Loving the Wild Card (24 page)

“What was that for,” Lux asked.

“You have a lot to learn about your husband.”

“Leave it, Sam,” Rachel warned.

“Not a chance, he threw that out there and I want him to back it up!”
Lux demanded.

“Ask your husband, not me.”

“I should toss you out on your ass,” Josh threatened.

“Accuse me of whatever you like, but I don’t want to hear you taunting
my husband again!”

When she looked at Josh, he looked so pleased she felt as though she’d
missed something. “What?”

“Nothing,” he assured with a smirk and a wave of his hand. “You’re doing
really well, please continue.”

Now she just wanted to pop him in the nose to get rid of the smug look
on his damn face.

“What else do you want to say to me, Sam and why now?”

At his wife’s urging, he looked back at her and Lux knew she was about
to get confirmation of what before now were only speculation and hearsay.

“After today, we may never see each other again, Lux.”

The moment his words registered, her heart gave such a powerful thud and
she gasped in a breath. Lux felt like a complete fake. Now that he was the one
making the decision to leave her life, she was stunned and afraid.

“What does he mean, Josh?” Lux asked her husband unable to risk a
response she might not want to hear from her brother.

“I don’t know, baby. Why don’t we let him finish.”

Clutching on to Josh’s hand, Lux gave thought to what Sam was about to
say. That was when she knew the prospect of forever was too final and something
she was unwilling to contemplate.

Chapter
26

“After Dad died, I know I went off the tracks, and with hindsight, I
would do it all differently. I made my mistakes Lux, and I stand behind them. I
hope in some small way that I’ve made amends for some of the things I’ve done.”

“Don’t speak in circles, Sam. I don’t know what you’re talking about and
I really want to. I want to be able to forgive my brother for the things I’ve
been told he’s done over the years.”

“Told by who, Lux?”

“That doesn’t matter. I want to hear what you have to say.”

“Who Lux?”  Sam reiterated with a steeliness behind his demand for
an answer.

Knowing her continued refusal to reveal her sources served no purpose,
she told him. “First off it was by one of the kids in our old neighborhood.
Raymond Harris was his name. He took great pleasure in taunting me about what
you got up to. I didn’t believe him at first, but I watched and listened. I
even followed you a couple of times and I saw what he said was true.

Those cops, Saunders, and Bonetti, when they came to our home that was
the last straw. Until their visit, I didn’t think I really understood how deep
you were in. I knew you operated outside of the law and I couldn’t respect
that. What they told me was worse than anything I could ever have imagined.
They said you killed a woman and a cop.

Right now, whatever you tell me, I’ll believe. I want to believe in you
again Sam.” Lux knew her plea sounded as though she was begging and she didn’t
care. She wanted an assurance that her brother wasn’t the monster those
detectives made him out to be.

“Why now, why not eleven years ago? Why not after our mother died? Why
are you willing to believe anything I have to say now?”

“Because, three times in a very short period of time, I caught a glimpse
of the young man I grew up with. The loving brother who took care of me, and
had the power to eradicate all my hurts. You see, I remember my hero, the one
person who used to completely understand me. Now I want to know what happened
to him. I need an explanation that tells me what turned my brother into a killer!”

By the time, she finished speaking tears were running down her cheeks.
All the hurt surrounding their father and mother’s death and his absence
throughout it all finally found an outlet.

“I’m sorry, Luxie.”

His words were so simple, for a moment she wanted to throw them back in
his face. But she knew he was trying. In his own way, he too had suffered as
much as she. Yet she still didn’t understand his actions, and she needed to if
she were to finally move on; so she reconsidered her response.

“What are you sorry for, Sam?” Lux asked. Because of his momentary
hesitation, she decided to offer him the courtesy of allowing his words to
unfold as they would.

“I loved our father but I didn’t respect him. Not because he was a weak
man but because he took on the responsibility of a family and then turned his
back on us.

By the time I was thirteen, he’d more or less checked out. You were
little more than a baby and you adored him.” Sam looked up at his sister and
smiled. “I think every little girl’s first love should be her father. I wanted
that for you Luxie. I wanted it so much that I did things I shouldn’t have
because I wanted you and mom to retain that status quo you spoke about.”

