Loving You (The Jade Series #3) (31 page)

I finally speak. “I want a list.”

“A list of what?”

“A list of everyone you’ve slept with. I don’t want any more surprises.”

He shakes his head as he folds his arms across his chest. “No. Forget it. That won’t help. It’ll just make it worse.”

“You asked me what I wanted and I’m telling you. I want a list. Write it up tonight and give it to me tomorrow.”

“I promise you, Jade. It won’t make you feel any better. You’ll be even more pissed off than you are right now.”

“Why? Do I know any of the girls on this list?” He doesn’t answer, which infuriates me even more. “I’m not going out with you again until you give me the list.”
 

My heart is pounding in my chest and my brain is screaming at me to stop this. To take a minute to think about what I’m asking. But all rational thought goes to hell when I’m this angry. The old Jade comes creeping back, the one who trusts no one and will do anything to just make these feelings go away. And she refuses to listen to the part of me that knows this is wrong.

Garret stands there, not saying a word. He’s just looking at me with such intensity that it’s like he’s trying to get in my head and force me to change my mind.
 

When I don’t back down, he storms out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
 

The next day Garret avoids me, which is good because we both need to cool off before seeing other again. After dinner, I go to Harper’s room to tell her the Ava story. She’s been staying with Sean since all this happened so I haven’t been able to talk to her until now.

“So he slept with her,” Harper says. “He was 15. Guys are like animals at that age. They don’t think about anything but sex. And once they get it, they’ll take it from anyone. If Ava offered it to him, I’m not surprised he did it with her, especially if he was drunk at the time.”

“But he didn’t tell me about it! I’m almost more angry about that than the fact that he slept with her. Wouldn’t you be mad if Sean didn’t tell you about his past like that?”

“No. I don’t want to know about the other girls he’s been with. And I don’t want him knowing about the guys I’ve been with. It’s the past. It doesn’t matter.”

“Ava’s not the past. She’s acting like she’s back with Garret. And if I wasn’t around, she probably would be.”

“Garret’s not interested in her. You know that, Jade. You also know that he loves you more than anything. So you need to stop being mad at him about this and just let it go.”

There’s a knock on the door and she gets up to answer it. Garret is standing there holding a piece of paper that’s been folded in half.
 

“Ready to talk?” His voice lacks any kind of emotion and I don’t know how to interrupt that. His body is angled in the direction of my room like he wants to hurry up and get this over with, or more likely just leave and not do this at all.
 

I hesitate, but Harper gives me her talk-to-him-or-else look, so I get up and Garret and I go back to my room.
 

We stand next to my desk and he offers me the piece of paper. As I take it, he holds onto it. “You sure you want to do this?”

I don’t answer, because truthfully I’m not sure. This was probably a really stupid request and I’m sure I’ll regret it later. But knowing that doesn’t stop me from taking the sheet of paper.
 

I unfold it and find a long list of names. I quickly count them. Sixteen. He’s been with 16 girls, not counting me.
 

My stomach knots as I review the names. Ava is third on the list and was also the third girl he slept with. I wonder if the whole list is chronologically ordered. How would he even remember the order? Sixteen girls? That’s a lot to remember. As I scan the names I don’t recognize any of them except Ava. Until I spot the very last name on the list. Sadie Sinclair. My half sister.

I drop the sheet of paper on my desk. “That’s a lot.”

“You feel better now?” Garret’s tone is a mix of anger and annoyance but mostly anger.

“No. You were right. I feel worse.”

He walks past me to the door. “Let me know when this is over, Jade.” He leaves, shutting the door behind him.

I’m not sure what just happened. Or what Garret meant just now. Let him know when it’s over? When what’s over? Our fight? Or us?

Shit! What did I just do? Did I just destroy our relationship? Over Ava? Over that list? Why did I even ask for it? Why does it matter? Harper was right. It’s the past. Garret’s with
me
now, not Ava. Not any of the girls on that list.
 

I pick up the piece of paper and notice that some of the girls don’t have last names. Garret was probably too drunk to even remember their last names. Like he said, he was a different person back then. So why am I so obsessed with the Garret I never knew when the Garret I know and love is right here?
 

My eyes stop and stare at the last name on the list. Sadie Sinclair. I assumed he had sex with her, but this just confirms it. Did I really need to know that? What Garret said is true. Knowing this doesn’t help. It hurts. He’s mine now and it hurts knowing that he’s been with these other girls. So why the hell did I demand to know about them?

The next couple days go by and I don’t hear anything from Garret. Not a phone call. Not a text. I don’t even see him in the dining hall. The ball is in
my
court now and he’s waiting for me to do something, but for some reason I don’t.
 

The longer we go without talking the more stubborn I get. He’s the one who walked out on me and left me wondering what he meant with those cryptic last words. So the ball should be in
his
court. He should be coming to me.

Harper disagrees and lectures me at dinner Thursday night. “Jade, you’ve gotta end this. Just go up to his room and talk it out.”
 

“I can’t. I don’t know what to say. And why should I have to apologize for making him tell the truth? He should trust me enough to be honest with me.”

“Yeah, and he
was
honest and look what happened. You’re miserable.”

“But what if this is a pattern? Think about all that stuff last semester that he didn’t tell me.”

“So you’ve never kept things from him? You’ve told him everything about your past?”

“Well, no. Not everything.” Actually I’ve told him very little about my past, mainly because I don’t want him feeling sorry for me.

“Then you’re not being fair. You can’t expect him to do things you aren’t willing to do yourself. That’s selfish. And immature.”

