LUST: A Bad Boy and Amish Girl Romance (The Brody Bunch Book 2) (4 page)

I
absolutely hated
the Bright Falls Beasts. I hated my memories of them. I hated everything they stood for. I hated what associating with them had done to my family and my brothers—especially Wyatt. I hated that I felt like no matter what good I did in my life, I would always be living under the shadow of that damn MC.

But there was one thing, one remnant from my past, that managed to bring a smile to my face, and that was Dad’s old bike—the very thing I should’ve hated the most.

It should’ve stood as a symbol for all the shit he’d put me through. It should’ve triggered revulsion in me, should’ve reminded me of every bad thing I’d ever done and every bad thing that’d been done
to
me. When I’d first inherited it, that was exactly what I’d expected it to do. Sometimes, I still felt like if I was a better person, I’d feel differently.

Instead, what that bike meant to me was freedom. It meant power and speed. Control. It had quickly become a status symbol for me in much the same way it did for any man. I’d lured in plenty of pussy with that thing, that’s for sure.

And on more than one occasion, I’d considered giving it up for Wyatt’s sake. I’d even gone as far as to put it up on Craigslist at one point. I saw the envy in his eyes when he looked at the hog, the wistful tone he took whenever it came up in conversation. I knew the sight of it offended him. I knew he wanted it for his own.

It seemed he regarded those early years of his life through rose-tinted glasses. I had to break him of it somehow. But in the end, I couldn’t give up the bike. It had become too precious to me, too much a tool of my escape from the confines of the life my past had forced upon me. I had no quarter among innocents or criminals. In a myriad of ways, I had betrayed them both. The bike was as much a condemnation of my character as it was a respite from it.

Because if you move fast enough, if you run far enough… if you don’t stick around… maybe you can outpace your demons. Reinvent yourself. Leave behind your sins.

Who doesn’t want to be brand new? Who among us doesn’t want a clean slate?

That was one of the advantages of being the guy who never stands still or gets attached. The guy who never falls in love. There are no repercussions. No expectations. You set the bar low, and that ensures you don’t leave a string of broken hearts in your wake. Just smiles.

And then, if you collect enough of them… maybe someday, you get forgiven. The good outweighs the bad. Your ledger no longer weeps in shades of crimson. The scales balance, and then—and only then—you can start thinking about the future.

For now, all I had was the past and the present. I couldn’t afford to get rid of the one thing that helped me forget about the things I’d done, to put aside those memories that trailed at my heels. The ones that gnashed their jaws and clacked their claws at the foot of my bed on the rare occasion I occupied it alone. Those memories had teeth.

And they were hungry.

I was gunning it down the highway, letting the asphalt beneath me pass by in a smooth, black and yellow blur on my way to pick up Hannah for our “date.” I had to admit Reid’s suggestion was pretty brilliant—the fairgrounds were just far enough out of the city proper that the girls wouldn’t feel the pressure of modern life too fiercely, and they were full of opportunities for him and Wyatt to edge a little closer to their prospective targets.

I hated thinking about the Miller girls that way, but that’s exactly what I’d made them out to be—I’d told my brothers this was all about getting up their skirts instead of providing protection for two innocents. It left a sour taste in my mouth, the idea that Reid and Wyatt might not have agreed to the arrangement any other way. And also the idea that Hannah had instinctively believed that if she didn’t offer herself up, I wouldn’t have agreed either.

I didn’t doubt for a second that Hannah actually wanted me. I didn’t doubt, either, that she’d thoroughly enjoyed herself. But I did wonder if, had things been different—would she have chosen that moment to give herself to me? Would she have actually chosen the bathroom at Trick Shots, where we would never have had more than a few minutes to do what I’d been wanting to do for months? Would she have let the climax of our ravenous dance, our passion play, be so… so…

I could not, for the life of me, think of the word that encompassed how I felt about fucking Hannah on a bathroom sink while my brothers waited outside, maybe only a couple dozen feet away, completely unaware I was gagging the bartender with her own panties. Had it been good? You’re goddamn right it had. Was it hotter than hell, making her thrash and moan and come hard enough to put a crack in the sink? If there was anything hotter than that, I sure didn’t know about it.

Was it everything I had hoped and prayed it would be?

Well…

Shit, what man in their right mind would think back on what Hannah and I did and come up with a word like
disappointing
? An asshole. An utterly crazy asshole. That’s who.

