Loving the Wild Card (23 page)

“I first met Rachel when she came to this country and informed me of,
how shall I put this delicately... the intentions of some unscrupulous men
towards your family.”

“I see, well again, you have my appreciation.” With that, Jackson
released his hand.

It was then Josh realized the night was going to be even longer than
he’d anticipated.

Chapter
25

Lux didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle, but she understood enough.
She was pleased that her brother had been in a position to offer assistance to
the Kingdom family. Yet, at the same time, it reinforced all her misgivings
about him.

The world Sam inhabited was dark and treacherous and she wanted no part
of it. After her husband’s admission and Jackson’s ready acceptance, she was at
a loss. What truly disturbed her was the way not one other member of the
Kingdom family showed any concern as to the type of people her brother and
sister-in-law appeared to be.

By their lack of reaction, Lux realized she was probably the only person
in the room who thought what, and who Sam was, was reprehensible.

Done with the whole situation, she decided to leave. It wasn’t her house
so she couldn’t demand Sam and Rachel leave, but she didn’t have to stay in the
room a moment longer.

“Why are you leaving, Lux?” Jackson’s question stopped her exit. If the
question had come from anyone else, she would have ignored it and kept walking.
Sick of holding her tongue, she decided to leave no one in any doubt as to her
feelings.

“I’m getting out of here because I can’t stand to be in the same room as
that man. Every piece of misfortune that’s come my way has directly or
indirectly been attributed to him,” she spat out, giving Sam a scornful glance.

“Will you at least give me a chance to explain, Lux,” Sam asked.

Taken aback by the raw emotion of his request, she hesitated but only
for a moment. Too used to her feelings towards her brother, she pushed away the
small part of her that wanted to listen to what he had to say. Turning her back
on his request should be answer enough.

“For God’s sake, Lux, the least you can do is listen!” Josh snapped.

Not liking the way he spoke to her, she spun around to respond.
Expecting looks of accusation at her stubbornness, she saw instead expressions
of understanding. Momentarily thrown, her thoughts warred as to her best course
of action. In the end, she decided to allow Sam his say.

Refusing to move any further into the room, Lux placed her back against
the door and regarded her brother. “I’m listening.”

“When my...” Sam looked at his sister before continuing; coming closer
to her, he said, “When our father died, I suppose I went even further off
track. I knew what I was doing, but somehow I couldn’t seem to break away.”

“For starters, that’s a lie,” Lux broke in. “You didn’t want to leave
that lifestyle. If you wanted to, you would have when your mother begged you
to!”

“It’s not that simple, Lux,” Sam attempted to defend himself.

“For me, it’s that simple. You broke our mother’s heart. She always told
me the way you lived would kill you, but she was wrong, it killed her!”

“For God’s sake, Lux, will you stop saying that!”

“Why should I, it’s the truth. Does hearing the truth hurt, Sam?”

“Yes, it hurts,” Sam shot back. “Are you satisfied now? I admit it; I
broke my mother’s heart. Does it make you happy to hear me say it out loud?”

“Nothing about this situation makes me happy. If fact, being around you
and your disgusting lifestyle makes me extremely unhappy and killing our mother
makes me hate you!” She all but screamed at him.

“That’s enough, Lux,” Josh intervened.

“No, it’s not,” Lux shouted, transferring her anger to him. “I told you
I didn’t want anything to do with him, but you wouldn’t listen. The only reason
I’m back here is because of him and the decisions he’s made. And you’re no
better; your association with him condones his behavior and that make you–”

“That is enough, Lux!”

The crack of the older man’s voice was so sudden; her mouth remained
open even as her diatribe abruptly ended.

“Young lady,” Jackson began speaking once he had her full attention. “I
cannot vouch for your brother, but my son is not the man you purport him to be.
My son is an honorable man and you will remember that. I realize you’re upset,
but I ask that you try to calm down. From my knowledge of you, therein lies
your worse fault.”

Lux gave him a dubious look but remained quiet. God knows her faults
were many; so there was no way she was going to commit herself to one he wasn’t
talking about.

“By that I mean your self-righteousness. It seems to me, this tendency
of yours arises whenever you don’t want to hear something that may differ from
your belief. Why don’t you try
listening
before you dispense judgment!”

“I–”

“Do not think of arguing with me, Luxandria!”

Looking around the room, Lux wondered if they all felt the same way
about her. From their expressions they probably did; and she wondered when she
had turned into such a stubborn, unmovable woman.

“Josh...” breaking off, she didn’t know how to complete the sentence and
looked down at the floor in embarrassment.

“It’s okay, Luxie,” Josh said from by her side. How he had moved so
quickly and silently, she didn’t know. “He doesn’t often bark but when he does
it’s for a reason. He’s right though; it’s time for you to listen. You may just
find that what Sam has to say is what you’ve been waiting to hear.”

Bending, he gave her a quick kiss before taking her hand to lead her to
a seat. When she glanced around, she was surprised to see looks of
encouragement from the women; she even received a wink from Jason.

“Okay, I’m listening,” Lux said after drawing in a deep breath.

“When our father died a lot of things came to light,” Sam paused and
looked over at Lux as though waiting for her to interrupt. When she remained
quiet, he continued. “He was a good man Lux, but he wasn’t a brilliant
provider.”

Everything within her screamed that she counter his statement. Both she
and her mother had wanted for nothing, so she didn’t know where his story was
going.

“I can guess what you’re thinking; there were always presents for
birthdays and Christmas. We always went back to Trinidad at least every other
year, mostly for Carnival.” Holding her gaze, Sam said his next words with a
truth Lux couldn’t ignore. “Those gifts came from mom and me. The man was so
lost in his own world he didn’t even remember your birthday.”