“What the hell, Harper? Why are you sticking up for him instead of me?”

“I’m just calling you on your shit because you’re obviously too stubborn to admit when you’re wrong. You never should’ve asked for that list. And you shouldn’t be punishing him for stuff he did years ago, before he even met you. Garret’s done a lot for you, Jade, and I don’t think you’re treating him very well.”

“He lied to me about Ava! All those times he could’ve told me—”

“And if he’d told you, what would’ve changed? Nothing! He’d still be with you, not her. He didn’t tell you about Ava, or any of those other girls, because he didn’t want you to feel the way you feel right now. And I respect him for that.”

I stand up from the table and grab my tray. “I don’t need a lecture. You’re my friend and you’re supposed to take my side, not his.”

It’s our first official friend fight. Now I’m fighting with Garret and Harper, my two closest friends and it all started with Ava and that stupid reality show.
 

As much as I hate to admit it, I know Harper’s right. Everything she said is true. And knowing that makes me even more angry—not at Garret, or Harper, but at myself. I ruined something great, something beyond great, something I never thought I’d have, and now I don’t know if I’ll get it back.
 

Even if Garret and I get past this, I’ll still have that list in my head. I’ll still know he slept with all those girls. I’ll see their names in my head. I’ll think of him with Ava. And Sadie. I can’t go back and erase all that. It’ll be stuck in my brain forever. I guess that’s my punishment for asking for that stupid list.
 

It’s 6:30, and even though it’s the last thing I feel like doing, I have to meet Carson again to review the comments we got back on our outline. Tonight I’m meeting him in a study room that was open in his dorm.
 

“Hey, Jade. Did you have a chance to look at the comments yet? I was just reading through—”

“Let’s get out of here.” I wait at the door with my coat on.

“And go where? The library? We didn’t reserve a room.”

“Let’s just go to a coffee shop or some other place in town.”
 

He gets up, surprised. “Yeah, okay. There’s that coffee shop just a couple miles from here that has tables to plug in the laptops. We can go there.”
 

“That’s fine. I don’t really care where we go.”
 

He stuffs his laptop in his messenger bag and we walk out to the parking lot. “What’s wrong? You seem upset.”
 

“Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get off campus. It really sucks not having a car.”

“I’m sure Garret would you let you borrow his. Unless he’s one of those guys who doesn’t like other people driving his car. If he is, then you can borrow mine.”

Carson has a red Jeep that looks brand new, just like every other car on this campus. He opens the door for me. Yep, it’s new. The new car smell hits me as soon as I step inside.

When we get to the coffee shop, I find us a seat at one of the long tables with outlets.

Carson gets in line. “Jade, what do you want?” He yells it back at me.

“Just a glass of water.” Has he not heard that I’m poor? Surely someone at this school has told him about my background by now.
 

“Come on. It’s on me. Do you like lattes?”

“I’ve never had one. I usually just get coffee.” By “usually” I mean the one and only time I’ve ever ordered something at this place. Harper goes here all the time and sometimes I go with her but I don’t order anything. Two bucks for a small coffee? I don’t think so.
 

Carson comes back with two large cups. “Here. Try it. It’s a caramel latte. Kerry loves these. I think they’re too sweet, but see what you think.”

I take a sip. “I like it. It’s almost like dessert.”

“Yeah. Way too sweet for me.” Carson gets his laptop out, smiling like he’s thrilled that I agreed to go somewhere with him. Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested this. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. Even though he’s dating Kerry, sometimes he says things that make it seem like he’s interested in me.

“So are you still okay with writing the first draft of the paper?” I ask as I turn
 
my laptop on.

“Yeah. I’ll probably start it tomorrow so you can review it on Saturday.”

“Sounds good.”

We go over the comments we got back on our outline. A half hour into our discussion, my phone rings and I check to see who’s calling. It’s Garret. I actually feel nervous seeing his name pop up on the screen. Nervous but also ecstatic that he’s calling me again. This silent treatment has only lasted a few days, but I miss him so much I haven’t been able to think about anything else. Now I totally regret letting this go on for so long. I should’ve talked to him days ago and ended this fight that never should’ve started.

“I need to get this,” I tell Carson. I take my coat and walk outside.
 

“Garret, I—”

“Jade, where are you?” He’s talking fast, almost frantic.

“I’m at a coffee shop. Why?”

“Lilly’s missing. Katherine can’t find her and I’m going over there to help. Can you come with me and look for her?”

“What do you mean she’s missing?”

“She was in her room and when Katherine went to get her for dinner she was gone. There were some maintenance guys there around that same time and Katherine is freaking out. She can’t find Lilly anywhere and she thinks they
 
might’ve taken her.”

“Did she call the police?”

“You know we don’t involve them in stuff like this. Anyway I told Katherine I’d search the back woods. I don’t think Lilly would go out there by herself, but I have to at least look. Can you help?”

“Of course. Whatever you need.”

“Which coffee shop? I’m in the car on Fifth and Main.”

“I’m at Last Cup. It’s right after the gas station.”

“Yeah, I know where it is.”

We hang up and I hurry back inside. “Sorry, Carson, but I have to go. Garret’s sister, Lilly, is miss—” I cut myself off, shoving my laptop in my backpack and hoping he didn’t hear what I said.

“His sister is what? Missing?”

I smile. “She’s missing her favorite stuffed bear. She won’t sleep without it. I told Garret I’d go help him find it.”

Carson gives me a strange look. I know he doesn’t believe me. “Can’t his parents find her bear?”