“I don’t remember.”

“You were so young, I don’t expect you to.” Sam paused for a while, a
glazed look in his eyes.

Memories, Lux thought. Whether the recall was of pleasure or pain, she
didn’t know.

“Do you remember the last time we were all together in Trinidad, Lux; I
was sixteen almost seventeen so that would have made you around seven.” Sam
broke off and looked at his sister. “Do you have memories of being that age?”

“Yes, I remember that our grandparents wanted our parents to leave us
with them and there was a big fight.”

“That’s right; I guess the fight was my fault. Our grandfather asked me
if I was okay and I told the truth. I said, no. I told him our father wasn’t
taking care of us. I said, he’d lost one job after the other because he felt he
shouldn’t have to take orders from
snot-nosed kids
, as he called them.

I told him our father’s way out was to start his own business. Nothing
wrong with that, if he hadn’t borrowed money from the wrong people to pay off
the money he borrowed from the bank.”

“Oh for God’s sake,” Lux interjected. “Our father wasn’t a fool so stop
trying to give that impression!”

“You’re right, our father wasn’t a fool, he was much worse. He was a
dreamer.”

“Are you trying to tell me you considered your family when you became
the man you are today?” Lux asked in defense of their father.

“Believe it or not, Lux, you and our mother were not my responsibility
that was dad’s job.”

Lux suddenly found she was losing patience with him again, and she was
over keeping that fact to herself. It was all well and good others telling her
she didn’t listen, but when she felt she was hearing a pile of crap, it was
difficult to hold her tongue.

“Well, which is it, one minute you say you felt the need to look after
us, and the next, we weren’t your responsibility. Got to tell ya, Sammy, I’m a
little confused.” Breaking off, Lux imbued her eyes with as much irritation as
she could manage before continuing. “In my humble opinion, you’re just talking
around what you really have to say, so much so, you’re getting on my nerves!”

Lux had no idea why Josh took that moment to drop his chin to his chest.
Out there in the big bad world, her brother might be a force to be reckoned
with, but she would always
call him on his shit.
She didn’t care if he took exception to it.
Taking pity on Josh, she gave his leg a pat in reassurance before returning her
attention to her brother.

“You’re a piece of work, do you know that, Luxandria?”

“So I’ve been told and I’m not about to change perfection!”

Josh’s bark of laughter at the irreverence of her words went some way in
alleviating the tension taking over the room.

With a shake of his head, Sam continued. “I had to make a choice, get
dad out of his hole or stick around and look after you and mom. Well, I chose
the hustle. I got him out of his, shall we say mess, in exchange for him taking
care of you guys. I sold my soul for him and he repaid me by killing himself.”

“What did you just say?!”

“Lux–” Josh attempted to intervene.

“No! He’s a liar. My father did not take his own life, he wouldn’t do
that!” Springing to her feet, Lux rushed her brother, as though making physical
contact with him would be cause enough for him to retract the words.

Josh intercepted her even though Sam took no action to defend himself.

“Let go of me because I’m going to make sure he takes that back!” Lux
screamed still looking at her brother.

“It’s the truth and I have nothing to take back. Grow up, Lux. You need
to stop running away and hiding from the truth, and if that fails, running your
mouth. Our father was a coward and rather than face the mess he’d created of
his life, he chose the easy way out. Our father committed suicide, so deal with
it!”

Deep down she knew he spoke the truth but was reluctant to admit it out
loud. Their father’s death had been the start of whispers and abruptly ceased
conversations whenever she was near. There were also the looks of pity passed
her and her mother’s way.

Their midnight move from their large house in the middle of the night
even before they buried her father. It all fit. The way her mother answered her
questions told her something didn’t add up. More often than not the reply she
got when she asked about her father’s death was his passing was too painful to
talk about. After a while, she’d just stopped asking and compartmentalized her
misgivings.

Pulling away from Josh, she put space between them all. Unable to
comprehend how a person could take their own life, Lux struggled to understand
the level of despair her father must have felt. Even though, her heart was
breaking, she needed to hear everything. Unwilling to dwell on his actions for
too long she chose to move on. “Okay, I’ll deal with what he did in my own way.
What else do you have to say to me?”

