Lucas: The Hunter Brothers Series (19 page)

“I’m
just trying to tell Dexter that I’ll buy him a new bike if his mummy comes to
talk to me,” he shouted at the top of his lungs. Too late, Dexter had heard it
too. He had to be kidding me; I would never hear the end of it now.

“The
man’s a genius,” laughed Chas as I shut the window trying to calm down an
extremely excited Dex who was screeching, “Please Mummy, please talk to the
nice man,” over and over again. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kill him or kiss
him right now, but either way Dex would make my ears bleed with pestering if I
didn’t get down there.

“Go,”
Chas smiled at me. “Just talk to him and give him a chance to explain,” she
said. “Stay out if you need to. I’m off tonight and I’ll sort Dex tomorrow,”
she said, having clearly had a change of heart about Lucas and I couldn’t help
but notice she was texting someone.

“Who’s
that?” I asked as she shut her phone suspiciously and I didn’t need to be a
genius to guess. Charlie. Christ, they were all ganging up on me and I left the
apartment with the sounds of a very excited child ringing in my ears.

“That’s
irresponsible, Lucas,” I said, walking across to the car as he opened the door
for me to get in.

“Desperate
measures,” he replied without apology. “We don’t have to go anywhere if you
don’t want to, but I’d rather talk this through at my apartment,” he said
seriously as I nodded. He wasn’t asking twice as I wondered if the Mr Nice Guy
act to Dex had been just that. There was nothing nice about the look on his
face as he wove through the thick London traffic. He was as silent as me,
radiating a thinly veiled anger and I wasn’t certain what was at the root of
it.

Perhaps
it was the fact that I’d withheld such an important piece of information or
maybe he wasn’t used to being ignored. Either way, the journey was interminable
and desperately uncomfortable and I was beginning to wish I’d just stayed at
home.

He
was troubling me now. His demeanour had changed so much in the car that he was
barely recognisable, offering me a tight smile as he showed me into his
beautiful penthouse apartment. Ordinarily it would have me giddy with
excitement, but something was off, his fists balled into tight circles, the
vein pulsing madly in the side of his neck.

“Sit
down, Jess,” he said, showing me to a huge couch in the centre of the lounge as
I frowned up at him, but he took little notice. “Can I get you a drink?” he
asked, unable to meet my gaze as my stomach lurched. He could barely look at
me.

“Are
you mad?” I asked as he took a seat opposite me in a large white chair, shaking
his head. “You’re lying, Lucas,” I said firmly, holding his gaze as he stared
at me hard.

“You’re
going to sit there and talk to me about lying?” he uttered sarcastically as I
rose to leave. He’d pleaded with me to come here and I was certainly not in the
mood for this.

“Sit
down,” he barked as I turned a stunned and horrified glare on him, softening
his features momentarily as I held my ground.

“I’m
not your submissive here, Lucas, so let’s get that straight. I promised you
honesty and you got it; the most insightful, deepest knowledge of my body and
desires that anyone has ever known. I filled in that questionnaire, answering
things I’d never even thought about in an effort to please you and show you I
could do this. I wanted you, Lucas. I didn’t know this was part of the deal,
but I did that for you, every question, no matter how humiliated or ashamed I felt
about it. I opened myself up in a way I have never done. You got everything
that was relevant to ‘us’ – Dexter isn’t. He is not part of our deal,” I spat
as he rose, walking towards me, frowning slightly, his eyes filled with a pain
I couldn’t comprehend as he took my arm, urging me to sit as he sat beside me.

“I
know, Jess,” he smiled as I shook my head.

“No,
Lucas, you don’t. I’ve tried to take it in my stride because it’s who you are
and I want that, I really do. Part of me knows it will be incredible, another
part is terrified. I’ve been with one man before you and I was little more than
a kid myself. It’s been hard enough trying to voice my concerns about this
without throwing Dexter into the mix. And don’t tell me you wouldn’t have
judged me, Lucas, because you can be a real judgemental bastard,” I said, taken
aback by his soft laughter, the last response I’d been expecting to that
particular insult.

