Loving the Wild Card (14 page)

“Yes I’m serious.”

“My God, you really don’t get it do you?”

“Get what?”

“That he loves you. I’m talking about when someone really loves you.
When a man loves you enough to look out for your brother when doing so is to
his detriment; when he does so because he wants the best for you. I’m talking
about a man who knows that even if you are too much of a coward to admit it,
you love your brother.

Josh allowed you to leave him and stay away for all these years because
he wanted to give you time to grow up. Seven years later and nearly everything
that comes out of your mouth reminds me of a child.

It’s time for you to join the realm of adults, Lux. You remind me of me
in so many ways except one. I know Jason Kingdom is my blessing. I know without
a doubt that no one will ever love me the way he loves me. I’m about to do you
a favor. You can take it or leave it, your choice.

The woman adored by a Kingdom man has the status of a queen, and I’m not
talking about their money. I’m talking about the way they make you feel each
and every day. I’m talking about the way they care for you and those you hold
dear.

I’m saying if one of them loves you they would move heaven and earth to
keep you safe and happy. I love me some Josh, Lux, more than you know and I
refuse to hide that fact. Now it’s time for you to decide if you’re woman
enough to give him what he deserves. If the answer is no, then leave, get on
that plane you spoke about and go. Leave now because if you hurt that man one
more time, I will hurt you!”

Lux wanted to rage and scream at the smaller woman who was so secure in
her position of wife. Yet no matter how she viewed her relationship with Josh
the end always remained a blur. The women who thought nothing of coming to
their table was only a part of her uncertainty.

Aviva and Jason hadn’t experienced what she and Josh had been through
with her brother. How could she possibly know what it was like to feel so hurt
by the actions of another, and Lux told her so. The wry laugh Aviva emitted at
her question was a sound she would always remember.

“Of course, Jason and I have never walked in yours and Josh’s shoes, and
you’ve never walked in ours. Don’t be so quick to dismiss what we’ve been
through. One day, if I ever completely trust you, I’ll tell you our story. The
path that led Jason and me to where we are now is irrelevant to your story.”

With a shrug, Aviva hopped from her bar stool and looked at Lux. “How
your story ends is entirely up to the both of you. I have what I want, and I’m
going to keep it. What about you, Lux, do you have what you want?”

Aviva didn’t wait for an answer. The look she gave Lux was devoid of
expression. It was clear she’d said all she intended to when she turned and
walked away.

Chapter
15

While Jake and MacKenzie were visiting her elderly parents in Miami,
they’d succumbed to their wishes and gotten married. Although they didn’t
regret their decision, it meant they had to make Jackson happy by participating
in a post wedding reception.

Today was that day. Through the use of Josh’s credit card, Lux had a
beautiful gown and she was glad the dress had cost him a fortune.

After the disaster at the restaurant, she deliberately avoided being
alone with Josh. She knew he could have come to her room to speak to her, but
he didn’t. He always approached her when they were downstairs. She supposed
this choice was for his benefit. He wanted a conversation rather than a
confrontation.

Still too conflicted, her blank stares at his repeated attempts to talk
drove him away. After her third rebuff, he stopped seeking her out.

Everyone including Aviva was pleasant to her. Lux could tell the other
members of the family were aware of the tension between them, and she supposed
that was why they tried to include her as much as they could.

Left to her own devices, she walked along the shelves of books in the
library in an attempt to find reading matter to pique her interest. Finding
nothing she gave up and made her way to the kitchen.

Pushing open the kitchen door, Lux was surprised to find Aviva and
MacKenzie bustling around as though it were their domain. Just then Lux
remembered that due to the party the staff would be off duty until midday.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she apologized about to back
out of the kitchen.

“Girl, get your behind in here,” MacKenzie called in reaction to her
apology. “This Jamaican girl is trying to tell me that her salt fish, Ackee and
dumplings taste better than a plate of bacon and grits. I know different but
for the most part it’s better to humor island girls.”

Noticing the look of skepticism Aviva threw at her friend, Lux decided
to join in. “As a matter of fact, you’re both wrong, but if I had to give
points it would have to go to you, MacKenzie.”

“Well, thanks for the vote of confidence,” MacKenzie replied with a smug
smile.

Aviva said nothing as she stared at Lux with an incredulous look and a
hand on her hip.

“You’re welcome; my grandmother always said the best way to start the
day was with a bowl of
Pap
.”

“What’s that?” MacKenzie asked.

After she finished explaining, Aviva dropped a bag of cornmeal in front
of her.