“For God’s sake, Lux, I’m trying to make amends here!”

“So make it!”

“What are you judging me for, Lux?”

“How about for being a murderous bastard, is that a good enough starting
point for you?”

“Everything is just so black and white for you isn’t it Lux. Well, I’m
here to tell you that there’s a whole world out there you know nothing about,
little girl. A world I hope you never know anything about, and if you doubt me,
ask your husband.”

“What are you talking about,” turning to Josh, Lux intercepted the look
of anger he shot Sam’s way. “What is he talking about, Josh?”

“Sam,” Rachel broke in. “Stop this.”

“No, if she wants to sit in judgment of me, she should know what her
husband is capable of.”

“My wife can ask me any question she likes later on. At that time, I’ll
answer with complete honesty. As for right now, if you don’t finish saying what
you have to, I’m going to show you what I’m capable of!”

Lux was stunned at Sam’s inference that Josh was involved in his world.
She’d always known he carried an air of danger about him, but she refused to
believe he was anything like her brother.

“I know you would much rather believe the worse of me but I’m not all
bad, Lux. I’ve paid my dues and I’ve made amends. You’re the final part of my
attempt at closing this chapter of my life.”

“Consider it closed because I have to tell you that I’ve never been
involved in a conversation where so much has been said to so little effect!
Next thing I know you’re going to be telling me you work for the CIA.”

The silence that overtook the room had Lux looking around in concern.
When everyone erupted into laughter, she finally released her held breath.

“You’re something else, Ms. Luxandria,” Sam laughed as he rose to his
feet. “We’re leaving because you’re right, this conversation is going nowhere.
I’m going to take Josh up on his suggestion of filling you in on what you need
to know.” Turning to his wife, Sam held out his hand. When she took it, he
pulled her to her feet.

“That’s it, you’re just going to leave?” Lux asked her brother, feeling
her anxiety levels spike while she waited for his response.

“I thought that was what you wanted.”

“Well, I changed my mind, so sit your backside down and let’s finish
this conversation.” There was no real steam in her demand; rather, there was an
underlying plea that he take up her suggestion.

“What’s really bothering you, Lux? Is it the fact that you can’t get
your way? Or is it that you may never see me again?”

Surprised at how quickly he’d managed to hone in on her concern that
this might be her last opportunity to speak with him, she knew the time for
complete honesty was now. “Will I see you again?”

“I honestly don’t know, little girl. I still have a way to go. If I’m
lucky, I’ll see my baby sister again.”

Lux felt as though her world were falling apart. She’d wasted so many
years holding grudges against him. Yet, faced with the prospect of never seeing
him again or harm coming to him was more than she could stand.

When or how she moved, she would never know. All she knew was that her
arms were around him and she was hugging him close.

“I’m a cold hearted witch and I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you,
and for all the horrible things I’ve said. I take them all back and I’m now a
much better person.”

The sound of his laughter came as something of a shock. Here she was
baring her soul to him and he was chuckling.

“What is so funny, Samuel?” She demanded pushing back but not letting
him go.

“You!”

Releasing him, Lux took a step back and folded her arms across her
chest. She didn’t know it, but her stance and the tap of her foot belied her
words of only moments before.

“Luxie, you have got to be one of the most difficult women I have ever
dealt with, but I love you.”

“Of course you do. I love you too and you better make sure nothing bad
happens to you, or her,” Lux said tossing her head in Rachel’s direction. “I
don’t know her, but I want to, okay?”

“Okay,” Sam replied, all traces of amusement gone. Turning to Josh, who
had remained silent throughout their exchange, he held out his hand. “My sister
is a very contrary woman. She was like it as a child and nothing’s changed. So,
I wish you well if you decide to keep her.”

“Decide to keep–”

“Yeah, I’m going to keep her. But don’t worry about me; I know how to
keep Luxandria in line!”

Lux thought about calling Josh on his arrogance but recognized the
moment for what it was;
an opportunity to assure her brother that she
would be well looked after.