“You’re
never going to let me forget that, are you?” he smiled as I stared at the
floor, trying to distract myself from those cobalt blue eyes that were
twinkling dangerously as he took my hand, softly grazing his thumb across my
knuckles. I needed to get this out.

“I
won’t let anyone into Dex’s life until it’s the right time, Lucas, so you had
no need to know about him. We have an arrangement sexually and I understand if
you no longer wish to proceed with that or the business arrangement, but as far
as I’m concerned our lives are compartmentalised.
 
If I remember correctly, it was you who
suggested that. There is no need for them to overlap. You haven’t asked me for
a traditional relationship, so I didn’t even think it was an issue. I would
have told you eventually, but just not yet.”

“When?”
he asked, frowning deeply.

“I
don’t know. You’re a control freak, Lucas, I get that. Jesus, when I saw that
contract I was surprised you weren’t telling me what I could eat and wear and
when I had to go to bed. I’m giving you control of one part of my life, but you
don’t get all of it and that’s something you’ll have to deal with. You’ll never
have it all,” I said seriously as he regarded me intensely for a moment.

“I
could have asked for control of those things, Jess. I usually like to have
control over much more than we’ve agreed on, but you’re new to this so I tried
to go easy,” he said as I scoffed a half laugh.

“Well,
for the record, a five page questionnaire about butt plugs and ball gags and
fantasy rape isn’t that subtle,” I said as he laughed again, tracing a finger
gently down my cheek.

“And
that’s why you’re so damn precious, baby. I can’t believe you didn’t even
specify any hard limits,” he smirked as I frowned at him, looking into his eyes
that were searching mine.
 
I flushed
lightly before gazing at the floor and wondering yet again if my naivety might
be about to land me in a whole heap of trouble I hadn’t anticipated.

I
needed to be honest.
“How am I supposed to know what I don’t
like, Lucas?
I’ve never done any of those things. When I think about
being whipped or flogged I panic, but when I watched you do it to that girl, I
wanted to be her. I wished it was me there with you that day. However scary it
feels, the thought of doing it with you makes it okay, and I have my safe word.
I trust you, Lucas, but I can’t give you any more.”

“I
understand, Jess, but now I know about him, I can’t just pretend he doesn’t
exist,” he said as I shook my head.

“The
thing is, Lucas, I don’t think you do understand. I’ve been judged my whole life
for having a child so young; the looks, the catty comments, the assumptions
that I’m some kind of dirty little slut. I had the hardest time when Dex was
born and things have only just started to get easier and go well for me. I
won’t risk him being hurt. You can tear up that contract and walk out of my
life whenever you feel like it and however hard that is I will cope. He
wouldn’t,” I said, unable to stave off the soft tears that began to roll down
my cheeks as he regarded me intently.

“Tell
me about it. I want to know everything,” he said as I swallowed hard. “Secrets
are a two way thing,” I said looking up at him as he nodded and for the first
time since the restaurant I started to relax as he protected me tightly in
strong arms.

“I
had a boyfriend at high school. We kind of met on the first day. He was a
second year and put in charge of showing a group of us around the school. We
were both misfits. Mum tried her best, but she was really ill and we struggled
for money. My dad had left after I was born. They were too young and he
couldn’t cope and Jakes dad was an alcoholic. Chas was loud, always fighting
and in trouble, but I was quiet and so was Jake. We found solace in one
another’s friendship and we really loved each other,” I said as he stroked my
hair gently.

 
“I wanted to cement things earlier, but Jake
said we should wait until I was legal. I don’t think it was anything to do with
the law, but mums cancer had come back. I was nursing her at home and Chas was
doing whatever she could to try and bring some money into the house. It was
hard and he thought I had enough to worry about without complicating things
with sex. On my sixteenth birthday I pretty much insisted,” I smiled at the
bitter sweet memory.

