Love's Suicide: Love's Suicide (36 page)

I shook my head, knowing the answer before he finished the sentence. “No. I think I knew I wasn’t going to marry you the mom
ent he walked through the door.” Then I really felt bad. “Branch, if you ever loved me, in any way, you’d know that I wasn’t with Brooks because I wanted to hurt you. I was with Brooks because I couldn’t stop myself. Every bone in my body calls for him. When he touches me it’s electric. We both loved you and it was the only reason that I walked away from you and from him.”

Branch started to get choked up
and my anger was already gone, but was now placed with remorse. I hurt for him, feeling betrayed by his own flesh and blood. I put my hand on his and he looked up at me. “I did love you, Katy. It wasn’t the right kind of love, but it was real. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ve got a good life and Melissa’s a great woman. I love her, and I know we’ll be happy. She’s okay with having to adopt and I don’t keep secrets from her. Except for one.”

I looked at him and felt confused. “One?”

“For so long I’ve told her that I hated you. I wanted you to be miserable and poor. Then I saw your daughter and I realized what I’d taken from you. You don’t have to remind me what I did. Knowing that I can’t have children has been difficult for me to come to grips with. Seeing that Brooks had a child is when it really hit me. You’re right, Katy. I kept you apart and it’s my fault you ran away from Brooks. I’m sorry he wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry none of us were, because family is supposed to stick together, no matter what. It’s time I admit it out loud.” He took a deep breath and wiped the tears off of his face. “I want you to be happy with my brother, because he’s loved you for as long as I can remember and I’m sorry for keeping you apart. I suppose I deserved to hear about him sneaking in your room. He always was your hero.”

I let out a laugh. “He still is.” I couldn’t tell Branch that we were running from my abusive ex. “I thought he’d hate me for keeping my pregnancy from him, but he didn’t.”

Branch reached over and put his hand on my ankle. At first, I felt strange having him touch me. Sure, I’d slept with him for years, but something had changed. I no longer felt any kind of connection to Branch, and I knew why. Branch had been right. I’d been settling for him, when all the while Brooks was who I was supposed to be with. “Can we please be a family again? I’d really like to get to know my niece, and Melissa misses you. She thinks you hate her.”

“Did you sleep with her before or after I was gone?”

He put his hand out when he stood up. I let him help me off the bed and we started to walk out of the room. He laughed. “Yeah, we probably shouldn’t talk about that, seeing as you slept with my brother and all. When I took Melissa to bed is irrelevant.”

“Fine.”

I took two steps and saw Brooks sitting on the couch with his parents. He smiled when he saw us and I smiled back. Melissa was on the floor playing with B. “It’s good to be home, Branch.”

And it really was, good to be home. I was getting my life back; the one I’d never thought I’d see again. I could see my future in the horizon and Brooks was a huge part of it.

Chapter 47

It took a few hours for everyone to relax. Melissa and Branch turned all of their attention to B
while I helped out in the kitchen. Brooks and Walt ran out to get her a swimming ring for the pool and a new bathing suit. We were also running low on diapers. It was funny to me knowing that two grown men were shopping for a little girl.

While I sat watching B’s new uncle and soon to be aunt swoon over her,
Danica handed me some vegetables to cut up. “You know, I’ve never seen Branch around a small child before. It’s quite entertaining. Although I always knew Brooks would be a good father. He’s always been nurturing, caring about others and ignoring his own needs.”

“Trust me when I say, Brooks dropped everything to be with us. There hasn’t been a second that he’s not working where he hasn’t been with us. It’s wonderful.”

“Keep telling yourself that when it’s years down the road,” she teased.

I handed her what I’d cut up and she tossed it all in a bowl. “Nah. I think we’re different. I’ve
already loved him for more than twenty years. Now that we’re finally together, I don’t see myself loving him any less. I hope you’re okay with that. I mean, after everything that’s happened, I want to be honest.”

She dried her hands and hugged me. “Katy, I’m thrilled to have
you home. Thank you for your honesty. Without that there’s nothing to go on. You can always trust me with anything. You know that?”

I nodded my head but felt terrible because I was keeping secrets that could make them all hate me. I had to give it to Brooks for going along with it. He had nothing to worry about, but hiding my asshole husband wasn’t exactly a normal kind of favor.

I looked out into the family room and decided to break the ice with Melissa. If we could just have a normal conversation everything would be easier.

She saw me coming and stood
up as I approached. Right away she hugged me. “I really did miss you, Katy. You know on the way here I tried to call you. I wanted to talk things out so it would be so weird at first.”

I thought about the phone that I’d purposely thrown away. “I lost my phone before we came. I haven’t replaced it yet.”

“Oh, that explains why you didn’t answer my messages.”

“Sorry about that.”

We sat down on the couch, while Branch lifted B up and pretended she was an airplane. He was making all sorts of sounds as they flew around the room.

“It’s okay. I guess you have a lot of questions. Branch said you wanted to know how long we’d been together.” She looked down at the carpet and I could tell she was ashamed
of the answer. For some reason I didn’t care anymore. It was good that Branch had someone, because he was never going to have me.

“You know what? It doesn’t even matter. You’re getting married and things are
the way they are. It’s nice to know that you two had each other.”

I could tell she started to relax more. “I love him, Katy. I really do.”

“Mel, I have a child with Brooks. It doesn’t bother me that you’re with Branch. It’s sort of weird, but I get it.”

She hugged me again. “You should probably not listen to your messages, because I may have gone into detail explaining everything.”

I laughed and became curious as to what was said, thinking that maybe Brooks and I could listen to the messages together in bed later. He liked to be entertained.

“Yeah, I will erase them,” I lied.