“I don’t bel...” Breaking off, Lux realized she was about to do exactly
what she had just been accused of. Instead, she swallowed her denial and raised
her chin to indicate that he continue.

Leaning forward in his seat, Sam looked at his sister and smiled. With
that one small movement of his facial muscles, the older brother who, in the
past had always looked after her so well was back.

When she was young, no matter what, Sam was always there to dust off her
knees or pull her out of a scrap. Even if she was the one running her mouth, he
always took her side.

As her mind wandered, she realized the only comparison she had of the
way he treated and took care of her, wasn’t their father, but Josh. They were
similar in so many ways; she was momentarily thrown as she looked between them.

“Hang in there Luxie, I know it’s hard but you need to hear this, baby.”
The sound of his voice whispering in her ear caused her threatening tears to
pool in her eyes. Lifting her limp hand, Josh pressed a kiss against her palm
and held on to her hand.

“Luxie, I loved you and mom, but I was just a kid looking to help my
dad. I needed his support, but he couldn’t give it and I ended up doing things
I shouldn’t have.

The day before he died, I confronted him. I told him he was a piss poor
excuse for a husband and father, and that he should get the fuck out of our
lives because I was tired of mom and me looking after his grown ass. I never
thought he was going to take me so literally.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Sam,” Rachel intervened rubbing his back for
comfort.

“I know that, but if I could take back the words of my final
conversation with him, I would do it. I’d say, ‘I
understand, dad’. I’d
say it because I now know how much the circumstances of our lives shape us. I
finally know how difficult it is to drum up enough courage to blindly step off
a path into the unknown when we’re lost.”

“I know honey, that’s why we’re here, we’re going to do it together,”
Rachel reassured him.

Lux watched their interaction and it broke her heart a little. She
didn’t know Rachel’s story, but for her and Sam to have found each other, and
from what the others said, she had an idea they inhabited the same world.

“Our father owed a lot of money. In the beginning, he was a viable
candidate for the loans he received from the bank. By the time I was thirteen,
I became aware of the escalated arguments between our parents. Then I started
noticing that furniture was disappearing from the house, and mom wore her
jewelry less frequently.

By the time you started school, mom had a part-time job that she tried to
hide. I didn’t understand why she didn’t want anyone to know. I remember her
saying some nonsense about,
keeping shame from our door
. Damn, Caribbean
people say the stupidest things sometimes!” Sam shook his head as though
recalling his feelings at her words.

“It’s not stupid at all,” Aviva broke into the conversation for the
first time. “My mother was the same way. They sometimes say things in such an
unsophisticated way we sometimes miss the point. It’s about maintaining the
status quo, especially for what one has worked hard to acquire.”

“Our mother was a homemaker for God’s sake!” Sam argued.

Lux saw Jason pull himself up from a reclining position as though he
were preparing himself to wade into the conversation. The rub of his wife’s
hand on his thigh seemed to stop whatever he was about to say, but he
maintained a watchfulness that surprised Lux. He appeared to be ready to pounce
if he didn’t like Sam’s tone.

“It seems to me, Samuel that you may want to take a moment and
reevaluate that statement,” Aviva proposed.

Lux couldn’t help smiling as it appeared to her that Aviva wasn’t that
dissimilar to her when it came to voicing her opinions.

“It was pride, pure and simple. Our lives were falling apart and all she
was concerned about was what people would say if she couldn’t keep up with
them!”

“You could be right, I didn’t know your mother, but demeaning her
efforts as a stay at home mom, or for wanting the best for her and her children
isn’t fair
. Let me ask you a question, when your mother met your father,
was she just sitting on her arse waiting for a meal ticket or
was she making her own way in life?”

“Her family was well off but she worked,” Sam admitted.

“Like I said, I didn’t know her, but it seems to me she brought
something to the marriage. From what you’ve said so far, she was a good mother
and when things went wrong, she didn’t cave in, she went out and found a job to
contribute to the household. Plus, she looked after the home, seems to me she
was doing her share.”

“Are you a housewife, Aviva, is that what this is all about?” Sam asked
in a mocking tone.

“For a moment there, I’d move half a notch up from kicking your ass to
not giving a shit about you. That’s gone now and I’m only going to warn you
once, be careful how you speak to my wife,” Jason warned.

“That’s enough, all of you,” Jackson broke in.

Lux didn’t know if she could sit through hours of this unfolding story.
Sam obviously had something he wanted to say, and she finally wanted to hear
it. But there were too many people in the room.

It seemed that Jackson was of the same mind. “I don’t think this is
getting us anywhere. Why don’t we leave Lux and her side of the family to
conduct this conversation alone?”

Nobody said a word but the twins jumped to their feet almost before
Jackson finished speaking. Grabbing hold of their wives hands they exited the
room so quickly, Lux couldn’t understand why they hadn’t left before.

Jackson was a lot more dignified in his leave-taking as he took the time
to offer her a smile. It was then she recalled the words that accompanied his
suggestion.
Her side of the family
. Lux felt a spark inside, this was
the first time the older man had acknowledged her as family.

“Why did they stay?” Lux asked Josh when only the four of them remained.

“In case we needed them.”

“We, don’t you mean you.”

“No, I mean, we. You’re my wife so that means you have two more brothers
and two additional sisters-in-law.”

“They don’t even like me!” Lux scoffed.

“They like you well enough. But even if they didn’t, it wouldn’t matter;
my father and brothers would protect you with their lives.”

Lux thought his choice of words a little peculiar and called him on it.
“Are they going to have to protect me, Josh?”

“Umm, probably not,” Josh stuttered. “But who can say what the future
holds.” He finished with a lame smile.

The snort that came from across the room pulled her attention. Her
brother was now sitting back in his seat as though with the exit of the others,
he was much more at ease.