But there it was, deep in the pit of my stomach, piled under all the other warmer, more delicious adjectives I could come up with to describe Hannah’s performance—and certain parts of her body, as well. A lack of fulfillment. A sense that what we’d done and how we’d done it should have been somehow…
more.

I didn’t like that feeling. It made me uncomfortable. It seemed a dangerous sensation to have, even more dangerous to entertain. And the only danger I wanted today was the kind that came from hopping on the back of a sweet-ass bike. It was sort of a package deal.

Up ahead, Reid’s ’69 Shelby was coming into view. God, that thing stuck out like a sore thumb, but that was the point. The Shelby was Reid’s pride and joy, maybe the one thing in all the world he cared about more than himself. On childish impulse, I pulled up close to his back bumper and whipped my bike alongside him in the left lane, speeding ahead. Reid revved the Shelby’s engine in reply, a roar that vibrated in my chest as he drifted just a little too close to my back wheel. I pushed the bike harder, coming out ahead of him, and flipped him the bird.

Dick.

And then, for good measure, I switched into his lane. Let him have a real good look at my ass the rest of the way to Hannah’s apartment. Since he was so dead-set on acting like one, I figured I’d give him some inspiration.

I parked in one of the spaces in front of Hannah’s unit and Reid pulled up a moment later. I grinned as I took off my helmet. Coming in second was not his style, and even though I hadn’t meant for the drive over to turn into a competition, there was no way he hadn’t decided to make it one. I was trying to fix my hair when he snarled through his half-open window, “You actually think that’s gonna make it better? You can’t fix ugly, Ash.”

I chuckled. “Don’t be mad just ‘cause your date doesn’t like you.” Not my best work, but it made Reid’s face bunch up all the same, and that was the goal. I added, “I was watching you two at the bar. Shit, you might as well have been pulling teeth. Dunno how well this night’s gonna go for you.”

“A hell of a lot better than yours,” Reid shot back as he killed the Shelby’s engine, rolled up his window, and opened his door with a huff. “Hannah didn’t look too thrilled with you, either. Like she’d rather be serving anyone else a drink but you. How many times did she actually look at you last night—three? Four?”

It was all I could do not to roll my eyes at him—the temptation to rub last night’s bathroom conquest in his face was real. God, if he only knew…

“Hurtful, Reid,” I said instead, splaying my hand across my chest and putting on my best faux-wounded face. “So hurtful. And here I was, just trying to look out for you. Coming at you from a place of
concern.
”

Reid snorted. “You’re full of shit.” But he laughed; at least he wasn’t taking shit too personally today. He must’ve had his head in the game.

Good. That was exactly where I wanted it. I wanted him to be preoccupied with Sarah at all times. It both delighted and disappointed me that my plan was working so well.

“I dunno what you two are so worried about,” Wyatt said, ripping me from my thoughts. When the hell had he arrived? I should’ve heard his shitty truck coming from miles away, but my spat with Reid had taken center stage. Little shit. Someone really ought to put a bell around his neck.

With a smug lift of his brows, Wyatt added, “Beth likes me just fine.”

But before he could make it to the stoop, Reid grabbed him by the back of his hoodie and yanked, just once, but
hard.
Wyatt made an indignant little sound as he stumbled back, allowing Reid and I to push past him toward the door. I wouldn’t have fanned the flame of our little brother’s temper—not when we were about to see the girls—but Reid wasn’t above playing dirty, as long as he won.

Damn. Maybe this was all working out a little too well.

Reid, with his more agile build, was trying to edge past me to knock first. My shoulders were my saving grace there—broad and muscular; women loved those things—and I blocked his way and took the honor for myself, throwing Reid a triumphant wink. He rolled his eyes.

“Whatever,” he muttered, but the scowl on his face was priceless as he began to preen for what I assumed was Sarah’s sake.

I was so busy shaking my head at Reid’s casual display of ego that I almost missed Hannah opening the door. The second my eyes fell on her, I regretted the brief span of inattention down to the very millisecond. Christ, she was beautiful. Her hair was down and styled in these soft, romantic curls that seemed to cradle the curves of her face, like a delicate Fabergé egg nestled in a wreath of silk. The confident, appraising smile she flashed me stretched from cheek to cheek, and I noticed she hadn’t put on much makeup, which made her look a far cry from the vixen behind the bar I’d always known her for. There was something about her now that seemed… gentler. More human. And yet half-angel, all at the same time.

