than I’d ever seen him have. Brooks put his arm around me and kissed me on the top of the head. His brother, who was still in
awe over her, finally looked our way. “She’s beautiful.”

I felt guilty, after he’d said that. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but Branch was different. He seemed so sincere. Melissa, started talking to B and I began to relax. Brooks was right about living in the past. We weren’t going to make progress if we didn’t move forward, so I walked over toward them and smiled. “It’s been a long time, Mel.”

She hugged me and I slowly let my arms reach around her back. “I missed you so much, Katy.”

I pulled away and tried to be as nice as I could be. “I miss
ed you, too. Obviously a lot has happened.”

Branch handed B back to Brooks. She still seemed confused.

It was my turn to hug Branch. I was okay with it until he smiled and held his arms out, as if he expected it. I backed up until I felt Brooks’ body touching my back and then I reached out my hand. “It’s nice to see you, Branch.”

“I don’t get a hug?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

He let out an air-
filled laugh. “It’s okay. I guess we all need to warm up to each other.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Brooks pinched me on my back. “Don’t mind her. She’s gotten bitter in her old age. I think it has something to do with motherhood.”

“Am I the only one here that thinks this is completel
y insane?” I was losing my cool while Brooks cracked jokes.

Branch laughed. “It’s only weird if we make it that way, Katy. Look, we’ve all moved on now and clearly it’s for the best.
Whatever you have against me needs to be worked out. We were a family before, and we’re even more of a family now. Look, Mel and I are getting married. You’ve got a kid that I don’t think any of us knew about. You’re obviously with my brother now. We wouldn’t have come today if we knew it was going to make you so mad. If it makes you happy, we can leave.”

I looked around the room at the family that I’d just started to get back. As much as I wanted to resent him, I had to bite my tongue. These people were all I had left and I needed them now more than ever. I had to forget about being with Branch and start over, only remembering the times when we were growing up.
The damage had already been done to everyone in the room. Out of all the times that I regretted what I’d done, I started realizing that closure was the only way to find forgiveness. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry for lying about my feelings. I’m sorry for hurting everyone in this room, especially Brooks. All of this could have been avoided if none of you ever loved me.” I felt so lost, so hurt that I knew I had to get out of there. With no regard for what anyone had to say to my confession, I went running upstairs.

I heard them tal
king, deciding on whether Branch and Melissa should stay or go. I also heard them arguing about who was going to come calm me down. When I heard the bedroom door opening, I turned to see the last person I expected to be standing there.

Chapter 46

“Branch?”

He walked in and sat at the foot of the bed. “Brooks is probably going to beat my ass for what I’m about to say to you, but I think it’s time you and I got some things out in the open.”

I pulled my legs up to my chest and sat there looking at him. Though they were the same, there were also many differences in the two of them since the last time we’d all been together. Branch was clean cut and thin, while Brooks was muscular and probably had a good twenty pounds on his brother. “Fine. Say what’s on your mind. I know you’re dying to.”

Branch
shook his head. “Some things never change, do they, Katy?”

I felt like I needed to defend myself. “What do you mean by that?”

I could tell he was getting annoyed with me and I didn’t care. “I mean your attitude when it comes to you being in the wrong.”

“You just reminded me of why we aren’t together.
You think the whole world revolves around you, like you should be worshipped,” I said sarcastically.

“We aren’t together because you fucked my brother the night before we were to be married, or
have you forgotten that? I’m sure you haven’t, because judging from my calculations that would have been the night you conceived that pretty little girl downstairs. I still can’t believe it. I can’t believe that you ran away and had his child without telling anyone. How could you do that? Did you do it to get back at me? You did, didn’t you? You wanted me to pay so badly that you cost my parents years without their only grandchild. Tell me I’m wrong. Give me some other reason why you couldn’t come home?”

I sat up straight and let my
legs relax. “Don’t you dare act like you’re innocent.” I knew I was raising my voice and that everyone was probably downstairs listening. “All of this is your fault, Branch. You kept us apart. You lied to me to make me think he never loved me. How could you do that to me? Why?”