 
Jake still had concerns that he didn’t want to
go there until I was completely ready, even though I’d been ready for months.
He’d been unusual that way. Chas had told me horrifying stories about the
teenage lads who pursued her, and described in graphic detail how they could
barely say hello before they were trying to shove their hands up her school
shirt or down her P.E. knickers.

“We
couldn’t go anywhere, mum was pretty much bedbound and in constant pain by then
and Chas was out working. The nurses came to give mum her pain meds and when
she was sleeping we crept up to my room and did it,” I said, flushing gently.

 
“It wasn’t particularly romantic, but it meant
a lot to me. The first time lasted only seconds, the next time was a little
better,” I laughed softly as he chuckled knowingly. It made me smile to think
of Lucas losing his virginity with two pumps and a squirt; it was difficult to
imagine that of the sexual powerhouse who was holding me now.

“What
happened next?” he asked, holding me tightly as I took a deep breath. It was
never an easy thing for me to talk about and I rarely discussed it.

 
“Jake had restored an old motorbike. I hated
it. I always had a bad feeling about it, but from the day he turned seventeen
he was determined to ride it. He convinced me he was careful and from what I
knew of Jake he would be. He’d come round to my house on it that night. After I
waved him off I checked on mum, hid the condoms in the bin outside so no one
would find them and I heard the ambulances and police cars. I could see the
blue lights in the distance and I’ll never forget the feeling to this day. It
was as if I knew, like someone had ripped out my soul. I convinced myself it
wouldn’t be Jake and went inside until Chas came rushing in. She’d been working
at the pub on the high street, collecting glasses, and word had spread like
wildfire about how a car had lost control and hit a motorcyclist. He’d been
pronounced dead at the scene.
 
I’ll never
forget her face as she told me he was gone,” I said, trying to stem the tears
that always formed when I recalled those terrible memories.

Lucas
stayed quiet, silently stroking my hair and encouraging me to continue and the
gesture was comforting. I rested my head on his chest and he enveloped me
tighter in those strong protective arms.

“I
went to the hospital. I needed to see him, but I wasn’t allowed. His father was
horrific to me. He blamed me for Jake being here that night, told me it was my
fault he was dead and wouldn’t even let me go to the funeral. I used to wait
until my mother was asleep and then I’d climb the old stone wall of the local
church and sit by his grave every night. The next few weeks were a blur. I was
grieving for my soul mate and utterly lost, nursing my mother 24/7, missing school,
not eating, not sleeping. I was a mess, Lucas.” He pulled me tightly against
his chest and I tried to calm myself against the gentle beating of his heart.
It was a long time since I’d spoken about this to anyone.

“Four
weeks after Jake, my mother passed away. Chas moved to London to try and earn
enough money to keep me in the house, and I spent my time avoiding the
authorities who were determined to put me into care. In the end I packed a bag
and fled, sleeping on Chas’s floor. I was constantly vomiting and she forced me
to the doctor in the end. With everything that had gone on, it hadn’t even
crossed my mind I might be pregnant. I just thought I was exhausted and grief
stricken. It was a huge shock, Lucas. We’d used condoms, but obviously not
properly because they didn’t work. There was nothing I could do but try and get
myself in shape and look after the little piece of Jake that was growing inside
me. There was no way I was telling his father or anyone else, and stayed with
Chas. The doctor assigned me a midwife and she was really kind. She helped to
get a small flat for me and the baby and showed me how to apply for some
benefits. Chas got the job at Elite and eventually, when Dex was six months
old, she got me one. There was a girl in a similar position to me in the tower
block and I had her baby through the day while she looked after Dex at night. It
meant we could both hold down a job without the childcare costs. It was a
horrible place, but it was ours and we did okay there until he was four,” I
said as he sighed softly.

“I
wish I’d have known you then, Jess,” he said gently, still stroking my hair
fondly as I laughed.

“I
doubt you’d have looked at me twice, Lucas,” I smiled, raising my eyebrows as
he frowned deeply.