Her emerald eyes sparkled beneath her brows as they lifted, and I watched as her smile morphed into a much more impish smirk. Leaning against the doorframe, she crossed her arms over her chest and said, “I take it from that cowlick you’ve got you brought your bike here?”

And just like that, any sense I’d had that Hannah was becoming just a little more approachable vanished into thin air.

My stomach dropped to my feet and Reid snickered. Trying not to acknowledge the rush of blood I could feel in my ears, I glared at him. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

Reid placed his hand over his chest, mimicking the gesture I’d made before. “I didn’t want to be
hurtful
,” he said with a sly smile.

Hannah rolled her eyes at us, though she smiled when she did it. As I carded my fingers through my hair, trying desperately to tame those out-of-place locks, she made a sweeping motion with her arm and stepped aside to usher us in. “Sarah and Beth should be ready in a minute,” she said. “We had to do some shopping. And after we did some shopping, I had to convince them there was nothing wrong with the clothes they bought. So I’d appreciate it if you boys didn’t either act like a pack of lecherous wolves, or laugh at them if you think they’re still too modest. Got it?”

Lecherous wolves.
That was a new one. “Fair enough,” I said, ducking a little to avoid hitting my head on the top of the doorway. I got only a few paces inside before I heard a loud
thud
and turned around to see Hannah barring entry for Reid. She was clutching the doorframe so tightly her nails blanched white.

Reid was staring at her. He looked confused. I was too, until Hannah—in a firm, even tone—added, “I’m serious, Reid. They’re vulnerable. Be nice. Understand?”

I stepped nearer to her, shooting Reid a hard look over the top of Hannah’s head, a silent threat that if he did something stupid—if he so much as mouthed off like he was wont to do—I would bash his stupid teeth in. As a bouncer, my job was more often than not to deescalate, to stop a conflict before it began, or at least put an end to it once it had. But the situation here was fragile, and if he wasn’t ready to handle it like a decent human being, then I needed to be ready to treat him like any other asshole I’d had to eject from various venues. And I couldn’t deny that I was just a little worried for Hannah. She was a tough girl, both inside and out, but up against Reid…

Yet she held his gaze without concern. I couldn’t see her face from my vantage point, but I could tell by the lift of her chin, the set of her jaw, that she regarded him with nothing but defiance, daring him to pull some shit—to come to
her
house and show even the slightest inkling of disrespect. Reid, for his part, hardly looked cowed—but I saw a twinkle of something like respect in his gaze, and with a little raise of his brows, he nodded to her and she lowered her arm to let him through.

I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. When Wyatt came through, he preemptively held up his hands in a disarming gesture at Hannah and said, “Trust me, making an enemy out of you is the last thing I want to do.”

I smiled and shook my head, retreating to the small sitting room near the door.
Damn,
I thought,
that’s one hell of a girl.

Hannah afforded me a wink as she closed the door behind my brothers. I watched her as she walked down the hall toward where the bedrooms must be, the sway of her ass as hypnotic as a metronome. Shit, you could keep time by its rhythm. Between that and her power play, my pants were starting to get tight.

“Nice job picking the scary one,” Reid whispered to me, and I was sure he’d kept his voice low to avoid Hannah’s wrath. “Really, I mean it. That’s a stellar sense of self-preservation you got there.”

“She loves her sisters and wants to take care of them,” I replied, but my eyes were still glued to the hallway, chasing her retreating form. “I get that.”

And I did. I understood it all too well. It was a battle I’d been fighting practically my whole life—certainly for as long as I could remember. Maybe me and Hannah were more alike than I’d thought.

We sat in silence for a minute or two before one of the doors opened down the hall. A second later it closed, and Hannah returned to the room with Beth and Sarah in tow. They weren’t dressed anywhere near as modern as Hannah was—she was wearing a blouse with the Misfits logo on it and low-slung, metallic gray skinny jeans—but they’d shed their aprons and bonnets at least, leaving them in the same type of conservative, black dresses I’d seen them wearing back at Trick Shots. Sarah’s strawberry-blonde hair was down and straight, glossy and even like it had just been styled and cut, while Beth wore hers back in a ponytail the color of fresh hay. They were both wearing the barest traces of makeup—nothing fancy, but they weren’t exactly the same fresh-faced girls who’d wandered into a bar just the night before.