Lundyn Bridges (20 page)

"All the comforts of home." I smiled at her as I gathered my old books and my book list for the new semester. I turned off the television and excused myself from the room to allow them time to set up.
When I returned after lunch, Kiarra was unpacking her last suitcase.

"Is it always this quiet?" She asked as I entered the room.

"It's still early. Things will change tomorrow when the freshmen move in."

Kiarra was a transfer student from Shippensburg University. Coming from Riverdale, New York and going to a rural area proved to be too much of a transition. She had initially planned to be a math teacher but was thinking of changing her major – she just hadn't decided what that might be. Kiarra was the middle child of five – her brothers were older and her sisters were younger. Kiarra had chosen Chatham because she preferred a small school and fell in love with the campus after visiting her oldest brother's girlfriend.

Kiarra and I talked that first night until four in the morning. She humbly mentioned her lead roles in her high school plays and her win at the Apollo Amateur Hour when she was only eleven. She excelled in math and science and stayed on the Honor Roll through middle and high school. Her brothers were alumni of Morehouse College in Atlanta, Georgia where they were now living. Her younger sisters were in their freshman and senior years in high school. The senior was an All-American basketball player, and the freshman was a singer and dancer. Kiarra shared a close relationship with all of her siblings.

By the time the first semester ended, Kiarra became my best friend. She was the
second person I told about me – Kristen had been the first. It was difficult telling Kiarra about my family, especially because I envied her family. My family life had been haphazard, at best, before uniting with the Woodard's. Kiarra absorbed the information, and as she always did, since the first night we sat up talking about ourselves, she found the bright side of every situation. We spent spring break that year with the Woodard's. She also met Romen and Afreeka and promised to help us find the twins. The following year, we spent spring break in New York, and she showed me where Montel Williams filmed his talk show – she said if all else failed, Montel could find the twins.

Until next time…

I fell asleep on the couch with my journal.

The booming thunder woke me on Friday morning. In spite of the grayness, I was looking forward to having lunch with Kiarra and reminiscing with her about my journal entry. However, I arrived at work only to discover Kiarra called off. My nemesis, Xavier, scored again! My anger turned to concern because Kiarra promised she wouldn't call off work at his whim. I tried calling her – no answer. My anxiety consumed me, and I immediately assumed the worse – Xavier killed her. My thoughts made me nauseous, and I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes to pray. Dr. Solis startled me when she knocked on my door.

“Are you okay?” She asked, taking the seat to the right of my desk.

My thirty-second pause was insufficient time to compose myself. I was unsure of what type of response
would be appropriate. Telling Kiarra's personal business might put her job in jeopardy. I realized my inability to separate my personal life from work might also make me look bad – but my emotions defeated me. As the tears flooded my feeble attempt to maintain any professionalism, I told her everything. After moving her chair next to mine, Dr. Solis held my hand as I spoke. Then she called her brother, a police officer, and had him accompany me to Kiarra's house.

Kiarra was curled up in bed. There was blood on the sheets. I could hear her whimpering.

"Ki," I said sitting down and pulling the covers away from her bruised and swollen check. "I'm here."

I followed the paramedics to Magee Women's Hospital. Xavier forcibly had anal sex with Kiarra. I hated him. The advocate from Women's Center and Shelter joined me at the hospital. Her report was disheartening. Kiarra refused to press charges.

My best friend needed to be nurtured, and I took her to my apartment, let her take a shower and then put her in my bed. No words were exchanged. There was nothing to say. Our routine had been that Kiarra would spend a few days at my apartment after each episode before returning to Xavier. I knew this time would be no different, yet I begged God to restore her sanity.

Jamel called that evening excited about his trip to Charlotte. He questioned my tone and came over after hearing the latest episode. I spent the rest of the evening crying in his arms and wrestling with whether or not to call Kiarra's parents.

Xavier returned to Kiarra's after a two week hiatus. He was working as a clerk at a law firm, at least that's what Kiarra told me. Kiarra remained reserved, but we made every attempt to have lunch together during the week. This was my way of checking on her and making sure she was alive. Each new bruise fueled my anger with Xavier, and I prayed fervently asking God to let my best friend live long enough to get out of the relationship. Our friendship became tenuous, but I held on. Kiarra's lashing at me became her way of expressing her anger toward herself – I understood that. I also knew Xavier wanted me to walk away, and I refused.

Although he had not yet secured a position, Jamel informed the Medical Director of his job search and his intention to relocate. He was confident this would be his last summer with the Adolescent Obesity Program and told his clients he would be leaving when the program concluded. As his departure from Pittsburgh was imminent, I began to seriously consider my options. The thought of leaving Pittsburgh was now intriguing.

My time at the Institute was coming to an end. Francine finally seemed to be acknowledging her past. She also consistently mentioned contacting her son and daughter in the near future. She said she needed to be whole and felt ready to deal with that part of her past. Whenever Francine asked about my weekend, I seized those opportunities to witness about Christ's forgiveness and love. My own therapy had been healing, and I understood what the pastor meant when he said 'you can't give to others what you don't have yourself'. I had initially seen Francine as hopeless, but now that I was able to see her differently, I understood she could be free
from the pain of her past. I began inviting Francine to church, and even though she never came, I continued to give her directions.

