Lundyn Bridges (22 page)

We sat in silence, drinking black coffee, for about five minutes. Afreeka began to sob, and her body heaved as if it might succumb to the weight of her pain. Her words were inaudible, and her breathing was labored. I reached over and held my sister. As I had done so many times with our mother, I tried to absorb her pain.

Afreeka smelled of alcohol – it was in her skin. My feelings vacillated between anger and compassion.

“I don't want to be like her. I don't want to be an alcoholic or a junkie.” Afreeka spoke emphatically in spite of her stupor.

Romen moved his chair so he was sitting directly in front of her. He wrapped his arms around Afreeka.

"We're here to help you." He lifted Afreeka's chin so she would make eye contact with him. "This is not who you are. You are one of the Bridges children, and we are going to make it." Romen's tone softened and he appeared to choke on his words.

We talked for hours, and Romen tried to convince Afreeka to return to Pittsburgh or Erie. She refused and was adamant she could get herself together. Later that afternoon, we went to the Harbor for dinner and then sat on the promenade eating ice-cream.

Afreeka admitted her struggles were the result of Barbara, whom she blamed for everything. She began to sing “Because of You.” Her voice was beautiful, but for as long as I could remember she only used it to sing about her pain.

"When I meet Kelly Clarkson," she said through a forced smile, "I'm going to ask her how she so precisely expressed my feelings about my mother. I've been a fan of hers since I heard the song."

As I held my sister's hand I seized the moment and, without asking her permission, began to pray. I prayed for healing – my sister was drowning her anger in alcohol, and the thought of her life replicating Barbara's frightened me. I needed Afreeka to be healed, and I wanted her to be whole.

Afreeka came back to the Hyatt with us, and we talked most of the night. The following morning, we went to breakfast before going back to Afreeka's to help clean her apartment. Romen and I left Baltimore that
afternoon with Afreeka's promise to stay in touch and get help.

My weekend had been emotionally exhausting, and I welcomed not having to go to work on Monday morning. There was a message from Mom Woodard to give her a call, but I went to Jamel's and decided to call her the following day. Jamel and I had dinner, and then he massaged my feet. I fell asleep in his arms on the couch.

I went home when Jamel went to work on Monday morning. I called Mom Woodard before I made coffee. It was almost eight o'clock and I knew she would be awake.

"Are you sitting down?" There was a hesitancy in her voice.

"Is Dad okay?" The words were choking me, and I spoke barely above a whisper.

"Everything is fine. Exhale. This is good news."

"Mom, you scared me," I whined. "I thought something bad happened!"

"Actually," she said, "I got a letter from your old caseworker at Holy Family. Your little sister, Rah'Lee, is looking for you. I have her phone number."

My first call was to Romen. Before I could tell him the news, he had a surprise for me.

"Guess what?" His voice danced with excitement.

"What?"

"We're having twins in January!"

"And guess what else?" I asked teasingly.

"Can you top twins?"

"I found Rah'Lee and Hustin!"

Afreeka was my next call, and then we called Rah'Lee. We made arrangements to attend their graduation in Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Jamel came over that evening. As hard as I was trying to contain my excitement, I blurted out the news when I opened the door.

"I found the twins! I'm going back to Baltimore on Friday for their graduation!"

Jamel wept with me. After dinner we continued reading my journal, this time taking turns reading the entries. The tears flowed in appreciation for my release. Reading my story was almost rejuvenating and I was happy to share the moment with Jamel. It was important that he really know me.

Almost ten years had passed since the last time I saw the twins. So much had happened, and so many things had changed. This reunion would be good for all of us. I checked my watch several times as I stood in line to get a boarding pass. Afreeka was meeting me at the airport in Baltimore, and Romen was driving down with his family on Saturday. They would miss the graduation but would arrive in time for the graduation party.

Our mother left us wounded, angry and broken. Most of my life had been spent struggling with issues of abandonment, but God was healing and mending me. Although my journey toward being whole had been daunting, I now realized how God's hand had guided my life. All of my experiences were lessons in love and
forgiveness I was only now beginning to fully comprehend. God's word is true,
"Lean not to thine own understanding and He will direct your path."
During my childhood, my outlook on life had been bleak, at best, but my first client, unknowingly, helped me come to terms with my reality. I had broken all the rules. I had digressed. I had had major issues with transference. But, those experiences were crucial to my healing. I now felt empowered to impart this healing to my siblings.

When the pilot turned off the seat belt light, I reclined and thought about the lesson from my Bible study group – the power to change people lies with God and not with man. It is the believer's obligation to have faith in God's ability to give the increase after the seed of His word is planted. I closed my eyes and quietly hummed one of my favorite hymns, “Lift Him Up.”

How to reach the masses, men of every birth
For an answer Jesus gave the key
If I, if I be lifted up from the earth
I'll draw all men unto me.

I began to thank God, in faith, that something about the Savior's grace and mercy would burrow into the hearts of my siblings. “I'm just a sower,” I whispered to myself, “planting the seeds of hope and healing to the hurting.”

I stared out the window wondering if I would get a glimpse of the University Psychiatric Hospital – the place where I encountered Francine, my first client. The place that forced me to deal with the pain of my past and freed me to move on to my future. I couldn't see the university because the brightness of the sun was almost
blinding. Although my beginnings typically started with gray skies and rain, and ended with me searching for the rainbow, the rays of sun cascading through the airplane window were a good sign that great things were ahead.

I was unable to sleep on the plane because I couldn't wait to see the twins. I thanked God over and over again for this miracle. Although I had prayed and hoped, a part of me had given up.

"Lord, I'm sorry," I prayed. "It was my lack of faith that made me doubt you. Thank you for helping the twins find me."