He slammed his hands down on the bed. “Because I wanted you for myself, that’s why.
No matter what we were doing, he was always your favorite. I hated how you looked at him. We were supposed to be the same. You think I didn’t notice the way he always defended you? He promised me that we’d never fight, but yet he had to sneak behind my back when it came to you.”

He was acting like a jealous child. “Are you talking about our first kiss?”

“You’re damn right I am. He had to have more, even after we’d made a pact.”

“We were twelve you big idiot. How can you look at yourself in the mirror, knowing that you’re an adult and
you act like a child?”

“Don’t judge me, Katy.
Go judge Mr. Perfect downstairs that at any time could have stopped you the night you were together. He could have pushed you away and told you he felt nothing. He was in the wrong. It’s like you’re blind when it comes to him. I don’t even get why.”

I pointed toward him. “
Don’t you dare turn this around. He’s the victim and you hate that. You can’t stand that you did all of this. You can’t stand that after all of it, he still got me. Let me just tell you something. I don’t care how long we were together, or what you did to try to make me happy. You could never be him, Branch. No matter how much you tried. You’re too different. You care about yourself, while he puts himself last.”

He turned and looked right at me. “
You’re right. That’s why I did what I did. It’s why I told you he didn’t want you and it’s why I told him to back off. I knew he’d listen, because he always cared about everyone else. Once I had you I knew he wouldn’t want my sloppy seconds.”

I moved forward on the bed, almost getting up in his face. “That’s where you’re wrong
, Branch. I bet you didn’t know he lost his virginity to me in that room right across the hall. You see, on the anniversary of when my parents died, I thought it was you that would come into my room and comfort me. I thought it was you holding me because that’s what a boyfriend was supposed to do. Little did I know that it was Brooks. He made love to me only days after our first time together, and then on the same day the next year. Both times it wasn’t like anything I’d ever felt before.” That statement was better than any kick in the balls.

I watched the color leave his face and knew that I’d hit a nerve. “What? You knew?”

I shook my head. “No. I didn’t know at first. We were together twice and he never told me. I can’t blame him. Though, at first, I wanted to kill him.”

Branch covered his face with both hands. “God, I can’t believe this.”

“I couldn’t believe it either. More than that, I couldn’t believe that the man I was planning on marrying had conned me into loving him. Did you really think that I’d be happy and that Brooks would never tell me the truth?”

He turned to me, like he was the one betrayed. “He gave me his word that I could have you.”

“He told me no that night.” It was partly the truth, but I was actually starting to feel bad. “That night at the hotel, you were so drunk. You said some horrible things and Brooks just wanted me to feel better. He found me on the roof crying, and everything happened so fast. I know you could never understand and that you’ll probably hate me forever, but I’ve never felt something so powerful as when I’m close to him. It doesn’t matter how long we’re apart, or what’s standing in our way, it’s always there. Branch, I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I left because I couldn’t face you that next morning. I couldn’t look you in the eyes and tell you that I was in love with your brother. I felt so ashamed.” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat before I could continue. “The thing is, you knew it all along. You’d been keeping us apart because you knew what we had, didn’t you? Do you have any idea what I’ve gone through because of all of this? I ran away from the only family I have left. I had a child that I couldn’t tell anyone about, because I thought they all hated me, including your brother. I moved to a town with nothing but the clothes in my suitcase. You could have prevented all of this. Brooks didn’t have to miss the birth of his daughter.”

“How did you know she was his?”

“I did the math and the doctors gave me a three day window of when I conceived. Then we learned you were sterile, which by the way, thanks for that. Another lie that you went along with to get me to marry you.”

Finally he cut in. “Okay. I get the damn point. I was a shitty brother and a lying boyfriend. It doesn’t change that
fact that you were only with me because you thought he didn’t want you. I was your fucking consolation prize, so yeah, I lied. I didn’t want either of you to be happy, so I did what I had to do. I gave you everything you wanted and you still ran to him. All you had to do was be faithful for one night and you couldn’t. You had to be with him. Let me know something, Katy. Would you have still married me if I hadn’t caught you with him?”