“Girl, what are you waiting for, get cooking. I haven’t had cornmeal
porridge since I was a kid.”

“Pap!” Lux corrected.

“Different Island, different name but it still sounds like cornmeal
porridge to me,” Aviva countered. “I don’t care what you call it, the question
is; can you cook it?”

After their talk at the restaurant, it took this moment for Lux to feel
a shift in Aviva’s attitude towards her. Unable to keep a grin from spreading
across her face, she moved over to the sink to wash her hands before she
started cooking.

The women worked together even though they all good naturedly vied for
use of the stove. When they were finished, Lux was shocked at the amount of
food on the table.

“Are the men joining us?”

“Hell no, this is just for us,” MacKenzie said with a wink. “They’re out
doing manly things that translates into them hiding from getting involved in
the party planning. They
won’t be
back
for a while;
so eat up.”

Lux was amazed at the amount of food MacKenzie consumed. When a random
thought occurred to her, she asked it out loud. “Are you pregnant, MacKenzie?”

MacKenzie paused just as she was about to bite into a strip of crispy
bacon. The look that passed between MacKenzie and Aviva made her wish she’d
kept her mouth shut. There was a look of sadness in Aviva’s eyes that only
lasted for the briefest of moments, but it was no less poignant.

“Yes, I am. I’m nearly three months along.”

“Oh, Kenzie, I’m so pleased for you and Jake,” Aviva said as she got up
and hugged her friend.

“It will happen for you as well, honey, I know it will,” MacKenzie
assured a teary eyed Aviva.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Aviva asked ignoring her comment as she retook
her seat.

Lux watched on in silence as MacKenzie broke eye contact with her
friend. “With the wedding and now this party, I just thought...”

“Don’t do that MacKenzie, never do that to me. I’m first and foremost
your friend, and I will always be happy for any blessing you receive. Just
don’t lie to me, and for goodness sake, don’t pity me!”

“I don’t pit –”

“Yes, you do and I don’t appreciate it!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause–”

“There’s no need to apologize, you did nothing wrong,” Aviva assured,
looking at Lux.

“Does your choice of words mean that I did something wrong?”

“The information about your pregnancy was yours to tell, when you and
Jake thought best.”

“Stop being so damn magnanimous it doesn’t suit you!”

“Piss off you freckled face cow,” Aviva threw back.

“Oh no, you did not just go there!” MacKenzie said picking up a spoon
loaded with grits.

“Throw that and I’m going to take you out, pregnancy or no pregnancy.”

“Say sorry,” MacKenzie ordered.

“Hell no!”

“Last warning, or I’m going to cover you in...”

MacKenzie trailed off, as the spoon was snatched out of her hand. “You
ladies are way too old to be having a food fight. From what I can see, you’re
as bad as each other.” Lux told them holding the offending piece of cutlery out
of reach.

“Shut the hell up,” MacKenzie shouted, just as Aviva launched a glob of
porridge that scored a direct hit to Lux’s face.

“Does this mean I’m now initiated into the sisterhood?” She asked as she
wiped her face.

“Yes,” MacKenzie said.

“Maybe,” Aviva voiced at the same time.

Chapter
16

For Lux, the party was bittersweet. Somewhere during the proceedings it
occurred to her if she’d made different choices, she too could have what the
other wives so obviously did. A husband who adored her.

Feeling a little sorry for herself, she was surprised when Aviva and
MacKenzie approached her. When her sisters-in-law pulled her towards them and
held on to her, she couldn’t prevent the tears that pooled in her eyes.

“Don’t worry, sweet, we’ve got your back,” MacKenzie smiled as they all
swayed in time to the music.

Looking over at Aviva, Lux wasn’t surprised that she wasn’t as
forthcoming as MacKenzie.

“For the time being, you’re okay,” Aviva finally said with a cheeky
grin. “And for the record, Josh is being a complete dick. So we’ll just ignore
him. In the meantime, you can show me that move you just laid on your last
dance partner. I know Jason will like it, and you need to remember this... Josh
will love it!”

Before she could stop herself, Lux responded to Aviva.” Do you have that
on good authority?” The moment she spoke she wanted to retract her words.

“That comment is one of the reasons you and I can’t get along.” Aviva
snapped back as she stopped dancing, looked Lux up and down and walked away.

“That was low.”

“I didn’t mean it the way it came out,” Lux defended herself as she
watched Aviva depart.