Afreeka met me at the luggage stand. She had been crying.

"This is Rah'Lee," she said introducing me to the beautiful young lady that looked like my mother.

My sister and I embraced. We held each other trying to recapture the years.

"I love you," she said between sobs. "I always knew I would find you."

The moment was surreal. We were reunited. Romen was on his way.

"Where's Hustin?" I asked looking around.

Rah'Lee took my hand. She closed her eyes and spoke slowly – like the words were difficult to say. "He died last year."

"What? What do you mean?"

Afreeka hugged us both. "Let's go. We can talk about this at my house."

"No! I want to know now! Where is my brother?" I pulled away from them refusing to accept the reality of Rah'Lee's words. I could feel myself shaking. Afreeka pulled me into her arms and held me close.

Rah'Lee stood next to us with her arms tightly wrapped across her chest. She looked me in the eye as she spoke. "He was coming home from playing basketball and got hit by a car. The lady was talking on her cell phone doing sixty. She never saw him."

Rah'Lee's news was crushing. My chest felt heavy, and I couldn't formulate words to ask more questions.

"Romen doesn't know," Afreeka whispered. "Rah'Lee didn't want to tell you guys on the phone."

It was a sombering ride back to Afreeka's apartment. When Romen called to make sure I arrived, I couldn't talk to him. Afreeka lied and said I was in the bathroom.

My sisters and I talked for hours. We each shared our stories, and then Rah'Lee told us about that fateful July evening when they got the call about Hustin.

"I should have been with him," she said holding our hands. "We always played basketball together. He taught me to play with the boys."

We sat in silence.

"Everything I do is for him." Rah'Lee smiled. "He always said we would find you."

Rah'Lee told us how she and Hustin had begun to secretly search for us when they were fourteen. They never felt they could tell their adoptive parents because of the Teague's resistance to answering questions about their biological family. In spite of their love for them, and because they didn't want to seem ungrateful, they agreed to secretly look for us.

"I had a good life," Rah'Lee said through tears. "But I always had this anger in me. I hated being away from all of you. When Hustin and I would pray, we always asked God to help us find you."

Hustin and Rah'Lee spoke French and spent time in France as Youth Ambassadors when they were in the 10th grade. They grew up in an ethnically diverse community, attended prep school and traveled extensively. Hustin was captain of the varsity basketball team during his junior year and planned to attend Georgetown University. His goal was to be a lawyer.

Rah'Lee continued playing basketball during her senior year and was named captain. She wore Hustin's number, seven. Although she always dreamed of attending Fisk, she was planning to attend Georgetown in Hustin's honor.

As we were driving her home, Rah'Lee told us she believed she found our maternal grandmother. In response to their continued questions, Mr. and Mrs. Teague gave them a copy of Barbara's death certificate. Rah'Lee and Hustin used the internet to research women with the same name as her mother, Phyllis Bridges. The address in Monroeville made them unsure because they knew Barbara grew up in Clairton. I promised to make some calls and do some further research when I returned to Pittsburgh.

Jamel cried with me on the phone and volunteered to come to Baltimore. I needed him to stay in Pittsburgh because I had given his cell phone number to Kiarra. We talked for over an hour. It was almost midnight, but I called the Woodard's and informed them about Hustin.

Saturday was a beautiful day – the sun's rays were brilliant and the sky was an iridescent blue. The graduation was bittersweet. Afreeka and I rejoiced for Rah'Lee, but our hearts wept for Hustin. The senior
chorus sang Seasons of Love from Rent while showing pictures of him on the stadium jumbotron. It just didn't seem fair. He had been voted the most likely to be the first African American President of the United States of America.

My sisters and I greeted Romen, Nina and Ray at the Baltimore Hyatt on Saturday afternoon. Before they could check in, I introduced Rah'Lee and told them about Hustin. Then Romen hugged Rah'Lee and kept apologizing. Rah'Lee cried in his arms.

After church on Sunday, we gathered at Hustin's gravesite. Afreeka and Rah'Lee knelt at his grave. Romen stood silently holding his son and Nina's hand. I stood behind them, unable to pray. I had looked forward to all of us being together. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

We retreated to Afreeka's apartment and began reminiscing about our mother. I intentionally chose to forget the pain and remembered Barbara's creativity and her smile. Romen remembered her always writing in a journal and saying she would be the next Maya Angelou. He assured us that she had been different before the drugs took over her life. She wanted to prove her mother wrong and make something of herself.

Afreeka remembered her voice and imitated her singing Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me by Gladys Knight. Rah'Lee had vague memories and the pieces were fragmented. Mrs. Teague was the only mother she remembered.

The weekend passed much too quickly. After Romen and Nina left, we drove Rah'Lee back to Gaithersburg. The Teague's were taking her to Paradise
Island as a graduation present, and they were leaving on Monday morning. Then Afreeka and I went back to her house.

I called Jamel to let him know I would take the airport shuttle to the downtown Hilton so he wouldn't have to leave work early on Tuesday. He hadn't heard from Kiarra and asked if I wanted him to stop by her apartment. I told him we could go together on Tuesday night.

The Woodard's were my next call. After updating them on the events of the weekend, Mom Woodard cried with me.

It felt good to sleep in, and I never heard Afreeka leave for work on Monday morning. After a leisure cup of tea and a bagel, I did Afreeka's laundry and cleaned her refrigerator before making dinner. I went for a walk and bought a bouquet of mixed flowers for Afreeka's dining room table. My plan was to make a special dinner for me and my sister.

Panic set in around seven o'clock that evening because Afreeka hadn't called or arrived home. I called Jamel – he wasn't home. I left a message for him to call me. After dialing part of Romen's number, I heard Afreeka's keys in the door and hung up. She was drunk, and I was disgusted.