It was a good thing that Brooks and Walt came back when they did, because I’d already run out of things to talk about with Melissa. Every day B was becoming more attached to her father. She saw him walking in and went running for him. “Daddy.”

I
liked that she called Brooks ‘Daddy’ and Bobby had always been ‘Dada’. I wondered if she considered them to be two different things. No matter what, I was grateful that her real father was already recognized for his part in making her. I knew that as time passed there would never be a question about him not being around. She’d never know a time when he wasn’t everything to her.

Thinking about that reminded me of my father. I remembered being little and waiting at the window for him to pull in the driveway. I always knew that when dinner was cooking, he was on his way home. When I got a little older, I’d watch him pull up and run into the kitchen to make him something to drink. He’d always come in with a smile, no matter how cra
ppy his day had been. At dinner we’d talk about our day, and though mine was filled with fun and games, he’d made his job sound so interesting that even I wanted to do it.

Brooks caught me staring off into the distance and started waving. I finally came back to
reality and laughed at myself. “Sorry. I was thinking about my dad.”

He walked over and kissed me. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Branch watching us. I grabbed Brooks’ hand as he starte
d to walk away. “How’s your arm, babe?”

I never called him babe and
he’d caught on immediately. He pulled me close. “My arm’s fine, babe.”

Judging from the smirk on his face, I’d say he was amused. He kissed
me and walked back over to where B was waiting for him. She was going into the bag, trying to pull out her new swim suit. When she succeeded, she swung it around and started jumping. “Put it on. Put it on.”

Brooks scooped her up. “Let’s go get
pretty and show everyone that Daddy knows how to shop.”

I laugh
ed out loud watching them go around the corner until I heard him climbing the stairs.

While waiting for them to come back down, I started carrying everything out to the pool patio. The sun was shining and it was the perfect evening for a cook out. Branch carried all of the meat out to the grill, and although I pretended not to notice, I caught him looking at me again. It was uncomfortable, but not enough to bring up at the dinner table.

Brooks came out with our daughter in his arms. She had on a little red bikini with ruffles on the bottoms and his giant sunglasses over her eyes. With one hand on her hip, she walked up to her Grandmother, who’d just walked outside, and tapped on her leg. “Yook at me. I pwetty.”

Danica acted extremely excited, getting a reaction out of our sweet girl. She giggled and went running back t
o her father so he could scoop her back up. They walked over to me and I knew he was proud of himself. “What do you think? Is she not the cutest kid ever?”

How could I deny him the truth. “She is. You did good.”

He spun her around. “B, let’s go out and learn how to swim.”

We’d been swimming a few times already over the summer and B did well. She knew how to kick and hold her breath under water
, but she still used a little ring, more for her own confidence. I knew Brooks would have her swimming like a fish in no time at all. He was determined to go about teaching her everything possible.

I watched them going up to the pool. He was blowing up her float and took it out of his mouth to let her try to blow it. What touched me the most was watching him take that slimy mouth piece and put it up to his lips without even wiping it.

I knew it was the smallest of things, but it showed me that his love for her was unconditional. She belonged to him and somehow, already, she knew it.

Brooks pulled off the glass
es and her flip-flops and hopped into the pool before holding out his arms for her. She jumped right to him, letting out a scream when her body hit the cool water. I crossed my arms over my chest and smiled, feeling like life couldn’t be more perfect.

I
n a week’s time, everything had changed. I’d been given another chance, and even though it felt surreal, I knew it was really happening.

Danica came up and startled me when she put her hand on my shoulder. “Sorry.” She waited for me to catch my breath before she cont
inued. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to tell you that Brooks promised Dad that you’d be back for Christmas. I know it’s going to be the best holiday and if it’s okay, I’d like to spoil my granddaughter with anything her little heart desires, starting with a special piece of jewelry. If it’s okay with you, of course.”

I turned to Danica and smiled. “I try not to spoil her, but I think it’s time she discovers what it’s like to have grandparents. I’m sure she will love whatever you get her. First we need to celebrate her birthday. I’d like you to come down to the
house and stay when we have her party.”

She hugged me immediately. “Thank you, Katy. Thank you for being a good mother and allowing my son to be a part of his daughter’s life. I know you kept things from us, but I’m just so glad that he knew. I can imagine it helped him knowing that he had something to come home to when he was in
Afghanistan.”

Im
mediately I turned away, avoiding the look of shame on my face. This woman didn’t even realize how off she was. Not only had I hid it from Brooks, up until almost two weeks ago, but I’d married another man. “I’d never keep something like that from him. He knew, but he also knew he couldn’t come home to me. We spoke through letters often and when he finally came home, we were able to reconnect right away.”

ALL LIES.

I hated myself.

She grabbed my hands and made me look at her. “I’m just glad that we know now. The past doesn’t matter as long as we can all move forward. This family means everything to me.” She started crying. “You don’t understand how hard this has been for me, and for Walt. Katy, one day you were all here and then next you were gone. I didn’t know if you were okay, or if you were hurt. Every time I watched the news I prayed that you weren’t involved. For the first couple of months I didn’t even sleep. We worried and worried. Then Brooks stopped talking to everyone. We knew he was halfway around the world and there was nothing we could do about it. I’d gotten to the point where even seeing Branch was hard, because he reminded me so much of the both of you. When Brooks came home and he reached out to us, it filled some of the void, but it wasn’t until you came walking through
that door that I finally felt at peace again. Whether you marry Brooks or not is irrelevant. You’re like a daughter to me and you always have been. Nothing can ever change that. No matter how you think I’ll feel, remember that a parent doesn’t give up on their children. No matter what they do, even to each other, we love them. I will never give up on you. I love you all so much.”