“Yes you did and you know it! Let me tell you something about that
woman; she would believe anyone she loves if they told her the sky was black
and white polka dots; and yes, that includes, Josh. Keep pushing and prodding
her and you’re going to create a gulf in this family that you’ll regret.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Pulling her off the dance floor, MacKenzie found a secluded corner, and
spun her around so they were facing each other. “Neither Aviva nor I even knew
about your existence until a short while ago. If you disappeared right now, you
wouldn’t really matter that much to us. The only person who would miss your
presence is Josh.”

“Are you trying to say that you and Aviva don’t like me?”

“What I’m
saying
is that it doesn’t matter if Aviva and I like
you. What you should be asking yourself is whether Josh likes you!”

MacKenzie’s words scored a direct hit. Gripped by uncertainty, Lux bit
down on her bottom lip. Did Josh like her? She didn’t know the answer to that
question. There was no doubt he found her attractive, and at one point had
liked and loved her enough to marry her. Whether his feelings remained the
same, she honestly didn’t know.

“I can tell you don’t know the answer to that question, but it’s
important. Think about it Lux. Think about it and be brutally honest with
yourself. You want what Aviva and I have, but our husbands not only love us...
they
like
us.” Finished with what she had to say, MacKenzie left.

MacKenzie’s departure didn’t stop her words from spinning around in
Lux’s mind. Looking over to where Josh stood, it hurt more than she could have
ever imagined that he never once asked her to dance, and at the same time it
pissed her off.

If his lack of interest hadn’t affected her, she might have refused the
attention of some of the men who approached her to dance. That he stood off to
the side and watched her every move with a bored look infuriated her. Returning
to the dance floor, Lux performed a series of dance steps, each more sexy than
the last; unwilling to admit that the way she was behaving was for Josh’s
benefit.

When he finally approached her, a feeling of elation washed over her.
With each of his slow, deliberate steps, her body temperature rose.

When he took her hand, she allowed him to lead her off the dance floor
and out of the room. Their final destination was of no concern to her.

He took her to the library. A room she’d become intimately acquainted
with during her short stay at the house. Once the door closed behind them, Josh
spun her around and pinned her to the door. “You’ve been away for a while, so
I’m only going to say this once; do not test my patience because you won’t like
the consequences.”

Flicking her hair off her shoulder, Lux strove for an air of
indifference. He’d ignored her all night, and as far as she was concerned she
wasn’t about to make anything easy for him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“Really Lux. Is this how this conversation is going to play out?”

“Boy, if you have something to say, say it in plain English so I can
understand what you’re talking about. If you can’t do that, move out of my way
so I can get back to the party. As you could see, I was having a good time.”

She was pushing him but she was past caring. Who did he think he was
leaving her to her own devices all night, only to now pull her off the dance
floor and dole out reprimands?

Lux knew he hated it when she called him
boy
. In the Caribbean
just like every other part of the world, the terminology equated to a jibe if
used with the right intonation. Lux knew she should stop using it, but she was
finding it difficult after spending so many years in the Caribbean.

“Ahh, it occurs to me in the time we’ve been apart that you’ve grown
used to dealing with men that aren’t up to par.” Josh paused only long enough
to run the tips of his finger along her jaw line before he spoke again. “Don’t
worry Luxandria those days are over. I’m here now and I’m as real a man as it
gets.”

Hypnotized by the touch of his finger against her flesh, she forgot to
respond. Although a mere brush the soft stroke carried enough heat to ignite
her senses. While she enjoyed his caress, she wasn’t about to allow him to see
just how much one touch, and the deep rumble of his voice affected her.

“Boy, you better move out of my way,” Lux told him with narrowed eyes.

“You’re going to have to say that with a little more conviction for me
to believe you’re not exactly where you want to be.”

“You think being shoved up against a door is where I want to be? Please,
the boy who took me to my prom had more finesse than you.”

“Interesting, so you’re telling me that some pimple-faced youth made
your nipples harden, your words catch in your throat...” breaking off, Josh
pulled in a deep breath and grinned. “…and made you wet your panties in
arousal. I can smell you, Luxandria, and I’m barely touching you. Do you know
what a turn on that is for a man? I bet your prom date thought so as well.”

“Get away from me, Joshua Kingdom!”

“No!”

Lux was playing for time, torn between her choices. Make him pay for the
way he’d treated her all night, and what he’d just said, or give in to the way
he made her feel.

It didn’t take long to make up her mind. What sane woman on earth, who,
when faced with the man of her dreams would pass up the opportunity to elicit a
demonstration of his prowess.

“What exactly are you saying?”

“Ahh, Luxandria,” Josh laughed at her. “If you want me to
show
you what I mean, all you have to do is ask. If you want me, all you have to do
is say so.”