My phone calls to my sister seemed to go unanswered – her response time increased to almost two months. Romen and I discussed driving down to Baltimore for a surprise visit with Afreeka. Her avoidance was getting on my nerves. Romen remained stoic and indicated he was willing to go to Baltimore with me, but he felt Afreeka had turned her back on us. I continued to keep the unification of our family on my prayer list.

The more I journaled, the more appreciative I became of the Woodard's. Bitterness robbed my childhood and I was grateful for their efforts in loving me. I was also looking forward to July and spending two weeks in Athens with Kristen. I had never been out of the country.

June 7, 2005

In May of 2000, the family gathered for Afreeka's graduation from Edinboro University. Her original plan included working for Child Protective Services while she pursued her MSW (Master's of Social Work) at Temple University. However, I could tell by her lack of enthusiasm that she was indecisive about graduate school. No one pressed her about it because we were celebrating. Romen was elated – Afreeka had also graduated from college, and he remained determined that the Bridges children would make it. He was also getting married at the end of the month. Romen had a lot to celebrate.
Afreeka spent the week after graduation with her boyfriend in Atlanta before coming back to Pittsburgh to get me. We spent two days with the Woodard's before leaving for Romen's wedding. During our conversation on the drive to Erie, it became very apparent that Afreeka wanted a nice apartment and a new car more than her Master's Degree.

"I can always go back and get it," she told me as we drove to Erie. "I'm tired of being poor, Lundyn. I want things. I want to go places and do things. I want to go to a store and just buy the things I want without looking at the price tag."

I understood Afreeka's frustration. I had been given the opportunity to live with the Woodard's. They had done much more than provide a bed and a dresser – they loved me and provided me with things above and beyond what most parents do for their children. My heart ached for Afreeka – she deserved those things too. There should have been someone to hug her at night, take her to the mall and let her buy things, someone who showed up at the school on her behalf. Now it was too late. Afreeka had graduated from college, and those voids would remain in her life. I sat quietly while she drove.

"Don't tell Romen," she said glancing at me. "Let him enjoy the weekend. I'll tell him later."

As always, I agreed to keep my sister's secret.

Afreeka and I spent Memorial Day weekend of 2000 in Erie with Romen. We arrived Friday afternoon and met Romen at the church for the rehearsal. We spent the evening meeting and greeting with Nina's family – all of whom were careful not to make references or ask about our parents. The following day, on a cool but sunny Saturday afternoon, Afreeka and I were two of ten bridesmaids in pale yellow designer gowns. This was her first wedding.

During brunch on Sunday, Romen cornered Afreeka. We were sitting at the edge of Nina's parents' deck when he sat down in front of us.

"Why the silence about grad school?" He looked at Afreeka and then looked at me.

Afreeka didn't answer, and I bit my cinnamon roll.

"Afreeka, our lives are hard. Life will only get better, if we make it better." Romen tried to make eye contact with Afreeka, but she was looking past him. "You can't quit now."

Tears began to stream down Afreeka's cheeks.

Romen continued, "I won't let you give up." He took Afreeka's hand and squeezed it.

"I'm tired Romen. I want things." Afreeka's voice was whiny.

"I'll help you." Romen lifted her chin so their eyes met. He wiped her eyes with the yellow linen napkin and smiled. "You know I'll help you."

Afreeka smiled, and Romen hugged her. "I love you." Then he hugged me. "I love you, too."

We sat in silence for a moment. I thanked God for my brother and sister.

"We all gotta do this." Romen smiled at us. "Okay?"

"Romen, you've been bossy my whole life."

Romen ate a piece of bacon off her plate. "And your point would be?"

Afreeka smiled. "Okay, I'll do it!" She paused. "I already got accepted into Temple."

Romen stood to walk away. "Thanks for being the prettiest bridesmaids." He winked and as he walked away I could tell he was smiling.

Until next time…

The closing ceremony for My Sister's Keeper was extremely moving. The four clients were given time to talk about their journey. This was the most difficult part for Francine, and she opted to be last.

"It's hard looking in the mirror at a monster," she began, looking directly at me. "But when you get forced to look, then you have to decide if you want the monster to live or die. I came into this program because I was living under the by-pass at Point Park and winter was coming, I had already been in jail, to rehab and had tried to kill myself. To me, this was just somewhere to spend time. I thought I could be evil and just get over until they put me out. I hated Dr. S; she took away the pills that let me sleep all day. Then this young girl comes
into my room. She was all serious, trying to tell me about goals and being whole and stuff like that." She paused and looked at me. "I didn't want to hear it. I was mean and nasty and thought I could scare her away. She refused to leave. She kept coming back." Francine bit her bottom lip as the tears began to fall. "She was feisty like I used to be, and like my daughter. When I looked at her, I saw my children – the children I don't know, the children I walked away from. That's when I knew I had to kill the monster. I needed to find me and get this life thing right before it was too late." Francine was now crying. "Thank you Dr. S for making me wake up. Thank you Lundyn for not giving up."