Lux felt the full force of his gaze. All traces of his amusement were
gone as he waited for her response. The impression of his powerful body held
her captive and that she wanted him was something she couldn’t deny. He felt
wonderful. He was the cause of all her sleepless nights, all of her dreams of
hot, hard sex. No matter how much time passed, the feel of him, the smell of
him, all of him remained an integral part of her being.

“Do you remember how we fit, Luxie? I do. How it felt when I was deep
inside you and I pulled out your moans of pleasure, as you took me deep inside
you. I remember how I watched your face as we gave each other a little part of
our souls. In those moments, there was nothing and no one standing between us.
The only thing that mattered was the love we had for each other. Do you
remember those times, Luxie?

Lux knew if she answered him honestly she would be acknowledging out
loud all she’d thrown away. With the feel of his body against hers and his
words pulling at her heart, she knew that to answer with anything other than
total honesty would be wrong.

“I remember, Josh.”

“I’m glad. I want you to hold on to that feeling. I want you to remember
that even though you may not believe it, everything I’ve done in the last eight
years has been done because I have only your best interests at heart.”

His words took a few seconds to filter through the fog of her mind. When
they did, it was as though a bucket of ice water fell on her head.

Pulling back, Lux realized he was trying to tell her something
important, but the meaning eluded her. The haze of awareness he’d woven around
her still fogged her mind.

Shaking her head, Lux tried to clear her thinking. One moment she was
exactly where she wanted to be, in her husband’s arms, and the next he was
pulling away from her.

“What’s going on, Josh?”

“Luxie.”

A voice floated around her and it didn’t come from the man who now held
her at arm’s length. She recognized the voice, how could she not. It was a
voice she’d grown up with and it belonged to the man she’d idolized for most of
her life. Even though, Josh blocked him from sight, Lux felt her breath hitch
in her chest.

Everything around her became a sort of vortex. All rational thought left
her as they fragmented and scattered; while her heart thudded out of control.
Her one lifeline was the tall man standing before her. Clutching on to him with
all her might, her nails subconsciously bit into his flesh, but he didn’t make
a sound.

Regaining a little control, she looked up at Josh and shook her head.
She didn’t want to believe that he’d done this to her. That he’d brought her
into his home and blindsided her this way.

“No!” Lux shouted into the silence as she fought to make sense of what
was happening.

“Lux, please give us a chance to explain,” Josh whispered.

“No! Get away from me. Both of you get away from me. I hate you! I hate
all of you,” as she spoke, her head turned from side to side, looking for an
escape route. Wrenching away from Josh and in her confusion she moved further
into the room.

Catching sight of her brother, she quickly turned her back on him and
moved towards the patio doors, he had no doubt just come through.

“Lux,” Josh called.

She spun around at the sound of his voice, but didn’t stop her retreat.
Each backward step she took, Josh followed, tracking her with a blank
expression. He was frightening her. As imperceptibly as she could manage, Lux
reached behind her body, her finger searching for the handle of the door. If she
was lucky and Josh didn’t realize what she was doing, she could get away.

As her fingers touched the coldness of the metal, she gripped it and
slowly turned. The sound of the mechanism releasing was her clue to move
quickly. In a rush, Lux ripped open the door. She only managed to crack it open
before it slammed shut.

She could feel his presence surrounding her, hemming her in. Refusing to
look at him, she pressed her back against the glass paneled door as tremors
overtook her.

“Please don’t be like this, Lux. Please don’t act as though you’re
afraid of me,” Josh whispered, his voice coming
from somewhere a
bove her
head.
He was so close “It would break my
heart if you ever thought I would do you harm or allow any harm to come to
you.”

“Then let me out of this room!”

“I can’t do that, Luxie. It’s time you stopped running away. It’s time
for you to grow up and face what’s going on around you.”

Lux knew he was right. From the minute she saw him standing in her
island home, she understood her life was about to change; that her past had
finally caught up with her.

Resisting his attempts to move her away from the door, Lux stiffened her
body. He was so much stronger than her but still she resisted. Without exerting
much strength, Josh used gentle pressure to pull her further into the room.
Although his massive frame blocked all sight of her brother, all her senses
were on full alert.

“I need you to trust me, Lux.”

“Well, I don’t trust you, I will never trust you again,” Lux promised
through tight lips.

Josh’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. Rather they reflected regret.
Positive her words were the cause, she only just managed not to withdraw them.

Moments later, his expression changed. Gone was the look of remorse, in
its place was steely determination staring back at her from his green eyes.

“Never is a long time, Lux.”